Class of March 2013 Part 40
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
(((((Venus)))))) I wish I had words to say that could take away your sorrow. But I've lost two of my family rocks too, so I know there's nothing that can take it away. Time will help, it really will. My heart goes out to you.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Well it's late and I'm tired, so you all are spared a vent. 
but if you could send some good vibes for j to get some tools to cope with her crippling anxiety, that would be super helpful. I seriously wondered if this whole wedding thing is gonna work last night. I love her very much and want to support her, but I can't live like this. I can't exist in her world of constant stress. I can't fix it, I can't seem to help her, but I can't sit and take all the negativity that pours out when it gets bad. I'm a sensitive little soul and this is exactly the sort of thing that I used to drink over. Or to prevent feeling. Or to obliterate.
Amazingly, I found myself not remotely wanting to drink. Even though the connection to my past "coping" and current feelings are not lost on me.
I'd explain further, don't mean to be a drama queen. I really love her and want us to work: I just can't seem to find the balance between good partner and taking care of my needs and getting them met.
It's not always like this, it really isn't. It just keeps happening lately though, even though I keep trying harder and think I make progress on my part of it. It's exhausting. Sorry, I'll be in a better mood tomorrow and maybe even embarrassed I blathered like this.
But hey, I'm sober and I'm working hard to best wehav I can be. That's something, right?
but if you could send some good vibes for j to get some tools to cope with her crippling anxiety, that would be super helpful. I seriously wondered if this whole wedding thing is gonna work last night. I love her very much and want to support her, but I can't live like this. I can't exist in her world of constant stress. I can't fix it, I can't seem to help her, but I can't sit and take all the negativity that pours out when it gets bad. I'm a sensitive little soul and this is exactly the sort of thing that I used to drink over. Or to prevent feeling. Or to obliterate. Amazingly, I found myself not remotely wanting to drink. Even though the connection to my past "coping" and current feelings are not lost on me.
I'd explain further, don't mean to be a drama queen. I really love her and want us to work: I just can't seem to find the balance between good partner and taking care of my needs and getting them met.
It's not always like this, it really isn't. It just keeps happening lately though, even though I keep trying harder and think I make progress on my part of it. It's exhausting. Sorry, I'll be in a better mood tomorrow and maybe even embarrassed I blathered like this.
But hey, I'm sober and I'm working hard to best wehav I can be. That's something, right?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,530
But hey, I'm sober and I'm working hard to best wehav I can be. That's something, right?
The only thing we can control is our own behaviour.
The fact that you are doing your best and staying focused under all of this stress is something you should be very proud of. I am SO proud of you!
I guess, at this stage, if I were in your shoes I would tell J that this is affecting you.
But you have probably already done that.
Is J willing to talk to a doctor or counsellor about this?
Praying for her to find a way to cope with her anxiety, and hoping that she realises it is not fair to do this to you.
I love you wehav. ♥
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Hi guys, missed a day yesterday and just caught up. VC, I am sorry about your aunt, I know this pain will be hard on you without alcohol to soften the cushion, but your feelings will be real and your own and will give your aunt the full respect of your love and loss. Things do get better, and perhaps you will begin to find ways to make new connections in your life as you begin to trust to love again. (((hugs))) you will be in my thoughts.
Shoes, I am sorry for all your troubles but at least you raised a laugh with me. It was down to the cultural confusion of a Brit knowing something of something American. I thought when you mentioned Warren Buffet, you meant Jimmy Buffet, writer of the alcoholics anthem ' It's Five O'Clock Somewhere'! Which also would have made sense of you almost saying eff it at 9am! Lol you don't have your troubles to seek sweetie, so hang in there, if the new dragon at your dads place begins breathing fire, give her your brothers contact details and let him man the firehose for a while.
As for the tax man, I keep getting rebates and hubby who pays half his wages to the tax man is always somehow due him more. Makes for some inventive cuss words chez Toots!
WeHav, j def should see a counsellor if she isn't already, anxiety is a very real problem and she really needs direction in learning how to deal with it, and possibly some initial medication. If she absolutely refuses help, then look online for some mental exercises she can do at the time to help her to calm down. It may also help to look online for help for yourself in how best to support her, I'm sure there are self help groups out there. It is never easy living with someone with anxiety issues it is emotionally draining, and at this time I expect your own emotions are high anyway. Vent away here anytime, PM me if you want just remember that the wedding is the first day of the rest of your lives and focus on that.
