One Year and Over Club- Part 6
In my Own Little World
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 368
Thanks for reminding us, Auntie Dee. Much appreciated...at least we don't have to put our own hamsters on the wheel for the interwebz like you did, right?
So, haven't posted in a few days. I've just been so overwhelmed with everything and I've been focusing on trying to chill the HECK OUT! Didn't work too much....until.
I'm driving Monday to Illinois for the set of interviews, right? For sure the final step in the interview process (unless someone has the same credentials - highly unlikely - will get to more of that in a bit). I get about...halfway there and it hits me. I'm...really...$*#($ing doing this! What the heck is wrong with me?! I've never had this much courage, confidence in myself, my abilities, strength...and FOLLOW through in as long as I can remember. I've always needed someone holding my hand and guiding me - never me just DOING. I came to almost a zen-like "Wow" state. Then....the good ole self doubt started ticking in. I was beginning to feel anxious and I caught the glimmer of a thought of "You're going to fall flat on your face. Why are you bothering?"
I knew that...I had to ask for help. Which, like Manz, I kind of have a complex about. Really though - I was like who....then a lightbulb went off. My dear friend, Mike. So I started talking (maybe half "praying"? heck if I know) to him. I thanked him for believing in me, instilling that mustard seed while he was still alive because I know I would have never had the gumption and determination to even start applying...much less actually going on an interview. I cried a little bit. I really owe that man a lot. I still felt uneasy, though. So I asked him for a bit of his strength that was always ever-present and to lend me again his belief in me so that I would have confidence in myself tomorrow. Right after I finished that...about 10 seconds later, "I'll be Watching You" comes across on the radio. I was like...you know, it's probably coincidence but right now I'll take it. Because I really felt and knew in my heart that he was with me. I know he never left me, of course, because he's inside of me and my heart. It brought such peace to me, though. Never once again throughout the entire course of the trip did I have any nerves, whatsoever. Not even a little bit. I was as cool as a cucumber, confident and knew this job was for me.
I knew I had some of the duties that were to be performed under my belt (one instrument: ICP-MS) but that's really all I knew about the job. So, I'm there and they keep asking me about this OTHER piece of instrumentation I had on my resume called XRD (X-Ray Diffraction) which is SO incredibly specific and has limited applications - and they didn't even own one. I couldn't figure out for the life of me WHY I had 4 of the interviewers (out of 7) ask me about this. Then the final wrap up interview (which 15 minutes turned into 100 minutes of interviewing with him, by the way) he says "Well, our next capital purchase within the year is going to be an XRD. So, my hope is that with your exposure to it (it was in a limited capacity but still - its so rare to have any experience) that we will have a smoother time getting it set up." Me: "Oh. Cool. That sounds great and I can see the applications here now. It does make sense. While I never did method development on this instrument and only ran samples under an existing method, I do feel that with my former contacts, I will be able to set up something." He just smiled a big goofy grin. Then, again, they kept asking me about my ISO experience (a set of government regulations - most companies are ISO certified and the parent company of this place is too - so I didn't think anything of it). Me: "Well, last summer, I attended a 2 day intensive training course on becoming an ISO internal auditor and I serve on my company's internal auditing team." Again....this insane goofy grin. Him: "The parent company is ISO certified, however, we are not (that location). Again, we don't have anyone here on site who is familiar with the regulations at all and having someone in here who is familiar with the program is highly desirable." Again, me: "Oh. Snap."
So he wraps up the day with an answer to my question of "What's your timeline?" - with "Well, unfortunately I have to finish the interviews that are still lined up for me because some people had to reschedule/cancel, even though I don't want to finish the interviews now. They're next week to the end of the week. So you won't hear from us and me until the week after. But don't worry! I was most surprised with your resume, but your calm, collected manner today along with how eloquently you speak. You have been most assuredly the best interviewee I've had in here in a long time! It was most sincerely a pleasure!"
He elaborated more, too of course, but ya. He basically came short of "I want to hire you." As did 2 other interviewees who are higher ups and have a direct influence on the hiring process on the corporate side.
