Return of anxiety
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
Still waking up lol...but not for hours now...I manage to get back to sleep within 10 mins.
I've done a lot of work on solving the things that were bothering me so that helped
Seeing the Dr tomorrow
D
I've done a lot of work on solving the things that were bothering me so that helped
Seeing the Dr tomorrow
D
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, all)
I am sleeping ok, but anxiety paralyzes me during daytime. Sometime I just can't literally move myself to do something - it seems to me that even my tiny move will disturb some "balance". Like. nothing extremely bad happening right now, but if I start acting, I will call for something awful.
Ahhhh.
Hugs to you, my friends.
Have a good day.
I am sleeping ok, but anxiety paralyzes me during daytime. Sometime I just can't literally move myself to do something - it seems to me that even my tiny move will disturb some "balance". Like. nothing extremely bad happening right now, but if I start acting, I will call for something awful.
Ahhhh.
Hugs to you, my friends.
Have a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Sarajevo
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
I'm not sure where to post any more. I used to tell my old crowd in May 2012 everything, but they no longer exist. I'm not a newcomer. I don't feel this is a problem that AA can help me with. Everyone in the Year and Overs thread are sorted and doing just fine. I don't want to drink so I guess this isn't a sobriety issue and I shouldn't be posting on this site at all. I don't want to give the message to people just starting out on the Alcoholism forum that sobriety isn't worth it because it is. SO worth it. I love the things that my new sober life has brought me.
But, I'm back to feeling anxious. Not just a bit, but throwing up in the middle of the night anxious. I feel like crying all the time. There's a lot going on for me right now. I am so good at putting on my cheerful act, but I'm struggling big time. I'm so aware that depression keeps knocking on my door and I'm frightened of the dark getting me again when I've been given a life now that's so good.
And i know there are people with much bigger problems than me. I've got a lot going for me and it all feels so self-pitying and ridiculous to be feeling like this.
But panic and flashbacks and insomnia are back. And I don't know what to do.
But, I'm back to feeling anxious. Not just a bit, but throwing up in the middle of the night anxious. I feel like crying all the time. There's a lot going on for me right now. I am so good at putting on my cheerful act, but I'm struggling big time. I'm so aware that depression keeps knocking on my door and I'm frightened of the dark getting me again when I've been given a life now that's so good.
And i know there are people with much bigger problems than me. I've got a lot going for me and it all feels so self-pitying and ridiculous to be feeling like this.
But panic and flashbacks and insomnia are back. And I don't know what to do.
What city do you live in '
I can pull out church addresses in your city from the Internet.
The mere fact of thinking about it, planning for it and going there, is giving peace to the mind.
Where do you live ? I mean which city ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
And I'm back on this thread. And for that I'm so grateful. The world went wonky for a while, and I was locked out of my profile and this thread and everything seemed to be conspiring against me. Rampant paranoia.
I've struggled this week but I'm pushing through it. I took Tuesday off from work to take my parents to the hospital for my Dad's prognosis. It was as we thought...no surgery, no chemo, but they are going to give him a shot of radiotherapy to help with his breathing and the pain. We don't know how long he will live. Leading up to it I had perhaps my worst bout of anxiety yet. I actually took a beta blocker and I haven't done that for years. I was missing an important meeting at work too that day which sent me into a spin. But I was ok when I was with them. Perhaps because they looked so frail and scared and I knew that I was stronger than them and that they needed me. And my Dad held my hand and told me how thankful he was that I was there...and I knew that this was my time to be with him and to let go of the past once and for all.
And while I was there I made a mental note of the department I'm going to next week for my own health problems and where I needed to go..
Since Tuesday I have tried not to stress about work but I know that I've started to avoid things that are going to be hard. That's not good because they all stack up and have got to be faced sometime.
Today I'm stressing to the point of wanting to throw up because I'm taking a young woman I work with to the doctor at the education department. She has severe anorexia and has a history of needing to be hospitalised under the mental health act in the past and I'm thinking that might happen again today. She is petrified and I know that if she's sectioned it is going to be really traumatic.
I feel like there is a weight on my chest all the time and I keep crying which is so unlike me.
And the worst thing of all is that I feel so selfish...I'm supposed to be this loving caring person and all I'm doing is turning every situation into some self-seeking opportunity. This isn't about me. These are opportunities for me to be helpful...so why am I now not eating or sleeping and having panic attacks? Why can't i do stuff for others without crying?
I need a break from all this stress. I'm just so tired.
