Class of December 2015 Pt 6
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,616
I was walking through Kings Cross sleepie. It's junkie mad land here in Sydney. Had a doctors appointment. Used to be very Bohemian, but no longer, just grimy and sleazy now. I used to work there, at the same hospital.
Was remembering my days working there and all these other memories came back in a rush and stuff about my mother too and I freaked out and started crying and my head caved in. I wanted to leave here because was not coping and felt overwhelmed. just gotta take it slowly.
Was remembering my days working there and all these other memories came back in a rush and stuff about my mother too and I freaked out and started crying and my head caved in. I wanted to leave here because was not coping and felt overwhelmed. just gotta take it slowly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,481
I can't answer stuff like that Sleepie - it's not appropriate for me to speak for other mods.
Ask the mod involved. None of us are ogres & we're all very fair - you can't be banned for asking a question
D
Ask the mod involved. None of us are ogres & we're all very fair - you can't be banned for asking a question
D
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I'm very happy to see you back in class Steely. That sounds tough what happened to you. But you're one tough lady. Made of steel with a heart of gold, darl, that is you.
Sleepie and I have been keeping each other company - somehow we're observing the same hours on opposite sides of the world, thanks to sleepie deciding to take this as night school. Pour yourself a cuppa and catch up on what you've missed.
Sleepie and I have been keeping each other company - somehow we're observing the same hours on opposite sides of the world, thanks to sleepie deciding to take this as night school
. Pour yourself a cuppa and catch up on what you've missed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
The daily challenge again- must stay awake.
Now it is about 7 a.m.
i could go for a latte. But I have a bandanna on my head and these glasses. Dunno if I wanna go out and about with all the work folk. Everyone is a professional in this neighborhood...
Now what are you up to MissP?
Now it is about 7 a.m.
i could go for a latte. But I have a bandanna on my head and these glasses. Dunno if I wanna go out and about with all the work folk. Everyone is a professional in this neighborhood...
Now what are you up to MissP?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,616
Thanks MissP. you have been wonderful.
Thank you both for understanding, and if truth be told I missed you guys, and don't want to let the class down either. United we stand.
Hope I've still got a bit of Ned Kelly left in my bones. We can take a tip from Ned, and you would know this MissP, that as he stood upon the gallows his last words were, "such is life". How's that for humble acceptance?
Ned is a bit of a national hero in Australia sleepie. He was a bushranger, Irish, dirt poor and robbed from the rich and gave to the poor. A bit of a Robin Hood character in the national psyche.
Some would disagree saying he was just a common criminal, but I like him. He fashioned a metal head and body suit to protect himself from police (troopers) bullets, but eventually they shot him down and was eventually hanged. Poor old Ned, and yes, I am a bit of a romantic. I admit it.
So I'm trying to take a tip from Ned and and cop to the is-ness of it all.
I've found that even though my recent recollections of the past have been frightening and confronting I have also felt a certain feeling of power in that now I know, and don't feel so much to blame. And funny, I don't even know what I did, just always self blame and loathing.
I met my mother's gaze with certainty yesterday when I went to visit. It felt good, and my self loathing has been somewhat converted into greater insight and love and nurturing of self. Keep up the good work steely.
I think stopping drinking and smoking and being in the Cross really triggered these memories and it's a matter now of how I handle this information. I want to turn it into self love and care not resentment. Me and Ned (aussie grammar) are now wearing the same hat of is-ness.
Glad to be back my friends. Class of December will rise to the occasion and decide to live.
Very exciting about return to the old Colony MissP.
Thank you both for understanding, and if truth be told I missed you guys, and don't want to let the class down either. United we stand.
Hope I've still got a bit of Ned Kelly left in my bones. We can take a tip from Ned, and you would know this MissP, that as he stood upon the gallows his last words were, "such is life". How's that for humble acceptance?
Ned is a bit of a national hero in Australia sleepie. He was a bushranger, Irish, dirt poor and robbed from the rich and gave to the poor. A bit of a Robin Hood character in the national psyche.
Some would disagree saying he was just a common criminal, but I like him. He fashioned a metal head and body suit to protect himself from police (troopers) bullets, but eventually they shot him down and was eventually hanged. Poor old Ned, and yes, I am a bit of a romantic. I admit it.
So I'm trying to take a tip from Ned and and cop to the is-ness of it all.
I've found that even though my recent recollections of the past have been frightening and confronting I have also felt a certain feeling of power in that now I know, and don't feel so much to blame. And funny, I don't even know what I did, just always self blame and loathing.