Overall...even if someone comes in after me and does a better job/is more qualified, in the past I was all pissed off because "THAT'S MY JOB, DAMN THAT PERSON." I won't be. I know I'm qualified for it, however if someone else is offered it, it's because they truly do deserve it more.
Anyways - that's all for now. Just wanted to update you all!
I hope everyone is doing good and that manz, you are doing better!!!
R&A - my mom still boils my blood sometimes, though it's still getting so much better. My "father"? Haven't seen him since 2000 and I am perfectly ok with that. He still terrifies me at times when I dwell too much on the past.
So, haven't posted in a few days. I've just been so overwhelmed with everything and I've been focusing on trying to chill the HECK OUT! Didn't work too much....until.
I'm driving Monday to Illinois for the set of interviews, right? For sure the final step in the interview process (unless someone has the same credentials - highly unlikely - will get to more of that in a bit). I get about...halfway there and it hits me. I'm...really...$*#($ing doing this! What the heck is wrong with me?! I've never had this much courage, confidence in myself, my abilities, strength...and FOLLOW through in as long as I can remember. I've always needed someone holding my hand and guiding me - never me just DOING. I came to almost a zen-like "Wow" state. Then....the good ole self doubt started ticking in. I was beginning to feel anxious and I caught the glimmer of a thought of "You're going to fall flat on your face. Why are you bothering?"
I knew that...I had to ask for help. Which, like Manz, I kind of have a complex about. Really though - I was like who....then a lightbulb went off. My dear friend, Mike. So I started talking (maybe half "praying"? heck if I know) to him. I thanked him for believing in me, instilling that mustard seed while he was still alive because I know I would have never had the gumption and determination to even start applying...much less actually going on an interview. I cried a little bit. I really owe that man a lot. I still felt uneasy, though. So I asked him for a bit of his strength that was always ever-present and to lend me again his belief in me so that I would have confidence in myself tomorrow. Right after I finished that...about 10 seconds later, "I'll be Watching You" comes across on the radio. I was like...you know, it's probably coincidence but right now I'll take it. Because I really felt and knew in my heart that he was with me. I know he never left me, of course, because he's inside of me and my heart. It brought such peace to me, though. Never once again throughout the entire course of the trip did I have any nerves, whatsoever. Not even a little bit. I was as cool as a cucumber, confident and knew this job was for me.
I knew I had some of the duties that were to be performed under my belt (one instrument: ICP-MS) but that's really all I knew about the job. So, I'm there and they keep asking me about this OTHER piece of instrumentation I had on my resume called XRD (X-Ray Diffraction) which is SO incredibly specific and has limited applications - and they didn't even own one. I couldn't figure out for the life of me WHY I had 4 of the interviewers (out of 7) ask me about this. Then the final wrap up interview (which 15 minutes turned into 100 minutes of interviewing with him, by the way) he says "Well, our next capital purchase within the year is going to be an XRD. So, my hope is that with your exposure to it (it was in a limited capacity but still - its so rare to have any experience) that we will have a smoother time getting it set up." Me: "Oh. Cool. That sounds great and I can see the applications here now. It does make sense. While I never did method development on this instrument and only ran samples under an existing method, I do feel that with my former contacts, I will be able to set up something." He just smiled a big goofy grin. Then, again, they kept asking me about my ISO experience (a set of government regulations - most companies are ISO certified and the parent company of this place is too - so I didn't think anything of it). Me: "Well, last summer, I attended a 2 day intensive training course on becoming an ISO internal auditor and I serve on my company's internal auditing team." Again....this insane goofy grin. Him: "The parent company is ISO certified, however, we are not (that location). Again, we don't have anyone here on site who is familiar with the regulations at all and having someone in here who is familiar with the program is highly desirable." Again, me: "Oh. Snap."
So he wraps up the day with an answer to my question of "What's your timeline?" - with "Well, unfortunately I have to finish the interviews that are still lined up for me because some people had to reschedule/cancel, even though I don't want to finish the interviews now. They're next week to the end of the week. So you won't hear from us and me until the week after. But don't worry! I was most surprised with your resume, but your calm, collected manner today along with how eloquently you speak. You have been most assuredly the best interviewee I've had in here in a long time! It was most sincerely a pleasure!"
