Dee74

Welcome Kenton

D

Ladyshipwreck

Hi Kenton! Welcome. My mom died young and because of alcohol. That's a big part of why I quit, although it took me a couple of years (and I also used it as a reason to drink). She was also quite well of hiding it. So well in fact that my dad still thinks the doctors diagnosis of alcoholic cirrhosis was wrong. He insists she didn't drink much. Well I knew she had a problem, even if not how severe, and I am tormented with guilt over that. I know I could've prevented her death.
I also started drinking around the same age and often stole my moms vodka.
I also didn't have any visible problems caused by alcohol. No real "rock bottom". I know I am very fortunate in that, but it is also a tricky thing because it's so easy to talk myself out of accepting the fact that I cannot drink and that I have a problem.
Well damn I just meant to say hi really quick and I am rambling.


I should be asleep, I have a 12+ hr drive (not including stops) to VA in 6 hours to try and find a home.

Plenny

Big welcome, Kenton

Hey everyone. Checking in again.
Once again I'm finding solace in my work. Constantly picking up shifts and running around. The artistic productivity hasn't kicked back in yet though and I am really hoping it will soon.

Some things that are going on for me at this stage:

-Sleeping like a ROCK. Unless I get up way too early, obsessed with a task and then I execute said task and fall back asleep heavily.
-Reading books again. Yay! But, I fall asleep within 10 minutes no matter what. Hoping to fix this so I can immerse myself in a book again.
-Appetite is evening out, less desperate hunger. BUT the sugar cravings are ridiculous. I am not being hard on myself about this I just eat candy and drink soda water, these are my comforts right now.
-Communication within my relationship is much clearer, although I have a tendency to succumb to anxiety and become very worked up.
-A bit mellow and spacey at work. This is very very unlike me. I do think it is an improvement, however, I have been trying to attain a calmer disposition to bring myself back down to earth for quite some time. I am usually militantly detail oriented and stringent and I have relaxed and am easier on myself and others, making me I think more available to others.
-Much less guilt spiraling within my head and heart. I feel much lighter and care much much less about the small stuff.
-Some boredom. Reading, candy, and spending time with Bf filling up my time


Bf remains sober. He has been at my house a lot. He finds my house to be a safe place. He has been staying in while I'm at work if he is not working. Watching movies, reading books, etc. As long as he is not drinking. I am happy to share this safe place with him. Socializing hasn't been very tempting to either of us lately. But tonight I am taking space because it is important to maintain our independent time. Our one year anniversary is Saturday. We are planning to have sushi. And no sake.

Plenny

Anyone know of any good movies or shows featuring sobriety or recovery as the main theme or where the main characters are in recovery? I find watching things with sobriety in the main theme really comforting and educational.
I've been watching Love and Maron on Netflix...

Ladyshipwreck

I'm always looking for shows/movies like that too Plenny. I haven't had much luck. I really liked Love. I started watching Clean and Sober with Michael Keaton the other day but didn't like it.
There's a movie called Smashed with Aaron Paul (Jesse from Breaking Bad). I thought that was good.

PhoenixJ

A saddie- about the struggles involved. The classic 'Days of Wine and Roses'.
Short of telling me I HAD to watch this movie, my sponsor told me I had to watch this movie.

kenton

Thanks for the welcomes and thanks Poppy79 for telling me about this group.

I started watching 2 films years ago but stopped watching because I was drinking and they hit too close to home which probably means they were spot on and I should watch them now. "28 days" with Sandra Bullock and "When a man loves a woman" with Meg Ryan. Just Googled "days of wine and roses" and will add that to my viewing list.

Poppy79

No worries at all Kenton
I am going to add those movies to my list as well. I find these types of movies reinforce my decision to steer well clear of alcohol aka plonky poo!
Soooo, I have a bit of an issue that I am trying to deal with. My hubby got trashed last night (he isn't an angry drunk, just sloppy and slurry) which has been only the second time to have happened since I stopped drinking. So while I am not angry at him for drinking, I am wondering why he got trashed. And I caught him lying to me, he came upstairs (he was drinking in his man cave outside) and told me his sister is having issues which is affecting his mum and he was talking to his brother about it..... thing is, I could hear him on the phone and he was laughing and talking about flipping Star Wars characters. So I knew this sister talk was like an excuse as to why he was drinking.
Should I be angry or just let it go? Should I ask him why he got trashed last night?
It's a weird feeling, I am not angry per say because I have had many trashed nights where I was absolutely horrid to him. He wasn't horrid to me so I don't feel like I should be upset (but part of me is hurt). I feel like I am one of those reformed smokers that coughs and splutters and makes a big scene around someone else smoking, when they really should understand the power of addiction ya know!
Not that my hubby is addicted to drinking, the little $hit can stop for weeks, months at a time. Maybe I am worried he is becoming addicted given its progressive.
Has anyone else experienced their other half drinking while you were in early recovery? Any feedback welcome.
xoxo

kenton

Hi Poppy79,

It sounds to me like your husband was trying to justify his drinking to you. Maybe he sees your struggle and didn't want you to think he was trivialising alcohol so thought it would be better if he said his drinking was associated with serious issues. He sounds like someone trying to understand and not say the wrong thing.

