Class of December 2015 Pt 4
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Hi Jenses - I could go on and on about mid-life crises!
I think that working in an office environment (I assume this is your situation) can be soul-destroying. Questioning the meaning of life whilst chained to a desk is a recipe for deep frustration.
My observation of people who seem genuinely satisfied and balanced in conventional office jobs are that they don't make their jobs their whole identity, they sincerely care about doing the right thing and they devote themselves to things that are more important than money, status and power. They involve themselves in mentorship and community, for example.
Another thing I've observed is that they are not cynical about "organisational values" - they usually exemplify them. So I think it helps massively not to work for a company whose products or services you have some fundamental issue with.
I had my mid-life crisis when I was about 36. I did a lot of reflecting and (I think) sorted out a few things. I at least got to the point where I could reconcile having the job I do and finding meaning in my life. A lot of it had to do with aspiring to be like the people I've described. But one of the things that used to make me despair as my drinking got worse was that I was afraid I could never really be like those people - because it was just too tiring to think of being like that on a consistent basis.
I'm now 42 and getting serious about getting sober means I now think that that's a realistic goal again and I'm motivated to reach it.
That's just how I'm dealing with the dilemma my mid-life crisis brought on. It's still a work in progress.
I agree we all have to find our own way too. I really wish you luck in finding yours and with a job that makes you truly happy. I also wonder about switching counsellors...
Have a great day over in Canada!
I think that working in an office environment (I assume this is your situation) can be soul-destroying. Questioning the meaning of life whilst chained to a desk is a recipe for deep frustration.
My observation of people who seem genuinely satisfied and balanced in conventional office jobs are that they don't make their jobs their whole identity, they sincerely care about doing the right thing and they devote themselves to things that are more important than money, status and power. They involve themselves in mentorship and community, for example.
Another thing I've observed is that they are not cynical about "organisational values" - they usually exemplify them. So I think it helps massively not to work for a company whose products or services you have some fundamental issue with.
I had my mid-life crisis when I was about 36. I did a lot of reflecting and (I think) sorted out a few things. I at least got to the point where I could reconcile having the job I do and finding meaning in my life. A lot of it had to do with aspiring to be like the people I've described. But one of the things that used to make me despair as my drinking got worse was that I was afraid I could never really be like those people - because it was just too tiring to think of being like that on a consistent basis.
I'm now 42 and getting serious about getting sober means I now think that that's a realistic goal again and I'm motivated to reach it.
That's just how I'm dealing with the dilemma my mid-life crisis brought on. It's still a work in progress.
I agree we all have to find our own way too. I really wish you luck in finding yours and with a job that makes you truly happy. I also wonder about switching counsellors...
Have a great day over in Canada!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado 
Hi Dee - it wasn't mandatory in the sense of "be there or be fired" but a lot of questions would have been asked if I had pulled out. Essentially, the only excuse that wouldn't be suspicious would be something urgent - personal or business.
Reflecting on it, I made a couple of mistakes. I was hungry when it started and the finger food didn't fill me without the usual empty wine calories I'd have. I didn't make time for exercise that day.
One thing went right - importantly a few colleagues know I'm not drinking and I'm on medical advice not to drink for a few months - which is true. I don't know if I needed that extra accountability or if my willpower would have been enough but it was good to have it.
Tonight I went to another cocktail event - this one I could have pulled out of and no-one would have said anything. I had a snack beforehand and made time for the gym. It was much easier - I didn't think about drinking at all. The conversations seemed less tiring. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't stressed and I could leave after an hour.
I have to say I think the hunger is potentially a big trigger - I didn't realise how hungry I was last night until I woke up this morning. I suspect after years of under-eating and over-drinking I don't know what a healthy day's worth of food looks like.
So maybe I have the beginnings of a plan for these things. I'm heartened after tonight's experience but still wary.
Reflecting on it, I made a couple of mistakes. I was hungry when it started and the finger food didn't fill me without the usual empty wine calories I'd have. I didn't make time for exercise that day.
One thing went right - importantly a few colleagues know I'm not drinking and I'm on medical advice not to drink for a few months - which is true. I don't know if I needed that extra accountability or if my willpower would have been enough but it was good to have it.
