If you're new to this site
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: California
Posts: 9
Good afternoon all.
Here's my current issue. I recently ended a relationship because it had gotten abusive, and I've been seriously depressed every since. Not suicidal, but seriously depressed. I lost the two dress sizes I had gained during the 2 year relationship.
My daughter is about to turn 18, and I'm missing having another baby to be a mom to.
In trying to meet someone else, I've dated a series of LOSERS. Which does not help the depression. I did meet someone and we almost got involved, but I discovered he was potentially abusive so I ended it. I'd like to say that's the last time I talked to him, but I am alone, and don't wanna be, so I've written to him twice. He's a psychiatrist (not mine), which keeps sucking me in. In my own mind.
I have a fairly stable job, but now the company is being sold, and I'm scared.
I went looking for a therapist covered by my crappy insurance, but I didn't get a call back from anyone who had time for another patient.
Here's my story: I was raped by my stepfather from 13-15ish, was molested by a babysitter at about 5, and I was raped at 17.
I have a younger sister and brother, who are the stepdaddy's natural children. Stepdaddy legally adopted me.
I did sue him for incest, and we settled out of court. I don't suggest this method to anyone, as I wound up feeling like a paid hooker. I believe his payment absolved his guilt in his mind. As the criminal statute had run, I could not put him in jail. His family and he rejected me after that. As if I was the crazy one. (He now married another woman with girl children, who now have girl children. I'm SURE he's been inappropriate with them. Maybe all of them)
In spite of my case against stepdaddy, he got full custody of both of his children. My suspicion is that he molested my sister also. She's not saying.
My mom and stepfather were both physically abusive. The violence in my childhood home was frequent and every increasingly unpredictable.
Parents were both alcoholic, drug addicted and sex addicts. Mom is also bulemic and anorexic.
We always had a nice home, nice cars, and plenty to eat. We all belonged to girl scouts, boy scouts, played sports, had friends, had parties, went on family vacations, etc, etc. So, everything looked normal on the outside.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was 18. At my insistance, I was hospitalized at that time, and there was insurance to cover this. Not like the insurance now. I stayed for 8 months. Thank god.
I have been in therapy since then on-and-off depending on my needs.
I'm in OA over 15 years, and just recently got sober (July 2002). Not because alcohol was ever that big of a problem, but I had a whole bottle of wine to myself one night (my bf didn't like that brand), and panicked. Drugs, however, were always a problem, but I gave them up at the same time. Again, nothing constant, but Vicodin was VERY NICE, and I never had any problem getting a prescription for it.
Now the worst thing I do is play too many computer games. Or eat sugarless deserts.
I have migraines and take meds for another imbalance (obscure and unusual thing).
I'm taking Wellbutrin, and have tried the others. Zoloft helped the most, but eventually I wound up feeling like a zombie.
I function fairly well, but I definately have scars. I've done much work in therapy, but sometimes its not enough.
Here's my current issue. I recently ended a relationship because it had gotten abusive, and I've been seriously depressed every since. Not suicidal, but seriously depressed. I lost the two dress sizes I had gained during the 2 year relationship.
My daughter is about to turn 18, and I'm missing having another baby to be a mom to.
In trying to meet someone else, I've dated a series of LOSERS. Which does not help the depression. I did meet someone and we almost got involved, but I discovered he was potentially abusive so I ended it. I'd like to say that's the last time I talked to him, but I am alone, and don't wanna be, so I've written to him twice. He's a psychiatrist (not mine), which keeps sucking me in. In my own mind.
I have a fairly stable job, but now the company is being sold, and I'm scared.
I went looking for a therapist covered by my crappy insurance, but I didn't get a call back from anyone who had time for another patient.
Here's my story: I was raped by my stepfather from 13-15ish, was molested by a babysitter at about 5, and I was raped at 17.
I have a younger sister and brother, who are the stepdaddy's natural children. Stepdaddy legally adopted me.
I did sue him for incest, and we settled out of court. I don't suggest this method to anyone, as I wound up feeling like a paid hooker. I believe his payment absolved his guilt in his mind. As the criminal statute had run, I could not put him in jail. His family and he rejected me after that. As if I was the crazy one. (He now married another woman with girl children, who now have girl children. I'm SURE he's been inappropriate with them. Maybe all of them)
In spite of my case against stepdaddy, he got full custody of both of his children. My suspicion is that he molested my sister also. She's not saying.
My mom and stepfather were both physically abusive. The violence in my childhood home was frequent and every increasingly unpredictable.
Parents were both alcoholic, drug addicted and sex addicts. Mom is also bulemic and anorexic.
We always had a nice home, nice cars, and plenty to eat. We all belonged to girl scouts, boy scouts, played sports, had friends, had parties, went on family vacations, etc, etc. So, everything looked normal on the outside.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder since I was 18. At my insistance, I was hospitalized at that time, and there was insurance to cover this. Not like the insurance now. I stayed for 8 months. Thank god.
I have been in therapy since then on-and-off depending on my needs.
I'm in OA over 15 years, and just recently got sober (July 2002). Not because alcohol was ever that big of a problem, but I had a whole bottle of wine to myself one night (my bf didn't like that brand), and panicked. Drugs, however, were always a problem, but I gave them up at the same time. Again, nothing constant, but Vicodin was VERY NICE, and I never had any problem getting a prescription for it.