In an ideal world, I'd love alcohol to be removed from the planet so I know it can never hurt anyone ever again. But as alcohol is going nowhere, I think I just need to stay vigilant but try not to get too stressed every time someone close to me drinks too much (unless that drinking becomes heavy and frequent). In one of your posts that I found really helpful you mentioned the triggers that can work my AV into a frenzy. One of those triggers for me is worrying about stuff that might happen. As I live in a society where drinking is as normal as breathing and because I'm currently locked in a constant battle with my AV in my head, alcohol is pretty much always in the forefront of my mind at the moment. Every time I see anyone drinking I wonder whether they have a problem too. But I never voice it out loud because then I might as well get HYPOCRIT tattooed across my forehead! I'm hoping that with more sobriety under my belt I'll be able to chill out more around normal drinkers and stop being so fascinated by their drinking ways.

Incidentally, I went out last night with my husband, brother and sister in law for someone's birthdays and they all drank. I live in a world where everyone drinks when it's someone's birthday. I think it might be the law! Only exceptions to the drinking rule is if you're pregnant, driving, a recovering alcoholic or a child. Anyway, a couple of people became slurry drunk and this irritated me. Not because they were drinking and I can't but because slurry drunk people are just a bit irritating. Yeah, I know. I need to get that tattoo! I wish you a very happy, hangover-free day xx

Dee74

Poppy, he might feel a little guilty at drinking when you're not, and so the sister story was a more valid reason to offer than just talking BS on the phone.

Male logic...

D

Poppy79

Thanks Kenton and Dee. You two make perfect sense.
Hubby is very thoughtful so I can easily agree with your points.
Quick check in as I am in the midst of cooking dinner - marinated pork steaks with roasted baby potatoes and green beans NOM NOM NOM
Love to all xoxo

Plenny

Isn't 28 days later about a woman going to rehab? I actually find the story unrelatable. I've never had the money to even think about getting that kind of treatment. I had a therapist for five years once but I went into debt because I knew I couldn't live without therapy. I want therapy very badly now but I don't have a hope in the world of affording it.
I'm poor and I'm an alcoholic. Sliding scale offers don't benefit me because my income makes me look like I could afford help. I have expenses that are crippling that are never taken into account in sliding scale situations. A cruel catch-22! So I just keep pushing through.
I like stories that address the complexity of money when seeking treatment. I like to know that people in my position are being recognized and alluded to.

Poppy79

That sucks that treatment options are limited because of income/money. I think Australians are lucky in that our healthcare seems to be a lot better than America. Are you anywhere near Canada Plenny? I hear their health care is great?
I read lots of people on this site get and stay sober without rehab. Dee being a prime example. I couldn't

Dee74

There is always the Salvation Army rehab programme - it's not salubrious and I believe it's longer term (6 months) but it is free.

D

Plenny

Very interesting about the Salvation Army, Dee thank you. Right now I'm a long way from where I was a couple years ago. I needed care and had to fight upwards alone.
Canada. I am still prying out of my marriage to a Canadian who used me for a green card and left me majorly in debt and almost dead. He did not return the favor of sharing his socialized health care with me.
Anyway, in my quest to save my life and start over I moved very, very far south. So, no. I am stuck in the inhospitable and inhumane world of the American health care system.

kenton

Wish I was more knowledgeable about stuff to be able to give you advice Plenny. I do think your decision to move far far away to save your life and start over sounds like a very brave one. And having that strength inside you will surely help with everything you're going through.

kenton

Can I ask a question about something I'm a bit worried about.... is it normal at this stage of recovery to feel a bit removed from real life? I feel like I'm here, doing everything I have to do but in a constant haze of brain fog. I also often use the wrong word when speaking. I know straightaway that I've used the wrong word and correct myself but it worries me a little. I know no one can give medical advice and if it gets worse I'll see a doctor. I just wonder whether it's because I seem to be thinking about alcohol ALL the time at the moment so there's less room in my brain to concentrate on other stuff. Or whether I've destroyed parts of my brain by drinking far too much for far too many years. Or whether it's my brain trying to acclimatise to sobriety. I just wondered whether anyone else has experienced it and if so, does it get better? Thanks

Dee74

((plenny))

PhoenixJ

Plen- there are lots of available rehab things in Aus. I know people who come to dear little Adel. from all over Aus- and vice versa.

badgerden

Good morning all. Checking in will post more later

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