Class of December 2012 - Part 14
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
So I spoke too soon. Funnily enough, though not in the least bit funny, I've had a terrible day. Agitated, angry an ended up having a row with new Mr RAL and then I came home and burst into tears in a fit of doom.
I am emotional, upset, tired, agitated, very anxious, tearful negative and keep having imaginary conversations with people in my head- you know he might say this then I will say this etc etc. I'm going crazy.
So got the tablets back out of the cupboard and took one. Will resume normal morning taking tomorrow. I am on them for a reason and even just being off for such a short space of time made me realize how bad I can get. It is impacting on my work and my mental health.
I have also taken a diazepam ( prescribed by doc for severe anxiety) I keep these in the meds cupboard and rarely take them as know how addictive they are. I've not had one in months but had one and feel much better. I will sleep now and tomorrow is a new day.
New Mr Ral( must stop calling him that really=I need to think of a new name for him
) came to see me soon after I'd stormed out of his house . He is so very kind and said I'm very emotional which is obviously side effects of coming off the meds. He also said I should see doc and not just rush into anything.
Anyway I feel better now I have a plan. I was nervous and even though had had some good days the bad is bad. I obviously need them. Even just a small insight as to what I used to be like scared me
Thanks for your very good advice, as always
I am emotional, upset, tired, agitated, very anxious, tearful negative and keep having imaginary conversations with people in my head- you know he might say this then I will say this etc etc. I'm going crazy.
So got the tablets back out of the cupboard and took one. Will resume normal morning taking tomorrow. I am on them for a reason and even just being off for such a short space of time made me realize how bad I can get. It is impacting on my work and my mental health.
I have also taken a diazepam ( prescribed by doc for severe anxiety) I keep these in the meds cupboard and rarely take them as know how addictive they are. I've not had one in months but had one and feel much better. I will sleep now and tomorrow is a new day.
New Mr Ral( must stop calling him that really=I need to think of a new name for him
) came to see me soon after I'd stormed out of his house . He is so very kind and said I'm very emotional which is obviously side effects of coming off the meds. He also said I should see doc and not just rush into anything. Anyway I feel better now I have a plan. I was nervous and even though had had some good days the bad is bad. I obviously need them. Even just a small insight as to what I used to be like scared me
Thanks for your very good advice, as always
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
I'm glad you handled the emotions without any serious consequences, Ready.
Let's suggest names for new Mr. RAL! The Beau?
It's a bit past midnight here & according to my calculations, my husband should be on a bus home from the airport, so it's the last night I'll be home alone for a while. No drinking this whole season. I was tempted a few times.
Other people on the forum wonder if they're alcoholics. I can't relate to those posts. I don't have any doubt at all about myself. I'm kind of lucky, I guess -- it takes part of the uncertainty away.
Hi Ready! Hi Dee! Hi Gonzo! Hi Tam!
Let's suggest names for new Mr. RAL! The Beau?
It's a bit past midnight here & according to my calculations, my husband should be on a bus home from the airport, so it's the last night I'll be home alone for a while. No drinking this whole season. I was tempted a few times.
Other people on the forum wonder if they're alcoholics. I can't relate to those posts. I don't have any doubt at all about myself. I'm kind of lucky, I guess -- it takes part of the uncertainty away.
Hi Ready! Hi Dee! Hi Gonzo! Hi Tam!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hope your husband got home ok Courage. Good on you for not drinking in his absence. it shows just how far you have come - if you think back how you would have handled his absence 2 years ago 
The Beau is an excellent name thanks Courage
Also thinking of our absent friends - it's that time of year isn't it.
We had snow here weehee!! it rarely snows here as we're surrounded by water and on the gulf stream so when it does it's WOW!! gone this morning though - I'm very disappointed.
Happy Friday everyone,x
The Beau is an excellent name thanks Courage
Also thinking of our absent friends - it's that time of year isn't it.
We had snow here weehee!! it rarely snows here as we're surrounded by water and on the gulf stream so when it does it's WOW!! gone this morning though - I'm very disappointed.
Happy Friday everyone,x
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Ready, I hope you enjoyed some snow. We had a little bit, and one pretty night. There's a storm on the way, but I discount the weather predictions by several inches (or centimeters).
Husband came home and we're settling back into city routines. I've been very anxious tho -- it seems that when I get away from going in to the office every day for very long, going back is a source of anxiety. Plus there's just no end to the work, & 2 conferences in February. I'm too old for this!
Ready, when's Iceland?
Husband came home and we're settling back into city routines. I've been very anxious tho -- it seems that when I get away from going in to the office every day for very long, going back is a source of anxiety. Plus there's just no end to the work, & 2 conferences in February. I'm too old for this!
Ready, when's Iceland?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
How is the snow now courage 
Hope you are all ok over in NYC. I watched it on the news at the weekend - WOW!!
Sadly we haven't had any. I live on an island like area of land surrounded by sea which means we rarely get snow as just that bit too warm.
Iceland in 3 sleeps suitcase packed - hoping for snow there 
Are you back into a work routine now courage? Hope your anxiety has eased. i'm fully back on the anti ds now and feeling much better
Hope you are all ok over in NYC. I watched it on the news at the weekend - WOW!!Sadly we haven't had any. I live on an island like area of land surrounded by sea which means we rarely get snow as just that bit too warm.
Iceland in 3 sleeps
suitcase packed - hoping for snow there Are you back into a work routine now courage? Hope your anxiety has eased. i'm fully back on the anti ds now and feeling much better
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Hi All --
I'm just back from my annual ordeal in Washington, DC. Didn't even smoke a cigarette, didn't pick any fights. I would really really really like to turn the tape in my head OFF right now and stop replaying every single piece of nonsense from the last 72 hours over & over again. I don't want a drink so much as a break from my self. I've probably expressed that desire before tho, right?