Now the worst thing I do is play too many computer games. Or eat sugarless deserts.
I have migraines and take meds for another imbalance (obscure and unusual thing).
I'm taking Wellbutrin, and have tried the others. Zoloft helped the most, but eventually I wound up feeling like a zombie.
I function fairly well, but I definately have scars. I've done much work in therapy, but sometimes its not enough.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome lrywin,
You've done remarkably well. I can understand what you mean by saying therapy isn't enough sometimes. Some of the things we have within take time and growth to process.
I've spent many years free from emotional pain. I still struggle with shame attacks and still need to find out what causes it. Every time I understand one part of it there seems to be something else that I can't quite grasp.
I don't know if you've tried Effexor, but it works on Migraines also. My daughter and my grandson have chronic daily migraines and the Effexor has helped them a lot. I've also been told it is the hardest of all the anti-depressant to come off of. The benefit needs to outweigh the risk.
I'm glad you're here. Congratulations on all the success you've shared. You've worked hard.
Hugs,
MG
You've done remarkably well. I can understand what you mean by saying therapy isn't enough sometimes. Some of the things we have within take time and growth to process.
I've spent many years free from emotional pain. I still struggle with shame attacks and still need to find out what causes it. Every time I understand one part of it there seems to be something else that I can't quite grasp.
I don't know if you've tried Effexor, but it works on Migraines also. My daughter and my grandson have chronic daily migraines and the Effexor has helped them a lot. I've also been told it is the hardest of all the anti-depressant to come off of. The benefit needs to outweigh the risk.
I'm glad you're here. Congratulations on all the success you've shared. You've worked hard.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Roxbury, CT
Posts: 22
I am just learning about this disorder...
I realize I have not done enough soul searching or looking inward for what makes me tick.
I will write a breif life history, not to bore you all but to purge and "come clean".
I was raised in an alcoholic and severely abusive household. My parents marraige ended when I was 6-7, and my abusive alcoholic father left the family and area for a while to punish my mother. I witnessed his trying to kill her numerous times and we actually became accustomed to his bizzarre rampages and would at times laugh while he was gone about some of the things he would do. He hit all of us. When he left my mother would hit us, she did not drink daily but was the ocassional binge drinker. I have helped her vomit and clean up when I was a teenager. Needless to say, me and my siblings learned to drink early, smoke early and dabble in drug use. Luckily, we no longer smoke or use drugs, my brother seems to not have a drinking problem but my sister and I do. She won't admit it. I have been admitting it for years. I can slow down, goes days without drinking, even months and throughout pregnancies and nursing. Lately, this past month though I have been indulging in atleast 4 glasses of wine per night. I don't crave it, I just do it. I am soul searching that one.
I knew nothing about ptsd while growing up but realize surely that there has to be lingering effects of an abusive childhood.
My father left the area for close to a year, we were financially very badly off. My father accused my mother of infidelities, she still insists it didn't happen during the marriage however, she did date one man after the divorce that he accused her of seeing, and then she was involved in an affair for 23 years, until that man past away. They shared an apt together, my siblings and I were often left unattended, I was the youngest 7-8 when they got the apt. I then had to ask for her to bring us home food etc.
I also started babysitting very young, and some of these people would actually pay me in joints, I started smoking pot at 10 and then drinking at 15. I have always drank. I would like to experience life without it now.
I live with a guy at 16, then again at 19 then married at 22. Lost twins at 24 and then had two babies 15 months apart, on of those pregnancies were twins, called disappearing twin syndrome. Then another two years later, then another and another. So, 1987,89,91,95 and 2001.
I know loosing the twins was a trauma that I was not treated for, I know my childhood was a trauma that I was not treated for. I was also in an airplane with my two oldest children when we were in a tornado warning and I now know I developed pstd because of that. Just thinking about flying after that made me break out in a sweat. I started having thoughts of death and then developed panic disorder but didn't realize what that was until after my 5th pregnancy when I developed post partum hyperthyroidism. That disorder made the panic truly severe. I was told everything was all in my head for about 6 months and thought I would go mad. I was so lucking to find an endochronologist that KNEW that I wasn't loosing my mind and was put on xanax until the postpartum phase ended.
Two years ago, I found out my husband was having an affair. All the symptoms of the panic came back. I couldn't sleep, wasn't eating, felt sideways- off balance, out of body and insecure that there would be a tomorrow. He started having very expensive cases of wine sent to the house. I don't think he did this conciously but I thought he did it as a way to get me HOME. So, I wouldn't leave him. I don't drink during the day. I am very active but think that I could be so much healthier and physically fit with less alcohol consumption. He is more than an enabler, he often opens wine and brings me a glass. I have had very frank talks with him about this and do not think that he is being malicious, I truly think he loves me and thinks, it is just a little problem, a controlable problem. He has an eating disorder, I felt guilty making chocolate chip cookies the other day, but I know he hides food and doesn't eat his hgihest calorie food in our home.
Now, here's the issue.
We are truly eachothers life partners. We are in a place in life now that we both KNOW we can depend on eachother. This is how our relationship should have been so long ago.
I have finally addressed the ptsd by getting on a plane and flying with my entire family- I did take a xanax but I got on the plane. I have face down and lived through the repeatative thoughts, I am no longer obsessed about the woman he cheated with. I feel really good. I feel really loved. I see the faces of my children and knwo they also feel the harmony and appreciate it.