Tonight I went to another cocktail event - this one I could have pulled out of and no-one would have said anything. I had a snack beforehand and made time for the gym. It was much easier - I didn't think about drinking at all. The conversations seemed less tiring. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't stressed and I could leave after an hour.
I have to say I think the hunger is potentially a big trigger - I didn't realise how hungry I was last night until I woke up this morning. I suspect after years of under-eating and over-drinking I don't know what a healthy day's worth of food looks like.
So maybe I have the beginnings of a plan for these things. I'm heartened after tonight's experience but still wary.
So glad you had a better experience last night. Proof of how resilient and committed you are - even when it's tough. Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
Hi Jenses - I could go on and on about mid-life crises!
I think that working in an office environment (I assume this is your situation) can be soul-destroying. Questioning the meaning of life whilst chained to a desk is a recipe for deep frustration.
My observation of people who seem genuinely satisfied and balanced in conventional office jobs are that they don't make their jobs their whole identity, they sincerely care about doing the right thing and they devote themselves to things that are more important than money, status and power. They involve themselves in mentorship and community, for example.
Another thing I've observed is that they are not cynical about "organisational values" - they usually exemplify them. So I think it helps massively not to work for a company whose products or services you have some fundamental issue with.
I had my mid-life crisis when I was about 36. I did a lot of reflecting and (I think) sorted out a few things. I at least got to the point where I could reconcile having the job I do and finding meaning in my life. A lot of it had to do with aspiring to be like the people I've described. But one of the things that used to make me despair as my drinking got worse was that I was afraid I could never really be like those people - because it was just too tiring to think of being like that on a consistent basis.
I'm now 42 and getting serious about getting sober means I now think that that's a realistic goal again and I'm motivated to reach it.
That's just how I'm dealing with the dilemma my mid-life crisis brought on. It's still a work in progress.
I agree we all have to find our own way too. I really wish you luck in finding yours and with a job that makes you truly happy. I also wonder about switching counsellors...
Have a great day over in Canada!
I think that working in an office environment (I assume this is your situation) can be soul-destroying. Questioning the meaning of life whilst chained to a desk is a recipe for deep frustration.
My observation of people who seem genuinely satisfied and balanced in conventional office jobs are that they don't make their jobs their whole identity, they sincerely care about doing the right thing and they devote themselves to things that are more important than money, status and power. They involve themselves in mentorship and community, for example.
Another thing I've observed is that they are not cynical about "organisational values" - they usually exemplify them. So I think it helps massively not to work for a company whose products or services you have some fundamental issue with.
I had my mid-life crisis when I was about 36. I did a lot of reflecting and (I think) sorted out a few things. I at least got to the point where I could reconcile having the job I do and finding meaning in my life. A lot of it had to do with aspiring to be like the people I've described. But one of the things that used to make me despair as my drinking got worse was that I was afraid I could never really be like those people - because it was just too tiring to think of being like that on a consistent basis.
I'm now 42 and getting serious about getting sober means I now think that that's a realistic goal again and I'm motivated to reach it.
That's just how I'm dealing with the dilemma my mid-life crisis brought on. It's still a work in progress.
I agree we all have to find our own way too. I really wish you luck in finding yours and with a job that makes you truly happy. I also wonder about switching counsellors...
Have a great day over in Canada!
I think you are right about the approach to work. In past, my work became my identity, and I now see that this can't be the case - even if I had a "meaningful" job. I am trying to remember that work is something you do - not who you are. I am hoping to start a board game group at a local seniors residence as I love board games and think there may be some members who enjoy games and would benefit from some social engagement.
You are always so supportive - we are fortunate to have you <3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
hmmm, interesting discussion. I completely agree that we all need a balance of work and non work related interests. Otherwise we find ourselves either chained to our jobs 24/7 or we find ourselves sitting at home staring at the walls arguing with our AVs when we are not in work staring at the desktop arguing with our AVs.
Pretty much every successful person I have seen asked "what advice would you give people in how to become successful?" has answered with "find something you love to do". I used to find that annoying and a little smug. I need to pay the bills! I have no time to find something I love to do. I mean, Love? Can I keep that for the missus?
