CaseyW

Seven days left in the month of May right now. One week! (Unless you're in Australia where there are only three days left in the month for some reason.)

Here's an updated list of all the Class of May members so far. Once again, my apologies if I missed someone. If I'm counting right, that's 91 members. If you're on this list and haven't checked in today, hope you'll do so soon! We'd love to hear from you!


0520Hamilton
4thekidz
60andbeyond
aajajen
AGAGONNHOJ
AllieKat
amandamarie
amitranjan04
anattaboy
ANewDayNYC
AutumnWillow
bdj
Betha
boombox
Carrie1974
CaseyW
Cbf123
chanty
ChickChick
Cissy
ClearLight
Copper442
Cursed00
DariaM
Delfin
Delilah1
Dharma33
donenow
donone
Eliasson
FacingFuture
FarToGo
Free2B84
Freedom1982
Ginamarie323
Hope2014
HOPELESSAMY
hugsandcupcakes
Ice
Jack16
JaneLane
Jartsober
jazzfish
JD4010
Jimbob01
Jimuk
JJ9
JL2014
julesonya
Justbreathe1980
KaleGrrl
kgr
knb02
Lady3
laska23
lesly
LiberatedStorm
Littlebear
Lscotty1
lunar
Marcellina
Maykay
Michtizz
neednewpath
nmd
Odisnow
Plenny
PrincessP
QBVII
Rainbug
realE
Rivelino
RussC
sagittarius714
ScarletWitch
site1Q84
Soberella66
Sparkledust
StAnthonysFire
stime
strongandsober
Summerrain
tahrga
Talz
TENtx
Timeforchange18
TroyW
Tryingtoheal87
Vinomama
VirginiaWolfe
Willow3

Cissy

You slayed me with "you little scamp". I don't know the quick way to post smilies here yet and it takes too dog gone long to click on the big list to sort through and find something appropriate but I just wanted to say that I loved that.

I think I can post pics by "resizing them" which is an option I hadn't noticed until reading the posts in the link (thanks to whoever posted that). I hate Photobucket so if I can post directly from my computer, I will. I have to give that a back burner plan though. I absolutely have to get something tangible done before I do any major playing around on here with all my sober friends.

(((HUGS)))

Jimuk

Day 2 nearly over.

I avoided the duck race and instead cycled to my parents house for lunch, about 25 miles. I was heading to my workshop but decided a cycle ride might clear my head a bit more. Seems to have worked, really tired now.
Hope you have all had a good day!

sagittarius714

Hi! I am on day 17 today. I've been super busy, cleaning out my basement and throwing tons of crap away. I have also started working 2nd shift, which is very helpful to keep me from drinking. Hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend! As for me, I worked the whole weekend, including going in later on today. Just thought I"d check in and say hi!

have a great day!!!

CaseyW

Congrats on day 17, sagittarius! So glad you checked in and that things are going well. Have a good day at work.

Cissy

Ok. I earned a little play time. Just filled the trash can and recycle can (big city types) to the brim. Unfortunately, the couple who live upstairs also decided to clean out this week so there wasn't a heck of a lot of room. No biggie. Got the first round in and now I can focus on cleaning the kitchen.

Living alone (and being a former drinker,) I let things go in a big, bad way. I don't have people over and if it doesn't bother me too much, I just let it slide. It would mortify me to have anyone else come in and see it so that's why I keep everyone OUT. Not sure if letting the house go was an excuse to keep people out or if drinking was the excuse. Don't know if the chicken came before the egg.

Anyway, this place will be show-room clean when I announce I'm leaving. It's pretty hot here today and somewhat muggy so I was happy to be able to come back inside and close up the doors. Sitting in front of a tower fan right now, just cooling off a while.

I forgot all about the Memorial Day Parade that starts out at the firehouse right across from me and then turns down toward main street. So funny. How do you forget something like that? I was in bed and heard them but that was good enough for me. Nothing comes between me and my zz's.

I don't make a big deal about anniversaries or weddings or deaths or what have you but just for openness sake, today is my wedding anniversary. I got married in 1996 to a guy I loved dearly but who had tons of major health issues. He was blind (totally blind) from diabetes but blindness was the least of his troubles. We had 3 great years, then his transplanted kidney (second one) started to fail exactly one year after our wedding. It was a downward spiral for the last 3 1/2 years of his life and he was wheelchair bound, on dialysis, had another amputation, etc. He was just like a clock that was winding down to the last.

So he died in his sleep one night. I didn't expect it but in hindsight, seeing how utterly exhausted and drained he was after spending the weekend in CA with his extended family, it made sense that he'd just had enough of this life. I had decided to stay at home cause I just needed a break from being his caretaker, on top of working a full time job as an RN. He was hurt and said, "You're cheating me out of a good time with you." I'll never forget those words. He came home that night after his trip and died in his sleep on our couch.

Now maybe the quote in my siggy is beginning to make sense to you. I'm tired of my stories. I need a new one and I need to edit out what has no merit to me and the rest of my life. The past is gone. I have been without him FAR longer than I was with him, and the good years were only 3 1/2. The last half of our time together were full of pain, guilt, alcohol abuse, bitterness, him saying things to me that hurt and scald my soul to this day, if I think about them. And the way he died, no closure or "I'm sorry I said or did this or that."

So, Happy Memorial Day! LOL! I'm sorry. I'm sure this sounds horrible to all of you but like I'm trying to say, it's ancient history for me. But for years I let it define me. My self worth was in the toilet. I believed he meant all the crappy things he said to me in times of his own dying process. It was a very slow one, but he knew it was coming. He was never one to apologize.

