One Year and Over Club- Part 6
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Evening all. I am rushing around getting work things done in order to have a week off for a professional conference. Over the years I have dropped this sort of stuff as it was too much hassle, and the social aspect was torture, followed by topping up drinks in my room etc. It is great to have the capacity to be able to do it. I expect I will go with the flow without problems.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by instant 
Evening all. I am rushing around getting work things done in order to have a week off for a professional conference. Over the years I have dropped this sort of stuff as it was too much hassle, and the social aspect was torture, followed by topping up drinks in my room etc. It is great to have the capacity to be able to do it. I expect I will go with the flow without problems.
My recent work trip to Germany was a terrific hurdle overcome for me. It was so nice to be the one that was first to breakfast in the morning - after having gone for a run no less!
Have fun with the conference!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Happy 4th! Sunday was 16 months sober for me, thank you sr!
Two years ago today I was so anxious that I snuck out and bought screw top wine and guzzled it sneakily, I was so desperate for relief and to feel relaxed. My husband still doesn't know. We were at our friends lake cabin, so how much more relaxing a place could I have been?
So happy today that monkey is off my back and alcohol is simply out of the picture.
Freedom!!!!
Two years ago today I was so anxious that I snuck out and bought screw top wine and guzzled it sneakily, I was so desperate for relief and to feel relaxed. My husband still doesn't know. We were at our friends lake cabin, so how much more relaxing a place could I have been?
So happy today that monkey is off my back and alcohol is simply out of the picture.
Freedom!!!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,584
Congrats Murray!
Happy Independence Day! I hope none of our members are among those without power, and without traditional celebrations.
Or those in the drought areas. We live in the rural area. Last evening the Fire Dept. was out two places down for a brush fire where kids started a fire from their fireworks. Hope we have no more fires like Colorado just had.
Happy and safe 4th all!
Happy Independence Day! I hope none of our members are among those without power, and without traditional celebrations.
Or those in the drought areas. We live in the rural area. Last evening the Fire Dept. was out two places down for a brush fire where kids started a fire from their fireworks. Hope we have no more fires like Colorado just had.
Happy and safe 4th all!
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 14,137
Lots of local communities around Milwaukee have cancelled their fireworks this year because of the drought conditions. We've had less than an inch of rain in the past six weeks! Also, we hit a record high today of 102. Stay safe & cool, everyone!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Cloud cover here, so fireworks didn't seem worth the bother. Terrific day splashing around in a water park with the munchkin just the same.
Frances, your post takes me back to my own ghosts of July Fourths past... Independence Day indeed.
Frances, your post takes me back to my own ghosts of July Fourths past... Independence Day indeed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Congrats Murray!
Dawn just rising, off to go running.
Husband & I head up to Maine this morning for vacation. Who's the lucky one? ME.
Hope all are well and happy and cool or warm depending on which hemisphere you live in on our beautiful blue world.
Dawn just rising, off to go running.
Husband & I head up to Maine this morning for vacation. Who's the lucky one? ME.
Hope all are well and happy and cool or warm depending on which hemisphere you live in on our beautiful blue world.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
Frances, you are indeed lucky! I love Maine so much. Husband and I have been several times. We go to the east coast as often as possible in the fall.
Belated congratulations, Murray!
Hope everyone had a good 4th! Ours was HOT and quiet. I'm SOOO ready for cooler temps.
Off to exercise. Happy Thursday.
Belated congratulations, Murray!
Hope everyone had a good 4th! Ours was HOT and quiet. I'm SOOO ready for cooler temps.
Off to exercise. Happy Thursday.
In my Own Little World
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 368
Congrats on two years, Murray!!!
I'm so pissed off and frustrated and just...disappointed in myself. No, I didn't drink. This is all life disappointment. It's now becoming a pattern, though, and I really don't know what to do because I am undermining myself.