I've struggled this week but I'm pushing through it. I took Tuesday off from work to take my parents to the hospital for my Dad's prognosis. It was as we thought...no surgery, no chemo, but they are going to give him a shot of radiotherapy to help with his breathing and the pain. We don't know how long he will live. Leading up to it I had perhaps my worst bout of anxiety yet. I actually took a beta blocker and I haven't done that for years. I was missing an important meeting at work too that day which sent me into a spin. But I was ok when I was with them. Perhaps because they looked so frail and scared and I knew that I was stronger than them and that they needed me. And my Dad held my hand and told me how thankful he was that I was there...and I knew that this was my time to be with him and to let go of the past once and for all.
And while I was there I made a mental note of the department I'm going to next week for my own health problems and where I needed to go..
Since Tuesday I have tried not to stress about work but I know that I've started to avoid things that are going to be hard. That's not good because they all stack up and have got to be faced sometime.
Today I'm stressing to the point of wanting to throw up because I'm taking a young woman I work with to the doctor at the education department. She has severe anorexia and has a history of needing to be hospitalised under the mental health act in the past and I'm thinking that might happen again today. She is petrified and I know that if she's sectioned it is going to be really traumatic.
I feel like there is a weight on my chest all the time and I keep crying which is so unlike me.
And the worst thing of all is that I feel so selfish...I'm supposed to be this loving caring person and all I'm doing is turning every situation into some self-seeking opportunity. This isn't about me. These are opportunities for me to be helpful...so why am I now not eating or sleeping and having panic attacks? Why can't i do stuff for others without crying?
I need a break from all this stress. I'm just so tired.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thanks Dee. You have been a great support.
I'm thinking I may go see a Doctor next week. Or maybe even look into a bit of counselling...though that was the hardest thing I've done in sobriety and now I'm much more open and emotional than I was so it would be worse.
Oh I don't know. Gotta get through today first. One thing at a time.
I'm thinking I may go see a Doctor next week. Or maybe even look into a bit of counselling...though that was the hardest thing I've done in sobriety and now I'm much more open and emotional than I was so it would be worse.
Oh I don't know. Gotta get through today first. One thing at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I think my anxiety is way out of control now. It isn't responding to any rational thought. It's Saturday morning and I've invited all mine and H's family over for a BBQ. It seemed a good idea a few weeks back but today I'm filled with dread. Lots of alcoholism and issues amongst everyone. People are bound to get drunk in my home. I dont know how to stop it happening.
I'm aware I'm on a bit of a downward spiral...I need to get back on track. This feels like such a failing in me.
I need a break from this to gather my thoughts. Running away isn't an option.
I don't want to go down the meds route. Counselling seems way too scary. I feel stuck. Trapped. I need to sort this out.
I'm aware I'm on a bit of a downward spiral...I need to get back on track. This feels like such a failing in me.
I need a break from this to gather my thoughts. Running away isn't an option.
I don't want to go down the meds route. Counselling seems way too scary. I feel stuck. Trapped. I need to sort this out.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,477
I think you need to do something Jeni.
You simply can't live like this and I don;t think it's feasible you can ignore it or hope it goes away - something's going to crack and no one wants it to be you, you know?
D
You simply can't live like this and I don;t think it's feasible you can ignore it or hope it goes away - something's going to crack and no one wants it to be you, you know?
D
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hey Jeni - I just want to send you some big cyber hugs. I've been in a similar situation to what you are describing. Good for you for seeing a counselor. Right now you really need to focus on you and making sure you are getting your basic needs met: food, sleep, rest. Pare down all commitments and focus on yourself as much as you can. Ask your family to support you in quieting down the unnecessary 'noise'. This is not selfish at all...it is self preserving. (((hugs))).
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Unfortunately my H is quite highly strung so I usually end up trying to manage his emotions on top of my own.
I will try and step back and take today as it comes. I did have a fleeting thought of drinking today...that hasn't happened for the longest time. Just a thought. No real intention, but I need to put it out there and have spoken to my sponsor.
Maybe I just need a holiday. Some time on my own I think.
I will try and step back and take today as it comes. I did have a fleeting thought of drinking today...that hasn't happened for the longest time. Just a thought. No real intention, but I need to put it out there and have spoken to my sponsor.
Maybe I just need a holiday. Some time on my own I think.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
How are you doing today Jeni? Hugs.
Totally on the same page as you Raul. What I have been doing lately is making a pitcher of iced tea using 1bag of Tazo 'Rest' tea (has a gentle rose petal taste & touch of valerian) along with 2bags of jasmine green tea...let cool, stick in refrigerator and drink as needed, like water. Really nice calming feeling.
Totally on the same page as you Raul. What I have been doing lately is making a pitcher of iced tea using 1bag of Tazo 'Rest' tea (has a gentle rose petal taste & touch of valerian) along with 2bags of jasmine green tea...let cool, stick in refrigerator and drink as needed, like water. Really nice calming feeling.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I have spoken to my boss. She is going to take those things away from me that are raising my stress levels for the moment. There isn't one thing I can't cope with but cumulatively they are about to break me. I have to admit that right now I can't do my job the way I would like to. And that feels so hard. My job is so important to me.
