Mark1014

I know what it's like.

It SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't do it.

Happy Saturday gang!

Dee74

It depends.

For a long time my sober life was like my drinking life cos all I did was not drink.

When I finally twigged that wasn't enough and I needed to engage in much more introspection and more work on myself in order for me to be happy...well, things changed

D

Arbor

Well thats what Im worried about Dee. That I'm not putting enough self introspection into it. Priorities have changed and I'm no longer the one who comes first now. It's my kids.

venuscat

Sure your kids come first. But there is still time for you Arbor.

Not a parent, but this I know...parents need to look after themselves in order to be there for their kids.

SoberLeigh

This Class of Octsobers surely rocks. You are all so amazing.

Briar

Arbor I really relate to your struggle to enjoy sober life as a parent. I guess I expected parenthood to have a gelling effect on my life, like everything would make sense and I'd feel a sense of purpose. When it didn't, I was frustrated and disappointed with myself and with life. I have a good life and do things as I'm "supposed to." So why isn't sober life enough? Why don't I love my role as a mother, wife, worker? Why do I always feel like something is wrong?

I don't know what's missing - spirituality? Acceptance? Realistic expectations? I don't know. But nothing else seems to flood me with fulfillment (temporarily) like alcohol. I know it's a trick, but at least it's something.

Taking that away puts a lot of pressure on me to figure my life out and find a way to fix whatever it is that's wrong. Even with all the education I've received in the past few months, I still don't feel like I get it.

Mark1014

This is where I think we just have to be willing to put the time in with the faith that we'll turn the corner on this thing. I don't know that we ever get neat little answers to all the questions. No one does. I'm impatient at times, but resolved. I believe what Dee, Leigh, and so many others tell us. What they can't predict is how long and that's what's so tough at times.

But, even if nothing gets resolved for me, a day will come when I look back on my life and the various roles Briar described. I know without a doubt that I'll be a better family man, father, son, brother etc. if I'm sober. That is without doubt. Drinking demeans me. I know that I'm doing the right thing if for no other reason. There's always that.

A rare Saturday morning in the office still playing catch up from last week, but about to wrap it up and I'm hungry. Maybe a little splashing about this afternoon. Hope you and your gang are having fun phoebe!

Arbor

I'm really glad your here Briar as we are both in the same place with parenting and age. I believe we have the "extra" burden of having little ones on top of maintaining sobriety as well as learning how to be good parents. Quite challenging times alone never mind quitting a substance we've relied on for most of our lives. I definitely believe what the others with long term sobriety say in that it takes an enormous amount of time. For us it will probably take even more time with everything going on.

Acceptance is huge. We certainly have to accept that sobriety is our path, but we really have to "believe" it. I'm still not sold on it from time to time unfortunately, hence my struggle.

Then enters the thought of long term, rest of life sobriety. There's no other way that I can think of to maintain this other than spirituality. There's lots of ways to get this. AA is one of the many choices, but certainly only the tip of the iceberg. I'm going to have to do something if this is really what I want forever. If I believe it's my best option and role in life.

Believe. Faith. Gotta have it.

Conquest

Absolutely!

We've said so many times on here how surprisingly quick a to do list gets checked off on a sober day. It's simply easier to engage in activities and relationships. That's what life's all about.

I hope you get that pool time, Mark. I thought about going down to my apartment pool but it's too stinkin hot out. (Isn't that crazy? Never get use to this mid-day heat, even in water.)
In a bit, I'm going to attempt to make a camouflage cake for jr. It's a boxed mix by Duff from that cake show on TV. It looked pretty cool with three different shades of cake batter...very curious to see how it turns out. Cross your fingers everybody. Lol

Mark1014

Camouflage cake. That's a new one to me. It would likely go over quite well where I grew up. I bet your little guy will love it and what a sweetheart you are for preparing it for him. Pool time won't start until around 5:30 or 6:00, the chiller isn't working and the water is about 92 degrees.....not refreshing. When the budget recovers from vacation I gotta get that fixed. We are just starting about 6 weeks of my least favorite time of year weather wise. I'm thinking pork ribs this weekend, I've don't know how to cook/season them, but like them when I've had them before. And there is still some leftover homemade ice cream. Yum.

I hope everyone finds some way to make themselves smile and count their blessings a bit today. For me it's gonna be a rare sweet treat and a little menu planning. May check out if horseback riding is available for our thanksgiving getaway. I quite enjoy it.

Y'all rock you know. I'm so lucky to be walking this path with this bunch.

Dee74

In case I gave you a bum steer with how I phrased it, I think you can think about things too much too - so much so you get analysis paralysis.