I've stayed single every since he passed in 2000. I was just all used up. Nothing left to give, couldn't believe anyone could love me again, couldn't believe I could love anyone else, knowing that it could turn out terrible in the end. In my world, my relationships have always ended. No reason to think the next one wouldn't end too, ya know? Who needs the rollercoaster. I'm done.

So, on that cheerful note, I'm going to post this and then try to post a few pics of the apartment and maybe one of my wedding day. Just to mark the anniversary and show that I was once truly loved.

CaseyW

Not a big AA guy (nothing against it either) but Cissy's story about her husband did remind me of a small part from the 9th Step Promises that are read at many meetings--"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace."

Good job on starting the cleaning and looking forward to seeing the pictures, Cissy. Happy Monday!

Cissy

Here we are after the ceremony. Kurt and Cheryl. I was Mrs B. Sexy son of a gun, wasn't he!

Cissy

I'm not getting that "resize" option so the apartment pics will have to wait. Sorry.

Cissy

It's okay, y'all. I'm not looking to be a thread killer. Carry on, please.

CaseyW

It's not you, Cissy. The internet seems to take very long naps on holidays.

Thanks for sharing your wedding picture! Glad you're remembering the good today.

FarToGo

Thank you for sharing, what a powerful story.
Lots of love to you in making your new story.
You both looked beautiful on your wedding day xx

site1Q84

Thanks for sharing that Cissy! The picture too! Sometimes it really does help to share your stories with others. I always feel so relived afterwards..

I'm like, 5 days behind on this thread. My weekend turned out to be busier than expected, but all in great ways! I hit up a lot of meetings with a new friend (I have to say, if you haven't gone to a speaker meeting, they're fantastic! One person does about 45 minutes telling you their entire story.... very moving) got lunch both Saturday and Sunday, worked some and even had time for a nap!
I had a very lovely morning, got to learn a TON of new stuff, and now I'm home and catching up.

The mental image of a baby duck cuddling with a stuffed duck has completely melted my heart. I think you should keep it!

Going way back to the username thing, which was a great question by the way! Loved all the responses. Yes, mine is partially a book title. I was all sad about my latest drunken idiot-ness and I was surfing the forums. I decided it was time to sign up and stop drinking and I couldn't think right, so I just looked up at my book shelf, took the SI from one book title, the TE from the one next to it and the 1Q84 from the one next to that!

Not very creative, but I just needed something and to not lose my nerve to start posting, so there it is!

Welcome to everyone who joined in that I haven't welcomed yet! Very glad to have you all here.

DariaM

Welp, day 1 again. Would have been day 8. More annoyed with myself than anything right now.

Anyhow, cissy your photo isn't showing up on my phone, but I'll check it out when I get home for sure! Would love to see pics of your cleaning progress too. I'm working on trying to get our house in order too. Somehow between jobs and our hobbies, the house has gotten a bit outta hand and cluttered.

Jimuk

That's it end of day 2. Good night everyone.

Lovely photo Cissy, you both look so lovely and happy. X

FacingFuture

All, I stumbled today. I should have come here to ask for help first.

Feeling like crap right now.... I'm going to stop drinking NOW and go for day one tomorrow.

CaseyW

Glad you're stopping drinking now instead of waiting until bedtime, FacingFuture. To me, making that decision means right now is your day one. Hang close and don't be afraid to post once a minute if that's what it takes. We're here for you!

realE

Good job Jimuk!
Daria - girl....be kind to yourself and move forward.
FacingFuture - see you here tomorrow?!
Cissy - love that you shared that story and pic! "I'm tired of my stories. I need a new one...." Yep and you are writing it now!! Kudos my friend.
To those that walked further than the car - you wear me out - Just kidding - You all inspire me. Please keep sharing.

If I left anyone out, I'm sorry. It was very important to me that someone, anyone was available to me 7 short days ago. I would say if you need some attention here, ask twice - do not go without because there seems to be plenty to go around.

realE

I wasn't really finished before I posted - but I have to prepare for the week ahead at work -urghhhhhhhhhh. My anxiety is off the chain dealing with it. Will feel much better when it is done. So going to plow thru it. I was just down to the basement fridge for water and there was my husband's beer. I closed the door. If felt very empowering. 7 days! Yay me

TENtx

Hi, guys. Checking in, day #4.

Slept last night the best I have in recent memory. 8 good hours. Worked out this morning, grilled burgers for the kids' lunch, catching up on this thread. You guys are posting like maniacs. I love it, but it's getting harder to keep up.

I'm losing weight like Jazz is. 9 pounds (about 4 kg for our friends abroad)since I joined three weeks ago. Hope you guys are seeing the same thing. For one, it's a good sign your liver can still burn fat and is working okay. If you just quit and it hasn't happened yet, don't panic, I understand that sometimes it can take a few months for your body to adjust to living without all the poison.

Allie, my wife found a baby robin yesterday that had fallen from its nest, so we are nursing a new soul here, too.

Cissy, I have to say that Kurt's wife is quite a looker.

Shout outs to Nmd for a week, Free for 3 weeks and Far for 8 weeks.

Welcome to Hugs, Do and Chick. You will find some MAYjor support here in our little group. Hope you post early and often. Casey is our role model here for that.

I think Kale, Site, AG and a few others still haven't told us what your name and your avatar mean to you. We'd like to hear about it. We've read some great stories. E posted a really good one just the other day.

Facing, congrats on the decision to come back. Our group likes to ask what's your z now that x and y haven't worked, and we ask from the disappointment of our own x and y.

Here's to a sober Memorial Day and the hope of sober Tuesdays all around.