More struggle

Old 03-05-2007, 06:07 PM
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turning red!
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More struggle

Hello friends,

Sure glad our forum is back, especially i'm going through turbulance again!
Rain was doing good the past 2 weeks, taking his chinese medicine and gaining strength day by day. We had really great time together, it was just perfect. I was even about to write SR about how great things were doing...until...he relapsed. again...and again...and again and again and again and again....arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggg!!! Why can't he get it right this time! That's so sad.
Anyway, things change so quickly: Saturday we went to a concert (Muse) and it was just so much fun jumping around and singing...And then Sunday: BAM he's back at it. He admited to his relapse on Monday, but i guess he admited it so quickly because he has absolutely no money and was trying to get some from me (the "i'm guilty" manipulation thing..). Which i refused. I haven't heard from him since and of course i fear for his life. I keep on thinking the worst, he seems to be fighting an endless battle and i'm afraid he's gonna lose it

I'm trying to do things for myself my friends (went for a massage on Sunday) but i can't pretend it's easy.

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Old 03-05-2007, 06:12 PM
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Carine -

it's not easy what's happening any way that you look at it. I am so very very sorry to hear this about Rain. I don't have any great words other than I am thinking about you. I understand how worried that you must be about him. I hope that he will find his way out of this.......

lots of love - keep us posted. Donna
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Old 03-05-2007, 06:30 PM
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Hey funk,
we've all been there, thinking that maybe this time it will work and then BAM! You are not alone, we feel for you. How long have you been in this relationship? Is this a forever one?
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Old 03-05-2007, 06:31 PM
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Just plainly tired
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I was wondering how things were going for you the other day. You know as sad as it may be he just probably isnt ready to stop. And if that is so this is when you need to make the decisions, to stay with him and deal with the ups and downs or completely let go. I know it's not as simple as that ..... I am going through similiar things as well. We need to decide when is enough enough, when we pick ourself up and say we need better for ourselves. The same way they arent ready to give it up, we arent ready to give them up. Corine know I am praying for you and I am praying for your abf as well. I hope he is safe.

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Old 03-05-2007, 06:46 PM
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Hey Funky... so sorry to hear this.

I too have been having suspicions that ABF was using again... he didn't even admit it to me, and I decided this weekend to break it off. His constant "trouble" is really making me concerned about my own safety and my career as well... if he needs to abuse substances so very bad, then it is also possible that he could throw me under the bus, you know? And there are lots of people who wouldn't want a person whose significant other is a drug user dealing with their confidential, personal financial and legal information... and I respect that.

I guess bottom line was I loved him, but I couldn't risk all of the things I had worked for for this relationship, because this relationship can't pay me or feed me or all of the other things that I would need if I couldn't work... but I still feel like my heart has been ripped out.

So... who knows. I guess you have to decide what you can live with and what you can't live with, right?
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Old 03-05-2007, 07:16 PM
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Hi Funkzter! Sounds like a rough time for you especially when it is up and down ("turbulance" - nice word for it) - glad you got that massage.
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Old 03-05-2007, 08:04 PM
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I'm sorry it hasn't stuck yet. I've got you both in my prayers...always!
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Old 03-05-2007, 08:04 PM
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Oh Carine...

I am so sorry,

Can I say, you have done and gone to all ends to stand by him...feel no guilt girl. We have no idea just where they are going to end up, clean, high or ....
We fear we live with clean and high trying to what ever the cost.

There has to come a time Carine where we all have to face the fact that we can not stop......should it come to that.

Should something happen to my AH, in my heart I know I did what I could and I am content with that. I know that if I went to where his lives today he would be so over joyed, but I know the day after that he would go use to celebrate his joy. I guess what I am saying is there is nothing I can do to alter his thinking. They have the Joy for the Drug! What Joy does that leave us with....not much only worry!

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Old 03-05-2007, 10:45 PM
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i pray he finds his way..i think of you often.i am glad you are being good to yourself. just remember there is nothing you can do for him so just continue to take care of you.hugs & prayers, hope
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Old 03-05-2007, 10:52 PM
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Carine, i feel for you. it's not easy loving an addict, in fact it impacts our lives more than we will admit, until we reach our bottom. then & only then will we decide how much more we can & will take.

remember the 3 c's
we didn't cause it
we can't control it
and we can't cure it.

you mentioned that you refused to give him $$$, Good for you. All you can really do for him is have hope & pray.

know that we are here for you.
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Old 03-06-2007, 12:03 AM
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.. i feel your pain..
ihave the same thing now myhusband relapsed and went to detox.
im sending you hugs and i hope that everything will b egood foryou. i wish for you to b happy.
thats so good that you did something foryourself,, keep doing it it will keep you sane. and remeber you need to take care of yourself. sending you hugs
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Old 03-06-2007, 02:14 AM
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Carine, sorry to hear that Rain is back into it again.