He elaborated more, too of course, but ya. He basically came short of "I want to hire you." As did 2 other interviewees who are higher ups and have a direct influence on the hiring process on the corporate side.
Overall...even if someone comes in after me and does a better job/is more qualified, in the past I was all pissed off because "THAT'S MY JOB, DAMN THAT PERSON." I won't be. I know I'm qualified for it, however if someone else is offered it, it's because they truly do deserve it more.
Anyways - that's all for now. Just wanted to update you all!
I hope everyone is doing good and that manz, you are doing better!!!
R&A - my mom still boils my blood sometimes, though it's still getting so much better. My "father"? Haven't seen him since 2000 and I am perfectly ok with that. He still terrifies me at times when I dwell too much on the past.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by Rusty Zipper 
i didn't do it!
Dee - thanks for the invite to post our stories...I'll give that some thought.
I played squash tonight. On the way home I hit a neighbourhood bar that happens to make great wings. Usually it's a pretty busy spot with lot of sports on the televisions and a lot of people grabbing dinner. Tonight though, I guess there were no sports on and the place was pretty quiet. The only people in the joint were there to drink...I found it interesting. There were a couple of older guys that were at least having some fun...flirting with the waitress etc. The others were all very serious...alone...and drinking.
I didn't get the slightest bit of AV...my beast is very much in check...although I did get some vibes from some of the other beasts in the room...me being relaxed and warm and ordering up a diet coke while I waited for my wings was not getting the warmest welcome from the crowd - nothing overt...just a vibe I picked up.
I felt bad for them. I wanted to smile and let them know that I was like them and that there was another path that they could take...but I didn't. I took my wings to go and hit the road for home.
Sometimes I like to think that I'm the only person in the world that has ever quit drinking. That it's just my little secret. Walking out of the bar tonight I had that feeling. It's a bit weird but it makes me happy. Very similar to the warm feeling I get when I intone the AVRT big plan and know that it's rock solid - I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind. When it really resonates for me it just floods me with a sense of well being and connectedness.
This probably sounds like crazy talk to a few of you - maybe all of you? I don't care though. It feels right for me.
Good night everyone!
darren
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Evening Overs,
Okay so I m confused which is pretty normal for me :rotfxko but it is Uncle Dee not Aunt Dee right?
Manz I am so much like what you have written about. All could be falling apart in my world and when someone asks me how I am I smile and say all is well. I hate doing it to cause I know how fake it is and that is one of my pet peeves about others. I guess that is why they say that what you don't like in others is probably what you don't like about yourself? Asking for hugs is something I have never ever asked for. Lately life has been dealing me a whole bunch of drama's and I should be asking for hugs all over the place lol.
Anyway it warms my heart to be back on here with you guys I miss this gang when I don't post.
Okay so I m confused which is pretty normal for me :rotfxko but it is Uncle Dee not Aunt Dee right?
Manz I am so much like what you have written about. All could be falling apart in my world and when someone asks me how I am I smile and say all is well. I hate doing it to cause I know how fake it is and that is one of my pet peeves about others. I guess that is why they say that what you don't like in others is probably what you don't like about yourself? Asking for hugs is something I have never ever asked for. Lately life has been dealing me a whole bunch of drama's and I should be asking for hugs all over the place lol.
Anyway it warms my heart to be back on here with you guys I miss this gang when I don't post.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Good to see you, Newby!
I'll come back to the quote in a sec—first off, congrats on overcoming those doubts and kicking ass in the interview!! Sounds to me like you need to reassess your salary—managing an ISO certification process is no small deal. And can you believe that their about to fork over a pile of money to get an XRD—and then along comes you? Awesome.
So back to the quote. I love that. I was just telling someone today—a friend who's brother is still deep in drink and denial—that I think it's common in addiction to play the part of the victim. I know I did. I wasted so much time and energy feeling aggrieved about people and things. I guess maybe that made it easier for me to justify my "oh, screw it, why even try" mentality. I feel like a big part of my recovery has been to focus on what I can control—it's so much more productive and healthy. Reminds me of what RZ said a while back about not having problems anymore, just situations.... My only complaint is that it took me so much longer than you to start figuring this stuff out, LB!
