(((JsJam))) My daughter's drug of choice was meth... nasty, crappy, icky stuff.
I thought she was relapsing, so I asked if she could be put into the "chronic relapsers" course at rehab... nope. They told me she wasn't "relapsing", she actually did not have an extended period of sobriety... they didn't consider her clean! Man, that was a shocker....
What I know is that they get it when they get it.... and LOTS of addicts 'want' sobriety very much. But until they are willing to give EVERY THING... every. single. thing. to the pursuit of it, it seldom happens - especially with that drug.
It doesn't matter how much he loves his family - that is totally not related to addiction, (in my belief). You are a good mom, just as I am a good mom... we didn't do anything wrong. Lots of moms worse than us ended up with kids who are not addicted... LOTS of them!
Addiction is something they are born with, mostly... the tendency to become addicted. And some drugs are worse than others - meth is one of the bad ones. So you get a kid who is curious, maybe has some peer pressure and he or she is a bit of a risk-taker (which is partially age-related).... they try something for fun and because of their genetic predisposition to addiction they are hooked... right from the get go.
They can get help - but only when they are ready.
At 28, he is a man (and most addicts are VERY immature, so I know that he probably seems like a vulnerable boy... but he is a man). A man that can and should support himself entirely. If his addiction is getting in the way of that, then it is his lesson to learn the consequences of that by living in a shelter, if necessary.
There are free rehabs, if he is interested... one that is pretty successful is the Salvation Army. There are also rehabs that take state medical coupons... my kids did one in Yakima (type Sundown Yakima into a search engine to get their website).
There is also NA and AA .... which are free and available in almost every town.
If he is not reaching out for the help that is there... then he is just not ready... yet.
You, though, CAN find help for yourself at Alanon or Naranon meetings. I went there to find out how to get my kid sober... and ended up staying to work on my issues... MY pain as the mother of an addict who wouldn't quit - not even for the love of family.
There is hope, too... getting yourself to an open AA meeting can show you that there are MILLIONS who got down as low as our kids did AND got help and got better. Or even take a cruise through some of the forums upstairs where folks talk all the time about what it takes for them to get sober... and how hard they really do try.
I wish you the best (((hugs)))