Class of December 2015 Pt 4
Day 49. Rough weekend but am back and still sober. Trying to combat anxiety about money and job. We are ok financially for now, but part of me is waiting for other shoe to drop. Realizing that I have a habit of living on high alert, scanning for the next crisis so it won't catch me by surprise. I know that it's not healthy to live in this hyper-viligent fear-based limbo so working daily to be mindful and defuse the ticking time bomb. I think that's why going numb it so tempting - to escape for that. Another lesson to learn.
Have a good day all.
Have a good day all.
Great news on the doctor, Eleven . A hug! I'm jealous - didn't get one from my doc .
Rahrah, welcome back! We've missed your posts and your energy. You have been rocking it! That is a lot of work and you have to be proud of yourself.
I've been busy. Good busy, in general. I gave a client presentation today which shouldn't be a big deal but as I've mentioned before here my heavy drinking had made public speaking kind of a big deal for me. It was good to get back on that horse. No heart palpitations, no racing pulse, no massive rush of blood to the head ... that certainly helps.
The rest of the week will continue to be busy - there are work-related events on 3 evenings this week, and I am travelling Thursday night so the work stuff has intensified a notch. But the feeling of being able to tackle it slowly and steadily, - soberly - is unmatched.
I'm with you 100% rahrah - God help me, I never want to go back.
Peace everyone.
Rahrah, welcome back! We've missed your posts and your energy. You have been rocking it! That is a lot of work and you have to be proud of yourself.
I've been busy. Good busy, in general. I gave a client presentation today which shouldn't be a big deal but as I've mentioned before here my heavy drinking had made public speaking kind of a big deal for me. It was good to get back on that horse. No heart palpitations, no racing pulse, no massive rush of blood to the head ... that certainly helps.
The rest of the week will continue to be busy - there are work-related events on 3 evenings this week, and I am travelling Thursday night so the work stuff has intensified a notch. But the feeling of being able to tackle it slowly and steadily, - soberly - is unmatched.
I'm with you 100% rahrah - God help me, I never want to go back.
Peace everyone.
Thanks for sharing that rahrah, I actually have the rational recovery book here, but had put off reading it because I've been focussing on AA. I've decided to start reading it now though and hopefully it will just be another tool to help me in recovery!
Enjoyed your video thanks Blacky! Nice to hear from you Tick and it's great you are working on your recovery!
Very happy to hear you got through a tough weekend Jenses and you've identified some triggers you can work on.
I'm 35 days sober today and I'm really enjoying it and feeling proud of myself :-) . I went to a great AA meeting last night and also listened to some shares on youtube that really helped me. It's reinforced my need to grow spiritually and it just feels great to be a part of such an amazing group of recovering people. Quiet day for me today, it's been nice.
Have a lovely day sober everyone.
Enjoyed your video thanks Blacky! Nice to hear from you Tick and it's great you are working on your recovery!
Very happy to hear you got through a tough weekend Jenses and you've identified some triggers you can work on.
I'm 35 days sober today and I'm really enjoying it and feeling proud of myself :-) . I went to a great AA meeting last night and also listened to some shares on youtube that really helped me. It's reinforced my need to grow spiritually and it just feels great to be a part of such an amazing group of recovering people. Quiet day for me today, it's been nice.
Have a lovely day sober everyone.
Hey guys! Jensen, wow - Day 49, that is awesome! I tend to live in high-alert too, I have spent too much time either dwelling on the past or anticipating the future, and I'm trying be more mindful and live in the now.
Miss Perfumado, that is great about the presentation! I hate public speaking, always have, always will, so I'm always really impressed with people that do well with it.
Brach, you sound like you're in a good place, it is so nice to hear!
I am kicking off day 29 here, on January 28th it will be a full month of sobriety for me and I feel really good. I haven't had many cravings lately and I attribute that to both my plan and also to the fact that I have had some things happen recently that when drinking would have led to wallowing in self-pity, all woe-is-me, why do these things always happen to me, blowing it way out of proportion, whereas sober I have just taken the steps to deal with it, while being able to look at the big picture and say "you know what? this is not a huge deal, I have SO much to be grateful for", and just get on with life basically. That's been really great, and majorly reinforces the fact that I'm on the right path.
Miss Perfumado, that is great about the presentation! I hate public speaking, always have, always will, so I'm always really impressed with people that do well with it.
