Codependency and Beyond Part 4
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Originally Posted by grateful2b 
((BigDreams))..I understand ....my daughter has suffered from anxiety and depression for quite a long time and she used beer as a way to deal with it...
just to clarify... Bigdreams, I do not know anything of your son's situation...I was sharing how anxiety and depression played a role in my daughter's addiction. in the hopes that it might help in some way....hugs
Last edited by grateful2b; 05-01-2009 at 10:57 AM.
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Big Dreams,
I hope that your son will find a way to seek health for his depression. I can imagine this must be really hard to watch and not be able to help.
I have a nephew whose anxiety/depression is so bad he dropped out of school at age 13. He refuses to get any kind of help, though he is now 28. When he was physically forced to go to a psychiatrist, he hid his meds all over the house, rather than take them. This has been so hard for me and I try to see that he is on his own journey. I can not help him.
I hope that your son will find a way to seek health for his depression. I can imagine this must be really hard to watch and not be able to help.
I have a nephew whose anxiety/depression is so bad he dropped out of school at age 13. He refuses to get any kind of help, though he is now 28. When he was physically forced to go to a psychiatrist, he hid his meds all over the house, rather than take them. This has been so hard for me and I try to see that he is on his own journey. I can not help him.
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When he comes home from school in about a week, we intend ask if he would be open to counseling. We know of a very good counselor. I know it has to be his choice, but I pray he gets help.
My husband and I will go to Narcanon to develop coping skills of our own.
Thanks for your continued prayers.
My husband and I will go to Narcanon to develop coping skills of our own.
Thanks for your continued prayers.
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BigDreams, my way of encouraging my daughter to get professional help, was to provide her with names of therapists, every time she would come and complain about her life....nothing more...I knew one day she would be ready to use the information...
I did this for a long time...just kept handing her the info... and one day it took...she has been in therapy for six months now, and is now looking for someone she can do deeper work with...
I did this for a long time...just kept handing her the info... and one day it took...she has been in therapy for six months now, and is now looking for someone she can do deeper work with...
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I have been busy all day, went to visit my friend in the hospital which is out of town. I think its just a matter of time now, I felt so bad for her daughter, who was with her when I was there. It is so sad.
I have been out doing yard work, because it suppose to rain tomorrow. My retreat is almost over, it was so good to have time to myself.
((Big Dreams)) I pray that your son will want to go for counseling and thats great that you and your husband are going together to Narcanon. My daughter has been in counseling off and on for quite awhile, she has alot of emotional problems. I wish my alcoholic son would go for counseling or to meetings, I think he's sober right now, but hasn't gone to meetings for quite awhile. I have had to put my kids in God's hands and trust him to help them. But it seems I have to do it over and over. But I am alot better than I use to be. I don't live in constant fear and worry like I use to.
I have been out doing yard work, because it suppose to rain tomorrow. My retreat is almost over, it was so good to have time to myself.
((Big Dreams)) I pray that your son will want to go for counseling and thats great that you and your husband are going together to Narcanon. My daughter has been in counseling off and on for quite awhile, she has alot of emotional problems. I wish my alcoholic son would go for counseling or to meetings, I think he's sober right now, but hasn't gone to meetings for quite awhile. I have had to put my kids in God's hands and trust him to help them. But it seems I have to do it over and over. But I am alot better than I use to be. I don't live in constant fear and worry like I use to.
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((SG)) I'm glad you are able to spend time with your friend.
((Bigdreams)) I hope your son is open to the idea of counseling.
Things have been calm at the house, and everyone's getting along together at work again.
I had to guys come in to eat. I thought they were cheap, as they were trying to get free stuff, but they just didn't have much money. After their meal, one was still hungry. He only had $3 left but wanted to give me $2 and use the other $1 for something to eat. I told him the fact that he put the $2 on the table for me, was greatly appreciated, but to use all $3 to get more to eat. They were concerned about me not getting a tip..I told them I'd be fine that God had my back, and they just grinned and nodded. I would have rather fed them for free, but that may have been real codie of me, since I didn't know them...not to mention I could lose my job.
