Feeling anxious
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 718
Originally Posted by Lilya 
Hi everyone and hello Gail, nice to have you back! 
The funeral is over and I´m taking a quiet moment to just digest how difficult it was.
Self care, get some sleep
It´s one of the most difficult and stressful things I´ve done, but in a strange way, it was healing as well, because it felt like a natural flow of life. Death is so much a part of life. I know this is not exactly original, but it felt true in my case.
Really positive memories for you and a very natural end. I agree it is healing and you know he is no longer in pain and his influence will always be a part of you
I did cry a lot and we spent the day together, the whole family, and it felt good.
When I checked my mailbox, I saw something that made me very, very angry. So angry, I cannot even describe what I want to do.
I´ve shared that two years ago, an elderly man, who still has a lot of power in the government, a retired politcal person, harassed me for a long time. I went through all the proper channels to report him and did. Now I wish I had not done it.
I know what I would want to do
I wish I had done differently and gone through different channels. This man used the death of my father, who was a public figure, to send me a message of condoléance, and to add that he still "loves" me, and will never stop doing so. I´m so afraid he will use the opportunity to get back into my life and no matter what I do, he will never stop.
What a creep, either he's trying to use a difficult time to manipulate your emotions or he is just really, really stupid, I suggest taking the so called condolences over to the kichen sink, set a match to it and wash away the ashes, you don't need those kind of reminders around
This is really hard. And I really miss my dad. He used to defend me and give me good advice regarding problems like these when he wasn´t so ill. I didn´t tell him about recent harrassement, just to spare him.
I´m struggling with taking one hour at a time, but it´s good to know you´re here.
Gail, really glad you´re back. Listen, I will buy a washing machine tomorrow. Hopefully I´ll feel better then. I´m going back to my folks and spend some time with my cousins.
Love and light,
The funeral is over and I´m taking a quiet moment to just digest how difficult it was.
Self care, get some sleep
It´s one of the most difficult and stressful things I´ve done, but in a strange way, it was healing as well, because it felt like a natural flow of life. Death is so much a part of life. I know this is not exactly original, but it felt true in my case.
Really positive memories for you and a very natural end. I agree it is healing and you know he is no longer in pain and his influence will always be a part of you
I did cry a lot and we spent the day together, the whole family, and it felt good.
When I checked my mailbox, I saw something that made me very, very angry. So angry, I cannot even describe what I want to do.
I´ve shared that two years ago, an elderly man, who still has a lot of power in the government, a retired politcal person, harassed me for a long time. I went through all the proper channels to report him and did. Now I wish I had not done it.
I know what I would want to do
I wish I had done differently and gone through different channels. This man used the death of my father, who was a public figure, to send me a message of condoléance, and to add that he still "loves" me, and will never stop doing so. I´m so afraid he will use the opportunity to get back into my life and no matter what I do, he will never stop.
What a creep, either he's trying to use a difficult time to manipulate your emotions or he is just really, really stupid, I suggest taking the so called condolences over to the kichen sink, set a match to it and wash away the ashes, you don't need those kind of reminders aroundThis is really hard. And I really miss my dad. He used to defend me and give me good advice regarding problems like these when he wasn´t so ill. I didn´t tell him about recent harrassement, just to spare him.
I´m struggling with taking one hour at a time, but it´s good to know you´re here.
Gail, really glad you´re back. Listen, I will buy a washing machine tomorrow. Hopefully I´ll feel better then. I´m going back to my folks and spend some time with my cousins.
Love and light,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Thanks Gail,
Hi Intro, nice to hear you from you again. Thanks for the prayers.
The day wasn´t too awful, did manage to sleep longer than usual. Since it all happen, I have real difficulties sleeping, but it´s coming slowly. I had to take real medication from my doctor. We all have nightmares in the family and all extra stress is hard and difficult to deal with.
I´ve been going swimming and I intend to take a long walk tonight. The washing machine arrives tomorrow and I have to empty the laundry room. There are piles of dirty laundry, simply piles. I can´t deal with it right now.