Brach, you sound like you're in a good place, it is so nice to hear!
I am kicking off day 29 here, on January 28th it will be a full month of sobriety for me and I feel really good. I haven't had many cravings lately and I attribute that to both my plan and also to the fact that I have had some things happen recently that when drinking would have led to wallowing in self-pity, all woe-is-me, why do these things always happen to me, blowing it way out of proportion, whereas sober I have just taken the steps to deal with it, while being able to look at the big picture and say "you know what? this is not a huge deal, I have SO much to be grateful for", and just get on with life basically. That's been really great, and majorly reinforces the fact that I'm on the right path.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
Good morning all. Day 29 for me and I am feeling well.
Thanks for the positive comments on my vid. I thought that one appropriate.
Later I might post some more rock / blues sort of stuff. I have a song called Recovery that I do play that is somewhat the same each time and dates back to my first long term sobriety years ago, I think I am on version 44 now .. HA HA
I have not written any words to anything I play as I generally just make it up as I go.
Got a call to this morning from a new client to go look at fixing a leak or gap around a chimney, so I am off to check that out.
Have a good day.
Thanks for the positive comments on my vid. I thought that one appropriate.
Later I might post some more rock / blues sort of stuff. I have a song called Recovery that I do play that is somewhat the same each time and dates back to my first long term sobriety years ago, I think I am on version 44 now .. HA HA
I have not written any words to anything I play as I generally just make it up as I go.
Got a call to this morning from a new client to go look at fixing a leak or gap around a chimney, so I am off to check that out.
Have a good day.
Forever is a scary word and it scares me too when I start thinking about how I won't be able to drink ever again. When I start thinking that way I stop myself and just focus on not drinking today instead. I also make a list of positives from not drinking - my biggest one is how good I feel in the morning not being hungover. I live for that good morning feeling these days.
Bobby - This struck a cord with me because I have a spouse with an overspending problem. Have you looked into SMART recovery? I have been studying it to help with sobriety, but many of the principles can be applied to any addictive behavior, such as compulsive spending. I am going to try to work on it together. Check it out!
Day 11 here. Had a good day yesterday, although I dropped a shop vac on my toe and smooshed it into oblivion. I slept terrible because I kept waking up with bad pain in my toe. I was super clumsy overall yesterday...moreso than normal. Tomorrow I go out of town until Friday for work. Usually this is the time I get loaded and have a little party time with my coworkers. I'm bringing everything I can to keep myself busy at night when the work is over. The hotel has a gym so that's always a plus.
Hope everyone has a wicked awesome Monday
Good sober morning class! Actually slept all night last night and was surprised (and a little ticked off lol) when the alarm rang. When I was drinking ( and for several weeks after ) I would wake several times during the night, often giving up on sleep several hours before the alarm. It was so great sleeping and I wanted to stay in bed, but once I realized I hit another milestone I wanted to get up and tell the world 😁
The best thing about this journey is celebrating the little victories 🙆
The best thing about this journey is celebrating the little victories 🙆
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
I've been sleeping better as well. Still having weird dreams but at least I am asleep.
Woke up 5 min. before the alarm at 6:55. I reset for 7:25 but got up and made coffee at 7:15.
Going to be a good day I think. Day 29 for me.
Woke up 5 min. before the alarm at 6:55. I reset for 7:25 but got up and made coffee at 7:15.
Going to be a good day I think. Day 29 for me.
I hope you have a good business trip Bobby, I'm sure after a hard days work and then the gym you'll be ready to catch some zzz's!
Vin & Blacky it's great to be able to sleep huh! I've been doing a lot of it, so much so now I'm trying to get some motivation back :-)
I'm 36 days sober today, it's nice to see those numbers gradually rising! I've had a good day and feeling well balanced. I need to go look after my niece now and am doing some work around the house so keeping busy.
Have a great day sober everyone!
Vin & Blacky it's great to be able to sleep huh! I've been doing a lot of it, so much so now I'm trying to get some motivation back :-)
I'm 36 days sober today, it's nice to see those numbers gradually rising! I've had a good day and feeling well balanced. I need to go look after my niece now and am doing some work around the house so keeping busy.
Have a great day sober everyone!
