Well it's late and I'm tired, so you all are spared a vent.
but if you could send some good vibes for j to get some tools to cope with her crippling anxiety, that would be super helpful. I seriously wondered if this whole wedding thing is gonna work last night. I love her very much and want to support her, but I can't live like this. I can't exist in her world of constant stress. I can't fix it, I can't seem to help her, but I can't sit and take all the negativity that pours out when it gets bad. I'm a sensitive little soul and this is exactly the sort of thing that I used to drink over. Or to prevent feeling. Or to obliterate.
Amazingly, I found myself not remotely wanting to drink. Even though the connection to my past "coping" and current feelings are not lost on me.
I'd explain further, don't mean to be a drama queen. I really love her and want us to work: I just can't seem to find the balance between good partner and taking care of my needs and getting them met.
It's not always like this, it really isn't. It just keeps happening lately though, even though I keep trying harder and think I make progress on my part of it. It's exhausting. Sorry, I'll be in a better mood tomorrow and maybe even embarrassed I blathered like this.
But hey, I'm sober and I'm working hard to best wehav I can be. That's something, right?