kevlarsjal

Sorry to hear about your health problems Solly and LSW! Solly you're absolutely right about the soft drinks, I think there's a definite lack of some less sugary / sweet tasting alternatives. I mostly drink sparkling water with fresh lime or ginger ale.

Congrats on 5 months tnek!

Glad to hear you made it through that night safely Plenny. And also that your boyfriend is still sober.

Lots of love to you too Steely Rock on, girl!

Glad you made it right back, rainy! And yes, a new house, a new start.


Like many of you I felt like I was thrown back to the beginning of my sobriety a few weeks ago. With frequent, spontaneous, very intense cravings. I'm happy to say that it's much better again. I don't really know what it's related to though.

Last week was really good for me, I went for runs every other day and got really into it. I always used to hate running, I couldn't stand it and now it's like some switch has been turned and I love it. Last nights run was just amazing, I think I had a runners high. The only annoying thing is that it's hard for me to have rest days in between. Moderation is still a major problem.
Besides that everything is going really well, I have no desire to drink these days and no anxiety plus a pretty stable mood. What a relief!

Also I found out that I'm lacking a specific liver enzyme that explains my paradox / strong reactions to many meds like Valium, cough medicine and some types of pain killers. I wonder if that in any way is connected to my alcoholism.

Dee74

do you think it could be paws Tnek?
http://digital-dharma.net/post-acute...r-immediately/
D

badgerden

Good Morning and peaceful day to all my Nobenders.

I need to look into this PAWS thing,, I am now starting to understand it has nothing to do with dogs,,,,,

Badge

tnek97

Most likely, Dee. It wasn't any overtly strong emotion (stress, anger, etc.), rather just a feeling of being "off"; I'm sure Paws comes in all levels.

SollytheGolly

OMG! The lies that I have been spouting on this forum. Telling everyone that not a drop of alcohol has passed my lips.......

Just read the list of ingredients on the back of my Listerine mouthwash (other brands of mouthwash are available), and it contains ALCOHOL.........��

Poppy79

Don't stress solly
When I was taking antabuse I had to research all the stuff that contained alcohol, you would be surprised how many items out there have ethanol as an ingredient. Deodorant, mouthwash, skin creams, sauces, antiseptic cream, cleaning products..... as long as your not taking this particular medication or drinking the listerine with ice in a tall glass you will be fine. A mouthful won't even register in your brain that alcohol is present... although it might now that you know (power of the mind and all)
Swap it over to one without alcohol toot sweet if it stresses you out. But don't for a second think you have 'drank' or even 'consumed' alcohol. You are still going strong

SollytheGolly

It was a bit of a tongue in cheek bleat Poppy, but thank you for your kind and reassuring words. I actually couldn't think of a worst drink than Listerine with ice and a slice......
I think I mentioned a few posts ago that my favourite indigestion cure - the one that almost instantaneously gets rid of any indigestion I get - is a teaspoonful of neat whisky, and I said that I would miss that. Somebody replied that, since stopping drinking, that they rarely got indigestion any more. I find the same too - only had one episode since stopping drinking in mid November last year. I have to confess that I did resort to my favourite remedy, which worked perfectly - so I'm not averse to alcohol in context. I admit to being slightly worried about taking that step, because I was partial to a glass or four of a decent single malt before quitting, but the OTC remedies were just not cutting it, and it was getting quite uncomfortable. Oddly enough I did not feel any desire to follow up the teaspoonful with any more whisky, or any other alcoholic beverage.
Just in case you were wondering why I had whisky in the house at all - it was my wife's. She has a whisky and lovage on occasions.
There, I've 'fessed up - my conscience is now clear. Keep keeping the faith.

PhoenixJ

solly- bought vanilla the other day- not imitation, the real stuff. So I could make my own 'chai'. Black tea, cinnamon and vanilla. 6 times more expensive. It was only after I got it home I saw it was 40% alcohol- straight down the sink.

