Class of December 2015 Pt 4
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by Steely 
Agree absolutely on the off-White and new owners imagining for themselves the colour. If it's painted purple potential buyers tenants are going to walk out, though the rental market here in Sydney is so tight they just might sign the agreement. Little if any affordable housing. Offwhite throughout also make a room look bigger. Out of the patches on the door I'd choose that blue roller thing colour. She'll love that. I'm still not smoking, Day 3 and hope the same for you and everybody here in Smokers' Alley. My psychiatrist was right.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
I did something interesting last night. I went through all my previous SR posts and copied and pasted them into a separate file to create a sort of journal. I've been wanting to do this for a while.
It was pretty powerful to look back on early posts from December last year. It really reinforced my current resolve - especially reading how worried about my health I was just a few weeks ago. It brought back vividly how emotional and scared I was when I decided to quit.
Also very powerful: reading back on posts from my first time here in November 2014. That attempt lasted something like 8 days. Those posts showed me that my issues / fears / triggers didn't change at all in a year. It was exactly the same stuff - career concerns, hard-drinking colleagues, networking functions, business trips, addictive problematic relationship etc. etc.
Today is my Day 50, so this attempt has lasted longer. I did some things different this time - went to see a doctor on Day 1, got a counsellor, got honest with my family and close friends, educated myself a lot better with the help of SR and books, and took the time to think about and write down a proper plan.
A really eye-opening exercise. I think it's going to help me a lot.
Good luck on giving up the smokes, Steely and UB.
It was pretty powerful to look back on early posts from December last year. It really reinforced my current resolve - especially reading how worried about my health I was just a few weeks ago. It brought back vividly how emotional and scared I was when I decided to quit.
Also very powerful: reading back on posts from my first time here in November 2014. That attempt lasted something like 8 days. Those posts showed me that my issues / fears / triggers didn't change at all in a year. It was exactly the same stuff - career concerns, hard-drinking colleagues, networking functions, business trips, addictive problematic relationship etc. etc.
Today is my Day 50, so this attempt has lasted longer. I did some things different this time - went to see a doctor on Day 1, got a counsellor, got honest with my family and close friends, educated myself a lot better with the help of SR and books, and took the time to think about and write down a proper plan.
A really eye-opening exercise. I think it's going to help me a lot.
Good luck on giving up the smokes, Steely and UB.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 24
Hi, Not been here for a while, I am still sober now on 61 days, still get a headache about every other day and trying to work out how I can stop it, I have no big urges for a drink and still drinking bitter lemon or ginger beer. I feel more motivated and alive therefore now doing things rather than sat down feeling bored and drinking. I bought an AVRT book on the internet and this was useful reading especially regarding AV. SR are wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
Sun is out , looks like it will be another good day.
The Lady chose that brown color. I said to go with the lighter one. Oh well.
It will get into the 60's today so it will be good for staining an outdoor table and the benches. I am hoping to just spray everything. It will take longer moving the heavy table and putting down drop cloths and setting up and then cleaning the spray machine than the actual staining.
I hope it will not be windy, hate to have part of the yard stained by blowing overspray Ha Ha ..
One time I left plastic drop cloths down on a yard a couple of days when spraying some lattice. When I pulled them up the grass looked a little off.
The next day there were huge rectangle areas of dead brown grass in the middle of the green of the peoples back yard.
Guy was not very happy about that, it grew back fine though after a while without me doing anything.
Hope everyone's day goes well.
The Lady chose that brown color. I said to go with the lighter one. Oh well.
It will get into the 60's today so it will be good for staining an outdoor table and the benches. I am hoping to just spray everything. It will take longer moving the heavy table and putting down drop cloths and setting up and then cleaning the spray machine than the actual staining.
I hope it will not be windy, hate to have part of the yard stained by blowing overspray Ha Ha ..
One time I left plastic drop cloths down on a yard a couple of days when spraying some lattice. When I pulled them up the grass looked a little off.