I think that whether we like it or not, our working lives and our personal lives have become entwined like never before. Flexible working styles like working from home, longer work hours, technology burrowing deeper into our lives etc etc all mean that our jobs are increasingly becoming reflections of who we are and not what we do to pay the bills. For me in this past couple of years, its not realistic to work at something that I don't like or that is not reflective of who I am and to expect to be happy in my life because its too big a chunk of my life.
In the past, all those cocktail events, client dinners, celebration events, leaving drinks, annual parties, social team events, leaving lunches, launch parties etc etc suited me just fine, because I was an alcoholic. My work was back breaking hard but I could drink it away like the rest of my colleagues.
In the past I worked in the "City" of London in investment banking for a few years. It was a hard drinking, work hard play hard culture. My work colleagues and I were drinking every lunch time and every night. Makes sense now; unfulfilling, stressful and overpaid work. The exact opposite should have been my goal but I was too young and too alcoholic to see it at at the time.
I think now that a happy and sober life needs to include a job that makes you happy also. One that you feel is reflective of who you are and reflective of what is important to you. Maybe it doesn't mean changing jobs or maybe it does but it might also mean a change in how you do your job. I now need to be the manager/leader who does not drink and party but rather spends time to mentor and care about the people I work with, who smiles more and is more dependable and consistent. I need to enjoy my job and be proud of my achievements and allow it to make me feel good about myself not just view these as excuses to drink and get drunk. Then I will be more likely to be happy outside work and I know that will allow my non working life to develop in ways that I feel also better reflect who I am. For me the two are connected.
A quick story about dinner on Monday night. Dinner with an important client reviewing 2015. Me, their CEO and 4 middle managers, one of ours and three of theirs. The usual not drinking from me, just saying that I don't drink anymore, no explanations or drama. An hour or so into dinner with the wine flowing one of their managers loosens up a little and won't let it drop; "just a sip, just one drink, one drink won't hurt you, celebrate with us" blah blah blah. Their CEO is a smart guy so he knew he needed to control his manager but he didn't, in a kind of passive challenge to me which pissed me off a little. So I asked the guy who was trying to provoke me to pour one drink for me. He took a large glass and filled it with whiskey, right to the brim, maybe 7 or 8 shots and everyone laughed and clapped. So I then announced that we did indeed have a good year and with Chinese New Year coming I wanted to give him gift to express my gratitude and handed him the glass, saying again that I don't drink. Everyone again laughed and clapped and being the more senior manger I asked him to drink my one drink for me. To avoid losing face he picked it up under pressure and downed it. I then said my piece, thanked everyone and left. But not before he had passed out at the table.
I just don't drink anymore and I am becoming someone who doesn't buy into all that nonsense anymore and I am becoming someone who is happy and comfortable with that. Day 59 now. Our group is doing great. Have a nice day everyone.
Pretty much every successful person I have seen asked "what advice would you give people in how to become successful?" has answered with "find something you love to do". I used to find that annoying and a little smug. I need to pay the bills! I have no time to find something I love to do. I mean, Love? Can I keep that for the missus?
I think that whether we like it or not, our working lives and our personal lives have become entwined like never before. Flexible working styles like working from home, longer work hours, technology burrowing deeper into our lives etc etc all mean that our jobs are increasingly becoming reflections of who we are and not what we do to pay the bills. For me in this past couple of years, its not realistic to work at something that I don't like or that is not reflective of who I am and to expect to be happy in my life because its too big a chunk of my life.
In the past, all those cocktail events, client dinners, celebration events, leaving drinks, annual parties, social team events, leaving lunches, launch parties etc etc suited me just fine, because I was an alcoholic. My work was back breaking hard but I could drink it away like the rest of my colleagues.
In the past I worked in the "City" of London in investment banking for a few years. It was a hard drinking, work hard play hard culture. My work colleagues and I were drinking every lunch time and every night. Makes sense now; unfulfilling, stressful and overpaid work. The exact opposite should have been my goal but I was too young and too alcoholic to see it at at the time.