Ladyshipwreck

I see I am not alone. Today I must've thought about wine at least 100 times. I wasn't considering drinking but just could not stop thinking about how bad it sucks that I can't. Of course I know that I can and it is my choice not to. I know that I can always drink tomorrow, I just have to get through today. But still. I would effing love to have a bottle of red. Even one of those damn 3 serving boxes that are just the "perfect" amount in my mind. And maybe that's all I'd have. But I know I have to play it forward, and I know it wouldn't always be all I'd have. And then of course I ask myself why am I doing this again? I tell myself" I could just drink every once in a while""Maybe I'm over reacting like I do with everything and I'm not really an alcoholic""My blood results came back healthy""I'm a hypochondriac, so maybe I'm just being paranoid""You know you're not really going to do this forever"etc blah blah blah blah.
Well "my addiction speaks to me in my own voice" I heard someone say that in a podcast and it's right on.
I have also heard it said that relapse happens well before your first drink. So I see these red flags and I am not going to ignore them.
The cravings have been increasing lately. THat's probably why I was so hoping that the pain medicine would get me messed up.
It's been over 4 months. I thought it would be getting easier but this is definitely the hardest it's been.
Is this going to continue to happen even years down the road? ??
Well I'm sorry I'm not the only one facing the struggle right now because I don't want to wish it on anyone, but it gives me comfort. I was coming here to talk about it and seeing posts from other people saying exactly how I feel made me feel not alone. I'm not doing this alone. WE are not doing this alone.

Poppy79

It sure does suck doesn't it LSW. Wanting to be a 'normal' drinker that can stop after a fun night of just having a few to get a safe buzz.... I am not that person. You aren't either. None of us are.
I like to think that I have had my life quota of plonky poo already. Some people ration it out over the course of their lives, I, on the other hand, did not.
Glad to report my AV has settled down. I'm back doing daily exercise which must help greatly.
Last day of art therapy today. It's been great.
And it will be my last psych appointment for awhile today as well.
I feel strong and more confident that I have my recovery set on the right path. And while I won't be going to art therapy anymore it doesn't mean I will stop painting or creating, got my supplies here at home to keep this tool going.
I'm also quite proud that I haven't needed to take any Valium for over 2 weeks but it is comforting to know I have them on hand should I find myself getting anxious. Although a few times I have felt antsy recently I didn't even think to take 1 which is a step in the right direction. It would appear I am handling life's curveballs on my own volition.
Sorry this post is all about mwah lol.
I hope all the Nobenders are having a wonderful morning or night or day wherever you are located throughout the world.
Love to all
Poppy xoxo

tnek97

It was 95 degrees today, and I had to spend an hour outside this afternoon for work, while trying to remain professional looking. Normally that would include me sweating profusely, and feeling bloated and irritable. Well, this time, just "normal" levels of sweat, but otherwise felt ok.

One nice side affect of sobriety!

PhoenixJ

Remember to drink lots of water tnek

LiveLikeGold6

Day 73 feeling pretty good.

Did something today. I quit my job!! Nicely of course... put in my 2 weeks and all. This has been coming for months now. With my son starting kindergarten it just wasnt going to work with me working over an hour away. Got an internship lined up which is apart of the graduate degree im working on and oddly enough i just got called for an interview for my dream job basically, and its only about 7 miles from my house. But whether i get it or not im still on my plan to do my internships and complete my degree.

Ive started my son on swimming lessons and its so amazing to see him learning and having fun!

Sorry im not keeping up well but i do immensely appreciate you all for sharing your journeys here.

kenton

Hi, I'd love to join your group if you'll have me. I'm an alcoholic who had her last drink on 2 November 2016. I hope you don't mind me sharing my story here. After keeping it a secret for so long, I suddenly have a burning desire to write it down.

I've always had a problem with alcohol, ever since I started drinking at age 14 or so. I wasn't happy and quickly realised that alcohol could numb my feelings and take away the pain for a while. It became normal for me to steal alcohol from my parents and lock myself away in the bathroom to drink before leaving for school. Somehow this never seemed to affect my grades, I always did pretty well. After school I managed to get a decent degree at university despite not being able to remember much of the three years I spent there. After that I lived and worked in London where I always turned up for work on time, despite being horribly hungover more often than not.

I quickly got a reputation for being an outrageous party animal; always the drunkest person on any night out. What no one realised was that when I got home, that's when my serious drinking began. Social drinking was just the warm up to the main event; drinking on my own. I loved drinking on my own; would always panic if I didn't have enough wine in and became expert at hiding empty bottles from my flat mates.

Life was ok but I was never truly happy; never really connected with anyone because I was too scared about them discovering I was living a lie. I could make friends really easily but was never any good at keeping them. Of course I never associated any of this with my drinking. It was always someone else's fault. I've spent decades of my life in denial.