I met my mother's gaze with certainty yesterday when I went to visit. It felt good, and my self loathing has been somewhat converted into greater insight and love and nurturing of self. Keep up the good work steely.
I think stopping drinking and smoking and being in the Cross really triggered these memories and it's a matter now of how I handle this information. I want to turn it into self love and care not resentment. Me and Ned (aussie grammar) are now wearing the same hat of is-ness.
Glad to be back my friends. Class of December will rise to the occasion and decide to live.
Very exciting about return to the old Colony MissP.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Read your post a few times, Steely. Can't help thinking it's remarkable how we are all shifting ourselves towards healing physically, mentally and emotionally by staying sober. It's very moving observing transformations in people all across these boards. You're going to be all right, Steely, even if some of this won't be easy.
Am at work now so will post more later.
Am at work now so will post more later.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I got a latte much later in the day when I awoke... Again I slept until 8 in the evening and truth is I could go back but I am gonna stay up for a bit.
Steely I really love the way you express yourself. I find you to be incisive and also unique in the way you communicate here, your thoughts and experiences. Do you journal often or have a writing back ground?
"Such is life"... now I don't know if it's the spirit I have always had... but I tend not to be so accepting. This defeat I have accepted in my own life is rather new. Shutting the door and staying in my room where I feel safe from the ugliness of people. But I digress (Or, rave on which sounds more fun).
I wonder how to find that line between accepting and condoning. I have huge issue with this in terms of "forgiveness" as well. Or maybe accepting the nature of the problem but not the behavior?
See, I am not so incisive myself so I quite like that quality you have Steely!
Very interesting about Ned Kelly. I think I will do a little more reading on him.
I think you are a really strong person. Good to hear you are leveling with things and halting the self blame loop.
Now MissyP- are you moving back to "Oz" (is that what it's called)?
Steely I really love the way you express yourself. I find you to be incisive and also unique in the way you communicate here, your thoughts and experiences. Do you journal often or have a writing back ground?
"Such is life"... now I don't know if it's the spirit I have always had... but I tend not to be so accepting. This defeat I have accepted in my own life is rather new. Shutting the door and staying in my room where I feel safe from the ugliness of people. But I digress (Or, rave on which sounds more fun).
I wonder how to find that line between accepting and condoning. I have huge issue with this in terms of "forgiveness" as well. Or maybe accepting the nature of the problem but not the behavior?
See, I am not so incisive myself so I quite like that quality you have Steely!
Very interesting about Ned Kelly. I think I will do a little more reading on him.
I think you are a really strong person. Good to hear you are leveling with things and halting the self blame loop.
Now MissyP- are you moving back to "Oz" (is that what it's called)?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,616
Thank you so much MissP.
*Real sobriety* is more challenging than I thought. The emotional, psychological and physical demands are great. Push on, with our eyes on the prize as some say.
I have had previous long periods, but not with the relief and commitment of this time around. Up for the challenge, it might be good.
Have about a million organisational entries in my (still) hard copy diary. But am getting on top of it.
I don't care that the flat is a mess. There is only me here, and if someone comes they won't catch Botulism. Got some washing done and changed my bedsheets. Food to eat.
Need to relax and reflect I believe. Your idea on a cuppa was a good one.
I agree, the struggle you witness here is beautiful. I think that's why I tick nearly everyone's posts, because in a way all posts are useful, positive or negative. That is unless the poster is Josef Mengele. Sometimes I can't though. haha
Talk later.
Hi to all. Class of December lives.
*Real sobriety* is more challenging than I thought. The emotional, psychological and physical demands are great. Push on, with our eyes on the prize as some say.
I have had previous long periods, but not with the relief and commitment of this time around. Up for the challenge, it might be good.
Have about a million organisational entries in my (still) hard copy diary. But am getting on top of it.
I don't care that the flat is a mess. There is only me here, and if someone comes they won't catch Botulism. Got some washing done and changed my bedsheets. Food to eat.
Need to relax and reflect I believe. Your idea on a cuppa was a good one.
I agree, the struggle you witness here is beautiful. I think that's why I tick nearly everyone's posts, because in a way all posts are useful, positive or negative. That is unless the poster is Josef Mengele. Sometimes I can't though. haha
Talk later.
Hi to all. Class of December lives.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,616
Hi sleepie. Our posts seem to have collided, but am so completely tired that I can't respond right now and am going to take to my bed with my book.
I have never felt so fatigued, but I think it's in a good way. Like I dropped the weight and my body went blah.
Am reading "Poor Man's Orange", by Ruth Park. I really like her.