Oneday, I am glad you were able to help someone by taking the gloves off at the right time, I believe sometimes it is necessary to stop someone from being 'poor me' and forcing them to confront the need that no one else is going to rescue them, there is no knight in shining armour going to come along and make things right, they just have to strap a pair on and start doing it for themselves. Of course I usually coach it in softer terms.....!
Trachy, where are you.....hang on is that your leg.... Oops, sorry... Was aiming for your hand..... I've a candle here somewhere.....
Don't you just hate when an upgrade looses all your memorised names??? My fruity tablet just wanted to call Trachy -Tracey!
Gilmer I am glad you get a little time off a week now, but make sure you don't put it to good use!!! Be selfish, self absorbed and bone idle. Have a long bath, get a massage, grab a coffee and a chat with a friend, but do not under any circumstance do anything remotely like a chore!!
Marcher, can I borrow your cleaners?? I need someone to tidy Toots Manor, the suits of armour are needing a little brasso and the tapestry wall hangings could do with a good carpet beater on them.
Hugs Marchers all. Through fire, we are forged and tempered and made strong.
Shoes, I am sorry for all your troubles but at least you raised a laugh with me. It was down to the cultural confusion of a Brit knowing something of something American. I thought when you mentioned Warren Buffet, you meant Jimmy Buffet, writer of the alcoholics anthem ' It's Five O'Clock Somewhere'! Which also would have made sense of you almost saying eff it at 9am! Lol you don't have your troubles to seek sweetie, so hang in there, if the new dragon at your dads place begins breathing fire, give her your brothers contact details and let him man the firehose for a while.
As for the tax man, I keep getting rebates and hubby who pays half his wages to the tax man is always somehow due him more. Makes for some inventive cuss words chez Toots!
WeHav, j def should see a counsellor if she isn't already, anxiety is a very real problem and she really needs direction in learning how to deal with it, and possibly some initial medication. If she absolutely refuses help, then look online for some mental exercises she can do at the time to help her to calm down. It may also help to look online for help for yourself in how best to support her, I'm sure there are self help groups out there. It is never easy living with someone with anxiety issues it is emotionally draining, and at this time I expect your own emotions are high anyway. Vent away here anytime, PM me if you want just remember that the wedding is the first day of the rest of your lives and focus on that.
Oneday, I am glad you were able to help someone by taking the gloves off at the right time, I believe sometimes it is necessary to stop someone from being 'poor me' and forcing them to confront the need that no one else is going to rescue them, there is no knight in shining armour going to come along and make things right, they just have to strap a pair on and start doing it for themselves. Of course I usually coach it in softer terms.....!
Trachy, where are you.....hang on is that your leg.... Oops, sorry... Was aiming for your hand..... I've a candle here somewhere.....
Don't you just hate when an upgrade looses all your memorised names??? My fruity tablet just wanted to call Trachy -Tracey!
Gilmer I am glad you get a little time off a week now, but make sure you don't put it to good use!!! Be selfish, self absorbed and bone idle. Have a long bath, get a massage, grab a coffee and a chat with a friend, but do not under any circumstance do anything remotely like a chore!!
Marcher, can I borrow your cleaners?? I need someone to tidy Toots Manor, the suits of armour are needing a little brasso and the tapestry wall hangings could do with a good carpet beater on them.
Hugs Marchers all. Through fire, we are forged and tempered and made strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by 360shoes 
On a happy note....anyone have a happy note? I could use a chuckle
sock_edited-2.jpg
Originally Posted by wehav2day
I love her very much and want to support her, but I can't live like this. I can't exist in her world of constant stress. I can't fix it, I can't seem to help her, but I can't sit and take all the negativity that pours out when it gets bad.
Originally Posted by tootsl1
Marcher, can I borrow your cleaners?? I need someone to tidy Toots Manor, the suits of armour are needing a little brasso and the tapestry wall hangings could do with a good carpet beater on them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
It's good to vent our troubles. I can't think a nicer group of people to vent to. It's nice to have a place to say what we feel and immediately get pulled out of ourselves when something is going on with someone else.
Hang in there Trach. I too have had the old electricity shut off when I lived in a house. Came home to a dark house and couldn't get the garage door open. And it was hot. Which I guess is better than cold. Awh, the good old days. I'm sure I just drank myself to sleep that night. Which made it even worse. I walked around in the dark and had a hangover feeling like crap. I'd rather just walk in the dark.
