Class of April 2016 Part 8
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
Thank you for your opinions kopfan and Dee. I'm feeling pretty devastated with myself today. Yesterday took me back to the time when I did it regularly. Lied and snuck about. My OH is away but he suspects something. I didn't speak to him last night as I normally would. I took stuff from my mum and dads again as they are away on holiday. I replaced it today but can't get into their house yet to put it back. My son I think has taken their key to work with him. The only reason I do that is because their house is closer than the shop.
I feel a fraud in this group now. I should be celebrating 6 months but instead I have drank more than once too. Yesterday though was not a night out that went too far, it was a sober decision that I made to drink during the day. What is it with this stuff? Why does it have such a hold over me? I'm behind now with work and can't concentrate enough today to catch up. This train of thought is not helpful I know. I need to work myself through it.
I feel a fraud in this group now. I should be celebrating 6 months but instead I have drank more than once too. Yesterday though was not a night out that went too far, it was a sober decision that I made to drink during the day. What is it with this stuff? Why does it have such a hold over me? I'm behind now with work and can't concentrate enough today to catch up. This train of thought is not helpful I know. I need to work myself through it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
There's no logic to addiction charliesworld. I thought I could think myself out of drinking but it turned out the only thing that worked was effort and action.
There's no reason why you can't leave drinking behind and start a new chapter
D
There's no reason why you can't leave drinking behind and start a new chapter
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Charlie((hugs)) your drinking sounds similar to the way I drink, people talk about 5 pm being a witching hour, huh,mine's usually daytime, right after work
come join us on the Oct 2016 thread, there's still a lot of time left in this year, let's make it count together
come join us on the Oct 2016 thread, there's still a lot of time left in this year, let's make it count together Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
(((Charliesworld)))
The day after I drinked was the worse. I hate that guilty feeling. It will get better and you will start to feel better soon!
Congratulations on the marathon!! I am proud of you for completing it! Do you think drinking the next day may have been self sabatoge? Something to think about it. I think my drinking is self sabatoge.
I first joined the December 2014 class and I got a few sober months and I didn't join another group until this group. Being in a class does help me get off to a good start. I think it would be great to be in a class that is more active like they are at the beginning! That is up to you!! Still would love for you to post here!! Like Dee said there are no rules and you know what is best.
Don't be to hard in yourself. You have had a lot of sober time this year but definitely be careful and nip this before it gets worse.
The day after I drinked was the worse. I hate that guilty feeling. It will get better and you will start to feel better soon!
Congratulations on the marathon!! I am proud of you for completing it! Do you think drinking the next day may have been self sabatoge? Something to think about it. I think my drinking is self sabatoge.
I first joined the December 2014 class and I got a few sober months and I didn't join another group until this group. Being in a class does help me get off to a good start. I think it would be great to be in a class that is more active like they are at the beginning! That is up to you!! Still would love for you to post here!! Like Dee said there are no rules and you know what is best.
Don't be to hard in yourself. You have had a lot of sober time this year but definitely be careful and nip this before it gets worse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
I still post here sometimes too cuz I care about you all we had a great 3 months together until I cracked but it just makes me sad to see where I should actually be at versus where I am,so I joined Oct'16 and that's it no more class hopping!
we had a great 3 months together until I cracked but it just makes me sad to see where I should actually be at versus where I am,so I joined Oct'16 and that's it no more class hopping!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Charlie, so glad you came back. Whatever you decide on the class, I hope you will keep us updated from time to time. Remember, a slip doesn't take away all those sober days. They are still there. Use this to learn what to change (like it sounds you are doing) and use the realization that you didn't even enjoy the drinking to know there's no going back.
Congrats on the half marathon. I wonder if HALT factored in after the race,..that combination of exhaustion and that let down that sometimes happens after a big achievement.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best. We are all here for you.