Gail, thanks for what you said about the man who harrassed me. I talked it over with my therapist and also a female police officer. I told my therapist what I wanted to do to him. Each time he reminds me of him, I feel like he is harrassing me again, and again, and again. I feel his disgusting touch and can hear him breathe. I feel like I want to do what the harassed lawyer in Martin Scorsese´s Cape Fear did... but it doesn´t solve anything.
This man never listened to me. I made things so clear for him, it was impossible not to understand. I told him: "I don´t want you, I don´t want you to talk to me, touch me or just come near me. If you do, I will contact the police." I also threatened to tell his wife, which has to be anyone´s last resort. He said: "If you do tell her, it´s fine. I told her already that I had met someone new, and that it´s destiny´s will we be together."
Somehow it didn´t register, quoi!
The policewomand and the lawyer at the women´s aid centre told me not to speak to him at all. Even negative reaction was better than nothing to him, and I should just pretend he wasn´t there.
I followed that advice and they were right. It stopped slowly and painfully. In the meantime, the police had talked to him many times and he was fired from a position at the University because of the harrassment.
I will keep doing that. I won´t say anything. Pretend he´s not there. If you have different advice, please let me know.
Then I will keep doing my exercise, each day, even though it´s such a pain right now,
Plan my festival, outline drafts for sponsors,
Continue preparing scripts and texts I´m working on,
Do meditation before sleep,
Keep doing one thing at a time.
Thanks for being there,
Love and light,
Hi Intro, nice to hear you from you again.
Thanks for the prayers. The day wasn´t too awful, did manage to sleep longer than usual. Since it all happen, I have real difficulties sleeping, but it´s coming slowly. I had to take real medication from my doctor. We all have nightmares in the family and all extra stress is hard and difficult to deal with.
I´ve been going swimming and I intend to take a long walk tonight. The washing machine arrives tomorrow and I have to empty the laundry room. There are piles of dirty laundry, simply piles. I can´t deal with it right now.
Gail, thanks for what you said about the man who harrassed me. I talked it over with my therapist and also a female police officer. I told my therapist what I wanted to do to him. Each time he reminds me of him, I feel like he is harrassing me again, and again, and again. I feel his disgusting touch and can hear him breathe. I feel like I want to do what the harassed lawyer in Martin Scorsese´s Cape Fear did... but it doesn´t solve anything.
This man never listened to me. I made things so clear for him, it was impossible not to understand. I told him: "I don´t want you, I don´t want you to talk to me, touch me or just come near me. If you do, I will contact the police." I also threatened to tell his wife, which has to be anyone´s last resort. He said: "If you do tell her, it´s fine. I told her already that I had met someone new, and that it´s destiny´s will we be together."
Somehow it didn´t register, quoi!
The policewomand and the lawyer at the women´s aid centre told me not to speak to him at all. Even negative reaction was better than nothing to him, and I should just pretend he wasn´t there.
I followed that advice and they were right. It stopped slowly and painfully. In the meantime, the police had talked to him many times and he was fired from a position at the University because of the harrassment.
I will keep doing that. I won´t say anything. Pretend he´s not there. If you have different advice, please let me know.
Then I will keep doing my exercise, each day, even though it´s such a pain right now,
Plan my festival, outline drafts for sponsors,
Continue preparing scripts and texts I´m working on,
Do meditation before sleep,
Keep doing one thing at a time.
Thanks for being there,
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ontario
Posts: 718
I'm still learning, It amazes me how things so small can trigger things so large and long. Sounds to me like a long ditch effort on his part anyway.
Midst of helping feelow employee realizing has PTSD been loading info for him to help.
I think I am a helpoholic.:comfort :comfort :comfort
Midst of helping feelow employee realizing has PTSD been loading info for him to help.
I think I am a helpoholic.:comfort :comfort :comfort
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Sometimes I know things will be difficult and they turn out to be that and more.
It´s an intuition, not codie feeling, but it´s difficult to tell the difference, sometimes.
I knew the washing machine would be a pain, and so it turned out to be.
I had difficulties sleeping, because I felt something would go wrong. Driving home from work in a crazy traffic jam, some truck driver was at my house and asked me what I needed done. I told him I didn´t need anything from him, only the guy I had made a deal with from a different company, to take the old one out of the laundry room and replace it with the new one.
