If you're new to this site
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Cambridge MD
Posts: 2
Hi,
I'm new here and I am so impressed with this site! I also have PTSD from childhood sexual, physical and ritual abuse and rape as an adult. I have been through quite a few years of therapy to deal with the abuse and am doing much better. I still have my moments though and hope I have found a place to share them.
AbleWings
I'm new here and I am so impressed with this site! I also have PTSD from childhood sexual, physical and ritual abuse and rape as an adult. I have been through quite a few years of therapy to deal with the abuse and am doing much better. I still have my moments though and hope I have found a place to share them.
AbleWings
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Dallas,TX
Posts: 4
Hmmmmmmmm where to start??
Well, I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. I was molested by my uncle and my father walked in on it happening, and didn't do anything about it. I was 4 at the time.
I have been beaten by my father ever since I can remember, and my aunt told me I was beaten ever since I was in diapers. I have been emotionaly, mentally, (you name it) abused all my life.
I recieved counseling while in foster care. I ranaway from home at the age of 15 due to my father giving me my first concussion.
I got myself thrown out of my religion at the age of 15, this was before I was given my concussion.
I was married at 17, at 7 months preg.
My son almost died at the age of 2 DAYS old, and under went major surgery and had a 50/50 chance of living.
He wore a colostomy bag for his first 4 months of living. Had a pull through surgery at 4 months, and is healthy now.
I left my x husband at age 20, had to return my son 2 weeks after I left due to the lack of family help/support.
Became a stripper to support myself, and was for 6yrs. 3yrs of that I was a dominatrix. Was on drugs for most of the time, but not when I had my son on the weekends.
I am out of the strip clubs now, I am 27 and have been out of stripping for almost a yr.
Well,
That is just a short overview of me, and my life to date.
I got a job at a resturant, and am working a regular job, and hope to go back to school (college), get my GED too.
Jesika
Well, I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. I was molested by my uncle and my father walked in on it happening, and didn't do anything about it. I was 4 at the time.
I have been beaten by my father ever since I can remember, and my aunt told me I was beaten ever since I was in diapers. I have been emotionaly, mentally, (you name it) abused all my life.
I recieved counseling while in foster care. I ranaway from home at the age of 15 due to my father giving me my first concussion.
I got myself thrown out of my religion at the age of 15, this was before I was given my concussion.
I was married at 17, at 7 months preg.
My son almost died at the age of 2 DAYS old, and under went major surgery and had a 50/50 chance of living.
He wore a colostomy bag for his first 4 months of living. Had a pull through surgery at 4 months, and is healthy now.
I left my x husband at age 20, had to return my son 2 weeks after I left due to the lack of family help/support.
Became a stripper to support myself, and was for 6yrs. 3yrs of that I was a dominatrix. Was on drugs for most of the time, but not when I had my son on the weekends.
I am out of the strip clubs now, I am 27 and have been out of stripping for almost a yr.
Well,
That is just a short overview of me, and my life to date.
I got a job at a resturant, and am working a regular job, and hope to go back to school (college), get my GED too.
Jesika
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Sounds like you are making great progress Jesika. Feel free to visit all the boards on the forums. There are good posts on all of them.
We have a safe place to share here so feel free. We're listening.
Hugs,
MG
We have a safe place to share here so feel free. We're listening.
Hugs,
MG
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Fayetteville AR
Posts: 1
hi everyone. im new to the board and thought this forum would be a good place to start. ptsd is my main diagnosis. delayed onset. apparently i was too ****** up to have any problems beside drug addiction for the first couple years after my trauma. at 14 i was raped. then at 16 i dated a cook who treated me very badly and caused a lot of scars (inside and out). i still have flashbacks though not nearly as frequently as in the past. ive been on too many medications to list, but have decided to stay away from any and all anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety, or sedative scripts because i tend to abuse them. go figure thanks for letting me share.
erika
thanks for letting me share. erika
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Jersey City, N.J
Posts: 44
Surviving And Triumphing !
MG and Everyone Here ! Thanks for your courgae in sharing your intense
stories and experiences.
I was sexually abused by my Dad between the ages of
4-11. My Mom and I had a stormy and bizarre relationship that went on until she passed away somewhat recently. At this point
I don't really trust getting close to people and have become isolated.
At first I didn't notice it - but now I find it harder to reach out to people. I have always had my own businesses, and I dealt with people in way I felt I could control. I recently changed my career - and I am really seeing how hard it is to
know how to establish new relationships. People think I am distant- but I am
scared of exposing myself emotionlly and getting hurt - so I avoid relationships.
