Class of July 2013 Part 15
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Hi Leshar -
Sorry to hear of your sister's email. Depression is very difficult to understand or empathize with for those who have never experienced it themselves. It's perfectly understandable that you'd be sad about receiving such an email from a family member; go ahead and allow yourself to be sad without putting any other expectations on yourself about how you "should" be feeling.
My physical therapy is coming along. I'm doing my home exercises like I am supposed to. My last appointment my grip strength had increased from 3 lbs to 5 lbs. For comparison's sake, my good hand strength is 58 lbs. So I have a ways to go! But I'm making progress. Basically the surgery removed half of a bone in my wrist, so now I have to build up strength to use my wrist/hand without the support that half of the bone provided.
I hope that by the time you finish the regime of the intranasal ketamine you'll feel better....
Take care -
NCG
Sorry to hear of your sister's email. Depression is very difficult to understand or empathize with for those who have never experienced it themselves. It's perfectly understandable that you'd be sad about receiving such an email from a family member; go ahead and allow yourself to be sad without putting any other expectations on yourself about how you "should" be feeling.
My physical therapy is coming along. I'm doing my home exercises like I am supposed to. My last appointment my grip strength had increased from 3 lbs to 5 lbs. For comparison's sake, my good hand strength is 58 lbs. So I have a ways to go! But I'm making progress. Basically the surgery removed half of a bone in my wrist, so now I have to build up strength to use my wrist/hand without the support that half of the bone provided.
I hope that by the time you finish the regime of the intranasal ketamine you'll feel better....
Take care -
NCG
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
It sounds to me like your sister still cares Leshar.
I understand that you feel it's not a solution for you, but the suggestion is not a bad one in itself.
The fact was I exhausted myself and exhausted others too for years.
Different people just have different levels of what they can deal with. It is what it is.
Thank heavens for SR and places like it
I'm still rooting for you. I hope you can find your way out of this.
D
I understand that you feel it's not a solution for you, but the suggestion is not a bad one in itself.
The fact was I exhausted myself and exhausted others too for years.
Different people just have different levels of what they can deal with. It is what it is.
Thank heavens for SR and places like it
I'm still rooting for you. I hope you can find your way out of this.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Hello everybody.
Sorry to hear you're still having difficulties, Leshar.
I was having some terrible allergies or a cold.
Felt so bad in fact that I didn't really do anything all day.
Feel weird to not have to call in when sick. I could get used to this.
Maybe I'll post a picture as I have my computer tonight,well,for now.
Sorry to hear you're still having difficulties, Leshar.
I was having some terrible allergies or a cold.
Felt so bad in fact that I didn't really do anything all day.
Feel weird to not have to call in when sick. I could get used to this.
Maybe I'll post a picture as I have my computer tonight,well,for now.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Leshar...sorry you feel let down by your sister. I agree with Dee's point - maybe she feels a need to withdraw for her own reasons? Sometimes you say you just want to vent here, and don't want advice, so maybe she feels if you aren't listening to advice, she doesn't know How to support you?
Sometimes we expect more effort from others than we ourselves are prepared to make, you know?
So, I've made my suggestions of seeking out a support group of some sort face to face, and said I'd keep my bib out, but I am sorry you feel your sister doesn't care. I don't really know what else to say? There are support groups out there though if you need support that your sister can't give.
Sometimes we expect more effort from others than we ourselves are prepared to make, you know?
So, I've made my suggestions of seeking out a support group of some sort face to face, and said I'd keep my bib out, but I am sorry you feel your sister doesn't care. I don't really know what else to say? There are support groups out there though if you need support that your sister can't give.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
I've asked my doctor to refer me to a support group at the hospital, but she said to be prepared for a wait. The waiting list is currently at about 6 months. It's sort of what I expected, as I used to work at the hospital, and psychiatric resources are always terribly limited, they are most places, unfortunately.
