Class of July 2016 Support Thread Part 4
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Sheffield, United Kingdom
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Away child free, very relaxing. DH had about 8 pints and then went to the car to fetch wine. He said something about me judging him he was joking when he said it. I said how can I judge you when I have a drinking problem and he said you don't have a problem.
It was only a month ago he was agreeing I had a problem. How quickly they forget when it suits them.
This is exactly what happened last time I gave up, which convinced me I could handle a drink if I moderated. Not going to listen this time. I think he likes when I drink because he can feel better re his drinking and when I rant and have no memories he can look like the better person.
Sounds like we aren't getting on and we are. But just need to be aware that it is up to me to remember where I was at with drinking and not go backwards.
It was only a month ago he was agreeing I had a problem. How quickly they forget when it suits them.
This is exactly what happened last time I gave up, which convinced me I could handle a drink if I moderated. Not going to listen this time. I think he likes when I drink because he can feel better re his drinking and when I rant and have no memories he can look like the better person.
Sounds like we aren't getting on and we are. But just need to be aware that it is up to me to remember where I was at with drinking and not go backwards.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Oswin 
Away child free, very relaxing. DH had about 8 pints and then went to the car to fetch wine. He said something about me judging him he was joking when he said it. I said how can I judge you when I have a drinking problem and he said you don't have a problem. It was only a month ago he was agreeing I had a problem. How quickly they forget when it suits them. This is exactly what happened last time I gave up, which convinced me I could handle a drink if I moderated. Not going to listen this time. I think he likes when I drink because he can feel better re his drinking and when I rant and have no memories he can look like the better person. Sounds like we aren't getting on and we are. But just need to be aware that it is up to me to remember where I was at with drinking and not go backwards.
Keep working on you and keep staying strong as you are. Do you see a therapist or have a support group? I can't remember if I asked you already. There must be some good ideas out there as to how to tackle our own sobriety what your partner isn't on board and or supportive. And I get that you guys are getting along but he has to understand what you are going through right now and it sounds like he doesn't even want to hear it. I'm sorry. I do think your strength is admirable. Don't ever forget that you CAN do this despite him and despite the sneaky AV.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Oswin
Also sending hugs SF. He sounds like he rewrites what is happening all the time. Which can make you feel like your cracking up. The fact he says he hasn't lied to you when he blatantly has seems like he believes the version of lies he has created. Hope you can talk to him and get it sorted.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
SFL
I know each of us has to learn how to accept and deal with our responses to life stuff , good and bad. I turned to drink for a long long time.
That being said, I can't handle the drunk/drive w kids.
He's in his own denial situation, based on what I've read in your post.
I hope today finds things a little better. I know my life now is affected by my response to it. I can only affect what's inside me- literally. Only if I surrender can I have a chance to not screw it up.
That's so hard for me. I can't do life without a higher power. I just can't.
(( Hugs ))
I know each of us has to learn how to accept and deal with our responses to life stuff , good and bad. I turned to drink for a long long time.
That being said, I can't handle the drunk/drive w kids.
He's in his own denial situation, based on what I've read in your post.
I hope today finds things a little better. I know my life now is affected by my response to it. I can only affect what's inside me- literally. Only if I surrender can I have a chance to not screw it up.
That's so hard for me. I can't do life without a higher power. I just can't.
(( Hugs ))
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by JL2014
SFL I know each of us has to learn how to accept and deal with our responses to life stuff , good and bad. I turned to drink for a long long time. That being said, I can't handle the drunk/drive w kids. He's in his own denial situation, based on what I've read in your post. I hope today finds things a little better. I know my life now is affected by my response to it. I can only affect what's inside me- literally. Only if I surrender can I have a chance to not screw it up. That's so hard for me. I can't do life without a higher power. I just can't. (( Hugs ))
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by PennyLane76
Congrats Oswin on a month !And ID on a week! Optimist, I must have jumped a day if you are 20 today. So I'm 21. Have to be vigilant again today. A work event next week is getting me frazzled.
Congrats on 21 Penny!!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by CuteNGayYay
Not me haha.. Day 29. Congrats on a month Oswin! Have a good day all! Stay strong class!
Have you ever checked into the 24 Hour Recovery thread? Just post once a day to recommit every day. It really helps me...
