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I'm so thick headed

Old 10-12-2007, 10:06 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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i think we all at one time or another have our slips.it is hard to let go but doing it will help him & you will find peace. just know we are here for you. i am sending you a big hug,
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Old 10-13-2007, 06:35 AM
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remember to breathe
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I feel almost empowered today. I will make 1 small change today and attempt to abide by it. I will not call the cell today if he goes out (he usually just stays home),and I will not mention going to a meeting today. Hey thats 2, ok, I'll make 2 small changes today!

thanks everyone. (pretend I'm sending you all a dozen long stem roses) (a home depot card if anyone is a guy)
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Old 10-13-2007, 07:44 AM
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Rashue -

There you go!!! 2 steps is great!!

I was so glad to come home this morning (I work nights) and see that you're feeling better.

And thanks to everyone else who posted here. I'm doing ok with the addiction recovery, but the my codie self still needs a lot of work. Thanks to everyone here, for the first time in my life I'm not trying to fix the people around me (they're supposed to be "normal"), but I'm still spending too much time worrying about things I don't need to worry about. I'm TRYING to remember the 3 C's but progress, not perfection, right?!?

Rashue - keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 10-13-2007, 07:56 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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(((Rashue)))
Sending you more mom hugs!!! The two steps you are taking today are huge baby steps. You are doing 2 things you feel good about. How about making it 3 and do something just for you.
Keeping you in my prayers,
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Old 10-13-2007, 08:12 AM
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(((Rahsue)))
I'm like most that have posted in that it took time...and a lot like you in that I just couldn't give my son the boot.
So...in teeny little baby steps, I started laying down some rules:
No drug use in the home. he accepted that, but would sometimes come home high
Step two: If you're high, don't come home
That one was tricky because if he didn't come home, I assumed he was high.
Thats about the time I gave it up to my HP and stopped trying to guess. I started looking at the number of times he did respect my rules, and realized they far outweighed the number of times he didn't.
That was a little light of hope for me.
He eventually began to make changes on his own.
And along the whole way, there were my friends here that supported me and my teeny steps
We're walking with you
(((Hugs)))
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Old 10-13-2007, 09:00 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
remember to breathe
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I think you're on to something there PJBS,(doing something for me) I think I'll go out and buy some new candles today. Whenever I burn candles I seem to accomplish more cleaning and actually enjoy it, go figure! I do feel better today I still have that knot in my stomach and the occassional chest pain (I get anxiety attacks) at least I know what it is and that there is a cure no matter how long it takes me to get it. i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. better days ahead!

Love you all!!!
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Old 10-13-2007, 06:46 PM
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(((((Rahsue))))))
How was your day today? Did you get your candles? Very proud of those 2 small steps you took!!
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Old 10-13-2007, 11:10 PM
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I am a gal but I would like the HOME DEPOT card
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Old 10-14-2007, 08:11 AM
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Rashue - how are you doing today?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 10-14-2007, 08:54 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
remember to breathe
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I confronted my son last night, not negatively, just said I know your going to meetings but I also know you are using, just so you know your not fooling me and I will no longer help you. (I lend him money usually a couple of days before payday). I needed to tell him that because some of my stress came from the fact that he was making a fool of me lying and thinking I believed him. So with that said I feel better today.

I will not mention a meeting. I will go about my buisness without saying anything drug related to him. I have a feeling it's going to get real bad real soon and I am petrified. I have to think of the boundaries carefully so that I'm not cutting my nose off to spite my face.

I thank God I have here to come to and read and learn and hope. I don't know what I would do if you guys weren't here.

I also looked up a naranon meeting, there's none around me but I drive so on tuesday night I will attend my first. I still cry at the drop of a hat when I'm alone. I can't wait to cry tears of joy. I'm going out to barnes and noble today I'd like to get that book Language of letting go. (also to bed bath and beyond for my candles I never bought yesterday.)

better days ahead!! :codiepolice
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Old 10-14-2007, 09:02 AM
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Rashue -

I'm glad that you're going to a meeting. You may also want to check into al-anon. I've always gone to AA meetings and gotten the same message I would have gotten from NA. I just found more meetings available at AA.

You're already making progress, so just keep it up. If you haven't gotten it already, get the book "codependent no more" by Melodie Beattie (sp?). I bought it years ago, unfortunately it took me 'til now to actually work on my codie behaviours.

