I´m not sure this is about who is right and who is wrong. I´m sure they are right about many things that came up in the quarrel, but I´m unhappy with their attitude.
They are both very controlling and not only with me, but the whole family and extended family members. My father used to hate that. No one is allowed a different opinion, they just attack and scream and cry until they get their way. If they don´t, they just don´t talk to that family member for years.
I´ve had years of therapy to deal with that. Sure I will call my therapist, but she keeps giving me the same advice: Don´t enable their behaviour, don´t let them get you involved in their state of mind, use assertive statement and be calm - which I wasn´t yesterday, because I was totally unprepared when they jumped on me.
This is about a public memorial service of my father, who was a public figure. They said: "Do this, but not that. Now we´re going to have dinner. Bye."
I said: "Wait a minute, what is wrong?"
They exploded and started ordering me about. I said I wanted time to think about it and that I also wanted to talk to them calmly about the issue so we could come to some sort of agreement. I said we would need a family discussion. They hung up, then called again and said that if I wouldn´t do what they said, my mom would get a heart attack and die and I would be responsible.
I got angry and told them I was not to be ordered about, nor blackmailed emotionally, and I couldn´t stand their hysteria. Their accusing got worse and worse, they kept calling and hanging up, and finally I took the phone off the hook and put my mobile on silent.
I do worry about my mother, she is fragile after the funeral, but her drama queen attitude is difficult to deal with. In the end, it´s their problem. I will respect the family wishes about that paragraph and I have decided I won´t discuss it any further. It´s impossible, anyway.
My uncle didn´t agree with them about some aspects of the funeral and told them so in a gentle manner. It was the same story with him. He has been shut out of the family for the time being because he had a different opinion.
Usually, I don´t get involved. When I did, I got the same result. Now a days, I can have a good relationship with them because I protect myself from this kind of behaviour. I failed this time.
Love and light,