Great job!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by InvisibleDanger
I do. My SO and I are going to tackle a huge tree in our yard, which is a pain in the butt, to be honest. I'm considering taping the whole thing, something is bound to go wrong and I might win big bucks if I send it to AFV... lol
Hang in there, JL.
Hang in there, JL.
I always had my cell phone ready to call 911 whenever my ex got on a ladder or held a power tool. Something always happened to him, LOL!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Originally Posted by JL2014
Thank you so much
It was bad. Got too hot, got sick, then got told on by troublemakers saying I wasn't doing any work.
At my job ppl pour it on when they smell blood in the water. It's like that most places I suppose.
I lost my focus and started whining about me, to me, in my head, the rest of the day.
I used to drink when I did that long enough.
Trusting a higher power is hard.
Giving my crap day to him is easy- since I made my own mess of it.
It was bad. Got too hot, got sick, then got told on by troublemakers saying I wasn't doing any work.
At my job ppl pour it on when they smell blood in the water. It's like that most places I suppose.
I lost my focus and started whining about me, to me, in my head, the rest of the day.
I used to drink when I did that long enough.
Trusting a higher power is hard.
Giving my crap day to him is easy- since I made my own mess of it.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
Someone tell me I am wrong and that I am overreacting. I am at a loss here. Seriously just wish I could walk away from him.
Is there any way you can get into couples counseling? I found that to be very helpful (even though we got divorced). My ex had so many issues that would eventually come to light in a session, whether it was by him blowing up or arguing with me (which he did frequently).
Keeping you in my thoughts. Stay strong!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
I am an emotional mess right now. Just when I thought we were actually doing better this crap has to happen. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to deal with my life right now. I feel so stuck. I don't want any part of it.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Originally Posted by Oswin
This is exactly what happened last time I gave up, which convinced me I could handle a drink if I moderated. Not going to listen this time. I think he likes when I drink because he can feel better re his drinking and when I rant and have no memories he can look like the better person.
Sounds like we aren't getting on and we are. But just need to be aware that it is up to me to remember where I was at with drinking and not go backwards.
Sounds like we aren't getting on and we are. But just need to be aware that it is up to me to remember where I was at with drinking and not go backwards.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Optimist4ever57
I don't think you're overreacting at all, Sunflower. I would be livid if my children were in a car with a driver that had been drinking. Is there any way you can get into couples counseling? I found that to be very helpful (even though we got divorced). My ex had so many issues that would eventually come to light in a session, whether it was by him blowing up or arguing with me (which he did frequently). Keeping you in my thoughts. Stay strong!
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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Originally Posted by Optimist4ever57
I'm so sorry, Sunflower. I still think couples counseling is the way to go. Being married to a prolific and chronic liar is dreadful. My ex was one. Just don't drink, ok? Stay here and keep pouring out your heart.
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Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
I really wish I could meet with my therapist again today. I feel so lost and I don't know how I am going to get through the weekend with him here.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife
Thank you Optimist. We just started the other week but she wants to see us individually next and we both have appointments next week for that. I am going to call today to make sure we can get in to see her together the following week. I NEED his issues to be brought to light because as far as I can tell he doesn't think he has any.
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Day 21 and feeling good, except for what I now believe are my allergies. The rain has made it so moldy, I can hardly breathe. Ugh. Thankfully, my basement is dried out from the flood.
What's everyone doing this weekend? I had planned to watch a few of my granddaughter's soccer games (they're in a tournament this weekend) and hang out with them, but I really need to start emptying the basement so I can get new carpeting down there. I am NOT looking forward to that...where the heck am I going to put stuff that occupied a 24x24 area? This will be a good time to weed out stuff I guess. Anyway, that's my plan. And maybe some yard work.
Got a meeting to prep for so everyone have a great day!
What's everyone doing this weekend? I had planned to watch a few of my granddaughter's soccer games (they're in a tournament this weekend) and hang out with them, but I really need to start emptying the basement so I can get new carpeting down there. I am NOT looking forward to that...where the heck am I going to put stuff that occupied a 24x24 area? This will be a good time to weed out stuff I guess. Anyway, that's my plan. And maybe some yard work.
Got a meeting to prep for so everyone have a great day!
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