bblackbirdflyy

oh. And day 41. Just read the Woody Allen quote "90% of life is just showing up". I will never get what I want if I do not take some sort of initiative. I am going to go try to sell myself as a transit planner for our public transportation system tomorrow. showing up in person, resume in hand. Studying the position now. Wish me luck.

katie

StreamWader

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.
Mine was very eventful for me, although to anyone observing, it would have seemed very blasé.
Saturday I helped a friend store his sailboat for the season and afterwards he bought us (There were 4 of us) lunch for helping. We were in the yacht club but I had no urges to drink and no one made an offer. The yacht club (Sailors tend to be hard drinkers by definition) has been a huge trigger for me in the past. Best of all, another of my friends who had helped did not drink either. I am beginning to think he may be questioning his alcohol consumption.
Sunday I took the family to see a theatrical production of Annie. My same sailing friend’s daughter was the lead role. Afterwards we all went out for dinner and again no urge to drink. It was very relieving to make it through the weekend without a struggle.
My knee is driving me nuts. I have been sitting around doing nothing for two weeks. I want to start a low impact exercise program but the weak knee is preventing me from doing anything. Twiddling my thumbs doesn't count, I suppose.
Take care evryone, post when you can.
I have my fingers crossed for you, Katie.

Chimp

Stream,

I cannot tell you how great it is to read of you and your sailing. For the the past 4 1/2 months I have thoroughly enjoyed your posts. You are most definitely an inspiration for me.

On Thursday, I am guiding my first tour of WW1 battlefields. It runs over 2 days. I am getting more and more nervous but I know I can do it and I know I can engage both the students and adults. Tomorrow, I am going to finish putting together what I will say at each site. I hope it does the trick. I can only do my best.

This time tomorrow I will once again head to a meeting.

Chimp!

Tuesday24

Stream, I can relate to the whole yacht club atmosphere..especially with sailors. My bf's family are sailors and also heavy, heavy drinkers. Sorry to hear your knee is still so painful. My knee is really painful, so I can relate. It has been 5 days since surgery and I still have areas on my knee that are numb..hopefully there is not any permanent nerve damage! I can not get around very well, have a huge cast like brace and crutches. The brace does not allow and flexon or extension of my knee (its immobilized). I hope you are feeling better soon...I sure can relate to the useless feeling.

Katie, thats great! Get out there and get em girl!! let us know how you make out. I am rooting for you!!

Pumpkin Soup

Hi all,

Good luck Katie - your attitude is wonderful.

Chimp great to see you back and im glad you are back to meetings. I did the same - stopped and started many times - this time somehow it has worked - maybe I was "ready" I really dont know why its different this time except that I am doing the things suggested by others who have recovered.

Paddy - you too - keep at it - whatever works for you you will get there in the end if you keep trying.

Tuesday and Stream - I hope your knees dont keep giving you too much jip Pain is so awful I often now remember to be grateful when I am not in pain - its something you dont notice or think about when its not there - a day without it is something to be grateful for.

I had another dream that I drank last night - it doesnt bother me its nice when I wake and know that the real me hasnt drunk and that I dont have a hangover!

Ive been feeling alot better again the past few days - the depression still comes in waves but the good days are in the majority now it seems.

I will get my 5 month chip on Friday - yippee

bratnik

Hi Class -

I know I have been absent. I haven't drank since my friend was here. Sometimes it's hard, but the moment is fleeting.

TP - I know you asked me the question that is still fresh in my mind. My answer is that I don't have a Master Plan yet. In the meantime, I'm "keeping my side of the street clean" (thanks, Leo!) and focusing mainly on myself. This is working.

My huz has been home for weeks, no travel, so that makes everything easier. Because he is home, I'm not around the computer much besides looking for work. So forgive me if I'm not available to post as often as I used to.

I'm still part of the class and know that I think of all of you every day.