I work in school management in a special school. I have a teacher who is suffering acute stress who comes to see me daily in tears. She can't work with one of the teaching assistants so I need to speak to them both and find out what's going on. It's a meeting I should be able to handle but coping with their upset is hard right now. I have the support assistant with anorexia who has been told she needs to take the rest of the school year off and I'm really worried about her decline. She's told me work is the only reason she has to get out of bed in the morning. I took her to her doc appointment on Friday and she cried all the way back to school. I have a parent who is struggling with her daughter and who pops to see me a couple of times a week in a highly emotional state. I have another parent who has withdrawn her son from school because she says we are incompetent. I have the everyday task of supporting staff to do their job effectively. It's a tough job and I like to think I am a good sounding board for them to off-load to.
And I can't do it. I am so committed to the school and the kids...and this feels the pits.
I want to be able to take my Dad to his radiotherapy appointments. I want to just step away from anyone else's emotional state and just concentrate on my own.
I need some peace. I need to sit in my garden and be with my family. I need to look after my own health and start eating properly.
Only 3 and a bit more weeks at work until the schools finish. If my boss takes some of the stuff away from me that makes me want to run to the toilets and weep I should be able to do it. I've got reports to compile and timetables to set up for next year. I can do those practical things.
But no drama. I can't do that.
I will look into the valerian root and vitamin B. Thank you for those suggestions. I will get through this x
I work in school management in a special school. I have a teacher who is suffering acute stress who comes to see me daily in tears. She can't work with one of the teaching assistants so I need to speak to them both and find out what's going on. It's a meeting I should be able to handle but coping with their upset is hard right now. I have the support assistant with anorexia who has been told she needs to take the rest of the school year off and I'm really worried about her decline. She's told me work is the only reason she has to get out of bed in the morning. I took her to her doc appointment on Friday and she cried all the way back to school. I have a parent who is struggling with her daughter and who pops to see me a couple of times a week in a highly emotional state. I have another parent who has withdrawn her son from school because she says we are incompetent. I have the everyday task of supporting staff to do their job effectively. It's a tough job and I like to think I am a good sounding board for them to off-load to.
And I can't do it. I am so committed to the school and the kids...and this feels the pits.
I want to be able to take my Dad to his radiotherapy appointments. I want to just step away from anyone else's emotional state and just concentrate on my own.
I need some peace. I need to sit in my garden and be with my family. I need to look after my own health and start eating properly.
Only 3 and a bit more weeks at work until the schools finish. If my boss takes some of the stuff away from me that makes me want to run to the toilets and weep I should be able to do it. I've got reports to compile and timetables to set up for next year. I can do those practical things.
But no drama. I can't do that.
I will look into the valerian root and vitamin B. Thank you for those suggestions. I will get through this x
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Jeni,
Be really gentle with yourself right now. It sounds like you have a high burnout rate job. Try to get someone who can listen to you as you do you your work. And remember that you can do it, as in you are capable, but it is just not in your best interests to do everything and further burn yourself out. Getting through this time with your heart and soul intact is the order of the day
It sounds funny (and I have suggested elsewhere on the board) but getting a pair of ear covering (over ear) headphones is a great coping strategy. The world is full of extraneous noise which often takes a lot of effort to block out. Putting the headphones on in public while you are waiting for things, is like putting a sign on your head which reads "Please do not disturb". Even in private putting on my headphones feels like a bubble bath for the mind. The pair of headphones I have and like very much are Skullcandy "Hesh 2".
More hugs for you. If anyone has extra time in your house, have them peel a bunch of carrots and cut veggies and then stick them in baggies...this sustains the body in a better way than carbs like pretzels or chips.
Take care and keep writing You can can through this time (without alcohol). And everyone is here to listen and help as needed.
Be really gentle with yourself right now. It sounds like you have a high burnout rate job. Try to get someone who can listen to you as you do you your work. And remember that you can do it, as in you are capable, but it is just not in your best interests to do everything and further burn yourself out. Getting through this time with your heart and soul intact is the order of the day
It sounds funny (and I have suggested elsewhere on the board) but getting a pair of ear covering (over ear) headphones is a great coping strategy. The world is full of extraneous noise which often takes a lot of effort to block out. Putting the headphones on in public while you are waiting for things, is like putting a sign on your head which reads "Please do not disturb". Even in private putting on my headphones feels like a bubble bath for the mind. The pair of headphones I have and like very much are Skullcandy "Hesh 2".
More hugs for you
. If anyone has extra time in your house, have them peel a bunch of carrots and cut veggies and then stick them in baggies...this sustains the body in a better way than carbs like pretzels or chips.Take care and keep writing
You can can through this time (without alcohol). And everyone is here to listen and help as needed.
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