Class of December 2015 Pt 6
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Sleepie's right, Steely. That was pretty rough what your mum said when you needed compassion.
Some families just can't or shouldn't come back together. I know you're a good daughter - it's clear you are. But in there amongst the obligations you need to look after yourself too.
I almost gave away dragon boat training this morning after a week of travel, work piling up etc. I even messaged the team to cancel but then retracted and decided to show up. I had to say to myself - I'm reliable now and I keep my word. I'm not that useless drunk who used to make excuses for everything. I need to "woman up" here!
Have a great day class.
Some families just can't or shouldn't come back together. I know you're a good daughter - it's clear you are. But in there amongst the obligations you need to look after yourself too.
I almost gave away dragon boat training this morning after a week of travel, work piling up etc. I even messaged the team to cancel but then retracted and decided to show up. I had to say to myself - I'm reliable now and I keep my word. I'm not that useless drunk who used to make excuses for everything. I need to "woman up" here!
Have a great day class.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
Thanks MissP.
You're are right and I am going to *woman up* on this one. I'm sick of it. I take a tip from your Dragon Boat rethink.
So, today took myself to lunch (beetroot and walnut salad), coffee and the Herald.
I really enjoy op shopping, not just because of the prices, but because of all the weird and wonderful things that lurk in dusty corners.
Got myself a coffe maker sleeps, all its needs is sterilising. Pyrex, good. I try to look at it as recycling haha
Bought this super kitch painting of a ballet scene which I'm sure the groovers in Newtown will really go for as they drink their gin from a jam jar. Gotta make some tin.
Fashionable now in the hip suburbs to drink from jam jars, and apparently gin is the flavour of the month.
Anyrate, had a really good day in the sun and am taking another tack in that they can all wait whilst I get better, and take care of myself. Sounds reasonable.
Thanks girls, you have been great, and so supportive. Hope I can return same if the need arises.
26 days no smokes.
My best to all.
You're are right and I am going to *woman up* on this one. I'm sick of it. I take a tip from your Dragon Boat rethink.
So, today took myself to lunch (beetroot and walnut salad), coffee and the Herald.
I really enjoy op shopping, not just because of the prices, but because of all the weird and wonderful things that lurk in dusty corners.
Got myself a coffe maker sleeps, all its needs is sterilising. Pyrex, good. I try to look at it as recycling haha
Bought this super kitch painting of a ballet scene which I'm sure the groovers in Newtown will really go for as they drink their gin from a jam jar. Gotta make some tin.
Fashionable now in the hip suburbs to drink from jam jars, and apparently gin is the flavour of the month.
Anyrate, had a really good day in the sun and am taking another tack in that they can all wait whilst I get better, and take care of myself. Sounds reasonable.
Thanks girls, you have been great, and so supportive. Hope I can return same if the need arises.
26 days no smokes.
My best to all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Yay! Steely got herself a new coffee maker 
26 days without a cigarette. You are motoring along too! Groovier than the grooviest hipster in Newtown.
Showing up for training was a good call but it was a tough session. I have a blister on my right butt from paddling so hard.
Still thinking of the family thing we were talking about ... I just want to be clear that not only are some families impossible to put back together but some family members should be steered clear off altogether. No-one needs toxic people in their lives. I just want to acknowledge that because I know you're in that boat, sleepie, and you have to put yourself first there, too.
26 days without a cigarette. You are motoring along too! Groovier than the grooviest hipster in Newtown.
Showing up for training was a good call but it was a tough session. I have a blister on my right butt from paddling so hard.
Still thinking of the family thing we were talking about ... I just want to be clear that not only are some families impossible to put back together but some family members should be steered clear off altogether. No-one needs toxic people in their lives. I just want to acknowledge that because I know you're in that boat, sleepie, and you have to put yourself first there, too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
Oh crumbs, I just replied Miss P and my post got lost.