Day 51! Somehow I though yesterday was day 49 when it was the big 50 perhaps that's the universe's way of reminding me that it's not the number but the journey (though I was really looking forward to the nice round number lol)
Warning: BUMOUSI
Very strange day yesterday. I found out that two positions I apply for were filled already - no PFO letter or anything. It was disheartening as I was overqualified for both positions - but I have been told repeatedly that it's all"who-you-know" here. my current employer has offered a part-time role which could be a good fit right now, but I am afraid I will slip back into old habits (too much stress, spread myself too thin, put myself last, become a workaholic). Given I have been struggling with finding meaning in my life – yay midlife crisis at 39 Dash I thought it would be good to discuss it at my counselling appointment.
To make a long story short, after some very strange dialogue, my counsellor is actually going through her own midlife crisis. She said that I am the youngest person she's encountered who is dealing with the existential dilemma of meaning. Funny, but by the end of the session, I actually was counselling her lol. Although it sounds odd, the experience actually provided some clarity and reinforced that I, alone, can only define meaning in my own life. Off the beaten path so to speak.
I am still processing the experience but wanted to share. But on a side note, said made a comment that "going numb is good because it avoids pain". I said no - going numb delays the inevitable. That's why I stopped drinking. Numb is a state - not a solution. So I think we all are on the right track.
Warning: BUMOUSI
Very strange day yesterday. I found out that two positions I apply for were filled already - no PFO letter or anything. It was disheartening as I was overqualified for both positions - but I have been told repeatedly that it's all"who-you-know" here. my current employer has offered a part-time role which could be a good fit right now, but I am afraid I will slip back into old habits (too much stress, spread myself too thin, put myself last, become a workaholic). Given I have been struggling with finding meaning in my life – yay midlife crisis at 39 Dash I thought it would be good to discuss it at my counselling appointment.
To make a long story short, after some very strange dialogue, my counsellor is actually going through her own midlife crisis. She said that I am the youngest person she's encountered who is dealing with the existential dilemma of meaning. Funny, but by the end of the session, I actually was counselling her lol. Although it sounds odd, the experience actually provided some clarity and reinforced that I, alone, can only define meaning in my own life. Off the beaten path so to speak.
I am still processing the experience but wanted to share. But on a side note, said made a comment that "going numb is good because it avoids pain". I said no - going numb delays the inevitable. That's why I stopped drinking. Numb is a state - not a solution. So I think we all are on the right track.
Hey all. There's such a lot of good stuff here from you all.
I'm exhausted and need to go to bed. I hope I feel better tomorrow morning and have some time to read and digest these posts.
Came home dog-tired but wired from a cocktail event my employer put on this evening. I found it very stressful - it was a long night because we were hosting. Got there early and had to stay to the end. Three hours of being "on", making small talk, making sure to circulate etc. I realised the only thing I looked forward to with evenings like these was the chance to drink. Without drinking, it felt like actual hard work (funny that). I actually would have liked to have a drink to take the edge off.
I'm very tired and very stressed and quite bothered by it all especially the thought that I would have liked a drink. I feel like it's a trigger I haven't adequately planned for. I need to sleep on this.
I'm going to bed now. My brain feels sufficiently unwound I think I'll go straight to sleep.
Good night all. See you all tomorrow.
I'm exhausted and need to go to bed. I hope I feel better tomorrow morning and have some time to read and digest these posts.
Came home dog-tired but wired from a cocktail event my employer put on this evening. I found it very stressful - it was a long night because we were hosting. Got there early and had to stay to the end. Three hours of being "on", making small talk, making sure to circulate etc. I realised the only thing I looked forward to with evenings like these was the chance to drink. Without drinking, it felt like actual hard work (funny that). I actually would have liked to have a drink to take the edge off.
I'm very tired and very stressed and quite bothered by it all especially the thought that I would have liked a drink. I feel like it's a trigger I haven't adequately planned for. I need to sleep on this.
I'm going to bed now. My brain feels sufficiently unwound I think I'll go straight to sleep.
Good night all. See you all tomorrow.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
I know I would not enjoy being around folks drinking at this point.
My day went well, weather was good and got the job completed, repairing some rotten ceder siding. Customer has some more work but tomorrow I may be removing wallpaper. Not my favorite work but I know how to get it done.
Did not even think of getting a beer after work, got a large coffee though.
So things are going as well as can be expected and getting better I think.
My day went well, weather was good and got the job completed, repairing some rotten ceder siding. Customer has some more work but tomorrow I may be removing wallpaper. Not my favorite work but I know how to get it done.