Congrats on the half marathon. I wonder if HALT factored in after the race,..that combination of exhaustion and that let down that sometimes happens after a big achievement.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best. We are all here for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Hi all, quick hello. I found out Monday that I have a totally new role as part of a big reorg at work. New boss, new direct reports, standing up a new function in our organization. It's a lateral move, not a bad thing, but definitely have mixed feelings. Have to tell my current team Friday. Big external study with lots of consultants for the next 12 weeks. I'm so glad I'm sober for this, because it's all quite stressful. Using my toolkit as best I can. Saying the serenity prayer a lot. Not sure what I think of the new boss. Have worked for him before in past and definitely high maintenance. In fact, he's on my step 4 inventory list for AA
Now just trying to get through tomorrow as we have a big offsite event with about 200 employees out volunteering in the community I'm one of 4 people organizing it so tomorrow will be crazy but also a good feeling when it's all done. We have a 6 am conf call to see of weather cooperates or not. More serenity prayer.
I hope to get back to more regular hours by next week and more time here to focus on my recovery.
Thinking of you all.
Now just trying to get through tomorrow as we have a big offsite event with about 200 employees out volunteering in the community I'm one of 4 people organizing it so tomorrow will be crazy but also a good feeling when it's all done. We have a 6 am conf call to see of weather cooperates or not. More serenity prayer.
I hope to get back to more regular hours by next week and more time here to focus on my recovery.
Thinking of you all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
Good morning everyone.
So I got it work at 6 this morning. It's been a productive day so far. Need to make up for the 2 days I didn't come in.
Midwest/suzie I think you might be right. A combination of an anti-climax, my partner being away for a few days and I had planned to have a day off work as a treat all kind of came together. I just feel terrible. I was half cut all day and I had 2 different sets of other mums and my sister came round to drop off/pick up kids. I don't know if any of them realised. I tried to just kind of wave from the door so they didn't come too close. It was all underhand and shameful. I don't know if anyone knows what I did. No-one has said anything.
I have joined the October group but I'll stay around here too.
Despite everything I can't get my head around never drinking again. I still see it as a treat. It's just madness!! I behave so badly when I have had a drink (not aggressive or nasty but sly and lying to make sure I can stay drunk) and I can never stop at just one. I don't drink because I enjoy the taste, I drink to get drunk. It feels like it is creeping up on me again and I'm scared about that. I hate to do the poor me routine but I this is one sh*tty problem to have to deal with.
I just want to say a big thank you. It's means the world having somewhere I can come and talk. I can't talk to anyone at home.
So I got it work at 6 this morning. It's been a productive day so far. Need to make up for the 2 days I didn't come in.
Midwest/suzie I think you might be right. A combination of an anti-climax, my partner being away for a few days and I had planned to have a day off work as a treat all kind of came together. I just feel terrible. I was half cut all day and I had 2 different sets of other mums and my sister came round to drop off/pick up kids. I don't know if any of them realised. I tried to just kind of wave from the door so they didn't come too close. It was all underhand and shameful. I don't know if anyone knows what I did. No-one has said anything.
I have joined the October group but I'll stay around here too.
Despite everything I can't get my head around never drinking again. I still see it as a treat. It's just madness!! I behave so badly when I have had a drink (not aggressive or nasty but sly and lying to make sure I can stay drunk) and I can never stop at just one. I don't drink because I enjoy the taste, I drink to get drunk. It feels like it is creeping up on me again and I'm scared about that. I hate to do the poor me routine but I this is one sh*tty problem to have to deal with.
I just want to say a big thank you. It's means the world having somewhere I can come and talk. I can't talk to anyone at home.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 473
Morning Everyone!
Hey Charlie, you don't need to get your head around not drinking again. Just focus on not drinking.
As the days turn into weeks, weeks into months gradually you'll stop thinking about it. I know I was frightened when the realisation first struck me that maybe I wouldn't drink again but gradually you get used to the idea and when the alcohol effect wears off after three or four months you won't want to go back.
When you drink again you never give yourself a chance to experience what lies on the other side.
Have a great day everyone!
Hey Charlie, you don't need to get your head around not drinking again. Just focus on not drinking.
As the days turn into weeks, weeks into months gradually you'll stop thinking about it. I know I was frightened when the realisation first struck me that maybe I wouldn't drink again but gradually you get used to the idea and when the alcohol effect wears off after three or four months you won't want to go back.