Will try again later as it always frustrates me when that happens.
As you will see from the pathetic little TinyPic post above, I tried again to post a picture of my pink shoes. No go. It will happen MissP I promise.
Your sore butt could be easily remedied by the wearing of hot pink Lycra with padded butt for extra cushioning. Glide on my sister, dig deep those oars.
I love you guys, thank you.
Will try again later as it always frustrates me when that happens.
As you will see from the pathetic little TinyPic post above, I tried again to post a picture of my pink shoes. No go. It will happen MissP I promise.
Your sore butt could be easily remedied by the wearing of hot pink Lycra with padded butt for extra cushioning. Glide on my sister, dig deep those oars.
I love you guys, thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks Steely, you too- you are a wonderful friend to me here.
Well I don't know about being upbeat. I posted a pretty long one in "Alcoholism" about Mother's Day and not having had a mother.
But yeah I dunno. Still sad about the hair, and everything. Still have not gone out of bed except for an obligation earlier.
Well I don't know about being upbeat. I posted a pretty long one in "Alcoholism" about Mother's Day and not having had a mother.
But yeah I dunno. Still sad about the hair, and everything. Still have not gone out of bed except for an obligation earlier.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
You are spot on sleepie, and it's maybe why MY hair is falling out.
I have been living with stress for years now, and really do want to learn how to let it go.
Always trying to make things right, thinking that I am to blame, I've done something wrong, that sort of palaver.
Intellectually I know it's not true, but still find it hard to shake those sort of perceptions about myself.
You've given me food for thought sleepie, and will sleep on it 'cause it's too important for me to shake off lightly in a quick post.
You are very insightful sleepie.
I have been living with stress for years now, and really do want to learn how to let it go.
Always trying to make things right, thinking that I am to blame, I've done something wrong, that sort of palaver.
Intellectually I know it's not true, but still find it hard to shake those sort of perceptions about myself.
You've given me food for thought sleepie, and will sleep on it 'cause it's too important for me to shake off lightly in a quick post.
You are very insightful sleepie.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
And I'll check your Mother's Day post.
You know, when I was out today I looked at gifts and cards for Mother's Day and though I will dutifully deliver, my heart was just not in it, and walked on by.
You know, when I was out today I looked at gifts and cards for Mother's Day and though I will dutifully deliver, my heart was just not in it, and walked on by.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Don't hassle yourself with those shoes please Steely. 'Twas just a joke that they didn't exist.
Glad sleepie perceptively picked up on you feeling out of sorts, Steely. You're a truly kind and good person - you should never doubt your worth! Sounds like you are looking after yourself and getting out to eat and wander through the op shops. You are rebuilding body, mind and soul - it won't be an overnight job.
Sleepie, how are you? I agree with Steely that you're sounding good. Are you going to be able to see a counselor (you mentioned a former counselor - any chance of going back to that person?).
I don't think pink Lycra will help me today! I'm sore in the lower back and legs too. Have a yoga session later which should help, then a gym class which I'll get through. Then I have to get to the office as this work is hanging over my head. I pretty much wrote off last night and got to bed early. But today I have to get into the office.
Hope Jenses and Vini are doing well too!
Have a good rest of the weekend everyone.
Glad sleepie perceptively picked up on you feeling out of sorts, Steely. You're a truly kind and good person - you should never doubt your worth! Sounds like you are looking after yourself and getting out to eat and wander through the op shops. You are rebuilding body, mind and soul - it won't be an overnight job.
Sleepie, how are you? I agree with Steely that you're sounding good. Are you going to be able to see a counselor (you mentioned a former counselor - any chance of going back to that person?).
I don't think pink Lycra will help me today! I'm sore in the lower back and legs too. Have a yoga session later which should help, then a gym class which I'll get through. Then I have to get to the office as this work is hanging over my head. I pretty much wrote off last night and got to bed early. But today I have to get into the office.
