SoberLeigh

Love to you, too, FABL.

gleefan

Torn - Congratulations on 2 weeks sober! Way to go!

FABL - For me, embracing recovery has meant that I've had to focus on my needs to the exclusion at times of being fully present for my children. My perspective on parenting is that when I was drinking to excess, I wasn't fully present. Although in early sobriety I was irritable and exhausted and seeking escape, their basic needs were met. With each consecutive sober day that passes, my ability to be present in their lives grows.

I can relate to your overthinking trait. I'm not sure that's an alcoholic trait, but I know I am insecure. I've practiced thinking through other people's perspectives rationally. It's usually not as bad as I feared. But on the other hand, when another person's insensitive behavior happens repeatedly, I reevaluate whether it's time to move on. At work, for example, someone may brush by me because they are having a bad day. But when they brush by me for several days in a row, it may have something to do with me. Does that make sense?

I'm not totally clear why are you upset when you don't hear from your ex because I get some details confused. Are you hoping to be reunited with your ex? Are you wishing to discuss parenting issues?

In any case, you are making great progress with not drinking through some difficult cravings, building what Dee calls those sober muscles. Keep up the good work! Have a great Mother's Day!

LonelyShadow - Congratulations on starting your new instruction course. Be sure to check in from time to time to let us know how it's going.

DiggingIn - How are you doing?

Lulu - How is your sweet little baby doing? Moms of babies deserve extra special pampering on Mother's Day!

SayAnything, Ladybug, SoberLeigh, and all the mothers and grandmothers out there -- Happy Mother's Day!!

forabetterlife

Gleefan, to clarify, I meant my ex-boyfriend. My ex-husband/ father of my children is another story. I expect nothing of him and frankly think even my girls are better off without him at this point. But I will leave that up to them as they get older.

gleefan

FABL - My advice, honestly, is that recovery takes so much energy and inward attention. Take the time to take care of yourself and your daughters. Reevaluate your interests and values, as they are sure to evolve in sobriety. I notice that my relationship with my husband feels like a re-negotiation - and we are happily partnered! I am forced to add that responsibility to renegotiate things with hubby, atop my commitment to recovery, because we're cohabitating partners, but I'm keeping it to a minimum with him because my focus needs to be on me creating my sober life. Keep it as simple as you can while you get healthy and create your sober life.

I recognize that since I don't know your situation, I could be way off base. That's just what I've noticed for me. I hope that helps.

DiggingIn

Thanks for checking on me. I didn't do well yesterday. Very depressed. Kind of got lost in it. Would like to have bought copious amounts of wine and blurred the day away. Had to step out of church today when a video for Mother's Day was played. There was a scene where the husband was saying moving and beautiful things to his wife. I don't have that nor will I have kids. As you can see, it's a hard time. I'm feeling very beaten down.

Right now I have some bacon frying to put in the potato salad. Still have to put that together and make a macaroni and cheese. Going to a cookout at my nephews tonight. Looking forward to that. It will get me outside my own head for a while.

LonelyShadow

Sorry to hear you're feeling low DI, stay strong and get through it, can you plan something to do that you'll really enjoy? Like take some time for yourself? That sometimes helps when I feel my mood swinging low.

That bacon and potato salad sounds amazing!
Hope you feel better soon

LonelyShadow

This is solid advice.

gleefan

((((DiggingIn)))). My heart was breaking reading how certain you are that you will not have companionship or children in your life. I am not by any means a blind optimist, or a person who tells people that everything will be great in spite of evidence to the contrary. I will tell you this - right now you feel bad because the person who you had been dreaming would fill the role of companion and father is off the table, and while it's ok to mourn the loss of that possibility, it's not fair to assume that no one else ever will. I'll also echo what I said to FABL, that sobriety is a self focused, internal process, that is most efficiently performed without other people to take care of. Also, I genuinely believe that if we put out to the universe, God, or who ever our higher power is, what we want in life, our values and identity will evolve to make that happen - whether it's sobriety, or a loving partner, or anything. Some 16 years ago I really thought about the qualities that I valued in a partner, put it out to the universe, did the work to be true to myself, and met my now husband. The key ingredients were time, patience, openness, and being true to myself. I truly believe that it's never too late to find peace and happiness, or I wouldn't be here, on SR, trying to follow the path that I feel would bring me in that direction. More hugs, DI.



An interesting situation unfolded today. My dad and stepmother stopped by my house - with a bottle of wine. As I was watching them walk towards the house with the bottle, I started thinking, "Maybe I can have just one. Maybe I've learned how to stop at just one." And so on.