The next day there were huge rectangle areas of dead brown grass in the middle of the green of the peoples back yard.
Guy was not very happy about that, it grew back fine though after a while without me doing anything.
Hope everyone's day goes well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Finished work, walked 9 miles, felt great but hungry. Arrived home......ate the following:
- one loaf of bread
- 1 doughnut
- 1 snickers
- 100g peanut M&Ms
aaaaaaargh. For no reason other than just went nuts and was too hungry.
Ah well, could have been worse, I could have had a glass of wine......
Try again tomorrow.
- one loaf of bread
- 1 doughnut
- 1 snickers
- 100g peanut M&Ms
aaaaaaargh. For no reason other than just went nuts and was too hungry.
Ah well, could have been worse, I could have had a glass of wine......
Try again tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado
Good morning all. Woke up to a late Sunday here in Sydney with nothing that I need to do except get on a plane back to Melbourne later today. Yay! Steely, it would be gorgeous down at Bondi today, not a cloud in that sky.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. The wedding yesterday was very small - a few people gathered around a park with a dead-on view of the Opera House - perfect. We had drinks and dinner to celebrate in a larger group in the evening and that was fine. There were a few non-drinkers around the table and a couple of people were curious in a gentle non-threatening way about why I decided to stop drinking. It was overall a relaxed enjoyable evening and most importantly it was good to see my friends. Weddings always make me cry, even small ones!
I do contemplate before I post stuff here but I still sometimes I wonder if I should have posted stuff after I've done it. I guess we all do at times. Yesterday, I had second thoughts about my post - I thought I came off sounding ungrateful for an interesting rewarding job and a career that could offer me a lot if I devote some (sober) time to it. I am of course very grateful for what I have but I can put a lot of pressure on myself about it.
It's as Jenses described - it's the tendency to be all-or-nothing about work, which is a kind of addiction in itself. Once it is there it's there - like any addiction, you can fall back into it.
I also have a hang-up about making the most of what I've been given - the guilt of repaying parents who gave me privileges, especially. When I was drinking I buried it and thought I had got over it, but now I am sober and refocussed on my job those feelings of guilt and obligation have returned.
I think mine is a classic case of what they say on these boards and what Steely just said - when we stop relying on drink to run away from things, we have finally have to face those things - "feel the feelings we suppressed".
I'm going to keep working on the social anxiety I felt the other evening. It may have been compounded by tiredness. Maybe as I spend more time sober I'll get used to it. Because I agree - drinking shouldn't be necessary for any career. Some people on these boards work in hospitality who are around drink constantly, some actually work in the wine industry for example.
And of course there is the big thing that I overlooked in wondering "Can I be successful in my job if I don't drink?" The answer is probably. But if I ask "Can I be successful in my job if I do drink?", the answer is one big "fuggehdaboutit". That would be the job and the rest of my life down the pan.
So very likely it was the sneaky AV after all.
Thanks everyone for listening. If I did not have SR to work stuff out like this, this journey would be so much harder.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. The wedding yesterday was very small - a few people gathered around a park with a dead-on view of the Opera House - perfect. We had drinks and dinner to celebrate in a larger group in the evening and that was fine. There were a few non-drinkers around the table and a couple of people were curious in a gentle non-threatening way about why I decided to stop drinking. It was overall a relaxed enjoyable evening and most importantly it was good to see my friends. Weddings always make me cry, even small ones!
I do contemplate before I post stuff here but I still sometimes I wonder if I should have posted stuff after I've done it. I guess we all do at times. Yesterday, I had second thoughts about my post - I thought I came off sounding ungrateful for an interesting rewarding job and a career that could offer me a lot if I devote some (sober) time to it. I am of course very grateful for what I have but I can put a lot of pressure on myself about it.
It's as Jenses described - it's the tendency to be all-or-nothing about work, which is a kind of addiction in itself. Once it is there it's there - like any addiction, you can fall back into it.
