Dean62

Thanks for answering Brixton, I figured since I asked the question I should at least attempt to share my experience with it. First off I think that you gave a great answer. There are many ways to look at it, I'm no expert but the focuse here is not on the alcohol, it's on the storm that proceeds the first drink. I know that sounds simple, for me breaking things down to there simplest form gives me a chance at not being overwhelmed by them. So....tackling the storm.


We alcoholics often make the mistake of jumping from one end to the other. We obssess over our drinking when we are active in our alcoholism, for me most of my thoughts were about the next drink. Then when we deside to stop we jump to the other end. Our focus is on not drinking to the extent that we are "fighting" it. The point is in both cases our focus and energy is on alcohol, drinking or not.

Check out what Carol did:
She didn't mention alcohol.

After step one when we admit our problem with alcohol the other 11 steps don't say anything about alcohol either. I'm not pushing AA on you I'm just saying we first turn to recovery because we need help with our out of control drinking but recovery is about more then aclohol. That faster we can get out the problem of alcohol and into the solution that has nothing to do with alcohol the sooner the obssesion and cravings leave us because we begin dealing with the real problem. For me, alcohol was actually my self medicating solution to the real problem that then became a problem itself. It wasn't orginally about alcohol for me.

You mention some people from your church are helping you to Love yourself....

I believed the lie that I was unlovable because I measured myself against my twisted perception of others. My twisted perception of reality is where my real insanity exists. My sponsor told me on day one to forget everything I know and to forget everything I think I know. Well after not having a clue of what the idiot was talking about I of course couldn't forget much of anything but I have learned to see through what I thought I knew....perception. My recovery is my percption changing from unhealthy beliefs to a healthy understanding of truth. For starters the thought that any of us are unlovable is absolute insane BS.....even though many of us have beleived it for much of our lives.

Oh....thanks for permision to ramble Hideorseek but I really don't know where I'm going or how to end what I'm saying so.....

End of post.

Anna

Brixton, I also believe that alcoholism is the symptom and the problem is much deeper. Low self-esteem, in fact deeply hating myself, laid the groundwork for my addiction. And, the actual stopping drinking was easier than the journey of learning to like and to love myself. I am glad that you have support from your church.

ND, I too made some major changes in my life as I began my recovery. I moved geographically to a new area, left both my children behind as they were at university and gave up my job to follow my husband. I think you are following your instinct and that's great.

sourgirlSC

Brixton, congrats on 3 days! People have continuously told me that after the 3rd day it gets easier physically. I did find that to be true in my experience. It's great that you have people from church to help you, in addition to the folks here. If you feel the need, lean on them. Lean on us. Don't feel like you're alone in this. After all, your friends are with you, and (most importantly) the Lord is with you.

ND, congrats on your progress too. If you feel like your living situation with your roommates is unhealthy, then the fact that you are moving away from that situation is good. It's not my business either, but I do advise you and your significant other to take it slowly even if you do live together. You are both adults and can access whether or not the relationship is healthy for either of you. As long as both of you are willing to put sobriety ahead of each other, then that's what's important. After all, I'm sure you both want to be the best partner for the other that you can be, and that requires sobriety, right?

Thanks to everyone for the good thoughts and support! Day 8, thank the Lord. Oddly enough, I have realized that I'm actually eating less than I did when I was drinking. I'm not sure why - - the hunger just isn't there. Of course, the tons of seltzer water could have a little something to do with it.

Hope you are all well. Fight on, fight on!

HideorSeek

Congratulations everyone! I have had a busy weekend, and am bushed, but wanted to let you know that I am still here, still plugging along myself and still rooting for each and every one of us!

Anna

Glad you had a good weekend HideandSeek!

I hope everyone else enjoyed their weekend too. This is the first weekend I have broken out my coat, but I did manage to get out for a couple of great walks.

sourgirlSC

Just a short check-in to say that day 9 was uneventful, but I enjoyed it anyway. I feel really blessed today to be with my family and to enjoy my hobbies and passing the time without drinking.

I hope you all had and are having wonderful weekends! Much love!

SG

HideorSeek

Full week ahead....cousin here for week and then youngest daughter arrives for 5 months!!!! Baby steps and deep breaths and a lot of journaling work for me!

BrixtonBear

Hi everyone, thanks for everyone's posts. Into day 5 today...

Thanks Carol for that great thought about "spiffing up the outside", I'm going to try and do just that. I'm really hoping that, as the days go by and I continue not to drink, I might start to lose some weight (I put on so much weight during the last few years because of all the alcohol).

Thanks Dean and Anna, I really identify with that point that alcohol is a "self-medicating solution to the real problem" and that alcoholism is "the symptom" of the real problem. This is incredibly helpful, more than you know - I've just realised that I have been focusing too much on "alcohol" as the problem when really it is only a symptom of my spiritual illness - I can't believe it's taken me so long to try to understand this!

Sourgirl, thanks for all your encouragement too and well done on your 9 days! Brilliant!

ND, congratulations on your progress too! I'm really happy for you!!!

HideorSeek, I really hope the week goes well for you. I'm really really grateful that you are here!