Well, he didn´t come here, and doesn´t answer the phone. The truck driver charged money for his trouble, he had been sent from the guy who disappeared...
Too long a story. I won´t even burden you. All I know is that I had to send the kid to my mom, my brother had to tear down a wall between the laundry room and my bedroom and it smells like a sewer in here. I´m sitting on my bed with all my clothes, feeling like a political refugee - waiting, waiting and waiting for the man to take this horror away.
Love and light,
It´s an intuition, not codie feeling, but it´s difficult to tell the difference, sometimes.
I knew the washing machine would be a pain, and so it turned out to be.
I had difficulties sleeping, because I felt something would go wrong. Driving home from work in a crazy traffic jam, some truck driver was at my house and asked me what I needed done. I told him I didn´t need anything from him, only the guy I had made a deal with from a different company, to take the old one out of the laundry room and replace it with the new one.
Well, he didn´t come here, and doesn´t answer the phone. The truck driver charged money for his trouble, he had been sent from the guy who disappeared...
Too long a story. I won´t even burden you. All I know is that I had to send the kid to my mom, my brother had to tear down a wall between the laundry room and my bedroom and it smells like a sewer in here. I´m sitting on my bed with all my clothes, feeling like a political refugee - waiting, waiting and waiting for the man to take this horror away.
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ft Worth, TX
Posts: 174
Houses can be a pain, but it's better than being homeless, isn't it?
So, is somebody actually going to bring you a new washer or are you just sitting there in some kind of limbo waiting indefinitely for something that may or may not come? And why did your brother have to tear down a wall?
If you've gotten your tai chi DVD this might be a good time to start working on that. Maybe take your mind of all this chiante mierde.
So, is somebody actually going to bring you a new washer or are you just sitting there in some kind of limbo waiting indefinitely for something that may or may not come? And why did your brother have to tear down a wall?
If you've gotten your tai chi DVD this might be a good time to start working on that. Maybe take your mind of all this chiante mierde.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
I was homeless in my youth, because I ran away from home and lived on the streets doing drugs.
Seems to me it was less pain! (No, I don´t mean it.) Well, there was no responsability. With owning your own home and being responsable comes all this putain de galère! LOL
My brother had to take down the wall that separates my bedroom from the laundry room, because there is a cupboard in between and there were plugs and all kinds og stuff inside behind the old washing machine. The previous owner must have been nuts! It was also a leak from the machine into the wall. It´s drying now.
I´m going to the veranda to do some Tai Chi (the DVD did arrive) and then take a pain killer for my stiff shoulders and neck. I wake up with such headache every morning because of the stiff muscles. And losing someone close makes these small, chiant things almost too much to bear, like the dishonesty of the plumbers, leaks and similar boring stuff.
One hour at a time. One hour at a time...
I hope I can do bear watching next year.
Love and light,
Seems to me it was less pain! (No, I don´t mean it.) Well, there was no responsability. With owning your own home and being responsable comes all this putain de galère! LOL
My brother had to take down the wall that separates my bedroom from the laundry room, because there is a cupboard in between and there were plugs and all kinds og stuff inside behind the old washing machine. The previous owner must have been nuts! It was also a leak from the machine into the wall. It´s drying now.
I´m going to the veranda to do some Tai Chi (the DVD did arrive) and then take a pain killer for my stiff shoulders and neck. I wake up with such headache every morning because of the stiff muscles. And losing someone close makes these small, chiant things almost too much to bear, like the dishonesty of the plumbers, leaks and similar boring stuff.
One hour at a time. One hour at a time...
I hope I can do bear watching next year.
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ft Worth, TX
Posts: 174
Hey Lilya, I'm glad to hear you've talked about all this with your therapist. Hopefully that'll help you see that in the big picture this will all just be one bad memory, eventually outweighed by many more happy memories.
Now that the funeral's over is there any chance you could just get your brother to take care of the washer/heater/wall/leak situation and just go away for a while? I think even one or two days off on your own in a more pleasant environment would help you clear your head and get some peace. Maybe you could just tell the washer people to hold off a couple days and you take your daughter someplace nice for the weekend, then come back and deal with this mess when you're a little more refreshed. And it'd probably be good for your girl to get some quality time with you right now. You're dad dying was beyond your control, and funerals wait for no one, but the washer can wait a couple days.