I think now that a happy and sober life needs to include a job that makes you happy also. One that you feel is reflective of who you are and reflective of what is important to you. Maybe it doesn't mean changing jobs or maybe it does but it might also mean a change in how you do your job. I now need to be the manager/leader who does not drink and party but rather spends time to mentor and care about the people I work with, who smiles more and is more dependable and consistent. I need to enjoy my job and be proud of my achievements and allow it to make me feel good about myself not just view these as excuses to drink and get drunk. Then I will be more likely to be happy outside work and I know that will allow my non working life to develop in ways that I feel also better reflect who I am. For me the two are connected.
A quick story about dinner on Monday night. Dinner with an important client reviewing 2015. Me, their CEO and 4 middle managers, one of ours and three of theirs. The usual not drinking from me, just saying that I don't drink anymore, no explanations or drama. An hour or so into dinner with the wine flowing one of their managers loosens up a little and won't let it drop; "just a sip, just one drink, one drink won't hurt you, celebrate with us" blah blah blah. Their CEO is a smart guy so he knew he needed to control his manager but he didn't, in a kind of passive challenge to me which pissed me off a little. So I asked the guy who was trying to provoke me to pour one drink for me. He took a large glass and filled it with whiskey, right to the brim, maybe 7 or 8 shots and everyone laughed and clapped. So I then announced that we did indeed have a good year and with Chinese New Year coming I wanted to give him gift to express my gratitude and handed him the glass, saying again that I don't drink. Everyone again laughed and clapped and being the more senior manger I asked him to drink my one drink for me. To avoid losing face he picked it up under pressure and downed it. I then said my piece, thanked everyone and left. But not before he had passed out at the table.
I just don't drink anymore and I am becoming someone who doesn't buy into all that nonsense anymore and I am becoming someone who is happy and comfortable with that. Day 59 now. Our group is doing great. Have a nice day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
That was an interesting story ubnt. I like the way you handled that.
I am also glad I am not likely to ever be in that position any time soon since I work alone for myself.
I had a good day. Got the wallpaper removed and wall defects patched with a first coat of spackle. Some came off easy in whole strips, another part bellow a border came off in little pieces grrrrrrrrrr .. you never know so I gamble it is going to usually be the small pieces when I have a set price.
Tomorrow I have a 2 hour class in the morning on alcohol abuse or something, part of the program I am in. Then later my group meeting on substance abuse education or awareness.
I am also glad I am not likely to ever be in that position any time soon since I work alone for myself.
I had a good day. Got the wallpaper removed and wall defects patched with a first coat of spackle. Some came off easy in whole strips, another part bellow a border came off in little pieces grrrrrrrrrr .. you never know so I gamble it is going to usually be the small pieces when I have a set price.
Tomorrow I have a 2 hour class in the morning on alcohol abuse or something, part of the program I am in. Then later my group meeting on substance abuse education or awareness.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: NW UK
Posts: 164
Miss P and ubnt I'm really impressed with how you have been handling your work drinking situations! Your story made laugh ubnt, dealt with in a very slick way!
Congrats on 30 days (+ now) sober Blackie and Leasha, you must be feeling a bunch of benefits.
I'm 38 days sober today and life is dramatically different (and improved) to when I was drinking that's for sure.
My main reoccurring worry has been around work and a career. I've lost a number of jobs because of my drinking and to be honest I don't really want to be a merchandiser/buyer for the rest of my career so have been contemplating a career change and restudying. I know that without a firm ground of sobriety none of that will be possible though. For the next year I am going to focus primarily on my sobriety and will settle for a low pressure job with lower pay than before if it means I stand a better chance of staying sober. I can be impulsive and want to suddenly take on big things the minute I'm feeling better, this time around I know I need to be patient and I have faith things will fall back into place. I need to reaffirm this for myself before I get carried away haha.
Have a brilliant sober day in Canada, America, Hong Kong, Australia and where ever in the world the rest of our group are!
Congrats on 30 days (+ now) sober Blackie and Leasha, you must be feeling a bunch of benefits.
I'm 38 days sober today and life is dramatically different (and improved) to when I was drinking that's for sure.