I also have a hang-up about making the most of what I've been given - the guilt of repaying parents who gave me privileges, especially. When I was drinking I buried it and thought I had got over it, but now I am sober and refocussed on my job those feelings of guilt and obligation have returned.
I think mine is a classic case of what they say on these boards and what Steely just said - when we stop relying on drink to run away from things, we have finally have to face those things - "feel the feelings we suppressed".
I'm going to keep working on the social anxiety I felt the other evening. It may have been compounded by tiredness. Maybe as I spend more time sober I'll get used to it. Because I agree - drinking shouldn't be necessary for any career. Some people on these boards work in hospitality who are around drink constantly, some actually work in the wine industry for example.
And of course there is the big thing that I overlooked in wondering "Can I be successful in my job if I don't drink?" The answer is probably. But if I ask "Can I be successful in my job if I do drink?", the answer is one big "fuggehdaboutit". That would be the job and the rest of my life down the pan.
So very likely it was the sneaky AV after all.
Thanks everyone for listening. If I did not have SR to work stuff out like this, this journey would be so much harder.
I appreciate your honesty - and questioning your situation is healthy. It doesn't mean you aren't greatful for the opportunity, but just rethinking the approach. For me, I am rethinking what it means to work. I always thought that you needed to just put your head down and work as hard as you can and everything would take care of itself. Nope. So now redefining what that looks like - from a wholistic view which includes me as part of the equation.
So no editing! Love your posts
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,586
Good morning class. Feeling anxious today about family stuff and my inability to control the situation. I do know that now, but flip flop between letting go and hanging on. It's not a good place to be and ripe for producing anxiety. Finding that acceptance is an ongoing process and takes practice and learning, and I'm not intent on running away from school. Without sobriety I would be screwed. Thanks for your kindness MissP Jenses is right in saying hold on the edit button. Have a good day everyone think I'll spend the day thinking and play the word games. I still love being sober.
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
Driving home from work I remembered when my sane/Sober Voice would argue with my AV about taking that first drink when I got home. Just realized I had not heard that argument in awhile, and remembered a time when I couldn't make 24 hours without drinking. Hoping that's the sober muscles getting stronger.
Thanks for listening class 😚
Thanks for listening class 😚
😚
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Hi Jenses, I often feel like the answers to big questions like "what next?" are out there (or in us) and waiting to be discovered at just the right time. A bit like the saying: when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
I've been enjoying my time in Melbourne so far. A few of the concerns that I had about moving back here are dissipating. Several colleagues have been supportive, offering introductions and leads. I had a meeting with my immediate boss which was brief but to the point - unsurprisingly given how busy he is, he hasn't really had the time to think about it so I'm going to have to drive the formalities, which I've started to do.
As with so many things that make me nervous, I was actually jumping at shadows a bit. I'm glad I decided to make the trip and spend the week here. The lesson I suppose is to just put one foot in front of the other, show up and face things. Very thankful for my sobriety which feels like a firm grounding to set my future on - as I had hoped.
Vini - lovely to see you here and flexing those sober muscles.
Steely - hang in there. Your sobriety is something you can control, your family isn't. By staying sober though, you may be able to influence them positively.
Blacky - had to laugh. I thought - bet that lady chooses that shade of brown - reminds me of the kitchen from one of my uni student digs a long time ago. Very retro!
I've been enjoying my time in Melbourne so far. A few of the concerns that I had about moving back here are dissipating. Several colleagues have been supportive, offering introductions and leads. I had a meeting with my immediate boss which was brief but to the point - unsurprisingly given how busy he is, he hasn't really had the time to think about it so I'm going to have to drive the formalities, which I've started to do.
As with so many things that make me nervous, I was actually jumping at shadows a bit. I'm glad I decided to make the trip and spend the week here. The lesson I suppose is to just put one foot in front of the other, show up and face things. Very thankful for my sobriety which feels like a firm grounding to set my future on - as I had hoped.