I guess I am looking for a way to treat the remaining symptoms of ptsd and the drinking at the same time. Can I just do it? Is reaching out here enough.
I have told numerous Drs. that I over drink and they all poo-poo it. They all say I have taken the big step by bringing it out in the open. It didn't feel like a big step to me. I don't think I use alcohol as a crutch, I don't "protect it", I think now it is just a way of life- it has just always been around.
My father did come back into my life but 4 years ago he started drinking heavily again and he became verbally abusive so I ended all contact.
My oldest daughter is almost 18 and has never drank and says she won't as does my oldest son. They see alcoholism, as both thier grandfathers are alcoholics, and I would have to label myself that even if I don't have physical addiction to it, I cartainly have an emotional addiction to it. My husbands father is a functional alcoholic, he was also in the fields of Vietnam, but he is a mans man type and I know he is treating the ptsd from that war with alcohol. I don't want any of my children to have this struggle or the self loathing that it can bring with it. I want to take control and seek out help.
I want my family and myself to benefit more from my bettering myself. I know I can't love my husband to have him loose weight, although I have tried!!
But, I am hoping that he too may benefit by my seeking out help.
Does anyone have any ideas?
I will write a breif life history, not to bore you all but to purge and "come clean".
I was raised in an alcoholic and severely abusive household. My parents marraige ended when I was 6-7, and my abusive alcoholic father left the family and area for a while to punish my mother. I witnessed his trying to kill her numerous times and we actually became accustomed to his bizzarre rampages and would at times laugh while he was gone about some of the things he would do. He hit all of us. When he left my mother would hit us, she did not drink daily but was the ocassional binge drinker. I have helped her vomit and clean up when I was a teenager. Needless to say, me and my siblings learned to drink early, smoke early and dabble in drug use. Luckily, we no longer smoke or use drugs, my brother seems to not have a drinking problem but my sister and I do. She won't admit it. I have been admitting it for years. I can slow down, goes days without drinking, even months and throughout pregnancies and nursing. Lately, this past month though I have been indulging in atleast 4 glasses of wine per night. I don't crave it, I just do it. I am soul searching that one.
I knew nothing about ptsd while growing up but realize surely that there has to be lingering effects of an abusive childhood.
My father left the area for close to a year, we were financially very badly off. My father accused my mother of infidelities, she still insists it didn't happen during the marriage however, she did date one man after the divorce that he accused her of seeing, and then she was involved in an affair for 23 years, until that man past away. They shared an apt together, my siblings and I were often left unattended, I was the youngest 7-8 when they got the apt. I then had to ask for her to bring us home food etc.
I also started babysitting very young, and some of these people would actually pay me in joints, I started smoking pot at 10 and then drinking at 15. I have always drank. I would like to experience life without it now.
I live with a guy at 16, then again at 19 then married at 22. Lost twins at 24 and then had two babies 15 months apart, on of those pregnancies were twins, called disappearing twin syndrome. Then another two years later, then another and another. So, 1987,89,91,95 and 2001.
I know loosing the twins was a trauma that I was not treated for, I know my childhood was a trauma that I was not treated for. I was also in an airplane with my two oldest children when we were in a tornado warning and I now know I developed pstd because of that. Just thinking about flying after that made me break out in a sweat. I started having thoughts of death and then developed panic disorder but didn't realize what that was until after my 5th pregnancy when I developed post partum hyperthyroidism. That disorder made the panic truly severe. I was told everything was all in my head for about 6 months and thought I would go mad. I was so lucking to find an endochronologist that KNEW that I wasn't loosing my mind and was put on xanax until the postpartum phase ended.
Two years ago, I found out my husband was having an affair. All the symptoms of the panic came back. I couldn't sleep, wasn't eating, felt sideways- off balance, out of body and insecure that there would be a tomorrow. He started having very expensive cases of wine sent to the house. I don't think he did this conciously but I thought he did it as a way to get me HOME. So, I wouldn't leave him. I don't drink during the day. I am very active but think that I could be so much healthier and physically fit with less alcohol consumption. He is more than an enabler, he often opens wine and brings me a glass. I have had very frank talks with him about this and do not think that he is being malicious, I truly think he loves me and thinks, it is just a little problem, a controlable problem. He has an eating disorder, I felt guilty making chocolate chip cookies the other day, but I know he hides food and doesn't eat his hgihest calorie food in our home.
Now, here's the issue.
We are truly eachothers life partners. We are in a place in life now that we both KNOW we can depend on eachother. This is how our relationship should have been so long ago.
I have finally addressed the ptsd by getting on a plane and flying with my entire family- I did take a xanax but I got on the plane. I have face down and lived through the repeatative thoughts, I am no longer obsessed about the woman he cheated with. I feel really good. I feel really loved. I see the faces of my children and knwo they also feel the harmony and appreciate it.
I guess I am looking for a way to treat the remaining symptoms of ptsd and the drinking at the same time. Can I just do it? Is reaching out here enough.
I have told numerous Drs. that I over drink and they all poo-poo it. They all say I have taken the big step by bringing it out in the open. It didn't feel like a big step to me. I don't think I use alcohol as a crutch, I don't "protect it", I think now it is just a way of life- it has just always been around.
