I have been tired all day. I didn't accomplish much. Just did a lot of unpacking from when I was gone.
I was just thinking...what a relief it would be to know I'd never drink again. Just to make the decision and have no doubt that I'd stick to it. Then I got angry with myself because it IS possible. The only thing that has stopped it from being a reality is myself. Why can't I choose not to drink ever again, be confident in that choice, and then not look back? Why does it have to be this big ordeal that I must think about and second guess?
I'm very frustrated. But perhaps that's because I have come to the realization that this is something that I'm going to really have to work hard for. I know I can't just make the decision and say "hocus pocus". It's like wishing to win the lottery but never even buying tickets. I do wish it was something that would just "happen". Like "poof" I never drink again.
I see a long road ahead of me. I know I shouldn't look into the future like that, but at least maybe I'm seeing it more clearly. Long roads go further than easy streets.
I can't wait until I have at least a week under my belt. I hate this feeling of starting over. I feel like a failure.