If you can't do that maybe just an afternoon in the park or a long drive in the country might do the trick.
Just my 2 cents.
Now that the funeral's over is there any chance you could just get your brother to take care of the washer/heater/wall/leak situation and just go away for a while? I think even one or two days off on your own in a more pleasant environment would help you clear your head and get some peace. Maybe you could just tell the washer people to hold off a couple days and you take your daughter someplace nice for the weekend, then come back and deal with this mess when you're a little more refreshed. And it'd probably be good for your girl to get some quality time with you right now. You're dad dying was beyond your control, and funerals wait for no one, but the washer can wait a couple days.
If you can't do that maybe just an afternoon in the park or a long drive in the country might do the trick.
Just my 2 cents.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Scarlati,
I really appreciate your advice. And I was about to take it, when everything got crazy.
My brother arrived with our brother-in-law, and together they started to drill, hammer and saw in my appartment. I asked them to do it another day, but they swore like crazy and just walked all over me, terrified kids and animals and banged and drilled. In the meantime the washing machine arrived and they installed it with such a noise, my neighbour came rushing downstairs with her baby - she´had been breastfeeding.
They insisted I go to our mom for dinner and I went with them. I had nothing to say, really, and I couldn´t really move. I was speechless! Now they´re gone and it´s finally peace. My home is like it´s been invaded by an army. The mess they left is huge, simply huge, plus all the sawdust...
My family doesn´t know the meaning of the word "peace of mind". Dinners with the family means dining sometimes with 17 people, aunts and uncles, cousins and what have you, and they all talk at once.
While my brother and my brother-in-law were hammering away, we fled to the swimmingpool for a little while. That helped somewhat. The stiff shoulders are so locked, nothing seems to help.
I cannot do Tai Chi, because I´m so stunned after this day. I know I should, but I cannot make myself move from where I am. Please send me some energy!
Usually I don´t let my family walk all over me like this. But this time I did. Seemed a more peaceful option. It´s an Addam´s family and they are getting worse.
Love and light,
I really appreciate your advice. And I was about to take it, when everything got crazy.
My brother arrived with our brother-in-law, and together they started to drill, hammer and saw in my appartment. I asked them to do it another day, but they swore like crazy and just walked all over me, terrified kids and animals and banged and drilled. In the meantime the washing machine arrived and they installed it with such a noise, my neighbour came rushing downstairs with her baby - she´had been breastfeeding.
They insisted I go to our mom for dinner and I went with them. I had nothing to say, really, and I couldn´t really move. I was speechless! Now they´re gone and it´s finally peace. My home is like it´s been invaded by an army. The mess they left is huge, simply huge, plus all the sawdust...
My family doesn´t know the meaning of the word "peace of mind". Dinners with the family means dining sometimes with 17 people, aunts and uncles, cousins and what have you, and they all talk at once.
While my brother and my brother-in-law were hammering away, we fled to the swimmingpool for a little while. That helped somewhat. The stiff shoulders are so locked, nothing seems to help.
I cannot do Tai Chi, because I´m so stunned after this day. I know I should, but I cannot make myself move from where I am. Please send me some energy!
Usually I don´t let my family walk all over me like this. But this time I did. Seemed a more peaceful option. It´s an Addam´s family and they are getting worse.
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ft Worth, TX
Posts: 174
Well, they got the job done, I guess. It does seem like your brother should probably not yell and swear at you, but I'm assuming you saved quite a bit of money by having him do it instead of hiring a pro. And a pro probably would have left the same mess. So think of the verbal abuse as the tradeoff for the money you saved.
Did you ever have anyone look at your old washer besides the guy that was there to fix the heater? I know it doesn't matter now, but I was just wondering if you ever found out what was wrong with it.
So where do things stand now? You've got the washer replaced and a big mess from that. Did they replace the wall they had to knock down or will they be coming back for that? And if they are coming back would you trust them to do the job while you're not there? If so it'd be really nice if you could just let them in, take your kid out to lunch, go see a movie, a walk in the park, then get back home as they are finishing up.