I personally do not believe in taking drugs of anykind, including mood stabalizing etc. I have a deep connection to Asian spiritual practice which has helped me
incredibly - but sometimes , it helps to say these things out loud and know that it's o.k.
MG - You are a true warrior priestess. You and many others here are an amazing
testament to wanting to embrace life and triumphing in the face of intense
adversity. MAy The Force be with you ALL ! Blessings , Daria
stories and experiences.
I was sexually abused by my Dad between the ages of
4-11. My Mom and I had a stormy and bizarre relationship that went on until she passed away somewhat recently. At this point
I don't really trust getting close to people and have become isolated.
At first I didn't notice it - but now I find it harder to reach out to people. I have always had my own businesses, and I dealt with people in way I felt I could control. I recently changed my career - and I am really seeing how hard it is to
know how to establish new relationships. People think I am distant- but I am
scared of exposing myself emotionlly and getting hurt - so I avoid relationships.
I personally do not believe in taking drugs of anykind, including mood stabalizing etc. I have a deep connection to Asian spiritual practice which has helped me
incredibly - but sometimes , it helps to say these things out loud and know that it's o.k.
MG - You are a true warrior priestess. You and many others here are an amazing
testament to wanting to embrace life and triumphing in the face of intense
adversity. MAy The Force be with you ALL ! Blessings , Daria
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 261
New to this board
It is encouraging to see I am not alone -- I suffer from similiar problems and symptoms. I don't remember any sexual abuse, and while I have some those symptoms, they could be caused by the things I do remember: Parental spousal abuse, personal spousal abuse, both parents alcoholics and so an ACA who was abandoned and terrified from the womb, a violent rape, personal substance abuse and Hepatitis C, my sister was psychotic and committed suicide, my brother was into some underground psychological behavior and died of heart related disease at age 43, I witnessed my ex-husband begin to abuse my children before I left him three years ago, and, six months ago, I was assaulted and battered by my boyfriend of a year and a half and sustained open nasal fractures left and right and a severed artery and nerve. I feel like I am doing ok under the circumstances, as I am functional. But I am plagued by symptoms, which could wreak havoc if I don't keep awareness and work going through channels like this. It is helpful to listen when others describe their experience, since this helps me come out of denial. Thanks. Right now I am working on the thought for the day of (parahrased) 'Just for today I will be unafraid...especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is mine and what is beautiful [and the moment]. Journaling helps so much and ACA and AA and counseling and a victim's support group have all been helpful. Reading everything I can get my hands on helps, too. I am looking into art therapy as well. There is a wealth of resources. I am recovering from substance abuse, codependency, and disfunction. Right now, I am focusing on acceptance and step 4 of the twelve steps -- Rose on the thought for the day helped me there. I have been neglecting some responsiblities financially and in housekeeping and parenting and socially big time. Hope this hasn't been too long!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Welcome to the forum Nancy.
Life can be really hard. You've had your fair share. I'm so glad you've joined us here. You sound like you're doing really well and doing all of the things you need to do to recover. Please feel free to share here. We are a pretty safe group of disfunctional people.
Hugs,
MG
Life can be really hard. You've had your fair share. I'm so glad you've joined us here. You sound like you're doing really well and doing all of the things you need to do to recover. Please feel free to share here. We are a pretty safe group of disfunctional people.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Dear Ann,
I was very touched when I read your post. Know that you´re not alone and that anxiety can be dealt with. My journey has been very traumatic as well and I knew long time ago I suffered from PTSD. I need to take mild anti-depressants to get through the panic attacks; I was sexually molested by an elderly neighbour when I was 6, kidnapped and raped at 16, survived three bomb attacks in Europe and got almost killed in Bosnia.
When the memories submerge with nightmares and panic attacks I try to go with the flow. I find it very helpful to talk to the hurt child within me on a daily basis and to recognize the difficult emotions for what they are: Just emotions. They will pass if you just let them. Feelings are not facts.
Yoga, stress therapy and writing down the negative thoughts have been of immense help as well. I study Kung Fu and my instructor tought me to think of the negative voices that go with the memories as difficult children. They can stay for a few minutes, then I send them away.
Good luck on your journey and don´t forget you´re not alone.
