Another step down
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Another step down
In the mail today I got back the cards and letters that I have been sending my daughter for the last month. They were not much, just letting her know that I loved her. She and abf had a PO box. So I am assuming that they did not pay their bill at the post office and have not had anything forwarded. You know that addicts are so text book. Their addictions may be different but their downfalls are so similar. Anyway I told my husband last night that we should not be surprised by anything our daughter does and we should not take anything personal. It is just the progression of the disease and having the ability to make a lot of money quickly has meant that their (daughter and abf) disease is progressing quicker than some. I know she is alive, I know where she is living, I know that right now she is not ready for help, I know that she just wants to isolate and do drugs, she has told me she does not care anymore. So I continue to pray and go on with my life. I am okay for today. Hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Take care of yourself Marle.
I read your threads often as a reminder of what we're all trying to embrace here...the powerlessness of active addiction.
I keep you and yours in my prayers daily
(((Hugs)))
Cece
I read your threads often as a reminder of what we're all trying to embrace here...the powerlessness of active addiction.
I keep you and yours in my prayers daily
(((Hugs)))
Cece
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Marle, please know you and she are in my prayers.
What I know today is that the night before my daughter got clean and sober for the last time - I had no idea. It was just another bleak and sorrowful day for me.
We never know "when" the time will be - I thought many times before that perhaps "this was it!"... and was sorely disappointed.
But it really is darkest just before the dawn. My prayers are that her time can be soon... and that until then, you can find some peace, comfort and serenity.
(((hugs)))
What I know today is that the night before my daughter got clean and sober for the last time - I had no idea. It was just another bleak and sorrowful day for me.
We never know "when" the time will be - I thought many times before that perhaps "this was it!"... and was sorely disappointed.
But it really is darkest just before the dawn. My prayers are that her time can be soon... and that until then, you can find some peace, comfort and serenity.
(((hugs)))
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I'm happy to hear you are okay for today. I too am okay today. I was feeling low + sad at the end of lasst week, espec. Saturday. Luckily, we had friends staying for the weekend to distract me. My main symptom of agitation is insomnia because my mind wants to think about the situation and the past. It IS A ROLLER COASTER. We hope for more days without thinking about our kids than days that we do. I don't know when the wave of sadness will hit. My low days are less frequent now because of the time it has been since I have been close to my son grows greater. But just like you Marle, today I am able to stay focused in my own life and carry-on, Ea. day I do the best I can. But once in awhile I have to give in to the sorrow. That is my only connection so in some strange way I feel better afterwards.
Maybe feeling good is contagious.
Maybe feeling good is contagious.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Seeker, When I start thinking about the past, I make myself stop. I can't change the past, Megan can't change the past and when I look at the past, I know I did the best I could with what I knew. I know that Megan was just doing what addicts do. In my heart I have forgiven her, but I won't forget the lessons learned. I just no longer need to rehash it in my mind to remember. Hugs, Marle
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You're right about the past, that is no place to linger. Our kids are far enough in their addiction that, for now, they are unreachable. Having your cards returned "undeliverable" is like a metaphor for your connection now to Megan. Before When I have tried to reach out to my son via a card or letter w/ the messagede that I care and want to hear from him, didn't even appear to register, he wouldn't even mention it. One day something will get through to them, I have faith.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I was thinking about some of you here this weekend when I was reading....
lol, I was completely worthless this weekend so I was trying to make myself
feel better by reading something educational. *rolls eyes*
Anyway.....
I was relating what I was reading to drug using and changing habits.
It made such a complex problem sound so simple, which it is, but
in a very complex way. IF THAT makes any sense...
But he was saying that the only way to get anyone to stop doing anything,
or change a habit, he used smoking as an example is to change the nuerons
(I think) from feeling good to feeling bad about whatever your habit is.
And 'until' that happens, that habit won't change.
It makes sense in my case and in many cases about I hear about the drugs.
So when I hear stuff like that about the mail, after reading what he says,
that is only a good thing.
The brain has to take these nuerons or whatever and transform them from good
feelings to bad feelings, and once it does, then change occurs.
It makes so much sense why someone can do so well in rehab and then walk out that door and go right to a crack house. The nuerons or whatever are still associated with feeling good to drugs.
Okay, so I need to read it again before I try and talk about it....
I guess I just figured that out.
But I was thinking this could be looked at, as a step up.
If I could just explain it how he did.
But that's why he's rich.