I know my sister does care, but she's only human and she has to protect herself, but she's a difficult personality, never really supported me after Larry died, she behaved very badly, but that's another story. My brother on the other hand is a complete narcissist, and has no concept of empathy. I will not bother to contact him ever again, I have no desire to ever even see him or his wife again. I feel such a weird shift in my depressive illness in the last 2 months, it feels heavy, unbearable, hopeless, hard to muster the energy to fight the fight. But I cannot drink, I physically could not imagine drinking, that feels weird too? I have no interest in anything, no humour anymore. Waking up every day it's a fresh hell. I'm taking another dose of ketamine tonight, and will see the new psychiatrist again on Monday. I imagine he will tee me up for TCMS, but I hold little hope of that effecting much change.
So, Croissant, I think I'm doing the best I can, don't be hard on me, please. Sometimes, there's just no win, you know? I have no desire, nor need to be in hospital. I'm not actively suicidal, I can look after myself, after a fashion, I have no desire to face the disdain of psych nurses, believe me I've been there, as a doc and as a pt, and it is horrible, demoralizing, trust me, I know what I'm talking about, I've been an in pt a number of times since my twenties.
I hope others are faring better than I.
Thanks, all.
I know my sister does care, but she's only human and she has to protect herself, but she's a difficult personality, never really supported me after Larry died, she behaved very badly, but that's another story. My brother on the other hand is a complete narcissist, and has no concept of empathy. I will not bother to contact him ever again, I have no desire to ever even see him or his wife again. I feel such a weird shift in my depressive illness in the last 2 months, it feels heavy, unbearable, hopeless, hard to muster the energy to fight the fight. But I cannot drink, I physically could not imagine drinking, that feels weird too? I have no interest in anything, no humour anymore. Waking up every day it's a fresh hell. I'm taking another dose of ketamine tonight, and will see the new psychiatrist again on Monday. I imagine he will tee me up for TCMS, but I hold little hope of that effecting much change.
So, Croissant, I think I'm doing the best I can, don't be hard on me, please. Sometimes, there's just no win, you know? I have no desire, nor need to be in hospital. I'm not actively suicidal, I can look after myself, after a fashion, I have no desire to face the disdain of psych nurses, believe me I've been there, as a doc and as a pt, and it is horrible, demoralizing, trust me, I know what I'm talking about, I've been an in pt a number of times since my twenties.
I hope others are faring better than I.
Thanks, all.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Yeah, I wasn't being hard on you Leshar. Actually far from it. As I said, we are harsher on others than we sometimes are on ourselves, so can understand if you misunderstood what I wrote.
I'm not really here to argue or upset you. I'm sorry if you think the post was in that vein.
I was also talking about a not for profit group in your area, that supports those suffering from mental health. Where you could at least feel understood perhaps. I guess if your community is developed enough to have running groups that you were joining a few weeks back, then I assumed maybe there was some not for profit groups out there too you might find a kindred spirit in.
I'm not really here to argue or upset you. I'm sorry if you think the post was in that vein.
I was also talking about a not for profit group in your area, that supports those suffering from mental health. Where you could at least feel understood perhaps. I guess if your community is developed enough to have running groups that you were joining a few weeks back, then I assumed maybe there was some not for profit groups out there too you might find a kindred spirit in.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Hi All -
On day 15 after my insanity. Admittedly hasn't been too difficult since the after effects of that evening are super fresh in my mind. Being home so much right now isn't a problem; solo drinking isn't my challenge, social drinking is.
Had a couple of social drinking challenges - again, not bad because how awful I felt two weeks ago is still a vivid memory. Went to a big street festival/craft fair on Saturday. Honestly didn't realize how many beer and wine booths there'd be, folks walking around with commemorative glasses, etc. Then out to dinner, which wasn't too bad. Of course my BF isn't drinking at either the festival or dinner so that helps (and how nice is a dinner tab total without alcohol on it?) Took my niece out to dinner as a thank you for going above and beyond cleaning mildew off of one of our bathroom ceilings (she cleans for us every two weeks but this was some major scrubbing she had to do.) Yes the same niece who I went to the bar with two weeks ago. She had two glasses of wine with dinner, I had sparkling water and hot tea. Then when we were driving home (I drove, was taking her back to her house) her husband called. Long story short I wound up dropping her off at the bar so she could meet her hubby. Eeek! Scene of the crime! Let her out at the corner, didn't even want to pull up front! She understood, of course. Then I took my sober self right on home.