My main reoccurring worry has been around work and a career. I've lost a number of jobs because of my drinking and to be honest I don't really want to be a merchandiser/buyer for the rest of my career so have been contemplating a career change and restudying. I know that without a firm ground of sobriety none of that will be possible though. For the next year I am going to focus primarily on my sobriety and will settle for a low pressure job with lower pay than before if it means I stand a better chance of staying sober. I can be impulsive and want to suddenly take on big things the minute I'm feeling better, this time around I know I need to be patient and I have faith things will fall back into place. I need to reaffirm this for myself before I get carried away haha.
Have a brilliant sober day in Canada, America, Hong Kong, Australia and where ever in the world the rest of our group are!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Thanks Jenses for those awfully kind words. I am blushing! I did feel so much better yesterday and even better today. Being able to check in with you all here is very important. It's good to get this stuff off my chest and formulate my thoughts ... including the all important plan for next time.
Ub - that is gold! Movie material, mate! But on a more serious note, I think what you've described is the nauseating pressure placed on men who don't drink which doesn't happen anywhere near the same way for women. All this chest-thumping stuff is BS isn't it?
Well, I'm travelling tonight and sat in the airport lounge, drinking a soothing cup of mint tea and checking in here. I'm so so glad for you all and for SR. I have a big book and my favourite newspapers to read on a long overnight flight. Sobriety keeps on giving dividends - each day there is at least one new positive thing to remind me of it.
Have a great sober day everyone. I'm feeling very comforted right now.
Ub - that is gold! Movie material, mate! But on a more serious note, I think what you've described is the nauseating pressure placed on men who don't drink which doesn't happen anywhere near the same way for women. All this chest-thumping stuff is BS isn't it?
Well, I'm travelling tonight and sat in the airport lounge, drinking a soothing cup of mint tea and checking in here. I'm so so glad for you all and for SR. I have a big book and my favourite newspapers to read on a long overnight flight. Sobriety keeps on giving dividends - each day there is at least one new positive thing to remind me of it.
Have a great sober day everyone. I'm feeling very comforted right now.
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
Happy Friday Eve class! Just catching up on all your messages and smiling at all the success! Can really relate to the discussions on work, stress and how that can easily awaken the AV beast. Once upon a time I was a "normal" drinker, then took a job like UB described - hard working but hard partying - and soon alcohol became the only way I knew to turn off work thoughts at the end of the day. It took a bit of time, but gradually I was turning to alcohol for every little thing that made me uncomfortable. And that's something important I have learned since starting this journey to recovery - it's OK to feel uncomfortable - address it when it happens and don't feel it needs to be suppressed/ numbed/ stopped immediately. Think about it rationally and start planning a resolution. Blacky gave an excellent example of doing exactly that when dealing with a difficult customer!
I also envy the idea of doing what you love and the money will come, but like others have said - I need to make a living! So I guess we need to find something we love about our current jobs ( even if it's just the fact that it's a job ) and focus on that. Personally, I am terrible at dealing with people outside of my small work team, but I enjoy troubleshooting the problems others bring to me, so I am trying to look at every interruption as a possible opportunity, and trying to calmly and rationally ask them to send me an email instead of chasing me down to verbally assault me with a barrage of issues that I am going to forget by the time I get to a place I can actually work on it.
Miss P - kudos on getting through work events involving alcohol. Once upon a time I worked for a non-pnon-profit, and our main modus operandi was to get donors well lubricated with alcohol so they were more likely to add some extra zeroes on those checks. Of course us employees always stayed after to toast our success, so I know how hard it must have been to not imbibe.
Anyhow - the work week is almost over, let's focus on keeping busy on the weekend!
I also envy the idea of doing what you love and the money will come, but like others have said - I need to make a living! So I guess we need to find something we love about our current jobs ( even if it's just the fact that it's a job ) and focus on that. Personally, I am terrible at dealing with people outside of my small work team, but I enjoy troubleshooting the problems others bring to me, so I am trying to look at every interruption as a possible opportunity, and trying to calmly and rationally ask them to send me an email instead of chasing me down to verbally assault me with a barrage of issues that I am going to forget by the time I get to a place I can actually work on it.
