Dee74

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-13-a-20.html

D

venuscat

Just got back from dad's...I spent a few hours with him. I have a feeling it will be the last time I see him. I could be wrong of course.

Thanks for the link Briar, and the new thread Dee.

Love to everyone. ♥

Soberwolf

I dont know what to say Venuscat here for you my friend

((((((((((Venus))))))))))

venuscat

Thank you wolfie!

Dee74

Thinking of you V

D

venuscat

Thank you Dee.

Conquest

Big hugs, Venus

Thank you for the link, Briar. I bookmarked it and will be sure to check it out.

Up super early, enjoying the calm before the busy day starts. The agenda includes church, lunch to meet Cowboy's family (a little nervous lol), hang out with my family, then over to visit a friend in mourning.

If I were drinking, I'd already be looking for a way to wiggle out of these socially uncomfortable spots... Lieing, hiding out, then feeling guilty later, apologizing...yuck, yuck, yuck. Instead, I'll be enjoying the opportunity to spend time with extended family (and hopefully future family), and love a friend when she's down. When I think of it that way, it doesn't feel so overwhelming anymore. My thoughts shift from "have to" to "want to"....something I'm trying to be more mindful of lately.

Lotsa love

venuscat

Your friend is lucky to have you Conquest.

And Cowboy's folks are going to LOVE you!!

Mark1014

^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think that's huge. A really big step in a life of sobriety. Dreading routine things takes lots of energy and can build up into a temptation (for me anyway).

Thanks for the link Briar....I am going to check that out.

I hope you're able to rest well this evening V.

venuscat

I don't know about rest from. Sleeping is pretty hard at the moment.

But like Conquest said about "want to", I want to get up tomorrow morning and work. Not have to, but want to. And yes, it is a huge shift. I'm sure that I will be happy about these changes in myself when I am in a better place. Right now, I'm just grateful. (If that makes sense).

Mark1014

Sure you'll be happy about it. Laying a good foundation takes focus and deliberation. We're all doing that I think. It will pay off.

One thing I thought about this morning though, is that I need to try to not think that all the 'good stuff' and rewards of this sober life we're all working so hard for are all in the future. I'm taking time to stop and smell the roses I've gained already. I do get up early everyday, but that habit didn't start for the gym. I always got up early on the weekends to search for and collect all my hidden empties so I could discard them and drink any leftovers to calm my shaking hands. That is foreign to me now. My mornings are a new treasure . I can drive my little one anywhere anytime on the weekends now. I'm saving about $300 per month etc. etc.....

I have already gained sooooo much and need to be more mindful and grateful for that instead of always thinking my payoff for this work is in the future.

Arbor

True that FAD. It's all about enjoying the present moment that's for sure. Practicing Mindfulness. It became more apparent after I had a child. I don't know why it's so hard for us humans to see what we got in front of us, but what I do know is that this motivates me.

phoebe64

Thanks for the link, Briar. I have also bookmarked it.

We went to dinner last night. Amazing food, a seafood place. I had a dish with lobster, scallops, and shrimp, over fresh fettuccini. I never get pasta, but decided to splurge. I had leftovers for breakfast! This was our delayed anniversary dinner, as hubby had a cold this week. It is hard to not have wine with a nice meal like that. But, the food was just as good anyway.

Gorgeous day today. been to the grocery store and have steak tips marinating for later. Daughter has a late soccer game out of town, so we will not be home until 6:30 or later to cook. I wanted something quick to prepare and ready to go. Husband is mowing the lawn!!! With the winter we had, it seems so weird to be mowing and have 70 degree weather. It is wonderful. Going to take a walk with daughter, she has a tight hamstring and I want her loosened up before her game later. I should pull some weeds. Ugh. My back hates that, as do my knees.

(((((((Venus)))))))

Mark1014

Hi phoebe, the meal sounds nice. I'm going to try some 'preen' mulch with weed preventer built in. I don't enjoy the weeding thing either. So far today I've been lazy floating in the pool, but drip drying now so I can tackle the mildew spots on the patio.......they drive me nuts.

phoebe64

When is the big party, FAD?

My kids go to public school and the fundraising never ends there either. We have direct giving, auctions, and several philanthropic drives. And we had to pay quite a bit in fees for the JV sport, as well as purchase outright raffle tickets that we had to then sell. Free education isn't free!

Think son(11) and I will skip the soccer game, since it will have him away and bored for 3 hours or so, between getting her there the required 30 mins early. It is such a nice day and he and the buddies are out having such "fun in the sun."

Gives me more time to pull weeds, lol. or to take a nap...

Briar

I cannot even tell you how strongly the treatment I've been doing emphasizes mindfulness. It's a huge deal, and it's really hard for those of us who worry about everything. I, for one, am almost never here in the moment. I'm always wandering around in the past or the future or some hypothetical thing or wondering where my socks are. Alcohol always made me feel present at first because I felt so damn good I wanted to live right there in that moment forever. But of course as it got on, all my ruminating and obsessing got a million times worse. I've got to get to where the present feels good enough that I actually want to be there.

It's overcast here right now, about 11:30am. It's probably just fog, but it's hanging around pretty late today. It usually burns off by 10.

I just submitted my first blog post to that guy for review. I'm nervous, the subject matter was completely out of the realm of my knowledge. It was techy, website-building stuff. I did a lot of research, and I think I did an okay job, possibly, but it was so much harder and more stressful than I expected. I'm wondering if maybe now isn't such a good time to take on projects like this. I really want to do this, though. I just feel so damn fragile right now, makes me disappointed in myself.

Anyway, we had a friend over last night for dinner, and it was nice. He used to be one of my big drinking buddies, but he has slowed down (because apparently some people can "slow down"), and he didn't feel like drinking last night. So we had sparkling water with lemon, and everyone was happy. I was stressed out and tired from a busy day and that blog post, so I wasn't as cheerful as I would have liked, but the food was amazing, and the dudes did all the cooking. WIN!

Since the blog is now in blog guy's hands, and the rest of today's schedule includes a LifeRing meeting and a walk with my friend, I'm going to do my best to view those things as nurturing "me time" rather than obligations. I tend to look at everything, even good fun things, like "oh s*** I have to go somewhere and do something, it's going to be overwhelming! I just want to stay at home with the blinds closed and drink myself to the brink of death!" No, Briar, ease up on the fight or flight lizard brain action and try to enjoy these things. They are good. They are not trying to kill you.

phoebe64

I bet you did a better job than you think on that blog post, Briar. I have faith in you.

Dee74

I'm sure you did a great job Briar

D

Briar

He loved the blog post. He's going to publish it this week. Whew!

Mark1014

That's great Briar! You are quite the talented lady.

The party is Tuesday phoebe, and I'll be putting out straw and a few other chores. I enjoy it, but getting a little worn out. I hope the steak tips were good. Baked fish was dinner here....and my nightly protein smoothie of course.

Looks like temps in the nineties by end of week. Glad my biggest outdoor projects are done.

Hope the weekend is wrapping up nicely for all .