And is the job on the heater finished, or are those guys still coming back?
Did you ever have anyone look at your old washer besides the guy that was there to fix the heater? I know it doesn't matter now, but I was just wondering if you ever found out what was wrong with it.
So where do things stand now? You've got the washer replaced and a big mess from that. Did they replace the wall they had to knock down or will they be coming back for that? And if they are coming back would you trust them to do the job while you're not there? If so it'd be really nice if you could just let them in, take your kid out to lunch, go see a movie, a walk in the park, then get back home as they are finishing up.
And is the job on the heater finished, or are those guys still coming back?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Well, they got everything done, including the wall and the door to my cupboard, plus the washing machine!
My brother was mainly angry because of all this negative stuff I´ve been dealing with at my house and after our father´s death his reaction is anger more than grief. I don´t take it too seriously, it was more the mess he created and working here like a maniac. He behaved like a caveman, but I did save lots of money.
I had two plumbers looking at the washing machine and the motor was broken. It would have been too expensive to repair, so I´m glad I have a brand new one.
The heating system is now working and I probably have to pay the bill. It´s not sky high, but it could cover half a holiday abroad. The real estate dealer told me the previous owner is dishonest. She doubts he will pay it back, and it would be too costly to sue. I have to deal with that he lied to me many times, but I guess it´s best to let go of him. The postman keeps asking me where he lives, because the bank is looking for him and also a lawyer. He owes all over the place.
Do you think I should go after this guy? Sometimes it´s best to pay and have some peace of mind. I don´t think I need more stress right now.
I keep thinking about trips to exotic countries to calm the mind. A houseboat in India would be wonderful. Or a camel ride in the Sahara. Anything that is calming.
I know I should do tai chi, but I just can´t at the moment. I cannot concentrate. The only exercise I can manage is swimming. I will try again tomorrow...
Love and light,
My brother was mainly angry because of all this negative stuff I´ve been dealing with at my house and after our father´s death his reaction is anger more than grief. I don´t take it too seriously, it was more the mess he created and working here like a maniac. He behaved like a caveman, but I did save lots of money.
I had two plumbers looking at the washing machine and the motor was broken. It would have been too expensive to repair, so I´m glad I have a brand new one.
The heating system is now working and I probably have to pay the bill. It´s not sky high, but it could cover half a holiday abroad. The real estate dealer told me the previous owner is dishonest. She doubts he will pay it back, and it would be too costly to sue. I have to deal with that he lied to me many times, but I guess it´s best to let go of him. The postman keeps asking me where he lives, because the bank is looking for him and also a lawyer. He owes all over the place.
Do you think I should go after this guy? Sometimes it´s best to pay and have some peace of mind. I don´t think I need more stress right now.
I keep thinking about trips to exotic countries to calm the mind. A houseboat in India would be wonderful. Or a camel ride in the Sahara. Anything that is calming.
I know I should do tai chi, but I just can´t at the moment. I cannot concentrate. The only exercise I can manage is swimming. I will try again tomorrow...
Love and light,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
About the heating system...
I forgot to add that I need to install a brand new installation for this kind of heating and that will cost more than a small holiday. In fact, the cost is equivalent to a three week´s holiday in Thailande for a whole family, best hotels and top excursions included.
The question is: Do I go after this guy or is he not worth the trouble?
Love and light,
The question is: Do I go after this guy or is he not worth the trouble?
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ft Worth, TX
Posts: 174
Well, I don't know how it works in France, but in the U.S. if somebody defrauds several people, once he gets caught he has to make restitution to everyone in the order in which he defaulted/defrauded. So if you found him and tried to sue or file criminal fraud charges everyone else that he already owed money would be able to get in line in front of you, and there's a good chance he'd be out of money by the time it was your turn to sue. I'm not a lawyer, so this all may be wrong but this is my understanding of our system. Hopefully a real lawyer will pop in here and tell us how far off I am.
Of course, you're in France, so I have no idea how it would work there. If you can get a free consultation with a lawyer it might be worth it to find out if you have any options, but I kind of remember you saying you'd already been told it wouldn't be worth it. So your best bet is probably to just call this "a learning experience" and cut your losses. And really, even if you found him, sued him and won, if he doesn't have the money that doesn't really do you much good anyway.