I'm off to sleep, so have a good day. Get those candles (I LOVE candles!!).

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 10-14-2007, 02:06 PM
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Meetings......and this forum....are how I learned to let go and let God. Took me a while (as Ann said, it does NOT happen overnight), but I'm telling you, I wouldn't go back to that old way of living for anything in the world. And I'm talking about the fear you speak of.

Did I say meetings and more meetings and seeing folks who have something you want? That's what I saw in meetings. I saw CALM mamas who weren't crying or scared to death all the time. And I wanted it. So I went to meetings. I watched what they did and tried some of it. I learned about the program and I started working the 12 steps.

Amazing, just amazing how my life has changed due to all of that.

Oh, and one more thing. Something I heard at a meeting from a wise, precious lady who has over 30 years in Al Anon....

"As long as you drive, they'll ride."

You tired of driving? The sooner you let your son learn to drive the better off you'll both be.

Hugs cause I know how hard it is to give your child the wheel,
Hangin' In
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Old 10-15-2007, 09:26 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
remember to breathe
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I went to Barnes & Nobel to get the Language of letting go as well as a janet evanovich book, THEY WERE OUT OF STOCK FOR BOTH!!! The nerve. I decided watching the football game was a good idea.
I stuck to my guns and never mentioned one word regarding drugs or recovery. I found myself biting my tongue quite a few times, it made me realize how often I must say things (or preach). It felt good at the end of the day that I did what I set out to do. I still had those worry feelings but they'll go away.

thanks again everyone
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Old 10-16-2007, 07:26 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Rashue -

See, you're already making progress!!!

I know all about biting your tongue. My 14-year-old niece lives with us (her mom died when she was 1 and her dad is a crack addict). This morning she was the sweet girl I could hug and tell her I love her. Later today, I'm sure she will wake me up screaming "it's not fair" if she's not allowed to do whatever she wants and I will have to bite my tongue again. This happens several times a week. My stepmom is her guardian and an EXTREME codie, so tolerates my niece cussing at her like she's a dog. Dad is tired of it and is ready to turn her over to DFACS. I'm trying to get stepmom to get niece into counseling but might as well be talking to a brick wall.

In all honesty, I'm having an easier time recovering from crack addiction, than codie behaviors!! I truly admire all you mom's...I don't know how you do it!!! Since I work nights, sleep days, I'm thinking of duct tape on her mouth as an option LOL!!!

Are you going to nar-anon meeting tonight? I hope so...one more way to take care of YOU and you deserve it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 10-16-2007, 09:20 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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yes I am going to a naranon meeting tonight and to tell you the truth I'm very nervous about it. Probably because I don't want them to tell things I don't want to hear. I know I'm going to sit and cry and I really hate to cry. I hope I don't back out. No No I won't, I'll just be nervous. lol

thanks
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Old 10-16-2007, 09:46 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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(((Rahsue)))
You are making some fine progress! I'm so proud of you!

Im not sure about your meeeting, but at my Alanon meetings, there is a person running that meeting for that night, and generally you read through the books, One day at a time, and Courage to change, and then each discuss what the reading means in your life. You don't have to say a word if you don't want to. Sometimes there's a topic that the person in charge wants to discuss.

Please don't be nervous, us, who attend meetings all had to go to that first one.
EEK!




They're going to love you, and hopefully, you will love the meetings.
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Old 10-16-2007, 10:06 AM
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Rashue -

Don't worry about it if you cry....it's VERY common at AA, NA, al- and nar-anon. And remember, go to several meetings. From what I've seen, al-anon has more meetings, so consider going to those. I went to both NA and AA but "clicked" better with AA, even though alcohol isn't my thing.

I remember my first meeting, and afterward I thought "why in the world did I put this off for so long?!?!"

Take along some kleenex, and let us know how it goes.

Hugs and prayers!!

Amy
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Old 10-16-2007, 10:38 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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At my first meeting I cried, yelled, threw a good fit! Noone thought I would come back, but I was desparate and needed help. Three months later, I feel better, and last night someone told me what an inspiration I was to them! Couldn't beleive it because all I want is for no one else to hurt and feel so empty as I did. Life happens, but we are not alone! There are others and help from our codie hell!

I love my meetings now and can't wait to go, I feel better every time I go.

Glad you are going,
susan
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