I know I told you all a while ago I was contacted by someone randomly to have lunch with them, a friend of my mothers, via facebook. Well, I evaded them and told myself it's because I just didn't want to potentially meet anyone that old (which is a bold faced lie to myself - he isn't even that old, first of all; secondly, I've said it time and time again, age isn't any big deal to me at all). I've had another guy that I've put off *forever* having a date with because I've perceived him as a drinker, partier, woman chaser and only after one thing. He finally asked me why I didn't want to go on a date with him. Me being the tactful person I am I told him "All I see you on your facebook page is talking about drinking in bars, partying in night clubs, nursing hangovers, trashing girls and everything else. That's fine, that's your lifestyle. It used to be mine too. It no longer is. I don't want to get back into that scene, nor do I wish to be around people who are." He said "If that was your concern you should have asked a long time ago. I talk a big talk on fb because I DJ. People expect it. Nearly all of the time when I post that stuff, I am sitting on my couch at home in my boxers putting that stuff up from my phone to make it look like I'm out." I still never went out with him. Then I started talking to another guy up from New Hampshire I mentioned. We talked a lot. Ultimately he offered to fly me up and stay with him and his family a weekend. I turned him down. Said it was too soon. Couple of weeks later he says "I took a week off work...I thought about coming and seeing you." Panic! I called off the entire thing and told him let's just be friends. I told myself I got creepy vibes because what guy offers to fly a chick up at no expense to her and then turns around and takes a week off and says "I'm coming to see you!" without asking her first?! How rude. Now, I've been talking to a local guy that has been specactular. This is the one that likes operas/classical music, plays piano, hikes, likes some computer gaming, reading, on and on and on. I was like "Am I reading MY profile? Seriously." So finally, I was like that's it. I decided I was going to be forward and be like "Let's go out" - without saying "Let's go out" (hey - I am a female). Tuesday night (at 2:30am - so I didn't get the email until yesterday morning) he sends me a nice long email and at the end is like "Well, I don't know what my family is doing later on today but when our plans solidify, I will send you a text and see what you are doing. Maybe we can go down and catch the fireworks together!"
Score!
The fireworks are at 10pm. He finally sends a text around....6:30pm I guess. "My family decided to have a last minute cookout today. We're just cleaning up." (and more to it than that but ya, essentially the gist of it). We texted for a while. Finally around 8pm he's like "So did you have plans to go watch the fireworks?" Me: "Ummm...well, I wasn't sure if you were still going down to be honest. Also...do you know where I would park at? Because heck if I know downtown." Him: "I don't get around via a car and haven't in a while, so parking? No idea, but ya I'm on my way down now. Do you think you'd be able to make it?"
Now. Realistically, I could have. I knew we probably were going to go. I could have went ahead and went down and just chilled out (well, sweated balls, really - it was a heat index of 110°F). Also, I could have parked across the river at the levee and then walked across one of the bridges over to the park we were going to meet at - nice public place and all. It would have been perfect. Instead here's what I though. "It's 8:10pm. I have to finish getting dressed. Ten minutes. Drive to the river. 35 minutes. Find parking. 20 minutes IF I'M LUCKY. Walk across the river to the park - 25 minutes. By the time I get there the fireworks will be over." Realistic timeline? I was already ready: hair done, makeup done. Just had to throw shirt/pants on. Time to get dressed? 5 minutes tops. Time to river: 25 minutes. Time to park: 10 minutes. Time to walk across the bridge: 20-25 minutes was realistic. I would have had time. So instead, I asked him for a rain check. No, I begged the guy for a rain check. Because I *really* want to go out on a date with him. He was totally ok with the rain check and understood (seemed like it anyways).
Why must I do this though? I'm so terrified. Ever since this last relationship I had in August - October and this guy royally screwed me over with everyone in the future (physically - which in turn jacked me up mentally)...I can't get past that hurdle mentally and haven't even allowed myself to really get into a first date anymore. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night. I just tossed and turned. I really don't know what to do, why I do it or where to go from here. I'm normally so brave and fearless...but with this, I'm just...like a terrified little girl. I don't even remember being this scared when I was going through beatings over and over again when I was younger - at least then I could turn my emotions off and retreat.
I hope everyone had a good fourth.
I'm so pissed off and frustrated and just...disappointed in myself. No, I didn't drink. This is all life disappointment. It's now becoming a pattern, though, and I really don't know what to do because I am undermining myself.