Miss P - kudos on getting through work events involving alcohol. Once upon a time I worked for a non-pnon-profit, and our main modus operandi was to get donors well lubricated with alcohol so they were more likely to add some extra zeroes on those checks. Of course us employees always stayed after to toast our success, so I know how hard it must have been to not imbibe.
Anyhow - the work week is almost over, let's focus on keeping busy on the weekend!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
Another cloudy rain on the way day. I feel good though.
Weekend ? I work a lot of weekends as that is when my customers are home.
Also right now it does help that I set my own schedule for all the different appointments that I have that concern either keeping sober or proving to court officers that I am sober and law abiding.
Down the road they will hopefully allow me a restricted license but maybe not for a time. I am not stressing that as of yet. I will complete all the requirements set before me and remain sober. All I can do.
Wishing everyone a good day !!
Weekend ? I work a lot of weekends as that is when my customers are home.
Also right now it does help that I set my own schedule for all the different appointments that I have that concern either keeping sober or proving to court officers that I am sober and law abiding.
Down the road they will hopefully allow me a restricted license but maybe not for a time. I am not stressing that as of yet. I will complete all the requirements set before me and remain sober. All I can do.
Wishing everyone a good day !!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Good morning everyone. Just wanted to check in and say all is well started my low carb/Atkins diet Monday. And so far so good. This really gets my mind off of any kind of drinking. As I wanna look and feel better than I have in years. I do miss French fries and nachos though lol. But I'll reward myself here n there. But for now it's not an option. Just like alcohol. Thank u all for being here. Have a great sober day! Off to work.
started my low carb/Atkins diet Monday. And so far so good. This really gets my mind off of any kind of drinking. As I wanna look and feel better than I have in years. I do miss French fries and nachos though lol. But I'll reward myself here n there. But for now it's not an option. Just like alcohol. Thank u all for being here. Have a great sober day! Off to work.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 168
Checking in on Day 32. It feels great to have a full month under my belt but I know from experience that as I get closer to 2 months that is where I really need to stay vigilant. Each of my previous attempts to get sober ended around 45-60 days in.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
I spent several hours with drunks, other addicts and dui convicts today.
Went pretty well. Started off with the first of 4 dui classes. The instructor has 30 years clean and sober and has been doing these classes for maybe 20 ? IDK ..
The 2 hours went by quick as he went around the room asking each of us why we were there and then some assorted commentary and jokes as we went.
When he got to me, after I finished he asked if I would like the area AA meeting list. I said sure, and give me the NA one too. A few others asked as well.
Someone asked if there would be a test and he said yes as he pulled out a breathalyzer. HA HA .. part of the program is you get tested each class.
One person who said they had a throat infection and looked it blew .03 but had some sort cold medication she pulled out. So they may give her a break.
My next appt. was the group CBT sort of thing, we discussed anxiety and read some stuff about worry and things we could not change and such.
Then I came home ate a samich an took a nap.
My day 31.
Went pretty well. Started off with the first of 4 dui classes. The instructor has 30 years clean and sober and has been doing these classes for maybe 20 ? IDK ..
The 2 hours went by quick as he went around the room asking each of us why we were there and then some assorted commentary and jokes as we went.
When he got to me, after I finished he asked if I would like the area AA meeting list. I said sure, and give me the NA one too. A few others asked as well.
Someone asked if there would be a test and he said yes as he pulled out a breathalyzer. HA HA .. part of the program is you get tested each class.
One person who said they had a throat infection and looked it blew .03 but had some sort cold medication she pulled out. So they may give her a break.
My next appt. was the group CBT sort of thing, we discussed anxiety and read some stuff about worry and things we could not change and such.
Then I came home ate a samich an took a nap.
My day 31.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Kittycat ... I'm sorry that you're lonely. Is there someone you can reach out to just for a phonecall? Is there someone to whom you can admit that you're lonely and need a hug by phone...? Sometimes people appreciate being needed - it takes the focus off themselves and onto someone else. I'm a solitary gal and usually prefer being on my own but I know the feeling.