I was very touched when I read your post. Know that you´re not alone and that anxiety can be dealt with. My journey has been very traumatic as well and I knew long time ago I suffered from PTSD. I need to take mild anti-depressants to get through the panic attacks; I was sexually molested by an elderly neighbour when I was 6, kidnapped and raped at 16, survived three bomb attacks in Europe and got almost killed in Bosnia.
When the memories submerge with nightmares and panic attacks I try to go with the flow. I find it very helpful to talk to the hurt child within me on a daily basis and to recognize the difficult emotions for what they are: Just emotions. They will pass if you just let them. Feelings are not facts.
Yoga, stress therapy and writing down the negative thoughts have been of immense help as well. I study Kung Fu and my instructor tought me to think of the negative voices that go with the memories as difficult children. They can stay for a few minutes, then I send them away.
Good luck on your journey and don´t forget you´re not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: sarnia ontario
Posts: 128
Hi.
Well, this is kind of scary so am not gonna write alot. Not this time.
Am new to this site. Started in at the Alanon level, then dropped down to the ACoA and finally on down to
well, here.
I find this part of the work hardest. Was where I started. Briefly was out of my first marriage, going to University full time, raising 2 children and attempted suicide. Reason was well....
Was confusing. Still is.
My children at the time were going to the daycare at the University and those ladies there were so well, SO NICE. They did things differently than I remembered as a kid and it felt so peaceful being there. I would often beg of class and go and hang out there just so that I could be there.......in that environment......soak it up...and its good I did......I learned alot of my parenting skills through them. Sure didn't learn them at home.
Grew up military. Military is great life......except we were sort of military but ex military. In other words life at home was extremely strict and governed by the little fears that my father had that stemmed from his life in the military and his fathers life in the military and his fathers life and so on and so on down the generations.
Lessons that are so valuable in war time.......such as don't think, don't feel just DO......
Had its benefits. In England I was a gymnast and a swimmer. Excelled in both. Gymnastics lunch hours, one or two evenings a week.....swimming every day we weren't doing gymnastics. Except for Friday.....Friday was family night. And we were happy.
Except .......
In Canada I played bagpipes. Was one of the first females to break the Grade one circuit and can't speak too much more on that for fear people might read and recognize me. Was molested at 13 years old by one of the piping instructors and that kind of changed me. Except
Well....it wasn't my first time and it should have been. Not sure when the first time was.......all sketchy ........ and
Well being there with all of the drink and being thought of as 'grown up' etc......was a heckofalot better than being at home with all of the yelling and silences and being under such strict control all of the time.
So I grew up with a few perspectives on life.
Mother and father fought alot......and most of the time t'was me they fought over. Mom wants me to have short hair, Dad wants it long. Mom wants me to wear red dress......Dad yellow........that kind of thing....only it was constant.
I learned to say whatever it took to please whoever was there at the time. And I learned to believe whatever was necessary to believe who was there at the time.
Result was that eventually well I couldn't take anymore. Had so many 'voices' going through my head. My 'flashbacks' were not so much visual as audio.....accompanied sometimes with visual but those were easier to block.
Have come a long, long way since then. Years of therapy, counselling, learning to mediate, learning to figure out sort of what it is that I believe. Been to A.A. and at times I keep going back. I don't drink alot......and not often.....but sometimes I feel like a meeting and Alanon just doesn't seem to run as often as A.A. does in the neighbourhoods I been in......and at times I just don't want to drink or be around those that do. Home program is Alanon.....though thats often harder to deal with because.......well its closer to home :P
This one is tough. Too many memories to go through and frankly at this time I don't wanna look at them again. Not tonight although I have a feeling that over the next while......well.....it does seem that you find things just intime......perhaps God is telling me something.
At the momment I am having alot of those old feelings resurface.
The ones I remember at school like everyone else is looking at me and thinking stuff. The ones where I just feel wierd and like I don't 'fit'. Feeling like am being stuffed in a box and it doesn't fit quite right. Alot of anger surfacing. Alot of fears....
I was told a long time ago that each time we revisit this stuff we do a little bit of work and then move on to the present to deal with the present. And then when that seems fixed a bit....we go back again and deal with a little more.....heal a little more.....so that each time we go through we come out a little better and a little more whole.
Perhaps this is whats happening.
Anyways, I am Taira. and am pleased to be here.
Well, this is kind of scary so am not gonna write alot. Not this time.
Am new to this site. Started in at the Alanon level, then dropped down to the ACoA and finally on down to
well, here.
I find this part of the work hardest. Was where I started. Briefly was out of my first marriage, going to University full time, raising 2 children and attempted suicide. Reason was well....