My AS is into heroin and about losing it all. He recently did a 28 day rehab and I haven't heard from him.

I love him enough to let him go.

Take care of you......
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Old 03-06-2007, 02:32 AM
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turning red!
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Thanks for your support you're the best medicine ever!
Rain called me today, and said he'll come to my place tonight. He hasn't asked if he could or not, but at least he didn't ask me for money. Anyway, i want to see him because i need to talk to him. I still don't know how it'll go so i don't want to say anything that i can't keep. I will just see tonight...but i'm anxious.

I'll update tomorrow.

Hugs & thanks again,

ps: talking about anxiety, it's "funny" because last sunday i woke up feeling really anxious for no reason. Go figure...that's the day he relapsed.
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Old 03-06-2007, 03:32 AM
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(((Carine))) Drugs Suck
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Old 03-06-2007, 03:51 AM
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I am so sorry things have turned for you yet again. I was praying Rain was doing well. Please take this time to figure out what you want. Remember we are here to support you, and I know your friends there are too. I will pray for you and for Rain, he needs all the help from his HP that he can get.
You did all you could for him, now it is up to him.
Sending you a big hug,
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Old 03-06-2007, 05:59 AM
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Hey girl. I hate to hear that Rain was doing well and then relapsed. I was hoping that he'd get it this time. I hate to see you hurting but I am glad you went out and got that massage. Keep taking care of you!!
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Old 03-06-2007, 06:10 AM
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Or However You Spell It....
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Originally Posted by pjbs55 View Post
I am so sorry things have turned for you yet again. I was praying Rain was doing well. Please take this time to figure out what you want. Remember we are here to support you, and I know your friends there are too. I will pray for you and for Rain, he needs all the help from his HP that he can get.
You did all you could for him, now it is up to him.
Sending you a big hug,
Ditto to what Pam said. Keeping you both in my prayers.
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Old 03-06-2007, 06:50 AM
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grateful rca
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hi sorry to hear about rain's relapse and i'll glad to hear that you are taking care of you. i know how this feels oh so well.

because i am a ra, i know just how hard this is for rain too. there is always gonna be that chance of rehapse and i'm sure that you've heard it all before.
i just hate to see him have to suffer, and i still say, as long as he has a comfortable place and a loving, understanding woman like you, to come to after he relapses, it will be harder for him to find that determining drive that will cause him to want recovery more than life itself. sorry but in my opinion and from my experience, i just don't see how it can be done.

i know that you want to be there for him, but in my opinion only, i think that unless he finds that bottom, he's gonna continue to relapse. i've been in rehab 7 different times, my first stay was 17yrs ago, and i never met an addict who went in just because, in some way or another, they were forced there as a result of their bad choices.

for myself and my rah, we both got ourselves into positions where there was no more safety nets, we were forced into seeking help by those who loved us the most. it felt like the worst thing in the world that my family could have done was to turn their backs on me when they knew that i was struggling so hard to not use, but the truth of the matter, i was using them to help me to be comfortable while i continued to feed my addiction. i had to desire somewhere deep down inside, but i did have that life or death kind of desire.

things got so bad for me that i ran into rehab and i was afraid to not do all i could to grasp the program, cause only me was left to take care of me and i knew if i didn't do something to help myself, that i would die out there. they stayed strong and wouldn't allow me to manipulated them into anything. they just cut me off.

after i got clean and sober for a while, i understood why they did what they did, and today, i thank them with everything thats in me. they saved my life by cutting me off. today, our relationship is priceless. i know that it had to hurt them, i had to cut my rah off, and he too finally ran for help, and he's now just about 3 months clean and as far as i know, still going to his meetings.

maybe if somehow, you could step back and let him see what its like without you there to take care of him, maybe it won't take so long for him to want to do what ever it takes to get clean and stay.

i do understand how you feel though, it took me 20yrs to get to the place where i could let my ah go to find his bottom, partly because his mom was such a good enabler and it took for her to be homeless because of her dependance on him and his ablity to continue to manipulate her. she finally didn't have a place for him to run to when i turned away.

glad to see that you are focusing on you and doing things that you need to do for you. keeping you and rain in my prayers
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Old 03-06-2007, 07:44 AM
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On a tear
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i want to see him because i need to talk to him.
I have to watch this sort of thinking... because it is a sign of MY relapse.

Prayers going up for you, Carine. (((hugs)))
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Old 03-06-2007, 09:29 AM
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I know how you feel literally! i remember talking to rabf's mother and asked her. "would it help if i came over there and gave him a swift kick in the @$$?" we both laughed because we've both done it to no avail.

Good luck tonight sweetie. i'll check back tomorrow to see how you are.
give rain my best. we're all routing for him here at SR

anvil seems to be right. there are a lot of things we (rabf) and i can no longer do as a couple (concert, sporting events, parties, our trip to NYC ..... all the fun stuff that you or i won't even bother will trigger them)
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