(hugs)

anna

Paddyb

Good Morning people

I will start again today the 1st of NOV, i drank 4-5 beers yesterday to ease the panic, it didnt do the trick, as soon as i was drinking it, it was coming back up. Chimp hit the nail on the head, i cant drink any more, it has battered me and won, all i can do is fight back and not drink and repair my body and mind from the past 4 day binge.Its 4am in the morning here and pacing up and down the house with levels of panic, i know it's the Alcohol raising the anxiety so i take a drink, i am done with this life and cant carry on this way. Since here i have failed many times and can only say sorry to those who offer support only to hear me pick up again.

Chimp

Paddy, I too had a very disturbed night's sleep but what would I expect following two months of drinking. I too feel awful but tonight I am going to a meeting in my new home town.

My head is all over the place. I am ashamed of my behaviour Saturday night and my gf said in the early hours of the morning that she has put a distance between me and her. That hurt but I told her that I would accept any decision she makes. She still hugs me though. I imagine this is an anxious time for her. It must be awful realising that your partner is an alcoholic. She is worried that I will be horrible sober. I know I won't. I never have been towards anyone. When I was sober over the summer there was not one incident. I know it is the alochol. I know that is what was killing me and now I have to do something about it, to give myself to recovery.

I love her so much. Whatever she decides I will accept because even though I would lose the most wonderful person to come into my life, my recovery is more important and so is her own spirit.

Day 2 sober!

Chimp!

Paddyb

Hi Chimp

Where is the new home town, you was over in kent just over the bridge from me?, i to am going to a meeting, as that my friend is where i need to be, good work on the 2 days, i am just hitting 12 hours and at work and feel a mess.

instant

Hi Guys. I think everyday sober we learn something new, even if we are not aware of it we are developing healthier habits. If we face challenges or difficult feelings (even boredom) and we get through it without drinking - we are learning a new way. I am starting to look at life's little stresses somewhat differently. I had to do a bit of public speaking today, not my strong point- I can be very self critical. I worry about it before hand, even if I do procrastinate and leave the planning for my bit to the last couple of days. In the past I would drink to celebrate getting through challenges like that. Tonight I just feel relaxed and can enjoy the evening for what it is.

Chimp

Instant, that is great mate! A lovely warm post.

Paddy, yes, I am just over the bridge! Small world isn't it?

I am looking forward to the meeting but a bit nervous but I will get there.

Right, back to work!

Chimp!

Paddyb

Just get to the meeting my friend and get your arse on a seat, some 1 once said to me, in AA we shoot are wounded, you could help a member tonight

Paddyb

Sorry Hiding this from my work chaps here meant to state in AA WE DONT SHOOT ARE WOUNDED

Chimp

And the amazing thing Paddy is that it really is that easy! Just sit your arse on a seat!

Chimp!

bblackbirdflyy

42. Heading out to job hunt. The transit planner position has been filled, (she emailed me back) But I am still trying to snag a job w them as a dispatcher.

Paddy and Chimp - I'm happy you are both here with renewed commitment.
Stream- I sure am hoping that knee lets up on you.
Brat- Nice to hear from you! seems like the head is still above water and that is good!
pumpkin - 5 months whooo hoooooo!

everyone love!

Tuesday24

Hi Juners,

Just checking in. Nice to see all of the posts. Welcome back Bratnik!!! Don't worry about not being able to post a lot..but it sure is nice "seeing" you.

Chimp-Sobriety really is number one. I hope things work out between you and your gf.

Paddy- You made me chuckle with your typo lol How are you doing?

Katie- You sound like your on the right track. Keep us posted.

Much love all

Tuesday24

Instant, I always love reading your posts. You are very insightful. Thank you.

Paddyb

Hi Tuesday, i am ok and nearly coming up to 24 hours since last drink, have eaten today and so want what i had when i done double figures in Oct. Day 1 nearly over thank god.

instant

Paddy remember it's one day at a time. If on one day you did not get the result you were aiming for- there is the next day to try again.

Paddyb

Morning all

Day 2 about to start and i slept on and off, thank you for all your support.
Didnt get to a meeting last night, but have 5 i can do in the next 4 days, and boy will my arse be on a seat in them rooms.

Chimp how you doing fellow, how was your meeting? the way i see it and the path we are both taking, you will always be a day in front of me, but i will always be there right behind you.