I stopped at a store on the way home, about 5 a.m. It was dark, and I didn't realize, until I pulled up in the parking lot that there were several police cars and cops there. I don't know for a fact, but it looks like they'd been robbed. The setting looked eerily similar to what our restaurant looked like after our first robbery. Needless to say, I won't be stopping at any more stores on the way home, except the huge grocery store I stop at by the house.
Hugs and prayers11
Amy
((Bigdreams)) I hope your son is open to the idea of counseling.
Things have been calm at the house, and everyone's getting along together at work again.
I had to guys come in to eat. I thought they were cheap, as they were trying to get free stuff, but they just didn't have much money. After their meal, one was still hungry. He only had $3 left but wanted to give me $2 and use the other $1 for something to eat. I told him the fact that he put the $2 on the table for me, was greatly appreciated, but to use all $3 to get more to eat. They were concerned about me not getting a tip..I told them I'd be fine that God had my back, and they just grinned and nodded. I would have rather fed them for free, but that may have been real codie of me, since I didn't know them...not to mention I could lose my job.
I stopped at a store on the way home, about 5 a.m. It was dark, and I didn't realize, until I pulled up in the parking lot that there were several police cars and cops there. I don't know for a fact, but it looks like they'd been robbed. The setting looked eerily similar to what our restaurant looked like after our first robbery. Needless to say, I won't be stopping at any more stores on the way home, except the huge grocery store I stop at by the house.
Hugs and prayers11
Amy
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yes, she does
(((Amy))), I worry a little for you every time you run up against something that reminds you of that terrible night......I have short term memory problems, so please forgive me....you were talking about going to see someone to talk to about the robbery and your PTSD...and I can't remember if you were able to finally see someone...hugs
(((Amy))), I worry a little for you every time you run up against something that reminds you of that terrible night......I have short term memory problems, so please forgive me....you were talking about going to see someone to talk to about the robbery and your PTSD...and I can't remember if you were able to finally see someone...hugs
Last edited by grateful2b; 05-02-2009 at 09:59 AM.
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You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
May 2
Our Higher Power
For the next twenty-four hours...
In recovery, we live life one day at a time, an idea requiring an enormous amount faith. We refuse to look back - unless healing from the past is part of today's work. We look ahead only to make plans. We focus on this day's activity, living it to the best of our ability. If we do that long enough, we'll have enough connected days of healthy living to make something valuable of our life.
...I pray for knowledge of Your will for me...
We surrender to God's will. We stop trying to control and we settle for a life that is manageable. We trust our Higher Power's will for us - that it's good, generous, and with direction.
We're learning, through trial and error, to separate our will from God's will. We're learning that God's will is not offensive. We've learned that sometimes there's a difference between what others want us to do and God's will. We're also learning that God did not intend for us to be codependent, to be martyrs, to control or caretake. We're learning to trust ourselves.
....and the power to carry that through.
Some of recovery is accepting powerlessness. An important part of recovery is claiming the power to take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, we need to do things that are frightening or painful. Sometimes, we need to step out, step back, or step forward. We need to call on the help of a Power greater then ourselves to do that.
We will never be called upon to do anything that we won't be empowered to do.
Today, I can call upon an energizing Power Source to help me. That Power is God. I will ask for what I need.
May 2
Our Higher Power
For the next twenty-four hours...
In recovery, we live life one day at a time, an idea requiring an enormous amount faith. We refuse to look back - unless healing from the past is part of today's work. We look ahead only to make plans. We focus on this day's activity, living it to the best of our ability. If we do that long enough, we'll have enough connected days of healthy living to make something valuable of our life.
...I pray for knowledge of Your will for me...
We surrender to God's will. We stop trying to control and we settle for a life that is manageable. We trust our Higher Power's will for us - that it's good, generous, and with direction.
We're learning, through trial and error, to separate our will from God's will. We're learning that God's will is not offensive. We've learned that sometimes there's a difference between what others want us to do and God's will. We're also learning that God did not intend for us to be codependent, to be martyrs, to control or caretake. We're learning to trust ourselves.
....and the power to carry that through.
Some of recovery is accepting powerlessness. An important part of recovery is claiming the power to take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, we need to do things that are frightening or painful. Sometimes, we need to step out, step back, or step forward. We need to call on the help of a Power greater then ourselves to do that.