At bottom, all you need to do is take those ideas that a drink might be good - and bat them away when they come up.

Sometimes that's not easy but it is simple.

Staying sober will then help you immensely in the other stuff - working out the life you want ,and the person you want to be in it

If your priority is your kids - have you heard the old thing about putting your oxygen mask on first?

They depend on you, so you have to be dependable, arbor

D

Conquest

Just popped these in the oven... Super fun to make but now I've got a sink full of dirty dishes to tackle. How's everyone else doing tonight?

venuscat

So is that one big cake? Looks awesome Conquest.

Just finished doing bills and things for the month here, now I am going to do some more job stuff and send my boss my maps. (So the guy picking up the bags knows where to go). Later my football team is playing, and it should be a really good game.

Crazy windy here today, so really nice to be doing inside stuff and spending some time with Ms Fluff.

venuscat

Hope you are having a nice time (still) phoebe love! ♥

Conquest

That's a busy start to the day, V! Enjoy those fluffy snuggles.

And thanks! The pic is one of two 9 inch layers. They came out great, just going to cool them overnight and decorate tomorrow. I found some chocolate rocks at a nearby candy shop. It should be pretty cute. And if not, it'll at least taste good with chocolate frosting. Can't go wrong with chocolate frosting.

Since my guys are away tonight, I'm just plain bored! I've played too many rounds of Candy Crush, gobbled 3 jello cups, and started reading "The Red Tent." I should be grateful for the quiet but I'm antsy instead for some reason. Maybe time to unplug and turn in.
G'night for now!

venuscat

Nah....my day has been breezy Conquest. Your night sounds way more productive.
I think it's what you said yesterday....it's just so much easier to tick off the stuff on the to-do list sober.

Sorry you're bored...sounds like you need a few good movies. (And shows).
You know I always have a huge list.

Love you girl!!! ♥♥

And Dee ~ hope you're enjoying your day love.

Dee74

Thanks V

D

Briar

What a fun cake, Conquest. I bet he'll love it!

Some great conversation going on here. It's really interesting and inspiring to watch each other grow, and I can relate to so much of what you guys say.

Today was great. I'm feeling 100% better, and as usual I am totally embarrassed by all my miserable posts. Sorry guys! I have continued to take the anxiety meds here and there, so I don't think that caused it after all. I think it was just a natural cycle, part of my life. I'm just glad to be me again.

Today I went for a walk and wanted to do a hill, but I didn't have enough time before my hair appointment to walk the 1.5 miles to the hill, do the hill, then walk back. So after the hill, I ran home. I haven't run in years, and try as I might I've never enjoyed it. I am already feeling the remorse of my muscles, but ya know, I do feel pretty accomplished. the fact that it was relatively easy makes me think I'm in pretty good shape, which is amazing considering just three months ago I was an absolute wreck.

This evening my daughter and I went to the creek, and we discovered that the blackberries are ripe. I love to pick blackberries and will happily risk life and limb to get the good ones. We picked a ton of them, and I would have brought a bunch home, but my daughter takes no prisoners. Tomorrow I'm thinking I'd like to gear up in three pairs of jeans and some rain boots to brave the thorns and bring home a handsome harvest. As kids my brother and I foraged for blackberries every day for weeks in the summer. We came home with scratches, sunburns, stained purple fingers, and gallons of berries. My mom made us blackberry pies. I always loved that.

Hey Phoebe, I've got a good one for you. Today my daughter goes: "I need to do some serious walking to get my extra sauce." (Exercise)

Maybe tomorrow we'll go to the fair. It's in town and my daughter would like it (and my husband needs his annual funnel cake fix).

Best to all you guys, have a great night!

venuscat

So glad to hear you are feeling better Briar love.
Yep, cycles. I guess it's going to be up and down.
The good news is that you and all of us keep fighting for the better days.

And I LOVE blackberries!!! My favourite berry. Yum.

Mark1014

Extra sauce! That's a good one!!! I'm not the long distance runner type....makes me too skinny, but I'm planning to run a 5K next Saturday morning just for fun. Glad you're spark is back Briar.

That's a good looking cake Conquest....a piece of that and a tall glass of super cold milk. Aahhhhh.

V, I've got some bill-related chores I need to do. I'm pretty bad about letting my study get all cluttered with stacks of unopened and junk mail. A couple of months ago I noticed a jury summons (which I hadn't opened) from the previous month. Doh!!!

Still quiet around here as all others in the house sleep. Time for a cup of coffee out back before the heat builds and then gym time. Got some pork ribs for later so gotta do a little research on what to do with them.

Wishing all the best day.