Hope Jenses and Vini are doing well too!
Have a good rest of the weekend everyone.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Nope, still going down the tubes. I just didn't say anything this time I guess. I have had another hellish 3 weeks until my testing on Monday since I flubbed it last time. Been sleeping all day, up all night- same story. Pulled a bunch of hair out from all the stress and been very, very depressed about that. I don't leave the room or apartment. I really don't leave bed. I was kind of just barely having a little hope a week or 2 back that maybe I had a chance at some kind of life and then I just tanked, total loss of creativity and ideas, just does not exist anymore. I quit drinking and it's gone, just like before I ever drank. I literally have nothing now. I had to drop out of 2 paying projects- that caused anxiety and all then the hair pulling was the last straw to pushing me entirely in to an agoraphobic lifestyle.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Steely this guilt tripping you recently experienced, it kind of makes sense why you'd be second guessing the things you say or feeling embarrassed when there is no need to at all. I kind of wonder was this guilt tripping something you have always had to deal with 
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I mail ordered a mixture of essential oils for my scalp and used them tonight. I have a tiny hope it may help my hair grow back. I tried to mix the oils myself awhile back and use them but they made me sick. I really hope that doesn't happen again, this is the only hope I can find in any possibility of accomplishing this. I just want to have good hair once before I die in my life. I never have. Been pulling it out for over 20 years
Sigh.
Reading the bf David Sedaris tonight.
Sigh.
Reading the bf David Sedaris tonight.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,588
Hi my friends,
Having a tiny little break tonight, hence not much action on my part, here on SR.
Have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but will be back early afternoon and will be back.
Everything's good, just feel the need to sit with myself and sort thing through in my mind. Just need to rest for a bit.
Your friend....steely x
Having a tiny little break tonight, hence not much action on my part, here on SR.
Have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but will be back early afternoon and will be back.
Everything's good, just feel the need to sit with myself and sort thing through in my mind. Just need to rest for a bit.
Your friend....steely x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Take care, Steely, we'll be here when you return and hope all goes well at the doctor's
I don't know what to do. I have the rest of those tests day after tomorrow and here I am again, haven't slept and the sun is up. I don't know if I should just stay up til tonight which means I'll have been up well over 24 hours by then, or what. Sleeping for just a few hours never, ever works. I sleep for 3 or 5 and think "Oh, I'll be tired then later" and I end up just getting no sleep and staying up til the sun comes up. And I often lay in bed for hours, in the dark, no lights, no technology no screens, and still do not sleep.
And I don't know that I can do another holiday mean with bf's family on zero sleep. I hate the dizzy, sick feeling and having to be lively and cheerful and conversational while I feel like death. Almost every holiday has been like this, because I also get extremely nervous for the day spent with bf's family. I just feel very wound up because I am so completely out of place and just a nervous, nervous wreck. And bf is never any help. He is just glad I am there, I did my part and the end. My feelings are never really minded much.
And I feel physically awful for other reasons and could just scream.
I don't know what to do. I have the rest of those tests day after tomorrow and here I am again, haven't slept and the sun is up. I don't know if I should just stay up til tonight which means I'll have been up well over 24 hours by then, or what. Sleeping for just a few hours never, ever works. I sleep for 3 or 5 and think "Oh, I'll be tired then later" and I end up just getting no sleep and staying up til the sun comes up. And I often lay in bed for hours, in the dark, no lights, no technology no screens, and still do not sleep.
And I don't know that I can do another holiday mean with bf's family on zero sleep. I hate the dizzy, sick feeling and having to be lively and cheerful and conversational while I feel like death. Almost every holiday has been like this, because I also get extremely nervous for the day spent with bf's family. I just feel very wound up because I am so completely out of place and just a nervous, nervous wreck. And bf is never any help. He is just glad I am there, I did my part and the end. My feelings are never really minded much.
And I feel physically awful for other reasons and could just scream.
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