Blacky - please keep telling us more! Also if you find the CBT stuff interesting I'd like to hear. I'm quite interested in that.
Cute ... low carb is the way to go, so everyone says. Nothing white allowed except cauliflower is what my current book says. Best of luck - I'm sure you'll look great by the warmer months!
Blacky - please keep telling us more! Also if you find the CBT stuff interesting I'd like to hear. I'm quite interested in that.
Cute ... low carb is the way to go, so everyone says. Nothing white allowed except cauliflower is what my current book says. Best of luck - I'm sure you'll look great by the warmer months!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,598
Hello Class of December 2015. I have not been attending this class as I should be and have just worked out its purpose. I have just been reading posts all over the place and playing the word games. I use the site everyday and there is no doubt in my mind that I would be drinking if not for SR. It is the only resource I am using but have been taking notes. I have spent the day reading all posts by Dec mates (weak pun) so feel more up to speed. I am 38 days sober today and really happy that I am not craving alcohol. I know now that I do not want to drink. I have had many periods in my life where I managed to stay sober but always felt cheated, deprived in some way. This time is different. I love the relief of acceptance. Smoother than the best wine imaginable. Big sigh of acceptance. So the grog has left the building and now it is just me knowing that the work is now on and I've got to pick up the shovel. Low self-esteem, no confidence, self loathing, lack motivation, perfectionism, I'm not good enough, and depression. The rest of them too. Par for the course, hey? I'm ready to put in the work, and am looking forward to sobriety's rewards. I told someone the other day that I no longer drink and they said something like, "Oh, that must be awful for you". Patronising nit. During previous periods this would have reduced me further but this time I was able to say, "No, not all I have seen through the bottom of the bottle and am loving not drinking and don't feel denied at all, quite the contrary." And I met them eyeball to eyeball. It felt so good and gave me insight into how good things could become so long as I remain sober. It is very exciting. I am so tired from reading all of your posts will now collapse on lounge and not feel bad about being lazy or something. I'm back in class and will check in tomorrow. 
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
Happy Friday class (sorry Blacky - know you said you work weekends but try to enjoy anyway and look forward to the next time you can get some rest ).
That being said, I am feeling a bit anxious about the weekend. The AV and urge to drink were really strong last night, and I am really worried about coming undone over the weekend . Trying to make a "to do" list, but nothing on it is particularly interesting. Just hoping to get through today with a minimum of stress at work.
What are y'all up to this weekend?
That being said, I am feeling a bit anxious about the weekend. The AV and urge to drink were really strong last night, and I am really worried about coming undone over the weekend . Trying to make a "to do" list, but nothing on it is particularly interesting. Just hoping to get through today with a minimum of stress at work.
What are y'all up to this weekend?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
MissP the CBT I think is about being aware of your emotions and moods and how instead of drinking to blot them out or to celebrate maybe a good thing you deal with your state of mind in some sort more normal way ?
I bet there is info here or somewhere online that has the same stuff that we read in this group I am in. I could probably read and do the whole 15 weeks in 2 days because we just read like 3 pages at a meeting. There is going to be other discussions I would think and of course being in a group is a different dynamic than just reading on your own.
Hello Steely, good post there. I agree with the acceptance I can't drink at all and I am good with that. Real good. Feel much better and can deal with whatever ups and downs life is throwing my way.
Vin, I have today off, if I want. Oh wait I have to go out and re-coat the wall defects of the bathroom wallpaper job at like 6pm when the homeowner gets in.
So I might as well try and finish and get paid on another job maybe a bit before that if possible.
I could have the coming week off if I don't schedule some more work so you see why I work when I can.
Got me a full month, 31 days now.
Maybe I should go to an AA or NA meeting and get me a key chain or chip, oh and ya know listen to whatever is going on. .. HA HA ..
As part of my program I have to go to a certain number of meetings and have them sign a form to prove it. I know some will look at us mandatory folks with a certain smugness or disdain .. because I have been in meetings voluntarily and was one of them in the past. I don't think I have been to an AA or NA meeting in ten years maybe.
I quit for years on my own (failed) and did not really care for meetings. I didn't want to hear about other peoples using and problems. Made me want a drink, but I do know that meetings are all different and now I may have a new take on them.
