Dee74

Hi Tyger

I found that when I got sober the most important relationship for me became the one with myself.

I realised I'd always looked to external validation to make me feel good - and when that wasn't forthcoming I'd get messed up and drink.

I had to work hard on generating an innate self respect that wasn't dependent on anyone else.

In the beginning it was just as simple as do good things and feel good.

I don't think there's any need to make any big decisions about anything right now. Stay sober, keep working on yourself and see where you end up?

D

teaorcoffee

Morning All,

That's good advice Dee.

leanabeana

This sums it up very well. It seems like you are being pulled in multiple directions here and that can drive anyone crazy, especially a recovering addict. Does your girlfriend seem to grasp how difficult recovery is? Has she tried to understand? If the answer is no, it's time to take a long hard look at this relationship. She is asking you to be her everything and that never ends well. The pressure is too much for anyone.

Is there any way you can attend therapy with her or some kind of mediation? Maybe you can use one of those web therapy sites.

lilymaz

Morning all. Tyger, sorry you are going through tough relationship stuff right now, Dee's advice is spot on as usual. Hope you work it out.

Wee day off for me today so heading for the shower then off to take my daughter and grandson out for the day. Went to see It yesterday, great fun though i jumped out of my skin a few times! Its great to go to social events sober, my niece smuggles some mini bottles of Shiraz into the cinema for herself. I enjoyed the film and the experience with no pangs.

Well it's Monday already, more than halfway through September. Is anyone else finding that time is seriously flying by?

Hope you all have a great Monday!

teaorcoffee

Morning all,

Lily - I think IT is too much for me, I'm not a fan of horror films. I hear that clowns are worried that it will hit their trade, which is an interesting knock on effect.

Hang in there Tyger

Have a great day everyone

lilymaz

Good morning! The sun is shine here this morning and it's just beautiful! Back to work for me today though.

Tea, if I was a clown I'd be worried too! But there was more to it than that and I found it to be very reminiscent of the book I read so long ago. Also, the child actors were wonderful.

Hope everyone has a great Tuesday! Where are you all?

determined99

Good morning and happy Tuesday team.

Tyger, I agree, Dee is spot on with advice. Stay strong friend.

Boy that movie it scared me years ago, don't think I have the courage to do it again!

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Snufkin

Morning Class! How is everyone doing? I'm feeling pretty rubbish at the moment. I've got a nasty flu and have been staying in bed since Sunday, dwelling on profound grumpiness. However, it makes me feel a bit better to think I'm 45 days sober today! Wow!

Lily - I wanted to see IT, but chose mother! instead. I was pleasantly suprised and really enjoyed it despite such negative reviews. Hopefully I will see IT once I feel better. I'm so happy I 'rediscovered' going to the cinema. I used to always sneak booze and get drunk before movie started so I could barely follow the plot.

Have a great day everyone! Stay strong

SoberBlondie

Hi Gang!

The original IT scared the bejesus out of me too! I'm not sure if I'm ready for another go- although, I am a lifelong, die-hard Stephen King fan.
As I get older, I become more and more of a fraidy-cat!

Had a nice weekend away with hubby and baby. We went for lunch with his aunt and cousin who are really spiritual people. Being in their presence was so uplifting, and even though they were having wine, the day didn't revolve around drinking like so many other family events we have.
We ate and they did coffee ground readings on us and blew smoking sage on us to purify our auras. All in all, was a really neat and unique experience!

Tyger: that does sound heavy, and I sympathize as I was doing long-distance with my husband for two years. Sometimes the distance does cause some additional feelings of mistrust, but its very important to work on that foundation if you want to see a future with her!
But again, you should be your #1 focus right now.

All the best for a happy and prosperous week to all!

1 month and 8 days and spoiling myself with a big book buy of sober literature.

leanabeana

Morning everyone! I'm struggling a bit because I'm not feeling well and I'm not sure why. I feel like I'm getting sick and have really bad headaches. Luckily when I'm feeling bad, I have little desire to drink so that is the silver lining.

Tyger - hope you're feeling better about things. Sorry if I was a bit harsh before about your girlfriend. I agree that you should put yourself first right now.

Forwards

Hello everyone. I'm now on Day 50. I've been sent home from hospital for a week pending discharge next Tuesday.

I went to see an alcohol councelor at my local service yesterday. I explained that I was leaving hospital and didn't want to drink again. To my surprise her view was that the occasional beer would not be harmful and that if I drank I should forgive myself, stop drinking and try again, avoiding the guilt / remorse cycle that leads me to get drunk. To be honest I was hoping for tips on retaining my abstenance.

Long story short, I went to the supermarket this afternoon to restock the fridge and bought groceries and one beer. I've not had it yet...

Help! Forwards.

leanabeana

Hey Forwards. That's some confusing advice! Only you can decide if the occasional beer is not harmful. I agree that the cycle of guilt can lead to worse relapses, but that doesn't mean drinking is inevitable.

I vote for giving the beer away or pouring it down the drain. It's just not worth it.

Forwards

Thanks Leana. Poured it away and opened a big bottle of diet coke instead. I must admit that leaving hospital I was stresssed and really wanted to drink today.

This is actually the second councelor at the same service who has said that occasional moderate drinking is OK. I asked to see someone different this time as the first recommended that I go to the pub and drink shandys. They are meant to be the experts and were recommended by my consultant.

Never mind...

leanabeana

Wow! Must be a UK thing because I've never heard of that in the states. Abstinence is always recommended if you've been hospitalized for anything related to addiction. Moderation works very rarely if ever.

Good for you to pour out the beer! That took a lot of strength.

Snufkin

Hello Forward! I agree with Leana, this is some very confusing advice. I can only speak from my own expierience, but I discovered not drinking to be so much easier than trying to moderate. And I've tried everything: I told myself, I would only drink when I have company, or only with my partner, or only on special occasions etc, but it never worked. I wish you all the best!

EDIT: I've just read you got rid of that beer. Well done!

Forwards

Thanks Snufkin. I agree - moderation never works for me. 72 days is my record and this time around I'm going to try to make it stick.

So anxious and uncertain at the moment though...

Forwards.

leanabeana

What day are you on right now?

Forwards

Day 50...

leanabeana

Congrats Forwards! I'm at day 47 and I'm feeling a bit uncertain and anxious myself. We are still in the danger zone for relapse, so it's understandable. Most of the symptoms are emotional, but there are still some lingering physical withdrawal issues to contend with as well.

I'm happy that I beat my previous record of 45 days.

We have faith in you!

Dee74

Hey forwards - I don;t usually stand in the way of professionals but any advice that it's ok for an alcoholic to drink is worse than terrible advice - it's downright criminal.

Nevertheless don't let your AV use That. Its very bad advice and will land you back in the hospital or worse if you follow it through.

You know that, and thats the bottom line. I'm glad you dumped the beer.

You really need a plan now that you're being sent home. Do you have objections to something like AA?

I mention them cos they are literally everywhere but there are other meeting based recovery groups around.

D