My father did come back into my life but 4 years ago he started drinking heavily again and he became verbally abusive so I ended all contact.
My oldest daughter is almost 18 and has never drank and says she won't as does my oldest son. They see alcoholism, as both thier grandfathers are alcoholics, and I would have to label myself that even if I don't have physical addiction to it, I cartainly have an emotional addiction to it. My husbands father is a functional alcoholic, he was also in the fields of Vietnam, but he is a mans man type and I know he is treating the ptsd from that war with alcohol. I don't want any of my children to have this struggle or the self loathing that it can bring with it. I want to take control and seek out help.
I want my family and myself to benefit more from my bettering myself. I know I can't love my husband to have him loose weight, although I have tried!!
But, I am hoping that he too may benefit by my seeking out help.Does anyone have any ideas?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
You might want to post this as its own thread; you will probably get more responses that way.
I have to run, but I'll come back later and post a reply.
btw...welcome to SR!
*edit: HERE is the link to the new thread.
-pedagogue
I have to run, but I'll come back later and post a reply.
btw...welcome to SR!
*edit: HERE is the link to the new thread.
-pedagogue
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: PHILIPPINES
Posts: 1
new to discuss ptsd
GOOD A.M. , MY REAL NAME IS MICHAEL. I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF RECOVERY PROGRAMS, SUCH AS A.A. AND N.A., FOR MANY YEARS. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO STAY SOBER AND CLEAN FOR MORE THAN 1 YEAR ; THIS HAS BEEN MY LIFE SINCE 1991.
I AM SOBER, AT THIS TIME, AND ATTEND AA MEETINGS ON A DAILY BASIS.
THE REASON THAT I AM REPLYING TO THIS GROUP IS THAT I HAVE NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED PTSD AS A "SYMPTOM" OF MY INABILITY TO STAY SOBER FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME.
MY LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE A "ROLLER COASTER" FOR MANY YEARS ; AFFECTING ALMOST EVERY PART OF MY LIFE ; CAREER, RELATIONSHIPS, DEPRESSION, BI-POLAR (?), MANIC/DEPRESSIVE PERIODS ( SEEMS TO RUN IN CYCLES, AT ABOUT THE SAME TIME EACH YEAR)
IN 1981, I WAS AT A "LABOR DAY" PICNIC WITH SOME FRIENDS. A NEIGHBOR WALKED ONTO THE PROPERTY AND STARTED SHOOTING. I WAS HIT BY A SINGLE BULLET AND IT CAUSED SOME MAJOR DAMAGE AT THE TIME. I WAS ON LIFE-SUPPORT FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS. I EXPERIENCED SOME TYPE OF NEAR-DEATH JOURNEY PRIOR TO GETTING TO THE HOSPITAL.
THREE MEN WERE KILLED, WHICH INCLUDED THE MAN WITH THE GUNS ( HE ENDED UP DYING NEXT TO ME AFTER PUTTING THE GUN INTO HIS MOUTH ) PRIOR TO THREATENING TO SHOOT ME A SECOND TIME.
TODAY, I HAVE RECOVERED PHYSICALLY TO THE POINT OF DOING ALL ACTIVITIES THAT I DESIRE ; I DO EXPERIENCE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL EFFECTS , SUCH AS MENTIONED ABOVE , BUT I HAVE REALLY NEVER PUT ANY REAL EFFORT INTO DISCOVERING HOW TO OVERCOME THE EFFECTS !
I HAVE HEARD OF PTSD BEFORE, BUT HAVE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN INVESTIGATING IT, AS MENTIONED.
WHOEVER CAN SHARE WITH ME THIER EXPERIENCES AND REMEDIES WITH ME ; THAT WOULD BE GREAT. THANK YOU !
MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS michael_tag_ph******.com
I AM SOBER, AT THIS TIME, AND ATTEND AA MEETINGS ON A DAILY BASIS.
THE REASON THAT I AM REPLYING TO THIS GROUP IS THAT I HAVE NEVER REALLY CONSIDERED PTSD AS A "SYMPTOM" OF MY INABILITY TO STAY SOBER FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME.
MY LIFE HAS BEEN LIKE A "ROLLER COASTER" FOR MANY YEARS ; AFFECTING ALMOST EVERY PART OF MY LIFE ; CAREER, RELATIONSHIPS, DEPRESSION, BI-POLAR (?), MANIC/DEPRESSIVE PERIODS ( SEEMS TO RUN IN CYCLES, AT ABOUT THE SAME TIME EACH YEAR)
IN 1981, I WAS AT A "LABOR DAY" PICNIC WITH SOME FRIENDS. A NEIGHBOR WALKED ONTO THE PROPERTY AND STARTED SHOOTING. I WAS HIT BY A SINGLE BULLET AND IT CAUSED SOME MAJOR DAMAGE AT THE TIME. I WAS ON LIFE-SUPPORT FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS. I EXPERIENCED SOME TYPE OF NEAR-DEATH JOURNEY PRIOR TO GETTING TO THE HOSPITAL.
THREE MEN WERE KILLED, WHICH INCLUDED THE MAN WITH THE GUNS ( HE ENDED UP DYING NEXT TO ME AFTER PUTTING THE GUN INTO HIS MOUTH ) PRIOR TO THREATENING TO SHOOT ME A SECOND TIME.