When I met my husband I fell pregnant pretty quick and cleaned up my act a bit. I never drank when I was pregnant and as I had 4 kids in 6 years I was pregnant and sober quite a lot. However, slowly I started slipping back into my old ways but always managed to retain enough high functioning behaviour to convince myself I didn't have a problem. I ran marathons, juggled work with being a mum, read to my kids every night and always got them everywhere they needed to be on time. All with a constant smile plastered to my face. On more than one occasion, I was referred to as "supermum". Little did anyone know that this supermum had started getting up in the night whilst her family slept to drink glass after glass of wine alone.

I might have carried on like this but then something happened. My father died an early, hideous death. He was an alcoholic who was even more high functioning than me. So high functioning he kept his alcoholism hidden from everyone and himself right up until the moment it took his life. At first I used my grief as the latest in a long line of excuses to drink but over the course of a few months, things started to change. I started to see the truth.

The truth was blackouts were becoming normal, hangovers were a way of life and I had started to push close family away, not just friends. The high functioning episodes were becoming fewer and further apart. I woke up on 2 November 2016 after a blackout and something inside clicked. Finally I knew that I had to change. Maybe it was the sadness I was causing my husband or maybe my dad had somehow managed to communicate with me from the other side but suddenly I knew. I'm an alcoholic. No excuses. I can't drink alcohol and that's that.

Five months seems to be my limit of doing this on my own which is why I'm here. Reading your posts have stopped me from drinking for the last 156 days and I am so grateful to all of you. Now I think I need to be more proactive and reach out to you guys because my AV seems to be upping it's game at the moment and I think I need to too. That's why I would love to join this group.

Thank you so much for reading. I'm sorry if I've written too much. Once I started I couldn't stop and I feel so much better for writing it down. Knowing that I'm not going to drink today feels amazing. I hope you all have a fantastic day xx

tnek97

Welcome, kenton. Don't apologize for writing too much, because we can certainly understand the need to get it all out.

PhoenixJ

Well done kenton

Jillwink

Welcome, Kenton! Thanks for sharing your story. This November group is a great group to join. We call ourselves "The Nobenders"! Some of us post more often than others, but we are all here to support each other.

I quit drinking on November 25, and though I haven't shared all the uglies of my "story", trust me, it wasn't pretty! I am committed to never drinking again. You can do this. Post and read here often, read other books, if needed. Just don't ever have a drink again.

kenton

If I could work out what button to press to thank you tnek97, PhoenixJ and Jillwink for your useful posts, I would press it! But I can't work it out so I'll just say thank you for your useful posts!

Poppy79

Hiya Kenton, so glad you made it over to the nobenders group.
A few have posted that your AV can tend to flare up around milestones of sobriety. But they can also flare up when we have something going on in our lives that triggers our default 'go to' which is drinking.
Whatever it is, it's awesome that you posted here instead of succumbing to your AV. Be very proud of that.
And what a spin out about your father giving you guidance.... I've never really shared this little nugget, but I truly believe my nanna gives me guidance to stay sober. Little things have happened over the last 5 months that reinforce that belief. It's quite amazing.
Anyhoo, I'm about to head off for my morning walk/jog. Yes peeps, I have started to include jogging. Never thought I would be a jogger lol. Although this will only be my third time I have done it and one of those times I had to cause it started to pi$$ down haha. I'm still counting it though.
Here's hoping everyone's AV sleeps like a baby today and stays far far away.
Again, welcome Kenton and thanks for sharing
xoxo

SollytheGolly

Greeting Fellow Travellers, Nobenders, Classmates - and a hearty welcome to the asylum for Kenton. Checking in at 20 weeks (140 days) at which point, disregarding my mouthwash and my teaspoonful of whisky to shift my indigestion, I seem to be doing fine. SWMBO (She, Who Must Be Obeyed) is currently away, and her stash of booze, although tempting on occasions, has survived intact. What a good lad.......

I trust That this post finds you all fighting fit, and , since none of you drink any more, as rich as Croesus from all the money you're saving....... I think there's an App that actually keeps a running total of the years, months, days, hours, minutes and seconds that have elapsed since quitting, and combines that with the amount of money saved, based on user defined spend criteria. Don't think I'll go that far.

Anyway, crack on classmates, and keep keeping the faith.......