We will never be called upon to do anything that we won't be empowered to do.
Today, I can call upon an energizing Power Source to help me. That Power is God. I will ask for what I need.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I like today's reading, too. I've gotten better at staying in the day. My problem is I've gotten the days so full of stuff to do, if something throws a kink in my plans, it may screw me up for a week or more. That's what happened last month. It will mean more $$ eventually, but it messed up my schedule for weeks!
((Grateful)) Winnie was going to check on a counselor that was next to her son's rehab, but that's when he ran away. I'm going to have to get my schedule cut down some more and check out my insurance (which is lousy, btw). I'm going to try to see my dr. in the next couple of weeks about the anti-d he's got me on. He's given me samples for 6 months, which I am very grateful for, but supplies are dwindling and I can't afford $134/month. I did realize, the other night during the argument with dad, that whether dad started yelling at me, it seems my mind has one response...I'm being attacked. It doesn't matter whether it's verbal or physical, it's about the same reaction and I don't like it. I still need to apologize to him for my reaction, but not what we were arguing about, if that makes sense.
I realize that I have a resentment against the robbers and my company but it's not doing me one bit of good and I need to move past it. I THOUGHT I had, but obviously I haven't..it just lays dormant for a while until something stirs it up. I'm first going to see if my dr. recommends anyone because he's my buddy and cares a lot about his patients.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
((Grateful)) Winnie was going to check on a counselor that was next to her son's rehab, but that's when he ran away. I'm going to have to get my schedule cut down some more and check out my insurance (which is lousy, btw). I'm going to try to see my dr. in the next couple of weeks about the anti-d he's got me on. He's given me samples for 6 months, which I am very grateful for, but supplies are dwindling and I can't afford $134/month. I did realize, the other night during the argument with dad, that whether dad started yelling at me, it seems my mind has one response...I'm being attacked. It doesn't matter whether it's verbal or physical, it's about the same reaction and I don't like it. I still need to apologize to him for my reaction, but not what we were arguing about, if that makes sense.
I realize that I have a resentment against the robbers and my company but it's not doing me one bit of good and I need to move past it. I THOUGHT I had, but obviously I haven't..it just lays dormant for a while until something stirs it up. I'm first going to see if my dr. recommends anyone because he's my buddy and cares a lot about his patients.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect
(((Sweets)))
Welcome!! I actually had a fairly "normal" childhood, but for some reason, had a tendency to be a codie (codependent). My first love relationship was with a functioning alcoholic and my codependency flourished.
I just wanted you to know that I think my codie-ness and my addiction are very closely linked. I couldn't handle my relationship issues...turned to substances to numb the pain.
The good news is, I discovered SR in recovery, and started learning about codependency. I've been working on my recovery from my addiction and my recovery from codependency at the same time, and it is amazing how different (and better) my life has become. Sure, I still have some rough days/nights, but they are nothing like the YEARS I used to have.
Speaking of....today was a good day. I'm finished with this month's work, other than typing up the orders for the stores. I spoke with dad, a few times, only about work stuff. I will apologize, at some point, for MY behavior last night, but not right now. I'm not ready to get into a discussion about last night, and I think a "cooling off" period is what I need, so I'm taking it!
I had to laugh..when I got home, Brit was teaching stepmom how to play rock/scissors/paper but they were both trying to cheat and both were laughing. It was like music to my ears.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome!! I actually had a fairly "normal" childhood, but for some reason, had a tendency to be a codie (codependent). My first love relationship was with a functioning alcoholic and my codependency flourished.
I just wanted you to know that I think my codie-ness and my addiction are very closely linked. I couldn't handle my relationship issues...turned to substances to numb the pain.
The good news is, I discovered SR in recovery, and started learning about codependency. I've been working on my recovery from my addiction and my recovery from codependency at the same time, and it is amazing how different (and better) my life has become. Sure, I still have some rough days/nights, but they are nothing like the YEARS I used to have.
Speaking of....today was a good day. I'm finished with this month's work, other than typing up the orders for the stores. I spoke with dad, a few times, only about work stuff. I will apologize, at some point, for MY behavior last night, but not right now. I'm not ready to get into a discussion about last night, and I think a "cooling off" period is what I need, so I'm taking it!