TODAY, I HAVE RECOVERED PHYSICALLY TO THE POINT OF DOING ALL ACTIVITIES THAT I DESIRE ; I DO EXPERIENCE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL EFFECTS , SUCH AS MENTIONED ABOVE , BUT I HAVE REALLY NEVER PUT ANY REAL EFFORT INTO DISCOVERING HOW TO OVERCOME THE EFFECTS !
I HAVE HEARD OF PTSD BEFORE, BUT HAVE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED IN INVESTIGATING IT, AS MENTIONED.
WHOEVER CAN SHARE WITH ME THIER EXPERIENCES AND REMEDIES WITH ME ; THAT WOULD BE GREAT. THANK YOU !
MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS michael_tag_ph******.com
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome Michael. I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. Events like that change our lives instantly. One minute things are ok and the next minute changes everything.
There is good therapy today for PTSD. They know a lot more than they used to. My advice would be to find a therapist who specializes in trauma and PTSD. They will be able to lead you in the right direction.
This site has a series of tapes you can buy that lead you through the healing process.
http://www.stresscenter.com/
We're glad you joined us.
Hugs,
MG
There is good therapy today for PTSD. They know a lot more than they used to. My advice would be to find a therapist who specializes in trauma and PTSD. They will be able to lead you in the right direction.
This site has a series of tapes you can buy that lead you through the healing process.
http://www.stresscenter.com/
We're glad you joined us.
Hugs,
MG
Guest
Posts: n/a
Michael
I have also been the victim of a man with a gun. It sounds like your injuries were more severe than mine. I am happy you have survived. You have to remember that you did nothing wrong here. You did not choose to be a victim. It took 5 years of therapy for me to come to terms with my PTSD. Morning Glory's advice to seek a good therapist is right on the button. If you can locate one who has expertise in shooting victims thats were you need to be. Believe it or not, check with local vetrans orginizations they may have a list of docs to help.
Michael if your in need of an ear to listen I have been there, I know its going to be a tough road for you. Just keep on, don't stop, recovery is so much nicer.
30
I have also been the victim of a man with a gun. It sounds like your injuries were more severe than mine. I am happy you have survived. You have to remember that you did nothing wrong here. You did not choose to be a victim. It took 5 years of therapy for me to come to terms with my PTSD. Morning Glory's advice to seek a good therapist is right on the button. If you can locate one who has expertise in shooting victims thats were you need to be. Believe it or not, check with local vetrans orginizations they may have a list of docs to help.
Michael if your in need of an ear to listen I have been there, I know its going to be a tough road for you. Just keep on, don't stop, recovery is so much nicer.
30
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hartland, WI
Posts: 5
Hello. I came across this site while searching for some answers on PTSD... I'm almost positive I've been diagnosed with it.
I'm Erica, and I'm almost 17 now. On January 15, 2005, my best friend committed suicide. I won't say all the details, but I will say it's a very long, depressing, disgusting, and angering story as to why she did it, and my other friends and I tried our best to help her out up until she hung herself sometime that night. To be perfectly honest, she was the only one that understood me, and she was pretty much all I had as a true friend. My other friends just don't get me as much as she did. I miss her every single day. I know it's only one traumatic event, but I am still convinced, although not positive, that I now have PTSD.
Soon after my friend's death, I tried staying positive about it, but it didn't last long... maybe a week at most. I felt like I was going crazy, and had plenty of suicidal and "insane" thoughts. Of course, there were times when I would break down in tears since I missed her, but all those times, I didn't tell my parents or vent to anyone... except for people online. I'm a nerd, and much of the time, I feel online friends are the only ones I can talk to. I fear if I told my parents, they'd panic and send me to a psychologist. I've had one before, and I hated it.
Well, it's been about ten months since I started showing symptoms of PTSD. My most active symptom is nightmares-plenty of them. It's been countless so far. I used to wake up feeling like I needed to scream or cry, but I hold those sort of things back. There were a few times when I couldn't tell the difference between my dreams and reality. Before my friend died, nightmares were pretty rare-maybe once every five years or something. Also, I've always had a great fear of two things: dark and quiet. After she died, those fears have been greatly intensified. I can't sleep without my TV on. If it's not on, I get anxious, jumpy, and horrified by every single little sound or movement. I also think I've become claustrophobic, and ever since middle school, I've had a bit of an agoraphobia; I used to get pushed around by kids my age, and to this day, I don't understand why. I suppose that's just the way kids are. But ever since then, I've been that really shy, quiet girl that no one gets, except for the few friends I have. I haven't opened up to them in a long time, however. We've grown apart over the years, but we still consider ourselves friends. Anyways, my point is, I have a number of social issues, including trouble communicating and, of course, agoraphobia. My anxiety level has greatly increased as well. If my sister jumps out from behind a corner and spooks me, it completely throws my mind off and terrifies me. Sometimes it even makes me feel like crying. I used to be majorly depressed, but I've been trying to think more positively. I'm not quite sure, but I have a strong feeling that I've shut out some memories so much that I've erased them from my mind. Maybe I just can't remember them yet.
Even now, nightmares are still very common. I used to get them three or four times a week, but it's lessened to about once a week. It doesn't bother me so much anymore... I'm pretty much used to it, and I try to tell myself they're just dreams, nothing more.
