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Class of December 2012 - Part 14

Old 02-17-2016, 08:35 PM
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Dee, I dunno. I didn't state my meaning well. I don't particularly dislike my "self" -- I've accepted my personality & character & life situation pretty well in the last year or so. I've mostly stopped doing things that make me dislike my self too, which helps.

Starting young, I was always attacking my own mind with substances. I think I had reasons -- interior agitation. Alcohol settled me some, although at a cost.

Now that alcohol is out of the equation, I find the whole mental sack of cats really exhausts me. I opposite-of-enjoy the show in my head. It's not pretty or friendly or fun. I can't control the on/off switch or volume, and the content is often plain nonsense. But it doesn't matter what the subject matter is; the tone is always nasty.

Is this true for every sober person? That's what I want to know.
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Old 02-18-2016, 07:19 PM
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No, I don't think so, courage. When I drank, the self talk in my head was nasty, loud and all consuming. Since getting sober, it's almost non existent. For me anyway... And then something will happen and it returns and I work through it and it's gone again. I really think for me, working the steps helped. That process helped me move on.
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Old 02-18-2016, 07:53 PM
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Nice to see you, Tam! How are you & the fam?

I worked the steps and still do follow the program to the best of my ability, although I don't go to a lot of meetings. But the program hasn't helped my sanity a ton -- not as much as the medication has. My sponsor would be the first to say so.

Que sera sera. I complain too much. Shutting up now.

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Old 02-18-2016, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted by courage2 View Post
Dee, I dunno. I didn't state my meaning well. I don't particularly dislike my "self" -- I've accepted my personality & character & life situation pretty well in the last year or so. I've mostly stopped doing things that make me dislike my self too, which helps.

Starting young, I was always attacking my own mind with substances. I think I had reasons -- interior agitation. Alcohol settled me some, although at a cost.

Now that alcohol is out of the equation, I find the whole mental sack of cats really exhausts me. I opposite-of-enjoy the show in my head. It's not pretty or friendly or fun. I can't control the on/off switch or volume, and the content is often plain nonsense. But it doesn't matter what the subject matter is; the tone is always nasty.

Is this true for every sober person? That's what I want to know.

That's interesting for me, cos my 'sacks of cats' quietened down after 3-4 months.

They can get to yowling again from time to time but there's not the same imperative there.

I wish I knew what to tell you Courage

D
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Old 02-18-2016, 09:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
That's interesting for me, cos my 'sacks of cats' quietened down after 3-4 months.

D
That's the impression I've had from a lot of people.

I just thought that after I got sober, plus got on the psychopharm, plus went through the steps, and then too even gave up all my other vices LOL -- it would be ... more better. I'm a *lot* better, tho. I'm certainly a better person, and healthier, and more productive.

Maybe it's just February. I worry too much. Shutting up NOW, cross my heart!
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Old 02-19-2016, 12:52 AM
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We are all good! Busy, but good.

You know, I got nothing. That may just be the way you're wired. I wonder if there's a way to trick the voice to be nicer.
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Old 02-19-2016, 12:13 PM
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Hi everyone

How are you feeling courage? It's an interesting question you ask. My experience is similar to Tam. When I was drinking my mind would not stop. I could switch off with a drink but the next day was torture. The mental instability, the incessant thoughts, intrusive thoughts, imagined conversations with people ,just the general craziness of my mind scared me.

It took months to go. I used to think I was depressed but now realize it was anxiety, exacerbated by drinking. I still have the anxiety, though in a more mild form and it is helped by a very mild anti anxiety drug. it calms the thoughts.

Although I didn't do AA and the steps the general self awareness I've developed since quitting has helped me. even if the anxiety is still there I've just learned how to handle it better since being sober.

I thought the HRT helped me hugely too as my own hormones were probably playing a large part in my unstable brain. I've been off them for 2 weeks tho due to physical problems. I won't bore the gentlemen aboard with the details

I've felt physically horrendous since stopping them. Off to the hospital this week for a scan and hopefully will be able to start them again soon as I definitely can't go on like this. I had to call in sick one day this week for the first time in this job. I feel awful.

How are your renovations going Gonzo?

Good to hear from you Tam. How is your son? Is he still at school or at college now? What age do they leave school in the US?

Thinking of you all.x
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Old 02-19-2016, 06:20 PM
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Nice to see you, Ready! December 2012 is still a memorable month!