Was confusing. Still is.
My children at the time were going to the daycare at the University and those ladies there were so well, SO NICE. They did things differently than I remembered as a kid and it felt so peaceful being there. I would often beg of class and go and hang out there just so that I could be there.......in that environment......soak it up...and its good I did......I learned alot of my parenting skills through them. Sure didn't learn them at home.
Grew up military. Military is great life......except we were sort of military but ex military. In other words life at home was extremely strict and governed by the little fears that my father had that stemmed from his life in the military and his fathers life in the military and his fathers life and so on and so on down the generations.
Lessons that are so valuable in war time.......such as don't think, don't feel just DO......
Had its benefits. In England I was a gymnast and a swimmer. Excelled in both. Gymnastics lunch hours, one or two evenings a week.....swimming every day we weren't doing gymnastics. Except for Friday.....Friday was family night. And we were happy.
Except .......
In Canada I played bagpipes. Was one of the first females to break the Grade one circuit and can't speak too much more on that for fear people might read and recognize me. Was molested at 13 years old by one of the piping instructors and that kind of changed me. Except
Well....it wasn't my first time and it should have been. Not sure when the first time was.......all sketchy ........ and
Well being there with all of the drink and being thought of as 'grown up' etc......was a heckofalot better than being at home with all of the yelling and silences and being under such strict control all of the time.
So I grew up with a few perspectives on life.
Mother and father fought alot......and most of the time t'was me they fought over. Mom wants me to have short hair, Dad wants it long. Mom wants me to wear red dress......Dad yellow........that kind of thing....only it was constant.
I learned to say whatever it took to please whoever was there at the time. And I learned to believe whatever was necessary to believe who was there at the time.
Result was that eventually well I couldn't take anymore. Had so many 'voices' going through my head. My 'flashbacks' were not so much visual as audio.....accompanied sometimes with visual but those were easier to block.
Have come a long, long way since then. Years of therapy, counselling, learning to mediate, learning to figure out sort of what it is that I believe. Been to A.A. and at times I keep going back. I don't drink alot......and not often.....but sometimes I feel like a meeting and Alanon just doesn't seem to run as often as A.A. does in the neighbourhoods I been in......and at times I just don't want to drink or be around those that do. Home program is Alanon.....though thats often harder to deal with because.......well its closer to home :P
This one is tough. Too many memories to go through and frankly at this time I don't wanna look at them again. Not tonight although I have a feeling that over the next while......well.....it does seem that you find things just intime......perhaps God is telling me something.
At the momment I am having alot of those old feelings resurface.
The ones I remember at school like everyone else is looking at me and thinking stuff. The ones where I just feel wierd and like I don't 'fit'. Feeling like am being stuffed in a box and it doesn't fit quite right. Alot of anger surfacing. Alot of fears....
I was told a long time ago that each time we revisit this stuff we do a little bit of work and then move on to the present to deal with the present. And then when that seems fixed a bit....we go back again and deal with a little more.....heal a little more.....so that each time we go through we come out a little better and a little more whole.
Perhaps this is whats happening.
Anyways, I am Taira. and am pleased to be here.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Hello Taira,
Thank you for sharing some of your life with us. I know it's hard to face what is inside, but it's so nice when you finally get through all of it. There was a time when I thought I would never escape, but I finally did. I think you are right about adjusting each time we work a little on the inside. Some of that truth is hard to accept.
Please feel free to post anything at all. We are here to offer support.
Hugs,
MG
Thank you for sharing some of your life with us. I know it's hard to face what is inside, but it's so nice when you finally get through all of it. There was a time when I thought I would never escape, but I finally did. I think you are right about adjusting each time we work a little on the inside. Some of that truth is hard to accept.
Please feel free to post anything at all. We are here to offer support.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Racine, Wi
Posts: 27
I too was diagnosed 4 years ago with ptsd and was so ashamed to tell people. I was abused went through one heck of a teen stage so many things it's not even worth putting down. My son passed away 6 years ago in the hands of my -x-...it goes on and on but the point is no matter what it is you go through...there is always that chance.