I had to laugh..when I got home, Brit was teaching stepmom how to play rock/scissors/paper but they were both trying to cheat and both were laughing. It was like music to my ears.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
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Uhg, I am so sad right now. Embrace all our emotions right? The list of reasons to stay in this relationship and make it work is long and yet, my tolerance for our difference is non existent some days. I'm tired, so I may chalk it up to that right now. We have a week together in Yellowstone at the end of the month. I was hoping it would shift things, and if it were this week, it would have shifted me right out of this house.
Reasons to stay: he loves the nephew, the nephew loves him. We have built a life and a home together. If I leave, he will be crushed. If I leave, he will probably start drinking and smoking again, and he will not eat healthy or yummy food. He lets me bring home strays. I can afford to live here. If I leave, some of the dogs will stay and I will miss them.
reasons to go: I was content being on my own the 2 separate years I was gone. I wouldn't be wondering if I could make this work everyday. I wouldn't be wondering if I am really happy here. I wouldn't feel responsible for his well being after a bit. It would force me to learn not to be financially dependent on him.
bleh
Sheesh Amy, I'm not over the fear of your robbers, Im not sure how you can be!! Besides having way to big a dose of SO this weekend, I have the nephew and he is a hoot. My daughter is home sleeping on the couch through the turmoil of the baby, so life is good, all things considered.
I like the readings on waiting and on ending relationships. I read them often and they help. I told myself not to worry about big decisions and such this first year of sobriety, but some days it really feels like we already buried this marriage, and we are both pretending we dont know.
Reasons to stay: he loves the nephew, the nephew loves him. We have built a life and a home together. If I leave, he will be crushed. If I leave, he will probably start drinking and smoking again, and he will not eat healthy or yummy food. He lets me bring home strays. I can afford to live here. If I leave, some of the dogs will stay and I will miss them.
reasons to go: I was content being on my own the 2 separate years I was gone. I wouldn't be wondering if I could make this work everyday. I wouldn't be wondering if I am really happy here. I wouldn't feel responsible for his well being after a bit. It would force me to learn not to be financially dependent on him.
bleh
Sheesh Amy, I'm not over the fear of your robbers, Im not sure how you can be!! Besides having way to big a dose of SO this weekend, I have the nephew and he is a hoot. My daughter is home sleeping on the couch through the turmoil of the baby, so life is good, all things considered.
I like the readings on waiting and on ending relationships. I read them often and they help. I told myself not to worry about big decisions and such this first year of sobriety, but some days it really feels like we already buried this marriage, and we are both pretending we dont know.
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(((Lisa)))...I am sorry you are having one of those days...
I came across a site which featured the full contents of: Letting Go Of Our Adult Children by Arlene F Harder..
I am finding it a very interesting read...
here is the link:Letting Go of Our Adult Children Introduction
I came across a site which featured the full contents of: Letting Go Of Our Adult Children by Arlene F Harder..
I am finding it a very interesting read...
here is the link:Letting Go of Our Adult Children Introduction
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Just call me Grandma!
We had a roller-coaster, sleepless night and daughter gave birth around noon today.
It truly is a miracle he is completely healthy and well.
Thank you all for your prayers. All your good thoughts have helped me get through this.
I am Dylan Matthew's Grandma!
(Sorry, I'm not ignoring everyone else's posts, just haven't had time to go through them yet).
We had a roller-coaster, sleepless night and daughter gave birth around noon today.
It truly is a miracle he is completely healthy and well.
Thank you all for your prayers. All your good thoughts have helped me get through this.
I am Dylan Matthew's Grandma!
(Sorry, I'm not ignoring everyone else's posts, just haven't had time to go through them yet).
Leap of Faith Survivor
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Anna, why aren't you sleeping, girl
This is like christmas...too excited to sleep, eh!!
Anna, congratulations! on becoming a grandma..and please extend my blessings and best wishes to Alison and her husband and Dylan Matthew!
:day6
This is like christmas...too excited to sleep, eh!!
Anna, congratulations! on becoming a grandma..and please extend my blessings and best wishes to Alison and her husband and Dylan Matthew!
:day6
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