I will see.
Hope everyone has as good a day as possible.
I bet there is info here or somewhere online that has the same stuff that we read in this group I am in. I could probably read and do the whole 15 weeks in 2 days because we just read like 3 pages at a meeting. There is going to be other discussions I would think and of course being in a group is a different dynamic than just reading on your own.
Hello Steely, good post there. I agree with the acceptance I can't drink at all and I am good with that. Real good. Feel much better and can deal with whatever ups and downs life is throwing my way.
Vin, I have today off, if I want. Oh wait I have to go out and re-coat the wall defects of the bathroom wallpaper job at like 6pm when the homeowner gets in.
So I might as well try and finish and get paid on another job maybe a bit before that if possible.
I could have the coming week off if I don't schedule some more work so you see why I work when I can.
Got me a full month, 31 days now.
Maybe I should go to an AA or NA meeting and get me a key chain or chip, oh and ya know listen to whatever is going on. .. HA HA ..
As part of my program I have to go to a certain number of meetings and have them sign a form to prove it. I know some will look at us mandatory folks with a certain smugness or disdain .. because I have been in meetings voluntarily and was one of them in the past. I don't think I have been to an AA or NA meeting in ten years maybe.
I quit for years on my own (failed) and did not really care for meetings. I didn't want to hear about other peoples using and problems. Made me want a drink, but I do know that meetings are all different and now I may have a new take on them.
I will see.
Hope everyone has as good a day as possible.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,598
Good morning class. Still going well with no urges or desire to drink. I know now that it will kill me either physically or psychologically. I want to live a real life. I am quitting smoking today which will be really testing so intend to embark on my ill formed plan. Tweak, right? It's a start. Clean up the house, muck around with my poor deprived plants and get back to a really good book. Going to try to not stress as I am one of those people who looks at the plan, to do list, and get anxious if I haven't ticked every single box. It is too gruelling and has to change with the realisation that I am allowed to rest. Hi Vin, you will be OK keep surfing the urges, follow your own good councel and chill. Stopping drinking is the most important thing in our lives and nothing is allowed to have us forget the morning after, and the years that can follow that fateful morning. Thanks Blacky for reading my post. I have seen that look aimed at people who have been compelled to attend meetings. Whenever I saw it I wanted to cringe away with shame not wanting to be associated with the judgement. I don't go to AA anymore (not for years) preferring SMART and other CBT based knowledge sources. This does not mean that AA did not teach me a lot, and that I don't possess a spiritual core battered as it might be, I simply see myself as a Humanist. Gotta be more human to myself. Congratulations on your one full month. 
. Have a top day everyone.
. Have a top day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 1,303
Hi all I am just checking in with all of you! I haven't posted here for ages but I have been on SR daily checking in on 24 hour thread before dashing off to work each morning.
I am on day 33 and the time seems to have zoomed by
I have largely avoided all social functions this month but will have to surface at some point!
I am meeting my best friend tomorrow and she knows that I am not drinking so we are going out for lunch in a cafe so I am still playing safe
New ideas for hobbies keep creeping into my mind so I now have quite a list....last night I found myself deciding that I wanted to make curtains for my lounge windows and checking out how to do it on You Tube I do have blinds at the moment over the windows but soft furnishings seem to have got my interest which is quite bizarre for me as I am the most uncreative person I know!
I have been catching up this evening on all your posts and its really great to see how well we are all doing
Happy sober weekend all
I am on day 33 and the time seems to have zoomed by
I have largely avoided all social functions this month but will have to surface at some point!
I am meeting my best friend tomorrow and she knows that I am not drinking so we are going out for lunch in a cafe so I am still playing safe
New ideas for hobbies keep creeping into my mind so I now have quite a list....last night I found myself deciding that I wanted to make curtains for my lounge windows and checking out how to do it on You Tube
I do have blinds at the moment over the windows but soft furnishings seem to have got my interest which is quite bizarre for me as I am the most uncreative person I know!I have been catching up this evening on all your posts and its really great to see how well we are all doing
Happy sober weekend all
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