I had (have medicated) anxiety attacks, that I have ended up in the hospital for. I knew it was just an attack but my body would litterly go into shock. My bp would sky rocket my heart rate off the chart...I couldn't see and I couldn't even talk with out slurring..I couldn't move anything correctly because my whole body was numb.... and the whole time I thought I was going to die...knowing full well it was just an attack..Talk about scary and feeling like the biggest dips$%&!!! After I would cry and get depressed for days and weeks. I did have smaller scale ones but they still were no fun (all of the same symptoms but I was able to begin my talking exercises before it went beyond my control.). I have been on so many meds it is not funny...almost scary
My point...I have never told any body these things except my hubby who has had to take me to the hospital...and it feels good to know there are others out there with these problems...it is one thing to be told that there are others and it is another to experence that there are others. I have been to the point of wanting to die and just be gone...I felt so alone.
So thank you all and I am so glad you are here. Anyone ever wants to chat experences or have a listening ear I am always here...Jen
I had (have medicated) anxiety attacks, that I have ended up in the hospital for. I knew it was just an attack but my body would litterly go into shock. My bp would sky rocket my heart rate off the chart...I couldn't see and I couldn't even talk with out slurring..I couldn't move anything correctly because my whole body was numb.... and the whole time I thought I was going to die...knowing full well it was just an attack..Talk about scary and feeling like the biggest dips$%&!!! After I would cry and get depressed for days and weeks. I did have smaller scale ones but they still were no fun (all of the same symptoms but I was able to begin my talking exercises before it went beyond my control.). I have been on so many meds it is not funny...almost scary
My point...I have never told any body these things except my hubby who has had to take me to the hospital...and it feels good to know there are others out there with these problems...it is one thing to be told that there are others and it is another to experence that there are others. I have been to the point of wanting to die and just be gone...I felt so alone.
So thank you all and I am so glad you are here. Anyone ever wants to chat experences or have a listening ear I am always here...Jen
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome Jenn,
Talking about it helps so much. I've found that this is such a safe place to share.
It sounds like you've gained some control over the panic. That is not an easy task. Good for you.
If you change the forum settings to "from the beginning" at the bottom of the main page you will be able to view all the posts. There is some helpful information posted that I found on other sites.
Hugs,
MG
Talking about it helps so much. I've found that this is such a safe place to share.
It sounds like you've gained some control over the panic. That is not an easy task. Good for you.
If you change the forum settings to "from the beginning" at the bottom of the main page you will be able to view all the posts. There is some helpful information posted that I found on other sites.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Canoga Park CA
Posts: 27
Its good to hear that I am not alone as well. I have had anxiety problems all fo my life, but only 3 1/2 years ago was I able to hear the fact that i had been diagnosed with ptsd. My childhood was interspersed with molestations, my teen years with rape and watching my friends die ... you get the picture.
I have made alot of progress (so i've been told), mostly due to getting sober a little over 3 years ago. However, I have not yet been able to talk very much about my experiences, how I feel about them, etc. I have been seeing my current therapist for 3 1/2 years, and trust her so much that i can't tell her some of this stuff, because I'm afraid she'll be horrified, or laugh, or wont look at me in the same way (no Al-anon here).
Does anyone else have this problem with talking about it?
I have made alot of progress (so i've been told), mostly due to getting sober a little over 3 years ago. However, I have not yet been able to talk very much about my experiences, how I feel about them, etc. I have been seeing my current therapist for 3 1/2 years, and trust her so much that i can't tell her some of this stuff, because I'm afraid she'll be horrified, or laugh, or wont look at me in the same way (no Al-anon here).
Does anyone else have this problem with talking about it?
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi lavendae,
Talking about it is very very hard. When I first came to the boards here I could not talk at all. I didn't realize I had isolated myself so much. I think the shame that we feel makes it very difficult.
My father died when he was 81 years old. About a year before he died we were sitting on the patio and he made a brief statement about a death he witnessed in the Navy. He sobbed about 3 times. It's the only time I ever saw him cry. He held that in for 60 years.
We won't be horrified or laugh if you should ever want to share. We all struggle with the same issues. I've made horrible mistakes in my life.
Hugs,
MG
Talking about it is very very hard. When I first came to the boards here I could not talk at all. I didn't realize I had isolated myself so much. I think the shame that we feel makes it very difficult.
My father died when he was 81 years old. About a year before he died we were sitting on the patio and he made a brief statement about a death he witnessed in the Navy. He sobbed about 3 times. It's the only time I ever saw him cry. He held that in for 60 years.
We won't be horrified or laugh if you should ever want to share. We all struggle with the same issues. I've made horrible mistakes in my life.