I'm glad your house is finally coming together. The timing sure sucked, though.
I like how you refer to expenses in terms of the vacations they could have paid for. I used to be the same way, but with alcohol instead of vacations. Last year my car needed a new water pump and when the mechanic told me how much it would cost I said,"Are you crazy? I could buy 4 cases of whiskey for that much!"
Why do your shoulders get so stiff? Have you seen a doctor about that?
In closing, and maybe off topic, you're a very impressive woman. In the last 3 months we've covered your friend/stalker, stress at work, swollen glands/hypochondria, home maintenance, and the death of your father. It's like I'm watching a reality show of a woman whose life, for all practical purposes, should be falling apart. But you seem to have an uncanny ability to take everything in stride and keep being proactive even as things keep getting worse and worse. I wish I knew more people like you. If you ever do get a chance to take some time to yourself and relax and unwind, be sure to give yourself a nice pat on the back. You're probably the most resilient person I know.
Of course, you're in France, so I have no idea how it would work there. If you can get a free consultation with a lawyer it might be worth it to find out if you have any options, but I kind of remember you saying you'd already been told it wouldn't be worth it. So your best bet is probably to just call this "a learning experience" and cut your losses. And really, even if you found him, sued him and won, if he doesn't have the money that doesn't really do you much good anyway.
I'm glad your house is finally coming together. The timing sure sucked, though.
I like how you refer to expenses in terms of the vacations they could have paid for. I used to be the same way, but with alcohol instead of vacations. Last year my car needed a new water pump and when the mechanic told me how much it would cost I said,"Are you crazy? I could buy 4 cases of whiskey for that much!"
Why do your shoulders get so stiff? Have you seen a doctor about that?
In closing, and maybe off topic, you're a very impressive woman. In the last 3 months we've covered your friend/stalker, stress at work, swollen glands/hypochondria, home maintenance, and the death of your father. It's like I'm watching a reality show of a woman whose life, for all practical purposes, should be falling apart. But you seem to have an uncanny ability to take everything in stride and keep being proactive even as things keep getting worse and worse. I wish I knew more people like you. If you ever do get a chance to take some time to yourself and relax and unwind, be sure to give yourself a nice pat on the back. You're probably the most resilient person I know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Thanks so much, Scarlati.
It was nice of you to add this. I tend to forget to pat myself on the back.
One of the things I learned in AA was to be proactive and look at everyting that happens in my life as a lesson, but I´ve always been resilient. I think you´re resilient too, Scarlati. Your advice is practical and to the point and it´s always good to have it.
This year has been quite a lesson in so many ways and now it´s time to do like the Orientals: Digest the experience.
I doubt I will try to find the previous owner and ask him to pay the bill. It could be more frustrating to have lawyers going after him than not. It´s probably best to cut my losses, but I haven´t made up my mind 100%.
My shoulders are better this morning. They get stiff because of the strain. I´ve already consulted my doctor and he adviced the usual, heat and stretching.
I´m off to the swimming pool and sauna. It´s cold and damp outside.
Love and light,
It was nice of you to add this. I tend to forget to pat myself on the back.
One of the things I learned in AA was to be proactive and look at everyting that happens in my life as a lesson, but I´ve always been resilient. I think you´re resilient too, Scarlati. Your advice is practical and to the point and it´s always good to have it.
This year has been quite a lesson in so many ways and now it´s time to do like the Orientals: Digest the experience.
I doubt I will try to find the previous owner and ask him to pay the bill. It could be more frustrating to have lawyers going after him than not. It´s probably best to cut my losses, but I haven´t made up my mind 100%.
My shoulders are better this morning. They get stiff because of the strain. I´ve already consulted my doctor and he adviced the usual, heat and stretching.
I´m off to the swimming pool and sauna. It´s cold and damp outside.
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ft Worth, TX
Posts: 174
I don't know what kind of swimming background you have but if you're not using good form when you swim that could be causing your shoulder problems, or at least contributing to them. There's a condition called "Swimmer's Shoulder" that you can get from training too hard or moving your arms at the wrong angle when you're swimming. Google it and you can see if maybe this is your problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Impossible to take it easy
I was swimming when I was three or four years old, so I believe I swim quite well. Usually the stiff shoulders go away when the stress goes down. There is an old saying that the grief for your parents go to your shoulders, the grief for our children goes to the stomach and money problems go to the lower back.