I opened the bag. It was white wine, which wasn't my drink of choice, and I felt a huge sense of relief that I didn't have to make the decision to drink or not drink with my drink if choice. I didn't exactly stare my nemesis down, but I came close, and said no. I worked those sober muscles a little bit, not nearly what it would have been to say no to red wine.

forabetterlife

DI, I know that this is such a difficult time for you. Sometimes we wish we could have a crystal ball to see that everything will turn out ok so we can just relax. Try to be really, really good to yourself. Appreciate the little things. Gleefan said it all really, don't give up, don't lose hope. Stay positive and patient. Good will come.

Gleefan, thank you for your wise advice. Last fall, he ended a relationship to be with me and I turned him away, feeling like I just needed to be alone and work on myself. I regret handling it that way because I truly did not want to lose him, I just wasn't ready. He has since returned to the other relationship, but obviously his heart is not in it. I know that sounds awful, he admittedly hates being alone. But that's his issue, not mine. So this is how it is for now, and maybe it is for the best for me, because I do need to work on myself and not the added responsibility of a relationship. I'm trying to just accept how it is, and trust that if it's meant to be, it will be, at the right time.

My father and brother walked in my house today with wine and beer as well. And my brother offered me both, so of course I considered it. Then, while he was leaving my father said he was just going to leave the wine so he could have a glass the next time he comes over. Oh Boy, did my AV have a field day with that one!
"Finish the half of the bottle and then just buy another one and drink half of it. No one will know. The wine is here, just do it." I insisted he take the wine.

I had a beautiful day with my children and my family, but I'm having a hard time relaxing tonight, as usual. I hope that gets better with time. Two more weeks of school, then a week of professional development and I will have 2 months off. I better learn to relax by then!

DiggingIn

It's been a long time since I was this down. I know things are going to be better from here. The finality is hard. Making big life changes is quite hard for me. I don't like change. The new job will be good, I know that. I kind of feel like that first weekend though. I kind of feel like the night he told me the exact thing I didn't think I could live through hearing.

Dee74

I think you made an amazingly positive choice for yourself DI. You will be glad in the long run.

How long til the new job starts?

D

DiggingIn

Tomorrow. No reason to allow time to dwell.

Dee74

I think that's good - best wishes for tomorrow and the week DI

D

gleefan

DI - You have shown a ton of courage and positive momentum in your life. How are you today? I know you're probably wiped out, but send us an update when you get a chance.

SoberLife2014

Hi everyone,
Glee- I love reading your uplifting posts. They're full of wisdom and encouragement.
DI- I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I hope today was better for you. How did the first day on the new job go?
I hope everyone is doing well!
Hubby will be out of town in 2 weeks from Thursday so I'm trying to prepare myself for that. I'm going to try to avoid the grocery store and preferably any store that sells alcohol (which is hard to find around here), find a project to do in the evenings when my little one is asleep, and of course get on here a ton. I might even try to hit up a couple of AA meetings if they don't mind me bringing my baby. I definitely plan on doing some online SMART meetings. This is a big deal for me because it's truly the moment my AV has been waiting for. I haven't been alone 1 single night since I started my recovery over a year ago. At first it was hard even being alone during the day let alone for an entire week now. Also, if I can make it until June 3 then I will have only drank 3 times in an entire year and I'm kind of excited about that. Of course I wish I wouldn't have slipped those 3 times, but that's definitely progress for me. Sometimes I feel confident that I won't drink while he's gone and sometimes I can just feel my AV lurking and waiting. Oh how easy it'd be to just drink one night (just one drink is out of the question, my AV wants to go for the gusto)... no one will ever know. I already know how that will unfold. I'll drink one night and think "might as well drink the next!" and then "live it up until hubby gets home! Better go out with a bang!" etc etc. Next thing I know I'll wake up with one of those awful hangovers and full of guilt and shame. I'll probably be on here crying about how I screwed up and I'm scared that I'll never be able to stop or WORSE. PLUS I'll be the only one here with my baby! What if something happens in the middle of the night and I need to drive somewhere or take care of him?! What if I'm too sick to take care of him the next day? I really can't afford to drink for about a billion reasons, nor do I want to. It so isn't worth it.
Take care everyone. Happy Monday!

gleefan

Lulu - It sounds like you know your AV very well. That insight is serving you well by spurring you to come up with a solid plan to avoid drinking while your husband is away. Fantastic.

I'm planning on using my knowledge of my pesky AV as it applies to my eating and exercise behavior. I've come to recognize that I'm multiply addicted, can't manage on my own, and in need of help from my higher power. So I'm putting this out to the universe: I want to eat healthfully without cutting any food group from my diet. I'm not going to clog up these threads blathering on about my diet and exercise goals; you can check out my blog for that!