Hugs,
MG
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 261
Hello y'all
Hello y'all,
I appreciate your sharing, and Lavendae and Jenn, I understand the feelings. I for whatever reason feel that when I go to my psychiatrist I have to seem so up and well. I think I am more concerned about how she will feel disappointed if I am not feeling happy than I do about feeling unhappy. That old need to please others -- the ACA thing I have going. And the feeling that I am not supposed to bother people, and I think, just the fear of everything, like you folks so honestly shared. I am afraid to talk about my afraidness. I don't know why. It isn't rational...and that's ok. It may not be rational, but it is real for those of us who understand the kind of fear and anxiety that we survive due to our histories. I don't think it is being negative to acknowledge that. I think it is important for us to allow ourselves to own our fear, and everything else about ourselves. It is ok for us to feel however we are feeling. Our feelings are just feelings. We can feel them, and we can still do whatever we want to in life. On another forum, we are talking about movies. When we watch a frightening movie, it affects us for a time, and then we move on. I think that there is a part of our fears we can't just shake because it is real and so intense, but we can still move on. But if it takes time, and doesn't happen immediately or expediently or when others think it should, that's ok. Our disease will heal in its own time. And we can allow ourselves whatever we need to heal -- time included.
Have a day of comfort in recovery,
One day at a time we can do it,
Love,
Nancy
I appreciate your sharing, and Lavendae and Jenn, I understand the feelings. I for whatever reason feel that when I go to my psychiatrist I have to seem so up and well. I think I am more concerned about how she will feel disappointed if I am not feeling happy than I do about feeling unhappy. That old need to please others -- the ACA thing I have going. And the feeling that I am not supposed to bother people, and I think, just the fear of everything, like you folks so honestly shared. I am afraid to talk about my afraidness. I don't know why. It isn't rational...and that's ok. It may not be rational, but it is real for those of us who understand the kind of fear and anxiety that we survive due to our histories. I don't think it is being negative to acknowledge that. I think it is important for us to allow ourselves to own our fear, and everything else about ourselves. It is ok for us to feel however we are feeling. Our feelings are just feelings. We can feel them, and we can still do whatever we want to in life. On another forum, we are talking about movies. When we watch a frightening movie, it affects us for a time, and then we move on. I think that there is a part of our fears we can't just shake because it is real and so intense, but we can still move on. But if it takes time, and doesn't happen immediately or expediently or when others think it should, that's ok. Our disease will heal in its own time. And we can allow ourselves whatever we need to heal -- time included.
Have a day of comfort in recovery,
One day at a time we can do it,
Love,
Nancy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Canoga Park CA
Posts: 27
Thank you!
Thank you so much for posting that, Nancy!!
It was so good to hear that i am not alone. I am terrified of what my therapist thinks of me, and I also think that i have to be feeling good, and acting cheerful when i come to see her. I know how stupid that is, but i cant change it. I am a complete people pleaser... i know it, but have yet to be able to do anything about it.
My head tells me that if my therapist doesn't like me, she'll stop seeing me. I have gone through so many therapists, and been kicked out of many of their offices and told that they cant help me, and i finally found one that works-- i cant afford to lose her. In fact, I suspect that this has led to some stagnation in my treatment-- I have not been able to discuss alot of my experiences with her, for fear of this. I need to, but I'm scared to death.
I also used to do the same thing with my sponsor-- not call her when something was wrong, because i didn't want to bother her. I think I grew up thinking that I was so much of a problem (because i was always told that i was) that somewhere i still believe it.
Wow, it feels so good to get this out. If its okay with everyone, I might continue on this after work. I think i need to talk about it, and somehow this feels safe here.
THANKS,
Laven
It was so good to hear that i am not alone. I am terrified of what my therapist thinks of me, and I also think that i have to be feeling good, and acting cheerful when i come to see her. I know how stupid that is, but i cant change it. I am a complete people pleaser... i know it, but have yet to be able to do anything about it.
My head tells me that if my therapist doesn't like me, she'll stop seeing me. I have gone through so many therapists, and been kicked out of many of their offices and told that they cant help me, and i finally found one that works-- i cant afford to lose her. In fact, I suspect that this has led to some stagnation in my treatment-- I have not been able to discuss alot of my experiences with her, for fear of this. I need to, but I'm scared to death.
I also used to do the same thing with my sponsor-- not call her when something was wrong, because i didn't want to bother her. I think I grew up thinking that I was so much of a problem (because i was always told that i was) that somewhere i still believe it.
Wow, it feels so good to get this out. If its okay with everyone, I might continue on this after work. I think i need to talk about it, and somehow this feels safe here.
THANKS,
Laven
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