I slept really well and even had a nap after the swimming-pool. My neighbour´s father came over to tear up her floor, because there is a leak there as well! Is there a curse on this house? Furthermore, her Indian boyfriend is leaving her all by herself with a newborn baby, returning to India where he has another girlfriend. Turns out he was saving money working here and is now going for good. What a man!
So they were hammering away and I looked after the baby for awhile. Then a really good friend came over. She is an interior designer and had been meaning to help me with my bedroom. She came with flowers and a beautiful sympathie card, and decided to help me with the mess my brother and brother-in-law had created. Before I knew it, she had turned every furniture in the bedroom - and broken a few lamps and vases in the process, water flowing all over the floor, and then after dinner, we decided it would be better to leave it the way it was.
She is gone and I need to lie down before I start cleaning up the mess. I´m calling in sick tomorrow at work. This weekend has been so different from what I had pictured!
She really meant well, but I wonder what to say to all these people who want to rush into my place to turn it around! I think they want to help, but my energy is really low and I cannot deal with it.
Love and light,
I slept really well and even had a nap after the swimming-pool. My neighbour´s father came over to tear up her floor, because there is a leak there as well! Is there a curse on this house? Furthermore, her Indian boyfriend is leaving her all by herself with a newborn baby, returning to India where he has another girlfriend. Turns out he was saving money working here and is now going for good. What a man!
So they were hammering away and I looked after the baby for awhile. Then a really good friend came over. She is an interior designer and had been meaning to help me with my bedroom. She came with flowers and a beautiful sympathie card, and decided to help me with the mess my brother and brother-in-law had created. Before I knew it, she had turned every furniture in the bedroom - and broken a few lamps and vases in the process, water flowing all over the floor, and then after dinner, we decided it would be better to leave it the way it was.
She is gone and I need to lie down before I start cleaning up the mess. I´m calling in sick tomorrow at work. This weekend has been so different from what I had pictured!
She really meant well, but I wonder what to say to all these people who want to rush into my place to turn it around! I think they want to help, but my energy is really low and I cannot deal with it.
Love and light,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Family quarrel
Thanks, Intro.
My plate is getting fuller to the point of overflowing. This evening I had a bad quarrel with my mom and my sister. We were disagreeing on something and they started forcing me to accept what they wanted without even showing me the respect to discuss it. Instead they screamed and shouted like kids, cried and said everything was my fault, like a couple of infants. Common blackmailing like "I was killing my mother by not accepting without delay what they wanted."
I lost my temper, which was really silly. I used to be good with controlling and manipulation in the family. I used non-defensive and assertive statements when they started, but this time they got to me. I gave them I huge piece of my mind, too.
I immediately grabbed my book on emotional blackmail and started reading. I´ve come up with some strategy; just to talk to them calmly and assertively and let them cool down. However, I will let them know I won´t accept taking everything like a doormat. This I have been repeating for the past twenty years and will keep on doing it.
Please send more good thoughts, you´re really helping me, all of you.
Love and light,
My plate is getting fuller to the point of overflowing. This evening I had a bad quarrel with my mom and my sister. We were disagreeing on something and they started forcing me to accept what they wanted without even showing me the respect to discuss it. Instead they screamed and shouted like kids, cried and said everything was my fault, like a couple of infants. Common blackmailing like "I was killing my mother by not accepting without delay what they wanted."
I lost my temper, which was really silly. I used to be good with controlling and manipulation in the family. I used non-defensive and assertive statements when they started, but this time they got to me. I gave them I huge piece of my mind, too.
I immediately grabbed my book on emotional blackmail and started reading. I´ve come up with some strategy; just to talk to them calmly and assertively and let them cool down. However, I will let them know I won´t accept taking everything like a doormat. This I have been repeating for the past twenty years and will keep on doing it.
Please send more good thoughts, you´re really helping me, all of you.