Leshar, you do sound better (tone-wise) in your recent posts. Perhaps the ketamine has started to help a little? Just an uneducated observation!
Take care -
NCG
On day 15 after my insanity. Admittedly hasn't been too difficult since the after effects of that evening are super fresh in my mind. Being home so much right now isn't a problem; solo drinking isn't my challenge, social drinking is.
Had a couple of social drinking challenges - again, not bad because how awful I felt two weeks ago is still a vivid memory. Went to a big street festival/craft fair on Saturday. Honestly didn't realize how many beer and wine booths there'd be, folks walking around with commemorative glasses, etc. Then out to dinner, which wasn't too bad. Of course my BF isn't drinking at either the festival or dinner so that helps (and how nice is a dinner tab total without alcohol on it?) Took my niece out to dinner as a thank you for going above and beyond cleaning mildew off of one of our bathroom ceilings (she cleans for us every two weeks but this was some major scrubbing she had to do.) Yes the same niece who I went to the bar with two weeks ago. She had two glasses of wine with dinner, I had sparkling water and hot tea. Then when we were driving home (I drove, was taking her back to her house) her husband called. Long story short I wound up dropping her off at the bar so she could meet her hubby. Eeek! Scene of the crime! Let her out at the corner, didn't even want to pull up front! She understood, of course. Then I took my sober self right on home.
Leshar, you do sound better (tone-wise) in your recent posts. Perhaps the ketamine has started to help a little? Just an uneducated observation!
Take care -
NCG
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Good morning (or Good Evening to those of you in the Southern Hemisphere!)
Well today I'm having lunch with a good friend in the city. Could be challenging - I know this friend has drank out to lunch during her lunch hour in the past. On one occasion she had so much to drink she couldn't return to work (this is a story she's told me, not one I witnessed.) Though I'm not thinking she'd pressure me to have a drink if I said I wasn't drinking. I'm just trying to firm up my resolve in advance....
Hope everyone has a great day (or evening)! I'll check back in after lunch.
NCG
Well today I'm having lunch with a good friend in the city. Could be challenging - I know this friend has drank out to lunch during her lunch hour in the past. On one occasion she had so much to drink she couldn't return to work (this is a story she's told me, not one I witnessed.) Though I'm not thinking she'd pressure me to have a drink if I said I wasn't drinking. I'm just trying to firm up my resolve in advance....
Hope everyone has a great day (or evening)! I'll check back in after lunch.
NCG
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Hi all -
Had a nice lunch with my friend. She had a glass of wine, I had iced tea. She knew the manager of the restaurant so we got a cute little dessert from him - little apple pies.
Then I shopped a little - well, a lot - at some artisan food shops in the area. Brought home all sorts of good treats to snack on while watching the World Series tonight.
Escaped the city just as all the Series craziness was beginning...orange and black everywhere you turn.
NCG
Had a nice lunch with my friend. She had a glass of wine, I had iced tea. She knew the manager of the restaurant so we got a cute little dessert from him - little apple pies.
Then I shopped a little - well, a lot - at some artisan food shops in the area. Brought home all sorts of good treats to snack on while watching the World Series tonight.
Escaped the city just as all the Series craziness was beginning...orange and black everywhere you turn.
NCG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
I'm here.
Been a busy day. Took on a rather large plumbing job in my house today.
And we got to baby sit my nephews son. It was a lot of fun having him here,he's only 2 yo.
Took him out for Asian food at noon.
When he got his fortune cookie we broke it in half and handed half to him.
He put it to his ear to listen for the ocean.lol
Made my day.
Been a busy day. Took on a rather large plumbing job in my house today.
And we got to baby sit my nephews son. It was a lot of fun having him here,he's only 2 yo.
Took him out for Asian food at noon.
When he got his fortune cookie we broke it in half and handed half to him.
He put it to his ear to listen for the ocean.lol
Made my day.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by Dee74 
It's a rough day out there in the trenches - please stay safe and sober guys 
D
D
Stace....glad you are staying strong! Keep posting, I do read your updates. It's so annoying having to turn the drinking switch off when we relapse. I'm sure we are all different, but it took daily vigilance, to finally get it out of my "system" and stop thinking about it so much.
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