Will get back tomorrow hoping you made it through your testing unscathed, and will now find some rest.
Good night sleepie.
I have never felt so fatigued, but I think it's in a good way. Like I dropped the weight and my body went blah.
Am reading "Poor Man's Orange", by Ruth Park. I really like her.
Will get back tomorrow hoping you made it through your testing unscathed, and will now find some rest.
Good night sleepie.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 157
137 days!
Going to take me awhile to catch up on the forum.
Just wanted to do a check in with you all about where I'm at.
137 days sober today and I feel awesome!
I set a personal record last Sunday at my 1/2 marathon and came in 4th place overall and 1st in my age group with a time of 1:36:49.
This is the first time in my life that I have been training sober and it is paying off! My goal is to qualify for the Boston marathon and run the Boston marathon in 2017. These long term goals are helping me stay on the sober path and it helps to keep me busy because of all the training; takes up most of my weekends and I have no desire to drink.
I've lost about 26 lbs and am in the best shape of my life. I have people coming up to me telling me that I am an inspiration to them. I never thought that I could/would inspire others by getting sober and healthy myself.
Just wanted to do a check in with you all about where I'm at.
137 days sober today and I feel awesome!
I set a personal record last Sunday at my 1/2 marathon and came in 4th place overall and 1st in my age group with a time of 1:36:49.
This is the first time in my life that I have been training sober and it is paying off! My goal is to qualify for the Boston marathon and run the Boston marathon in 2017. These long term goals are helping me stay on the sober path and it helps to keep me busy because of all the training; takes up most of my weekends and I have no desire to drink.
I've lost about 26 lbs and am in the best shape of my life. I have people coming up to me telling me that I am an inspiration to them. I never thought that I could/would inspire others by getting sober and healthy myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Morning all. It is Buddha's birthday today, which is a public holiday, so no dragon boating for us today. I'd be lying if I said I was unhappy about that!
Leasha, just wow! With a half-marathon time like that, you would be looking good for Boston qualifying I would have thought. And congratulations on winning your age group. You're amazing and, as I'm a keen runner, you're an inspiration to me too!
Yep, sleepie, I am heading back to Oz. I was reflecting that, when I decided to get sober, the No 1 reason was my health. Another important reason was my career. A big part was knowing I would be returning to Melbourne to a larger, established office and a more cut-throat environment where there would be no hiding sub-par performance. Now that the move is imminent, I'm grateful I made that decision. It pretty much is working out as I had hoped - my sobriety feels solid enough to make the change and my improved work performance has made me more confident about getting stuck into the challenge.
Steely, your comment about Ned Kelly's last words resonated with me. I went through a "search for meaning" about 7 - 8 years ago, a phase that continued for several years. I must have read 100s of books trying to find the answer. I finally concluded my search, satisfied that I had a set of beliefs and principles to serve me. "Such is life" as a metaphor for zen-like acceptance fits in with that set of beliefs.
But belief is one thing, and practice is another. I admire you very much for choosing to practice acceptance in extremely difficult, traumatic circumstances.
Above all, your decision to turn the experience inwards to self-love I think is very profound.
I love the odd inspirational quote, as you may have realised, so in honour of the birthday sage, allow me to quote him:
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
Leasha, just wow! With a half-marathon time like that, you would be looking good for Boston qualifying I would have thought. And congratulations on winning your age group. You're amazing and, as I'm a keen runner, you're an inspiration to me too!
Yep, sleepie, I am heading back to Oz. I was reflecting that, when I decided to get sober, the No 1 reason was my health. Another important reason was my career. A big part was knowing I would be returning to Melbourne to a larger, established office and a more cut-throat environment where there would be no hiding sub-par performance. Now that the move is imminent, I'm grateful I made that decision. It pretty much is working out as I had hoped - my sobriety feels solid enough to make the change and my improved work performance has made me more confident about getting stuck into the challenge.
Steely, your comment about Ned Kelly's last words resonated with me. I went through a "search for meaning" about 7 - 8 years ago, a phase that continued for several years. I must have read 100s of books trying to find the answer. I finally concluded my search, satisfied that I had a set of beliefs and principles to serve me. "Such is life" as a metaphor for zen-like acceptance fits in with that set of beliefs.
But belief is one thing, and practice is another. I admire you very much for choosing to practice acceptance in extremely difficult, traumatic circumstances.
Above all, your decision to turn the experience inwards to self-love I think is very profound.
I love the odd inspirational quote, as you may have realised, so in honour of the birthday sage, allow me to quote him:
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
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