Love and light,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ft Worth, TX
Posts: 174
If I were you I'd schedule a therapy session. This quarrel with your mom and sis is a new development and you need an objective opinion. My instinct is to tell you it's geat that you're standing up for yourself, but it's entirely possible that they're right and you're wrong. Just based on this thread nobody here's qualified to give you an objective opinion cause we haven't heard their side of the story.
I'm certainly not suggesting you let them treat you like a doormat, but I think if you can give the details to your therapist he/she may be able to tell you the best way to deal with this.
I'm certainly not suggesting you let them treat you like a doormat, but I think if you can give the details to your therapist he/she may be able to tell you the best way to deal with this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
I´m not sure this is about who is right and who is wrong. I´m sure they are right about many things that came up in the quarrel, but I´m unhappy with their attitude.
They are both very controlling and not only with me, but the whole family and extended family members. My father used to hate that. No one is allowed a different opinion, they just attack and scream and cry until they get their way. If they don´t, they just don´t talk to that family member for years.
I´ve had years of therapy to deal with that. Sure I will call my therapist, but she keeps giving me the same advice: Don´t enable their behaviour, don´t let them get you involved in their state of mind, use assertive statement and be calm - which I wasn´t yesterday, because I was totally unprepared when they jumped on me.
This is about a public memorial service of my father, who was a public figure. They said: "Do this, but not that. Now we´re going to have dinner. Bye."
I said: "Wait a minute, what is wrong?"
They exploded and started ordering me about. I said I wanted time to think about it and that I also wanted to talk to them calmly about the issue so we could come to some sort of agreement. I said we would need a family discussion. They hung up, then called again and said that if I wouldn´t do what they said, my mom would get a heart attack and die and I would be responsible.
I got angry and told them I was not to be ordered about, nor blackmailed emotionally, and I couldn´t stand their hysteria. Their accusing got worse and worse, they kept calling and hanging up, and finally I took the phone off the hook and put my mobile on silent.
I do worry about my mother, she is fragile after the funeral, but her drama queen attitude is difficult to deal with. In the end, it´s their problem. I will respect the family wishes about that paragraph and I have decided I won´t discuss it any further. It´s impossible, anyway.
My uncle didn´t agree with them about some aspects of the funeral and told them so in a gentle manner. It was the same story with him. He has been shut out of the family for the time being because he had a different opinion.
Usually, I don´t get involved. When I did, I got the same result. Now a days, I can have a good relationship with them because I protect myself from this kind of behaviour. I failed this time.
Love and light,
They are both very controlling and not only with me, but the whole family and extended family members. My father used to hate that. No one is allowed a different opinion, they just attack and scream and cry until they get their way. If they don´t, they just don´t talk to that family member for years.
I´ve had years of therapy to deal with that. Sure I will call my therapist, but she keeps giving me the same advice: Don´t enable their behaviour, don´t let them get you involved in their state of mind, use assertive statement and be calm - which I wasn´t yesterday, because I was totally unprepared when they jumped on me.
This is about a public memorial service of my father, who was a public figure. They said: "Do this, but not that. Now we´re going to have dinner. Bye."
I said: "Wait a minute, what is wrong?"
They exploded and started ordering me about. I said I wanted time to think about it and that I also wanted to talk to them calmly about the issue so we could come to some sort of agreement. I said we would need a family discussion. They hung up, then called again and said that if I wouldn´t do what they said, my mom would get a heart attack and die and I would be responsible.
I got angry and told them I was not to be ordered about, nor blackmailed emotionally, and I couldn´t stand their hysteria. Their accusing got worse and worse, they kept calling and hanging up, and finally I took the phone off the hook and put my mobile on silent.
I do worry about my mother, she is fragile after the funeral, but her drama queen attitude is difficult to deal with. In the end, it´s their problem. I will respect the family wishes about that paragraph and I have decided I won´t discuss it any further. It´s impossible, anyway.
My uncle didn´t agree with them about some aspects of the funeral and told them so in a gentle manner. It was the same story with him. He has been shut out of the family for the time being because he had a different opinion.
Usually, I don´t get involved. When I did, I got the same result. Now a days, I can have a good relationship with them because I protect myself from this kind of behaviour. I failed this time.
Love and light,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