Hang in there We. I'm glad you aren't losing yourself in all this. I can't imagine how hard this must be but you are doing the best you can. Just let it play out. Life has a way of doing what it is suppose to do with or without our help. Often, I just don't particularly care how it appears to be going. But most times it turns out just the way it is suppose to. Roll with it baby. And do what's best for you and try to be kind when doing it. That's about all any of us can do.
xoxo
Hang in there Trach. I too have had the old electricity shut off when I lived in a house. Came home to a dark house and couldn't get the garage door open. And it was hot. Which I guess is better than cold. Awh, the good old days. I'm sure I just drank myself to sleep that night. Which made it even worse. I walked around in the dark and had a hangover feeling like crap. I'd rather just walk in the dark.
Hang in there We. I'm glad you aren't losing yourself in all this. I can't imagine how hard this must be but you are doing the best you can. Just let it play out. Life has a way of doing what it is suppose to do with or without our help. Often, I just don't particularly care how it appears to be going. But most times it turns out just the way it is suppose to. Roll with it baby. And do what's best for you and try to be kind when doing it. That's about all any of us can do.
xoxo
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Lots of things going on with my dearest Marchers and so many insightful and supportive responses!
We, you are right that you can't fix j's anxiety and negativity and it won't help either of you or your relationship to try to "fix it". It sounds like an important issue to deal with. In my own limited experience, issues before the wedding often don't get better after. I believe you will navigate this, too. Our wonderful sober WeHav is so much stronger and wiser!
Shoes, you have an awesome attitude. Karma and everything embodied in it is a wonderful concept and way to stay sane in this sometimes insane world. Acceptance!
Toots, love the image of the suits of armor and the tapestry
Marcher, I vote for you and North as the most consistently on target with your wonderful visuals :-)
To all Marchers, Happy Thursday (or whatever it is where you are)!
We, you are right that you can't fix j's anxiety and negativity and it won't help either of you or your relationship to try to "fix it". It sounds like an important issue to deal with. In my own limited experience, issues before the wedding often don't get better after. I believe you will navigate this, too. Our wonderful sober WeHav is so much stronger and wiser!
Shoes, you have an awesome attitude. Karma and everything embodied in it is a wonderful concept and way to stay sane in this sometimes insane world. Acceptance!
Toots, love the image of the suits of armor and the tapestry
Marcher, I vote for you and North as the most consistently on target with your wonderful visuals :-)
To all Marchers, Happy Thursday (or whatever it is where you are)!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
WeHav, you've always known that J. is a bear with anxiety. Now with wedding stress it's just gone off the charts. Soon all this drama will be over--poof!--and there will be nothing but normal daily life.
Weddings are a mountain of hype--mostly the rest of the world pouring out their issues on you and you scrambling to meet everybody's demands. The big day ticks by in a few hours--and then it's over!
For my wedding, I saved up my money and splurged on a perfect dress. But then the demands and vicious territorial fighting started and I gained 20 pounds. When the wonder dress arrived, it didn't fit! The seamstress got really mad. She had to add big lace panels on each side seam so that I could zip it! Plus, I had to wear the corset from hell!
All that vanity, and I ended up looking mediocre! And all the different factions were fighting! Bad, embarrassing moments at the reception, too. I was glad when it was all over.
God forbid anything should happen to my husband; but if I was ever in the position to marry again, I'd go smaller--WAY smaller.
I know it's probably too late in the game, but have you considered eloping?
Weddings are a mountain of hype--mostly the rest of the world pouring out their issues on you and you scrambling to meet everybody's demands. The big day ticks by in a few hours--and then it's over!
For my wedding, I saved up my money and splurged on a perfect dress. But then the demands and vicious territorial fighting started and I gained 20 pounds. When the wonder dress arrived, it didn't fit! The seamstress got really mad. She had to add big lace panels on each side seam so that I could zip it! Plus, I had to wear the corset from hell!
All that vanity, and I ended up looking mediocre! And all the different factions were fighting! Bad, embarrassing moments at the reception, too. I was glad when it was all over.
God forbid anything should happen to my husband; but if I was ever in the position to marry again, I'd go smaller--WAY smaller.
I know it's probably too late in the game, but have you considered eloping?
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