Did not even think of getting a beer after work, got a large coffee though.
So things are going as well as can be expected and getting better I think.
Hello everyone. Haven't posted in a few days. Busy busy busy. Sober though. . Glad to see everyone still trucking along. I've been reading in the mornings before work. Have a happy sober hump day all!! Good night
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 704
Mmmmmm .. coffee ..
This is my day 30 and I feel good even though it is dark and cloudy outside, about to rain and I am going to remove wallpaper today.
If I was not sober I might not have this work as the Lady wanted to negotiate some more. I had already come down to my best offer a week ago and she accepted. Last night she wanted to add another bathroom and said aomething about a package deal and lowering her overhead (wtf) and me buying the paint as the job is all the way through to finish painting.
I gave a price for my labor based on what time I thought it would take and my hourly rate. Which is reasonable.
If I was drinking I may very well told her to remove her own damn wallpaper or get the other person that she was invoking in her negotiation with me.
Thus losing a customer. It has happened before.
Anyway .. I remained cool and just said my hours, the time it takes to do the work don't change if you add another same size bathroom it will double the cost and I based my price on labor hours that very well may take me longer.
She backed up and said she would pay what I asked and buy the materials, well she said paint so she still might try me again on the primer or something .. ha ha
I will deal with her fine.
Hope everyone has a good day, or as well as can be expected.
This is my day 30 and I feel good even though it is dark and cloudy outside, about to rain and I am going to remove wallpaper today.
If I was not sober I might not have this work as the Lady wanted to negotiate some more. I had already come down to my best offer a week ago and she accepted. Last night she wanted to add another bathroom and said aomething about a package deal and lowering her overhead (wtf) and me buying the paint as the job is all the way through to finish painting.
I gave a price for my labor based on what time I thought it would take and my hourly rate. Which is reasonable.
If I was drinking I may very well told her to remove her own damn wallpaper or get the other person that she was invoking in her negotiation with me.
Thus losing a customer. It has happened before.
Anyway .. I remained cool and just said my hours, the time it takes to do the work don't change if you add another same size bathroom it will double the cost and I based my price on labor hours that very well may take me longer.
She backed up and said she would pay what I asked and buy the materials, well she said paint so she still might try me again on the primer or something .. ha ha
I will deal with her fine.
Hope everyone has a good day, or as well as can be expected.
Hi Dee - it wasn't mandatory in the sense of "be there or be fired" but a lot of questions would have been asked if I had pulled out. Essentially, the only excuse that wouldn't be suspicious would be something urgent - personal or business.
Reflecting on it, I made a couple of mistakes. I was hungry when it started and the finger food didn't fill me without the usual empty wine calories I'd have. I didn't make time for exercise that day.
One thing went right - importantly a few colleagues know I'm not drinking and I'm on medical advice not to drink for a few months - which is true. I don't know if I needed that extra accountability or if my willpower would have been enough but it was good to have it.
Tonight I went to another cocktail event - this one I could have pulled out of and no-one would have said anything. I had a snack beforehand and made time for the gym. It was much easier - I didn't think about drinking at all. The conversations seemed less tiring. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't stressed and I could leave after an hour.
I have to say I think the hunger is potentially a big trigger - I didn't realise how hungry I was last night until I woke up this morning. I suspect after years of under-eating and over-drinking I don't know what a healthy day's worth of food looks like.
So maybe I have the beginnings of a plan for these things. I'm heartened after tonight's experience but still wary.
Reflecting on it, I made a couple of mistakes. I was hungry when it started and the finger food didn't fill me without the usual empty wine calories I'd have. I didn't make time for exercise that day.
One thing went right - importantly a few colleagues know I'm not drinking and I'm on medical advice not to drink for a few months - which is true. I don't know if I needed that extra accountability or if my willpower would have been enough but it was good to have it.
Tonight I went to another cocktail event - this one I could have pulled out of and no-one would have said anything. I had a snack beforehand and made time for the gym. It was much easier - I didn't think about drinking at all. The conversations seemed less tiring. I wasn't hungry, I wasn't stressed and I could leave after an hour.
I have to say I think the hunger is potentially a big trigger - I didn't realise how hungry I was last night until I woke up this morning. I suspect after years of under-eating and over-drinking I don't know what a healthy day's worth of food looks like.
So maybe I have the beginnings of a plan for these things. I'm heartened after tonight's experience but still wary.
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