Uhg, I am so sad right now. Embrace all our emotions right? The list of reasons to stay in this relationship and make it work is long and yet, my tolerance for our difference is non existent some days. I'm tired, so I may chalk it up to that right now. We have a week together in Yellowstone at the end of the month. I was hoping it would shift things, and if it were this week, it would have shifted me right out of this house.
Reasons to stay: he loves the nephew, the nephew loves him. We have built a life and a home together. If I leave, he will be crushed. If I leave, he will probably start drinking and smoking again, and he will not eat healthy or yummy food. He lets me bring home strays. I can afford to live here. If I leave, some of the dogs will stay and I will miss them.
reasons to go: I was content being on my own the 2 separate years I was gone. I wouldn't be wondering if I could make this work everyday. I wouldn't be wondering if I am really happy here. I wouldn't feel responsible for his well being after a bit. It would force me to learn not to be financially dependent on him.
bleh
Sheesh Amy, I'm not over the fear of your robbers, Im not sure how you can be!! Besides having way to big a dose of SO this weekend, I have the nephew and he is a hoot. My daughter is home sleeping on the couch through the turmoil of the baby, so life is good, all things considered.
I like the readings on waiting and on ending relationships. I read them often and they help. I told myself not to worry about big decisions and such this first year of sobriety, but some days it really feels like we already buried this marriage, and we are both pretending we dont know.