I don't do drugs, I don't drink, and I don't smoke, and I never did any of the three. I don't even take drugs for my depression. I don't really want to; it doesn't feel right to be dependent on a medecation to me. Plus, it brings back memories for me that I'd rather not think of (long story).
One last thing: I've noticed that since my friend's death, my short-term memory has been fading noticeably. Is this another symptom of PTSD? I'm really not sure. I know this thread hasn't had any posts in a few months, but I hope I can get some answers from someone. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Erica
I'm Erica, and I'm almost 17 now. On January 15, 2005, my best friend committed suicide. I won't say all the details, but I will say it's a very long, depressing, disgusting, and angering story as to why she did it, and my other friends and I tried our best to help her out up until she hung herself sometime that night. To be perfectly honest, she was the only one that understood me, and she was pretty much all I had as a true friend. My other friends just don't get me as much as she did. I miss her every single day. I know it's only one traumatic event, but I am still convinced, although not positive, that I now have PTSD.
Soon after my friend's death, I tried staying positive about it, but it didn't last long... maybe a week at most. I felt like I was going crazy, and had plenty of suicidal and "insane" thoughts. Of course, there were times when I would break down in tears since I missed her, but all those times, I didn't tell my parents or vent to anyone... except for people online. I'm a nerd, and much of the time, I feel online friends are the only ones I can talk to. I fear if I told my parents, they'd panic and send me to a psychologist. I've had one before, and I hated it.
Well, it's been about ten months since I started showing symptoms of PTSD. My most active symptom is nightmares-plenty of them. It's been countless so far. I used to wake up feeling like I needed to scream or cry, but I hold those sort of things back. There were a few times when I couldn't tell the difference between my dreams and reality. Before my friend died, nightmares were pretty rare-maybe once every five years or something. Also, I've always had a great fear of two things: dark and quiet. After she died, those fears have been greatly intensified. I can't sleep without my TV on. If it's not on, I get anxious, jumpy, and horrified by every single little sound or movement. I also think I've become claustrophobic, and ever since middle school, I've had a bit of an agoraphobia; I used to get pushed around by kids my age, and to this day, I don't understand why. I suppose that's just the way kids are. But ever since then, I've been that really shy, quiet girl that no one gets, except for the few friends I have. I haven't opened up to them in a long time, however. We've grown apart over the years, but we still consider ourselves friends. Anyways, my point is, I have a number of social issues, including trouble communicating and, of course, agoraphobia. My anxiety level has greatly increased as well. If my sister jumps out from behind a corner and spooks me, it completely throws my mind off and terrifies me. Sometimes it even makes me feel like crying. I used to be majorly depressed, but I've been trying to think more positively. I'm not quite sure, but I have a strong feeling that I've shut out some memories so much that I've erased them from my mind. Maybe I just can't remember them yet.
Even now, nightmares are still very common. I used to get them three or four times a week, but it's lessened to about once a week. It doesn't bother me so much anymore... I'm pretty much used to it, and I try to tell myself they're just dreams, nothing more.
I don't do drugs, I don't drink, and I don't smoke, and I never did any of the three. I don't even take drugs for my depression. I don't really want to; it doesn't feel right to be dependent on a medecation to me. Plus, it brings back memories for me that I'd rather not think of (long story).
One last thing: I've noticed that since my friend's death, my short-term memory has been fading noticeably. Is this another symptom of PTSD? I'm really not sure. I know this thread hasn't had any posts in a few months, but I hope I can get some answers from someone. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Erica
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 780
Erica,
I am so sorry you are going through this, and I am sorry that no one has seen your post till now...please, there is help here and we want to help you!
Have you been/seen a licensed therapist for the nightmares, short term memory loss, and the diagnosis of PTSD? There is good therapy today for PTSD, and you can be helped.
Do you have a therapist? If not, can you ask your Primary Care Physician for a referral to a therapist who specializes in grief/loss and PTSD?
How are you doing today? I hope you see this and know that there is help and hope here, and we all care.
Also, Erica, read the sticky notes above for more information.
So glad you joined and found us, Please stick around.
Hugs,
I am so sorry you are going through this, and I am sorry that no one has seen your post till now...please, there is help here and we want to help you!
Have you been/seen a licensed therapist for the nightmares, short term memory loss, and the diagnosis of PTSD? There is good therapy today for PTSD, and you can be helped.
Do you have a therapist? If not, can you ask your Primary Care Physician for a referral to a therapist who specializes in grief/loss and PTSD?
How are you doing today? I hope you see this and know that there is help and hope here, and we all care.
Also, Erica, read the sticky notes above for more information.
So glad you joined and found us, Please stick around.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hartland, WI
Posts: 5
Hey Wolfstarr,
I actually did see my doctor on the 13th to get a referral for a therapist, and I'm glad I went to see her. She's gonna call me back soon about a therapist, so that part is taken care of. I'm doing alright today, sort of, although last night was pretty rough. Thanks for looking at my post Wolfstarr, and everyone else that's responded.
It's my birthday on the 17th (my golden birthday!), and I intend to make it good, hopefully without any troubles, hehe.