I know I told you all a while ago I was contacted by someone randomly to have lunch with them, a friend of my mothers, via facebook. Well, I evaded them and told myself it's because I just didn't want to potentially meet anyone that old (which is a bold faced lie to myself - he isn't even that old, first of all; secondly, I've said it time and time again, age isn't any big deal to me at all). I've had another guy that I've put off *forever* having a date with because I've perceived him as a drinker, partier, woman chaser and only after one thing. He finally asked me why I didn't want to go on a date with him. Me being the tactful person I am I told him "All I see you on your facebook page is talking about drinking in bars, partying in night clubs, nursing hangovers, trashing girls and everything else. That's fine, that's your lifestyle. It used to be mine too. It no longer is. I don't want to get back into that scene, nor do I wish to be around people who are." He said "If that was your concern you should have asked a long time ago. I talk a big talk on fb because I DJ. People expect it. Nearly all of the time when I post that stuff, I am sitting on my couch at home in my boxers putting that stuff up from my phone to make it look like I'm out." I still never went out with him. Then I started talking to another guy up from New Hampshire I mentioned. We talked a lot. Ultimately he offered to fly me up and stay with him and his family a weekend. I turned him down. Said it was too soon. Couple of weeks later he says "I took a week off work...I thought about coming and seeing you." Panic! I called off the entire thing and told him let's just be friends. I told myself I got creepy vibes because what guy offers to fly a chick up at no expense to her and then turns around and takes a week off and says "I'm coming to see you!" without asking her first?! How rude. Now, I've been talking to a local guy that has been specactular. This is the one that likes operas/classical music, plays piano, hikes, likes some computer gaming, reading, on and on and on. I was like "Am I reading MY profile? Seriously." So finally, I was like that's it. I decided I was going to be forward and be like "Let's go out" - without saying "Let's go out" (hey - I am a female). Tuesday night (at 2:30am - so I didn't get the email until yesterday morning) he sends me a nice long email and at the end is like "Well, I don't know what my family is doing later on today but when our plans solidify, I will send you a text and see what you are doing. Maybe we can go down and catch the fireworks together!"
Score!
The fireworks are at 10pm. He finally sends a text around....6:30pm I guess. "My family decided to have a last minute cookout today. We're just cleaning up." (and more to it than that but ya, essentially the gist of it). We texted for a while. Finally around 8pm he's like "So did you have plans to go watch the fireworks?" Me: "Ummm...well, I wasn't sure if you were still going down to be honest. Also...do you know where I would park at? Because heck if I know downtown." Him: "I don't get around via a car and haven't in a while, so parking? No idea, but ya I'm on my way down now. Do you think you'd be able to make it?"
Now. Realistically, I could have. I knew we probably were going to go. I could have went ahead and went down and just chilled out (well, sweated balls, really - it was a heat index of 110°F). Also, I could have parked across the river at the levee and then walked across one of the bridges over to the park we were going to meet at - nice public place and all. It would have been perfect. Instead here's what I though. "It's 8:10pm. I have to finish getting dressed. Ten minutes. Drive to the river. 35 minutes. Find parking. 20 minutes IF I'M LUCKY. Walk across the river to the park - 25 minutes. By the time I get there the fireworks will be over." Realistic timeline? I was already ready: hair done, makeup done. Just had to throw shirt/pants on. Time to get dressed? 5 minutes tops. Time to river: 25 minutes. Time to park: 10 minutes. Time to walk across the bridge: 20-25 minutes was realistic. I would have had time. So instead, I asked him for a rain check. No, I begged the guy for a rain check. Because I *really* want to go out on a date with him. He was totally ok with the rain check and understood (seemed like it anyways).
Why must I do this though? I'm so terrified. Ever since this last relationship I had in August - October and this guy royally screwed me over with everyone in the future (physically - which in turn jacked me up mentally)...I can't get past that hurdle mentally and haven't even allowed myself to really get into a first date anymore. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night. I just tossed and turned. I really don't know what to do, why I do it or where to go from here. I'm normally so brave and fearless...but with this, I'm just...like a terrified little girl. I don't even remember being this scared when I was going through beatings over and over again when I was younger - at least then I could turn my emotions off and retreat.
I hope everyone had a good fourth.
CONGRATULATIONS!! 
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by LotusBlossom
Why must I do this though? I'm so terrified.
In my sober journey I have worked a lot at not asking 'why' things are happening. I have also tried to stop saying 'it shouldn't be happening' or variations on that theme.
Now I 'don't run from pain'. I used to drink it away.
Now I try to acknowledge what is happening, and acknowledge my emotions about it and that it is OK to feel that way.I have found there is usually some fear underneath it all. It is then my choice as to how to deal with fear.
You have overcome hardship in the past. You have made all the necessary links in your analysis of your situation.
I have learned I can live with fear once it is acknowledged.
Why not take the lead and suggesting in a casual manner meeting for coffee at a specific time and place that suits you?
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