I'm on Hilton Head Island, which is in South Carolina. Just one night, to give a couple of presentations. I can see the Atlantic ocean from my room but except when I've been presenting, I've mostly stayed in bed. The ocean looks big & blowy & cold.
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Old 02-19-2016, 06:40 PM
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Hi RAL, how are you?

Courage, there is nothing wrong with admiring it from afar! Lol it's been a cold winter on the water (I do realize our 40 and 50 degree weather isn't quite as bad as what has been happening up north).
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Old 02-20-2016, 12:00 AM
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Morning

Lovely to hear from you both.

I shall wave at you across the Atlantic Courage Hope your presentations go well. staying in your room wrapped up warm out of the cold sounds like an excellent plan.

I'm ok Tam just having constants headaches and aching body since coming off HRT I feel like an old woman and I'm 41! I have to keep resting, not making sudden movements and using a neck massager to ease the pain and tension. But apart from that all is good thanks

Work is good, Sam is happy at school and happy generally. Few problems with ExMrRAL but I just keep telling myself I can't make him see his son-I try not to worry about what I can't control but it's difficult. He loves him and says he wants to see him regularly but there is always something else -work etc. same as when we were married - no time for us as a family.

How warm is it where you are Tam? It's cold here now -zero ish -though that may seem warm to some of you

Off to the Canary Islands in 4 weeks. Can't wait - need some sun!!!
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Old 02-20-2016, 06:15 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast View Post
Off to the Canary Islands in 4 weeks. Can't wait - need some sun!!!
What happened to Iceland? Was it wonderful?

I'm sorry you have all the aches & pains. You're too young for that.
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Old 02-20-2016, 06:50 AM
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Oh sorry I didn't report back I thought I had. It was brilliant thank you courage. Such a strange place though - very surreal - I felt like I was on a different planet or on the set of a Dr Who movie. the landscape is lava rock with snow on. It is very bleak yet very beautiful.

It was -10 but the water in the Blue Lagoon was just perfectly hot. You can float in the water without moving due to the mineral content. bit like the dead sea I think. We had an in water massage too which was bizarre yet good.

It was quite rushed as we were only there 2 nights but it is only 2 hours from Glasgow and 1.5 hours back due to the tail wind so easy to reach for the weekend. We will definitely return. It was quite a magical, out of this world experience bathing outside at -10 watching the sun rise and set whilst walking in mud. I will put some photos up if I can work out how to do it
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Old 02-20-2016, 06:55 AM
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Wow -- that does sound amazing! I'd love to see pictures!

My own day just got way better. I ordered room service breakfast It makes a huge difference in how I deal with conference travel.
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Old 02-20-2016, 07:03 AM
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Ok so I've changed my avatar showing me in the Blue Lagoon pool!! Don't know how to actually add photos on. It gives you some idea of the dusky light and the low sun and steam rising off the lagoon oh I have white mud on my face which is at the bottom of the pool, natural stuff. meant to get rid of wrinkles
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Old 02-20-2016, 07:20 AM
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I love that as an avatar! It looks dreamy and other-worldly, like you said!

To add photos, what I do is upload my image from my computer to an image-hosting site first -- I use postimage.org because it's free and easy, not a lot of ads. The site allows you to resize them to a format good for email or websites. Once an image is uploaded, you copy the web address found under "Direct Link" and paste it into a post, surrounded by the opening tag [img] and the closing tag [/img]

Give it a try!
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Old 02-20-2016, 02:53 PM
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It's a great pic RAL

D
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Old 02-21-2016, 03:09 AM
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RAL, that photo is really cool! You're quite the world traveler! Glad to hear that Sam is doing well.

The weather here at the moment is ok, yesterday we were in the 70s (22/23 C) but we have dipped into the 30s and 40s (1ish and 5ish C) quite a bit this winter..... And I know that in comparison to everywhere else that seems warm, but when it's boiling hot for 9 months out of the year.... It's all relative. Lol

Let's see.... Aiden is still driving. And he is interning at the fitness studio where I work and talking about a summer job once he turns 16 in May. I think that is all that is new for me. Lol
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Old 02-21-2016, 06:58 AM
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Thanks Tam.

Wow - that's boiling! I didn't realize it was so hot there at this time of year. Glad Aiden is doing well -it's amazing how quickly they grow isn't it. Sam will soon be 7-where does the time go!

Happy Sober Sunday everyone.x
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Old 02-21-2016, 02:27 PM
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Have a good week guys

D
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Old 02-21-2016, 03:49 PM
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Thanks, Dee! You, too. Have you have a hot summer down there?
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