Thanks again,
Erica
I actually did see my doctor on the 13th to get a referral for a therapist, and I'm glad I went to see her. She's gonna call me back soon about a therapist, so that part is taken care of. I'm doing alright today, sort of, although last night was pretty rough. Thanks for looking at my post Wolfstarr, and everyone else that's responded.
It's my birthday on the 17th (my golden birthday!), and I intend to make it good, hopefully without any troubles, hehe.
Thanks again,
Erica
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salem, Nh
Posts: 4
Hey to anyone that reads this:
I noticed that there isnt a lot of people posting on this forum but decided to get this all out anyway. I am a 21 year old heroin/coke addict from the Boston area. Up until two years ago, I had never even heard the term PTSD. When I started going to therapy in the beginning stages of sobriety, my therapist threw this disorder at me. When I was 16 years old, I was raped at a cheerleading benefit (I was a coach at the time). I didnt tell a soul, went to the hospital, later became pregnant and terminated the pregnancy. I told one person for about 3 or 4 years. This led to me using illicit drugs. I used to hide the pain. I tried to stuff all of the terrible things I was feeling WAY, WAY in the back of my mind. It didnt work. I began getting really bad anxiety attacks which led to more using. I would be randomly afraid that some-1 was going to break into my house or somehow "get me". It only got worse when I got clean. I realized I needed to finally deal with the rape and I am still trying to this day. I suffer from flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety. I have a hard time trusting people and often feel guily and ashamed. For a long time I felt like it was my fault and "if only I hadnt been there." To make matters worse, becuase of where I was in my life, I didnt press charges. I couldnt. I couldnt revisit the experience and just wanted to forget about it. To this day I wonder if other women have been hurt by this man and sometimes feel as if it would be my fault. I am working through my issues but it is a very TOUGH process. For the last 2 years I have tried to do it without medication...but am leaning toward that way now. I appreciated the things I read from this forum and will take it with me. Thanks for listening!
~AMY
I noticed that there isnt a lot of people posting on this forum but decided to get this all out anyway. I am a 21 year old heroin/coke addict from the Boston area. Up until two years ago, I had never even heard the term PTSD. When I started going to therapy in the beginning stages of sobriety, my therapist threw this disorder at me. When I was 16 years old, I was raped at a cheerleading benefit (I was a coach at the time). I didnt tell a soul, went to the hospital, later became pregnant and terminated the pregnancy. I told one person for about 3 or 4 years. This led to me using illicit drugs. I used to hide the pain. I tried to stuff all of the terrible things I was feeling WAY, WAY in the back of my mind. It didnt work. I began getting really bad anxiety attacks which led to more using. I would be randomly afraid that some-1 was going to break into my house or somehow "get me". It only got worse when I got clean. I realized I needed to finally deal with the rape and I am still trying to this day. I suffer from flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety. I have a hard time trusting people and often feel guily and ashamed. For a long time I felt like it was my fault and "if only I hadnt been there." To make matters worse, becuase of where I was in my life, I didnt press charges. I couldnt. I couldnt revisit the experience and just wanted to forget about it. To this day I wonder if other women have been hurt by this man and sometimes feel as if it would be my fault. I am working through my issues but it is a very TOUGH process. For the last 2 years I have tried to do it without medication...but am leaning toward that way now. I appreciated the things I read from this forum and will take it with me. Thanks for listening!
~AMY
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Hi Amy,
I went through something very similar. I was around 10 or 11. I buried my memory for about 25 years so you are way ahead of where I was. You're going to have to treat the addiction and the PTSD at the same time. One works against the other. They are both equally important. The anti-depressant medications are non addictive. Effexor and Paxil can be very hard to stop taking, but the other SSRI's are fairly easy to stop taking. They can give you enough relief to learn some new coping methods.
I've heard concerns from others who have addictions that the medication can be a trigger for them to start using again so it is an individual decision. I've tried most of the anti-depressants and with most of them you can't even tell you are taking anything. They help you sleep and take the edge off of the anxiety.
Keep posting and keep talking. I'm glad you're working with a therapist. That will really speed up your recovery.
Hugs,
MG
I went through something very similar. I was around 10 or 11. I buried my memory for about 25 years so you are way ahead of where I was. You're going to have to treat the addiction and the PTSD at the same time. One works against the other. They are both equally important. The anti-depressant medications are non addictive. Effexor and Paxil can be very hard to stop taking, but the other SSRI's are fairly easy to stop taking. They can give you enough relief to learn some new coping methods.
I've heard concerns from others who have addictions that the medication can be a trigger for them to start using again so it is an individual decision. I've tried most of the anti-depressants and with most of them you can't even tell you are taking anything. They help you sleep and take the edge off of the anxiety.
Keep posting and keep talking. I'm glad you're working with a therapist. That will really speed up your recovery.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: stockton,california
Posts: 33
I have been suffering with panic axiaty for a verry long time I went to get meds from the doc and she gave me Zolof but I get scared that if I take it I will panic more it is verry frustrating for me I have use alcohol for a setative for a long time I just started seeing a cousalor last week hope I can get over this it is crippling.Thank you for letting me post I didnt realize this was on here.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Hi Kylah,
Zoloft is a very good medication for anxiety.
It has some initial side effects, but it might take all the panic attacks away within a month. The side effects from the anti-depressants usually only last a few days. You'll know right away if you can't tolerate it. You might try starting it right at bedtime and have someone with you when you do.