So, Yea, how bout those Lakers anyway.....
lol, I was completely worthless this weekend so I was trying to make myself
feel better by reading something educational. *rolls eyes*
Anyway.....
I was relating what I was reading to drug using and changing habits.
It made such a complex problem sound so simple, which it is, but
in a very complex way. IF THAT makes any sense...
But he was saying that the only way to get anyone to stop doing anything,
or change a habit, he used smoking as an example is to change the nuerons
(I think) from feeling good to feeling bad about whatever your habit is.
And 'until' that happens, that habit won't change.
It makes sense in my case and in many cases about I hear about the drugs.
So when I hear stuff like that about the mail, after reading what he says,
that is only a good thing.
The brain has to take these nuerons or whatever and transform them from good
feelings to bad feelings, and once it does, then change occurs.
It makes so much sense why someone can do so well in rehab and then walk out that door and go right to a crack house. The nuerons or whatever are still associated with feeling good to drugs.
Okay, so I need to read it again before I try and talk about it....
I guess I just figured that out.
But I was thinking this could be looked at, as a step up.
If I could just explain it how he did.
But that's why he's rich.
So, Yea, how bout those Lakers anyway.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Oh Done, Sometimes I understand things in my own head that, for the life of me, I can't communicate on paper. I think I understand what you mean, although I can't verbalize it either. I think for me it is faith that things have to get better because how can they get that much worse
Hugs, Marle
Hugs, Marle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Seeker, I sent the letters to her in one big envelope in care of the boyfriend's mom (they are living with her). So even though I can't get through to her (that was a great analogy by the way) maybe I can still do it in a round about way. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
(((marle)))
I admire your strength and how you live your life in recovery...You are a very good example of one who has retrained herself to be more positive and healthy despite going through this nightmare of living with addiction. Maybe you can share with us how you do it?
(((Done)))
You really hit the nail on the head (hehee no pun intended! )...neural pathways are how the brain translates information and then use that 'info' before we act...it happens automatically if I don't intervene to stop it. That's some pretty good stuff you are reading about. I have to retrain my brain so I will not continue the reflexive cycle of
'cause' and 'effect' and I'm alot better than I used to be but I still have moments when I am triggered and the worry, fear and obsession starts up again. I'm in need of a major neural pathway renovation!!!
I admire your strength and how you live your life in recovery...You are a very good example of one who has retrained herself to be more positive and healthy despite going through this nightmare of living with addiction. Maybe you can share with us how you do it?
(((Done)))
You really hit the nail on the head (hehee no pun intended! )...neural pathways are how the brain translates information and then use that 'info' before we act...it happens automatically if I don't intervene to stop it. That's some pretty good stuff you are reading about. I have to retrain my brain so I will not continue the reflexive cycle of
'cause' and 'effect' and I'm alot better than I used to be but I still have moments when I am triggered and the worry, fear and obsession starts up again. I'm in need of a major neural pathway renovation!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
cmc, I guess for me it is loving myself. I spent a lot of years not really liking myself enough to set boundaries between myself and people who want to use me. I was always the willing victim I still worry about my daughter. It is not possible to not worry. But I accept that that is part of having an addict for a child and I have since stopped beating myself up for it. What I am going through now is the grief process and I realize it will take me a long time to go through it. I heard a saying tonight that I liked a lot. The person said about a loved one "You can't learn to walk if I am always carrying you." That sums up my feelings for my daughter. But it took me a long time to come to that point with her. And I had to honestly examine my own part in addiction. Not that I caused it, but that I played a role in how things have come to this point of alienation with her. My control issues and how I thought her life should be. I will never give up hope that someday my daughter will want recovery. But until that day, I need to take care of me so that I will be there to see that day. God put me here to be happy and darn it I am trying my best Hugs, Marle
I still worry about my daughter. It is not possible to not worry. But I accept that that is part of having an addict for a child and I have since stopped beating myself up for it. What I am going through now is the grief process and I realize it will take me a long time to go through it. I heard a saying tonight that I liked a lot. The person said about a loved one "You can't learn to walk if I am always carrying you." That sums up my feelings for my daughter. But it took me a long time to come to that point with her. And I had to honestly examine my own part in addiction. Not that I caused it, but that I played a role in how things have come to this point of alienation with her. My control issues and how I thought her life should be. I will never give up hope that someday my daughter will want recovery. But until that day, I need to take care of me so that I will be there to see that day. God put me here to be happy and darn it I am trying my best Hugs, Marle
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