When you drink again you never give yourself a chance to experience what lies on the other side.
Have a great day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 136
Charlie - Quitting drink is fight that you will need to throw in all you got or it will knock you back down. Just don't give up is the important thing and you need to stop the drinking. Sad if you would go, but Dee is right, you need to do what you think is best. My opinion is to stay. You are part of the group. 
We may fall, but we will get back up and continue the fight. For we choose to live!!!
We may fall, but we will get back up and continue the fight. For we choose to live!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Suzie- the change at work sounds exciting and daunting! I am sure you will do great. It sounds like you are handling all the stress very well. I hope you can rest soon.
Charliesworld- it takes awhile to accept that you won't drink again. Like Kopfan said the longer you stay sober the easier it becomes. You slowly start to accept you won't drink again and you are okay with it. I used to think drinking was a "treat" too. Then I started thinking about it I realized I was self hurting. Now I treat myself by taking care of myself.
Charliesworld- it takes awhile to accept that you won't drink again. Like Kopfan said the longer you stay sober the easier it becomes. You slowly start to accept you won't drink again and you are okay with it. I used to think drinking was a "treat" too. Then I started thinking about it I realized I was self hurting. Now I treat myself by taking care of myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
Hi charlies world,
Like others have said it took me a while for my brain to clear and for me to realise drinking was not a treat, a reward, or a good thing for me.
Until that epiphany happened, I just stuck with not drinking today and backing up that decision tomorrow...and trying to build a new sober life
Before long 'forever' didn't seem so daunting
D
Like others have said it took me a while for my brain to clear and for me to realise drinking was not a treat, a reward, or a good thing for me.
Until that epiphany happened, I just stuck with not drinking today and backing up that decision tomorrow...and trying to build a new sober life
Before long 'forever' didn't seem so daunting
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
hi
I'm feeling better today. I think I'll hang around both groups for a while. I want to see how everyone does in here.
Dee - the honest truth for me atm is I enjoy a drink. I've had long periods of not drinking but it still pulls at me. Right now I can't see that ever changing. Maybe in time it will pass. Logically that makes no sense at all.
Hace a lovely weekend people. Mines going to be pretty quiet and I'm hoping I can persuade myself to do something useful.
I'm feeling better today. I think I'll hang around both groups for a while. I want to see how everyone does in here.
Dee - the honest truth for me atm is I enjoy a drink. I've had long periods of not drinking but it still pulls at me. Right now I can't see that ever changing. Maybe in time it will pass. Logically that makes no sense at all.
Hace a lovely weekend people. Mines going to be pretty quiet and I'm hoping I can persuade myself to do something useful.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 473
You're not alone Charlie!
I love a drink. I mean really love a drink. Don't we all.
But when the drink started to mean waking up with unexplained bruises, piecing together how I lost hundreds in an online casino, bottles that I don't remember buying, and that raging headache. And they were just the short term problems.
I love a drink, but I love the sober me more.
I love a drink. I mean really love a drink. Don't we all.
But when the drink started to mean waking up with unexplained bruises, piecing together how I lost hundreds in an online casino, bottles that I don't remember buying, and that raging headache. And they were just the short term problems.
I love a drink, but I love the sober me more.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
Not trying to be contrary...but I read some of your old posts/threads last night charliesworld.
I didn't find much enjoyment for you there.
Maybe you reading back might help put your perception of enjoyment into perspective?
D
I didn't find much enjoyment for you there.
Maybe you reading back might help put your perception of enjoyment into perspective?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 473
Morning Everyone!
As six months approaches my AV has been trying to derail me with drinking thoughts before I get there.
Every significant milestone seems to come with an increased AV activity.
I'm at the stage now where there's no way I'm going to listen to it but it's annoying to have that voice still in your head.
Have a great day everyone!
As six months approaches my AV has been trying to derail me with drinking thoughts before I get there.
Every significant milestone seems to come with an increased AV activity.
I'm at the stage now where there's no way I'm going to listen to it but it's annoying to have that voice still in your head.
Have a great day everyone!
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