With counseling and medication you could have this tackled within the year.
I know how horrible it is. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Hugs,
MG
Zoloft is a very good medication for anxiety.
It has some initial side effects, but it might take all the panic attacks away within a month. The side effects from the anti-depressants usually only last a few days. You'll know right away if you can't tolerate it. You might try starting it right at bedtime and have someone with you when you do.
With counseling and medication you could have this tackled within the year.
I know how horrible it is. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Rogersville,TN
Posts: 1
I'm not even sure I'm in the right place but here it goes... my 15 almost 16 yr older daughter has reccently been put on Topamax as a mood stabalzer.. forgive me spelling.. I know what it was made for as my husband and I are also on anti seisures in this new BS thinking of Dr's that they can be used for pain... which in the last year.. they haven't worked for that purpose either... she is still as hateful as she was before... she has it in her head they will help her lose weight ... they did when she was in the hospital... we told her there she was on a balanced diet.. that's what helped her lose the weight.. here we are finding hidden food... her Dr... of course is seeing us as the bad gys... due to what she says... her friends see us as the cool parents... even her BF... says she is a spoiled brat and doesn't need the meds... just an old fashion butt bustin.. but you can't do that these days... like we did our older kids... are there any medical facts to back up.. anti seizure meds being used successfully for anything other than seizures?... We can't find any.. any where..We are living proof.. they don't work for the pain theory.They also haave her on 200mg of seroquil against our wishes..what can a parent do?Especial when you know your kid sleeps and they tell a Dr that they don't
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
I know that Topamax is commonly used for migraine headaches with a lot of success.
Weight loss,when on this medication,needs to be monitored closely because it can have a permanent effect on the metabolism.
I've also seen Seroquel do a lot of good for people who have mood disorders.
A lot of the seizure medications are also used as mood stabalizers. If you are concerned maybe you can get a second opinion from a psychiatrist.
Weight loss,when on this medication,needs to be monitored closely because it can have a permanent effect on the metabolism.
I've also seen Seroquel do a lot of good for people who have mood disorders.
A lot of the seizure medications are also used as mood stabalizers. If you are concerned maybe you can get a second opinion from a psychiatrist.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 780
HI Bikerbabie,
Welcome. I saw your location and you are from Rogersville TN! I have been there and loved it. I have a good friend here in Florida who is from that lovely little town. We visited there and I just fell in love with that area...so pretty.
As MG said, Topamax is commonly used for treatment of Migraine headaches. It is also used as a treatment for mania, depression, and the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. It is a mood stablizer, too. My niece is on this medication for PTSD.
You might want to try googling Topamax and finding out more about the med.
Here is a site to explain a little about the different usage for Topamax:
http://www.psycom.net/depression.cen...opiramate.html
Did your daughter just start in therapy?
Hoping you will come back and post some more...
Wolfstarr
Welcome. I saw your location and you are from Rogersville TN! I have been there and loved it. I have a good friend here in Florida who is from that lovely little town. We visited there and I just fell in love with that area...so pretty.
As MG said, Topamax is commonly used for treatment of Migraine headaches. It is also used as a treatment for mania, depression, and the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. It is a mood stablizer, too. My niece is on this medication for PTSD.
You might want to try googling Topamax and finding out more about the med.
Here is a site to explain a little about the different usage for Topamax:
http://www.psycom.net/depression.cen...opiramate.html
Did your daughter just start in therapy?
Hoping you will come back and post some more...
Wolfstarr
chel918
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: any place that makes me smile
Posts: 24
Imagine that......... I fit in here too
It's really odd that I don't feel like I fit in when it comes to every day things like work or school. I come here and I fit in all over the place!!! I have GAD, Panic attacks, etc. I haven't progressed as well as everyone else when it comes to why I have my attacks. I've tried the doctors, they just give you tests and drugs. I've had enough drugs!!!!!! The anxiety is what pushed me to the drugs to dull all the insanity I feel most the time. I admire those of you that can talk about what is going on that makes you have the anxiety of PTSD.
I had my first anxiety attack in almost 6 months a few weeks ago and then I did some blow and drank a lot over the weekend. I see now they really go hand in hand... yeah I know
anyway......... thanks for letting me share what little I can and as I work on everything else this too will be a project.
I had my first anxiety attack in almost 6 months a few weeks ago and then I did some blow and drank a lot over the weekend. I see now they really go hand in hand... yeah I know
anyway......... thanks for letting me share what little I can and as I work on everything else this too will be a project.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Lusby maryland
Posts: 33
I have been reading through everything trying to find an answer for my daughter. Im a recovering alcholic. She has anxiety disorder, panic attacks, depression and she cuts herself sometimes. she has been on zoloft for a while but she does not want to be on meds her entire life. she has gained alot of weight because of the meds and that makes her even more anxious. She has not self confiedence at all anymore. I tried to talk to her psyc about changing her meds for something else and he would not even listen. i was really upset. I just wanted to know his reasons for not listening to me. I didnt want to embarrass my daughter so I left it alone. She is 15 and the panic attacks started when I went back to work and she was in 5th grade. I was always there and I dont know if that is what triggered it. She had a friend kill herself and her best friend moved away. Then she slowly isolated herself. She is the sweetest, most artistic, beautiful girl in the world. I just wish she knew it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