I hope everyone is well.
I'm just back from my annual ordeal in Washington, DC. Didn't even smoke a cigarette, didn't pick any fights. I would really really really like to turn the tape in my head OFF right now and stop replaying every single piece of nonsense from the last 72 hours over & over again. I don't want a drink so much as a break from my self. I've probably expressed that desire before tho, right?
I hope everyone is well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 410
Hey all, just stopping in. Been busy year so far, doing some changes around the house, been going through every closet and drawer and cupboard and just doing a massive declutter. Have taken truckloads of stuff to recycling and thrift shops and the landfill, been great to get it done. Done some painting around the house and just kind of changing things around. Its almost like I was moving, just out and then in to the same place. Had been looking still at maybe moving to a different part of town for the past few years, but it finally dawned on me that I kept trying to find something reasonable that had basically the same type floor plan. It was like "if you could get this place for what you got it for 14 years ago the decision would be a no brainer", so lots of things that were up in the air I can actually do now like replacing fixtures and starting to finish the basement, stuff it would have been easier to sell with if it wasn't done yet as the new owners could do whatever they wanted with it.
In lots of ways its lots of the same things I was doing when I had the manic episode, just not trying to get it all done by this weekend. More in that the urge to actually get done the things that have been on the list for 5-6 years is lasting more than the 4 hrs on a Sunday that I usually get and then its gone. Trying to get inside done so I can start on finally changing the landscaping around the house, tired of mowing, going to a xeroscape plan, so lots of rock and drought resistant plants that dont require irrigation.
Hope everyone has a good week.
In lots of ways its lots of the same things I was doing when I had the manic episode, just not trying to get it all done by this weekend. More in that the urge to actually get done the things that have been on the list for 5-6 years is lasting more than the 4 hrs on a Sunday that I usually get and then its gone. Trying to get inside done so I can start on finally changing the landscaping around the house, tired of mowing, going to a xeroscape plan, so lots of rock and drought resistant plants that dont require irrigation.
Hope everyone has a good week.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 106
Hey courage2, check this out:
It?s All in Your Head: Understanding Your Inner Dialogue
Mi internal chatter drives me wild sometimes. Hope this is interesting..
It?s All in Your Head: Understanding Your Inner Dialogue
Mi internal chatter drives me wild sometimes. Hope this is interesting..
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Thanks, joyfullysober -- nice to see a new face around here.
I found the link interesting. My Inner Parent is pretty bad. I was the youngest child of an alcoholically erratic father and an emotionally frigid, pill-popping, possibly alcoholic mother, both of them highly judgmental. They sent me to an ill-conceived hippy school where I was largely left on my own to learn or not, as I pleased. Raised by Wolves.
My current approach to the inner commentaries is to thumb my nose at the lot of them!
I found the link interesting. My Inner Parent is pretty bad. I was the youngest child of an alcoholically erratic father and an emotionally frigid, pill-popping, possibly alcoholic mother, both of them highly judgmental. They sent me to an ill-conceived hippy school where I was largely left on my own to learn or not, as I pleased. Raised by Wolves.
My current approach to the inner commentaries is to thumb my nose at the lot of them!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Gonzo, it's great that you have some sustained energy for projects! I'm sure you'll be fine -- and your house will thank you.
I hope you won't find this prying or presumptuous -- Do you find yourself second-guessing your enthusiasms -- asking yourself if it's the start of something that's going to get worse? I do & I've never even gone full-bore manic. But I get just this weird tickle, when I'm feeling too sharp, talking too fast -- LOL writing too much. I'm thinking about talking to my psych dr about it but I kinda don't want to because I'm afraid a) that he'll mess w/my medication & I won't like the change, or b) that he'll dismiss me and I'll feel like the psychiatric version of a hypochondriac.
See those inner voices working their magic?
I hope you won't find this prying or presumptuous -- Do you find yourself second-guessing your enthusiasms -- asking yourself if it's the start of something that's going to get worse? I do & I've never even gone full-bore manic. But I get just this weird tickle, when I'm feeling too sharp, talking too fast -- LOL writing too much. I'm thinking about talking to my psych dr about it but I kinda don't want to because I'm afraid a) that he'll mess w/my medication & I won't like the change, or b) that he'll dismiss me and I'll feel like the psychiatric version of a hypochondriac.
See those inner voices working their magic?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 410
No it isn't anything I'm worried about, I'm mindful of when I'm getting on the manic side, only hypomanic symptom would be that I keep figuring out things that need to be done around the house and they actually get done. If it was a manic episode I would still be doing those things at 3:00am instead of sleeping while they are all listed on OneNote. Plus I still take seroquel daily, not because I'm worried about a psychotic episode, but because it helps greatly with sleep. Slept better in the last 2 years since the episode than I did for a decade. And the insomnia contributed to being cranky and tired all the time which lead to drinking so that's helped lots too.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
I'm glad you're so well Gonzo. I'm so-so. Even now, I still really don't like being me. My life is fine, but I need constant distraction or my mind just unravels. I guess that's why alcohol was so attractive -- there's something so deadening about it. Sigh. Sorry to be a downer -- but I think in general I'm more upbeat than I used to be, right?
On other fronts, xeriscaping can be really cool. I learned a lot about in when I lived in southern AZ. There are some really interesting xeriscaping plants. Can you do semisucculents in BC? I also love the big ornamental grasses like miscanthus.
On other fronts, xeriscaping can be really cool. I learned a lot about in when I lived in southern AZ. There are some really interesting xeriscaping plants. Can you do semisucculents in BC? I also love the big ornamental grasses like miscanthus.
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