Vini - lovely to see you here and flexing those sober muscles.
Steely - hang in there. Your sobriety is something you can control, your family isn't. By staying sober though, you may be able to influence them positively.
Blacky - had to laugh. I thought - bet that lady chooses that shade of brown - reminds me of the kitchen from one of my uni student digs a long time ago. Very retro!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
Good morning all. Feeling good today.
MissP you know what is funny is the outside table and benches I stained yesterday were the same color almost. Chosen by another Lady of the house.
My work shoes are also half that color now as I sprayed them too, unintentionally.
I will find some white and take care of that .. ha ha ..
Hope everyone has a good day.
MissP you know what is funny is the outside table and benches I stained yesterday were the same color almost. Chosen by another Lady of the house.
My work shoes are also half that color now as I sprayed them too, unintentionally.
I will find some white and take care of that .. ha ha ..
Hope everyone has a good day.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,586
Good morning class. I thought she'd choose that brown. She has a poo brown personality. lol Thanks Perfumado (it's hard for me to address you as Miss). That OK? That's the stuff I'm working on at the moment all the family stuff all the me stuff (what have I done with my life), the stupidity of drinking, etc. Guess it will unfold as I remain sober and practice not theorise any longer. Today I'm putting a few small things into place that make me feel better and more organised. It's good to get a few things ticked off the never -ending list. It's how I deal and cope with life now that matters. It could be interesting. My best to everyone wishing you all a good day ahead.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
My day went well mostly.
So I had to take a test .. at the P. O's office, yes fill a little cup, ha ha ..
They do random screens for alcohol on me. This is what is called an EtG test that detects any alcohol use going back about 80 hours. I am not worried as I have .. um .. 35 days now. Had to look at a calendar.
Then the pill doctor, she said bring in my klonopin last time. Today she acted like what did you bring this in for. I said because you said to, then she seemed to remember and said thanks and asked what I had left and I told her about 5 cut in half. She said take those then quit and if you have trouble sleeping call her up and she would give me something to help.
I think I have a few more than that and am ok with seeing what happens when I quit. I will have a few for back up just in case. I think I will be alright if I continue to keep busy during the day.
Then I came home changed into work cloths and went and vacuumed out the remaining water in a customers hot tub and installed some chair rail.
So I made a few dollars at least.
So I had to take a test .. at the P. O's office, yes fill a little cup, ha ha ..
They do random screens for alcohol on me. This is what is called an EtG test that detects any alcohol use going back about 80 hours. I am not worried as I have .. um .. 35 days now. Had to look at a calendar.
Then the pill doctor, she said bring in my klonopin last time. Today she acted like what did you bring this in for. I said because you said to, then she seemed to remember and said thanks and asked what I had left and I told her about 5 cut in half. She said take those then quit and if you have trouble sleeping call her up and she would give me something to help.
I think I have a few more than that and am ok with seeing what happens when I quit. I will have a few for back up just in case. I think I will be alright if I continue to keep busy during the day.
Then I came home changed into work cloths and went and vacuumed out the remaining water in a customers hot tub and installed some chair rail.
So I made a few dollars at least.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 104
Finishing day 58.
Thanks Ubntubnt - I wasn't aware there was an app - I will check it out.
MissP - glad Melbourne is going well; hope you have a safe trip home.
Blacky - good job with day 35! A few bucks is always a good thing. I am actually going to sell my wine rack for a few bucks - the only thing it's collecting is dust
Have a good night all.
Thanks Ubntubnt - I wasn't aware there was an app - I will check it out.
MissP - glad Melbourne is going well; hope you have a safe trip home.
Blacky - good job with day 35! A few bucks is always a good thing. I am actually going to sell my wine rack for a few bucks - the only thing it's collecting is dust
Have a good night all.
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