DiggingIn

First day was fine. Thanks for checking in. Will spend evenings this week getting things ready for a bridal shower to be at my house this coming weekend.

tornrealization

Lulu - You can do this solo test and pass with flying sober colors. Then your drinking days for the year don't go up! I know those 3 get you but I'm super proud I only have 18 days this year. Sure as heck beats the probably 350 last year and that's a generous estimate that I took off a day here and there.

DI - I'm glad you're moving on and are staying busy readying your house. After all this stuff passes by in a couple weeks I can't wait to hear from you. I hope you come out stronger, more confident and proud of yourself for what you went through.

Glee - I'm still not ready to work on my diet like you are. I ate cookies, cakes with my healthy fish and corn dinner. DOH! I'm in a weight loss effort at work, but it isn't going well. It's not going up - but it's not going down. I still rather my calories come from that.

I've been quiet lately. I think it's a combination of things. It was like whirrrrlll IOP, whirrrlll AA, and now school has started and I've been playing a game on my phone that has a limited time event - addiction anyone? Ha! I'd rather be doing that than drinking.

I saw therapist number one. I think she didn't think we'd be on the same page as I whipped quickly through my recent history - IOP, the therapist I used to see in her practice. She was talking about how she feels all her addiction clients have suffered or are suffering a trauma that led to their use and that her style is to explore the past and figure out what it is. She said she didn't mind my using, if I used - to anticipate slips and just to not show up under the influence and going through therapy without the influence is better but it's ok if I drink. She got me thinking but I dunno. It's an interesting experience to try it that way. She explained the technique and how my ex therapist doesn't do that style. She even asked if I wanted to go after explaining her style. She also said I was strong and had a good foundation started with what I knew. I dunno. It's also expensive!!

I meet another therapist on Friday. This is the place I was dubbing my miracle place because of Yoga, Meditation classes too. I started doing math in my head and to do Yoga twice a week is going to be $$. I looked at a health club by my work which has a pool, yoga, pilates, kettlebells, kickboxing and a whole assortment of classes for 100/month. This is a much better value and I would have access to Yoga, tac-chi and other things.

So I've got an inquiry into them about corporate pricing, because if it comes down to 80/month - that's cheaper and I get ALL those classes and an indoor track instead of just yoga.

I think about the costs of one on one therapy. I think only twice a week if I find a good fit.

Meanwhile, back pain is getting better, got perfect score on my lab and homework I finished yesterday. Mother's day was good and we were outside most the day. My inlaws had their drinks but didn't pressure me and I didn't even feel interested. So that's calming down. Husband had drinks, not many but I opted to drive home anyways. I said you're fine, but smell like wine, so why risk it when I'm 100% fine?

I feel better, and are happier and appreciate my sobriety, but I still think about drinking every damn day. How nice a fruity beer would be, a glass of wine. I don't moderate - so more like, that's how'd I start. Wouldn't it be nice to get ripped just once in awhile? Not all time time but here and there.

Frustrating that the best logic and experience can't quiet the obessission. GRRRR.

I realized my cat is turning 14 this year, not 15 like I thought. I'm still upset about this because that is a senior cat. I'm having moments of panic that her life is going to end before mine and I just never let it enter my head before.

Today it crept in and I started crying in my car ride to work five minutes until I got there. Full on tears! I'm like whoa whoa, get it together. She's not sick, she's actually healthier and has more energy with the food switch. Stop it, she's fine -- rar.

I haven't been to AA since that one the Friday before last.

I feel incredibly lost when I know things are going well and I'm so lucky with the experiences I am having.

Well that's it for this babble. The therapist did mention one thing after I ranted about IOP - she said she is picking out a theme that I am not being heard or getting my say. I thought about the boards, seems like that's when I get all verbose, not with people in IOP or AA.

Oh and work. I told my coworker I was tired of being told when I can go to training or conferences in front of the boss. He claimed I was doing that to him. I said we won't resolve this. So we're on day three of him not talking to me like a woman would do with silent treatment. I say good morning, goodbye and wave when walking the trail. He even emailed me a question instead of just asking. I'm not apologizing for this. I feel I got the screws. I'm ok with not going to training, I won't fight for it, but I'm not going to kiss his arse and say you were right. He says he's been going his way for six years!! The conference is on year 4. So that's ********. My new work tactic, just do work, stop trying to be friends and appreciate I can get away with doing some homework and walking a longer trail at lunch. Work needs to be work. Not my self worth or a place to make all my friends. It's a paycheck and I keep getting burned when I invest emotion into it by caring.

Gazza

Cant shake this damn cold. 78 days today
Still doing a couple of meetings a week and work but sleepy all the time

Take care all
G

tornrealization

What the heck? Does getting sober mean we all get nasty colds this season? I know DI and I just got over one and you've been fighting this one.

Keep resting - best thing to do!