Sorry this post got a bit long, I'm rooting for everyone here in this thread.

noubledegative

day 8 & still sober...just

but my life has been turned upside down again yesterday, the girl i was talking about in my last post (moving in together etc) was encouraging me to go to an AA meeting. i very stupidly (and this has been a problem for me) lied to her and made up that my sister was coming to visit to get out of going to the meeting. i then rethought the situation and went to the meeting anyway (as i do want to get sober) at the meeting, the deception that comes hand in hand with alcoholism was discussed and i decided that i wanted to do some 'housecleaning' and fess up to this girl about the lie. thinking she would be upset but glad i was working the progam and really trying to move forward spiritually not just staying sober...i was so wrong. she has freaked out and told me she doesnt want me to move in & doesnt want to be with me anymore. shes angry and hurt and doesnt want to talk to me.

so now im left with my flatmates who dont really want me around due to last weeks drinking & ive just been dumped by a girl really wanted to be with.

im angry and upset as well...at lfe i guess. but if i think hard enough, perhaps this is good. my honesty cant be a bad thing...and i guess i need to expect consequences for telling the truth...but it hurts like hell to be surrounded by people who dont want you around. because they are scared of what you might do if you drink and dont trust you cos you confessed to lying to them.

cravings to drink today are unsurprisingly strong...i wll try get to a meeting

its good to see other people are dong well, gives me hope.
nd

Anna

HideandSeek,

Things can get a little overwhelming at this time of the year. I will be having my son, daughter and baby granddaughter staying here for a couple of weeks over Christmas. I am very excited about it, but I also have to keep reminding myself that things don't have to be perfect.

Sourgirl,

I am glad that you are enjoying your sober life.

BB,

Good for you going through Day 5!

ND,

Honesty is crucial to recovery, and you did the right thing by telling your friend the truth. Unfortunately, we can't control other people and the outcomes don't always work the way we want them to work. Have faith that things are working out as they should. Maybe you need to look elsewhere for a place to live and a roomate. Hopefully the right situation will come along.

least

Here I am again, on day one. I am ashamed and sorry to be back here. I hate myself for falling down - again. I should know better, but I guess I don't. please forgive me. I'm starting all over again with day one. I'm so ashamed. Please don't hate me, I already hate myself.

Anna

Least,

None of us hate you, but I feel your pain.

Learn and move on. You don't have to do another Day 1.

HideorSeek

((((((ND)))))))

((((((Least)))))

I paused (a very critical thing for me), when I read Anna's post. The holiday season is full of unforeseen (and foreseen!) stresses, on top of the usual ones. Let us all remember the phrase "This too shall pass". Thanks for the reminder Anna!

CarolD

Least....Mega

Glad to know you are getting back on track.
Prayers coming your way for peace and clarity.
(+) (+) (+)

noubledegative

stayed sober yesterday...and got some good news. my female friend had a rethink and she still wants me to move in with her. fessing up to my underlying dishonesty and lies has hurt her...but after some thought, she wants to work through this WITH me.

so today is a good day & im so happy!

getting out (talking about) some of those dark secrets you desperately hold onto inside yourself, due to years of substance abuse is a REALLY worthwhile thing to do. while in 'black out' a year and a half ago i ALMOST got raped (yes im a guy) in a park by some undesireable. I was legless and he took advantage...luckily i woke up (came out of blackout) just b4 anything to bad happened, but it has been a secret i carried with me for a long time and to talk about it last weekend openly was really healing for me. dont just blurt out any old secret, be tactful with a trusted friend and dont forget you CAN'T control how your friend will react. but telling the truth is definitely part of becoming sober/healing process and as the phrase is thrown around here on SR. i think its part of 'the way forward'

i know i have a long way to go with becoming a 100% truthfull person, years and years of drinking has engrained dishonesty in me to the point where it feels like it IS me, but this is simply not true & i am now pointed in the right direction and with the baby steps ive made i can already feel healing taking place.

day at a time...

dont forget to enjoy your sobriety and peeps still in the first few days, stay strong it will get better & better & better.

but i guess my thought for the day is...it takes MORE then just not drinking. you need to actively heal your soul for real change to happen. talking to trusted people, family friends, bieng 100% honest etc.
ive only been sober max 2 weeks in the last year, so i certanly aint no authority on any of this...but i think this time will be the one i stay sober.

hows that for optimism!

better get packing, im moving nto my new SOBER home...woah that sounds scary
nd

Anna

Hey ND,

I'm glad that the living arrangements with your friend are going to work out for you.

And, I think honesty is so important in recovery. For me, it started with being honest with myself, and letting go of some long-held beliefs I had about myself that just weren't true. And, I do believe that we need to work actively on recovery every day. I'm glad you're doing well.

least

Coming to the end of day one. I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out. Please God help me stay sober. I do'nt want to go thru this again. I'm too old to keep fighting and losing. I surrender. I don't want to drink anymore. I think I've finally had enough.

CarolD

Least....
I noticed you started a Dec. 09 group in Newcomers.
Thanks for doing one and sharing there too.

Prayers continue....for you and for all who desire recovery.

CarolD

ND....you are sounding sooooo strong and positive

All my best to both of you

CarolD

Mirage....
I saw your share in our Alcoholism 12 Step Support Forum.
Glad you found the info useful.

Your doing the deal...Way To Go on your progress