Not to me, Darren. Being around drinkers often makes me hyper-aware of my own abstinence, and the more they drink, the more glad I am to have quit. Sometimes I'll see someone buying booze at the grocery store, someone who looks like they've been hitting it hard for a while, and I'll feel a strange mixture of sadness and gratitude.
Originally Posted by LotusBlossom
I know I'm qualified for it, however if someone else is offered it, it's because they truly do deserve it more.
So back to the quote. I love that. I was just telling someone today—a friend who's brother is still deep in drink and denial—that I think it's common in addiction to play the part of the victim. I know I did. I wasted so much time and energy feeling aggrieved about people and things. I guess maybe that made it easier for me to justify my "oh, screw it, why even try" mentality. I feel like a big part of my recovery has been to focus on what I can control—it's so much more productive and healthy. Reminds me of what RZ said a while back about not having problems anymore, just situations.... My only complaint is that it took me so much longer than you to start figuring this stuff out, LB!
Originally Posted by Tippingpoint
This probably sounds like crazy talk
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,474
Haha... I am so glad to read your post Lotus. You rock, and a wonderful attitude to boot!
I know my failings, I know what I need to work on, I know where to get the help with this....I am just waiting my turn. And in the meantime I am trying my best to not allow the things I can do nothing about affect me soo much. Time and I too may be remotely close to resembling the degree of recovery and healthy attitudes I see from so mmany of you wonderful people.
Anyway....day was spent with friends hanging out at the Botanic gardens with the kids and picnicing. Nice in the middle of winter to see sun.
I know my failings, I know what I need to work on, I know where to get the help with this....I am just waiting my turn. And in the meantime I am trying my best to not allow the things I can do nothing about affect me soo much. Time and I too may be remotely close to resembling the degree of recovery and healthy attitudes I see from so mmany of you wonderful people.
Anyway....day was spent with friends hanging out at the Botanic gardens with the kids and picnicing. Nice in the middle of winter to see sun.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
Congrats LaFemme!!! That is so awesome!
Tiipping.....interesting post. Just the other day someone near and dear said to me (without malice ) " just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you are a better or more pure person than those who do." I wasn't at all offended by this statement, which is a testimony to my sobriety itself I think ( in my former life I would have pounced). I said back to this person" well, nothing could be further from how I really feel about myself. I don't think most alcoholics feel better than or superior to anyone. Quite the opposite in
many cases." Then I made a mental note to make a conscious effort to not give off those
vibes ( if I even was ). In the last 18 months I have often enjoyed going to places I would normally drink and ordering a diet coke or a cup of coffee. It does feel like a cozy little club for one....but then sometimes it's been desperately lonely as well. I keep reminding myself that the more I practice doing it (like my piano) the better I will get at
it. So far so good!
Have the best day, Overs!
Tiipping.....interesting post. Just the other day someone near and dear said to me (without malice ) " just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you are a better or more pure person than those who do." I wasn't at all offended by this statement, which is a testimony to my sobriety itself I think ( in my former life I would have pounced). I said back to this person" well, nothing could be further from how I really feel about myself. I don't think most alcoholics feel better than or superior to anyone. Quite the opposite in
many cases." Then I made a mental note to make a conscious effort to not give off those
vibes ( if I even was ). In the last 18 months I have often enjoyed going to places I would normally drink and ordering a diet coke or a cup of coffee. It does feel like a cozy little club for one....but then sometimes it's been desperately lonely as well. I keep reminding myself that the more I practice doing it (like my piano) the better I will get at
it. So far so good!
Have the best day, Overs!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by LDT
Congrats LaFemme!!! That is so awesome!
Tiipping.....interesting post. Just the other day someone near and dear said to me (without malice ) " just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you are a better or more pure person than those who do." I wasn't at all offended by this statement, which is a testimony to my sobriety itself I think ( in my former life I would have pounced). I said back to this person" well, nothing could be further from how I really feel about myself. I don't think most alcoholics feel better than or superior to anyone. Quite the opposite in
many cases." Then I made a mental note to make a conscious effort to not give off those
vibes ( if I even was ). In the last 18 months I have often enjoyed going to places I would normally drink and ordering a diet coke or a cup of coffee. It does feel like a cozy little club for one....but then sometimes it's been desperately lonely as well. I keep reminding myself that the more I practice doing it (like my piano) the better I will get at
it. So far so good!
Have the best day, Overs!
Tiipping.....interesting post. Just the other day someone near and dear said to me (without malice ) " just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you are a better or more pure person than those who do." I wasn't at all offended by this statement, which is a testimony to my sobriety itself I think ( in my former life I would have pounced). I said back to this person" well, nothing could be further from how I really feel about myself. I don't think most alcoholics feel better than or superior to anyone. Quite the opposite in
many cases." Then I made a mental note to make a conscious effort to not give off those
vibes ( if I even was ). In the last 18 months I have often enjoyed going to places I would normally drink and ordering a diet coke or a cup of coffee. It does feel like a cozy little club for one....but then sometimes it's been desperately lonely as well. I keep reminding myself that the more I practice doing it (like my piano) the better I will get at
it. So far so good!
Have the best day, Overs!
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Morning Overs,
R&A good to be seen:rotfxko
Happy 2 years LF 
7 and many many more.
TP you are so right when you say it is their addiction. Its their stuff and no one else' s so don't ever worry that you are giving out the vibe that you think you are better than LDT.
Have an awesome day all.
R&A good to be seen:rotfxko
Happy 2 years LF 7 and many many more.TP you are so right when you say it is their addiction. Its their stuff and no one else' s so don't ever worry that you are giving out the vibe that you think you are better than LDT.
Have an awesome day all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I absolutely know that whatever problem *they* have with me NOT drinking is their own problem. I think people that are problem drinkers are threatened by sober people. *Normal* drinkers are not... BUT, I will be honest and say that maybe I did feel a little smug when I was a newcomer to sobriety, and maybe I came off that way. And if so, I regret that. I'm a little wiser these days. I think if we want to bring more people to sobriety, we need to be gracious in our own sobriety. It's just an awareness that I have had recently. Again...only my humble opinion.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Congrats T! Stay ahead of me girl!
!!!!!!!!!!
LDT I know exactly what you mean. I had to be very careful too as the good ol boys at the corner hangout who I used to drink a lot with, as it was only a half mile down the same street to my house, were really leery at first ribbing me good natured. Then when I did not hang around for more than a few minutes and didn't relapse after a few weeks they would stare at me and ask did you really really quit drinking. Now they all accept me as a non-drinker. Just as if I knew them and never drank at all. I still will stop by once in a while but early right when the first beer gets popped and have a diet coke, then head home. They don't start until after 5 so I can go by anytime in the day and all are sober and chat too.
I don't hang out and didn't much when I drank either. But I won't let my sobriety intrude on others, which is what I hear you saying LDT. If asked to help and how to start I will do whatever I can. But until then I am not superior or inferior to them and their drinking is none of my biz. If I don't want them to impose their lifestyle on me I have to be willing to do the same. As they must or I am gone.
!!!!!!!!!!LDT I know exactly what you mean. I had to be very careful too as the good ol boys at the corner hangout who I used to drink a lot with, as it was only a half mile down the same street to my house, were really leery at first ribbing me good natured. Then when I did not hang around for more than a few minutes and didn't relapse after a few weeks they would stare at me and ask did you really really quit drinking. Now they all accept me as a non-drinker. Just as if I knew them and never drank at all. I still will stop by once in a while but early right when the first beer gets popped and have a diet coke, then head home. They don't start until after 5 so I can go by anytime in the day and all are sober and chat too.
I don't hang out and didn't much when I drank either. But I won't let my sobriety intrude on others, which is what I hear you saying LDT. If asked to help and how to start I will do whatever I can. But until then I am not superior or inferior to them and their drinking is none of my biz. If I don't want them to impose their lifestyle on me I have to be willing to do the same. As they must or I am gone.
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