Vindawgs

Dusty and Goatus welcome to this amazing thread that just keeps on giving us the information we need. We have a great group of people with alot of info and experience that most of us going through post acute withdrawal need. Goatus, it seems that we're a few weeks apart on our quit date. Let's continue to keep eachother informed and continue our journey towards better health and a happier life. Hope you all Feel great everyone.

Vinny

goatus45

Hi CB- I saw that Vinny replied concerning the buzzing and rocking sensation. I just wanted to let you know that I have also had this and I still have it- it comes and goes. It is especially noticeable when I try to do yoga to calm myself. In poses, my body will be swaying and I’m very “off-balanced.” I also have pretty much every other symptom you mentioned. I don’t say this to discourage you or anybody else who reads this. I say it to let you know that you are not alone. There are definitely waves and windows of the symptoms, though. It helps me when I remind myself that even my worst day of PAWS is so much better than any day I had while I was drinking. I will take the PAWS over the sheer terror I felt every single day knowing that alcohol had complete control over every second of my day. This will pass and we will survive and thrive.

TheSoberNord

Morning gang and welcome to the front lines @goatus45

This thread has been a life saver for me. I wish I would of came here from the very start of my sober journey it might of helped soften the impact of PAWS instead of waiting till I was on the verge of relapsing just so I could feel "normal"
I've been doing alright but I'm still having my moments of weirdness. Like yesterday after I got done eating some lunch I went to go throw something in the trash and I watched it go in, heard the sound and then turned around to look up and something in that 3 seconds weirded out my brain and I could feel the dread come over me. That sudden boxed in feeling, body tensing up and mind starting to race 100mph. Oh s*it, here we go again! Quickly I just found some simple chores to go do to keep my body and mind moving and occupied and after a while the feeling passed. It sucks and I have a lot of these little moments it seems but just a few months ago those little moments were more severe and would last all day long and trying to do ANYTHING that wasn't absolutely needed was impossible.
So things do seem to be approving but I'm not quite out of the woods either. If there's one important lesson I've learned about PAWS is while we all have similar symptoms we all seem to go through it differently. Almost14 months in but this might go on for a few more months or another year or longer but I've made my peace with it and just keep holding on to that feeling that one day I'll look back on this point in my life and be glad I toughed it out and can get on with enjoying the rest of my life sober and on my terms. Because I'm sure as hell ain't going through this bull$hit again!

goatus45

Hi SoberNord and thank you and Vinny so much for the warm welcome! It’s very scary how we just never know when these weird-in-the-head feelings will hit us. I know exactly what you are talking about with respect to what you described happened to you after lunch. That still happens to me a lot and sometimes it lasts for a few seconds, or it could last for a few weeks. It has caused me to be terrified of driving or going anywhere by myself. I have only driven by myself one time in the last 18 months of alcohol detox and I ended up having a huge panic attack because that head feeling you described hit me while I was driving. I had to call someone and have them talk to me on speakerphone just to drive home. Haven’t attempted an outing by myself since. That was in February- so around 14 months sober. I can go out and walk my dog and ride my bike, but I am still not confident enough to drive somewhere or go in a store by myself yet. I am thankful that I work from home. And I totally agree with you- the determination to never go through PAWS again is what keeps me from using alcohol or cannabis. This has been, by far, the most difficult thing I have ever gone through and I don’t ever want to put myself through this again.

Graceful123

Oh that snap feeling where everything in the world feels off for a second... I know exactly what you're talking about. They usually do set off all the other symptoms, it doesn't help that I tend to think my brain has gone bye-bye on me at that moment. I've been getting less and less of those but in the beginning they REALLY sucked

TheSoberNord

Ugh, yes, I had the same thing happen a couple times and driving is still a chore for me to do. I'm alright when I have someone with me might have a knot in my stomach but after a few minutes I'm chill and can drive like normal. Even start thinking of going on road trips again. But other times when I'm by myself just driving for 5 minutes has my nerves going into overdrive. That one sucks the most for me since I always liked driving even had a job for 2 years where I made a 600 mile round trip every week and wasn't always fun but it didn't bother me and one of my bucket lists is to make the 3000+ mile drive all the way up to Alaska some summer but that wont be happening anytime soon.
If I knew how much of this would of robbed me of my life I would of gave up drinking for good years ago!

BettyP

Yes Goatus - I one million percent identify with those moments of weirdness and then being flooded with dread. And yes super random and I have also been really afraid of driving or being away from the house for long periods of time or long distances. Not that I think it's great that you're experiencing it, but I'm so vindicated seeing it written out here. It's very nice to feel not alone. In the past month this has started to get better for me and I've been able to venture further and further from home and for longer periods of time. This will get better - it's all a part of the anxiety from your brain not getting and/or absorbing the neurotransmitters it needs to feel "normal." Stay strong and don't pick up. I've found myself able to smile sometimes at things that were an absolute struggle a few months ago to be much easier now - like a long walk (I'd be afraid to walk too far away from the house because I was terrified I would have one of these episodes and I wouldn't be able to get home).

ant385

compared to your first posts dry it sounds like you have come a long way . Recovery is really happening for you. Don’t be disheartened by failed milestones. We would all like to heal sooner rather than later. Some take 2 years. Some 3 or 4. But you appear to get some real good windows it won’t totally suck whilst you wait.

goatus45

Hi Betty! Yes, it is so comforting to know that we are not alone and that someone else feels what we are feeling. That just helps me so much. Thank you so much for this post! I am so happy for you that you are able to venture out further from your home now. That’s awesome!

CBS62

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I am struggling right now with lots of rocking/balance issues today. More than usual. It is scary. I don't know why it seems more intense than usual. I was teased a few weeks ago with a few days here and there that it subsided a bit. I keep hoping I will wake up and have another day free of rocking but no. Could it be because I am approaching my 6 month sober date Thursday?

Introvrtd1

Had a bad night’s sleep last night 🙁 Had some really great days the past month so I went out on a limb and did an invigorating bike ride for about 10 miles…wasn’t terribly fast, but it took about two hours and it was really hot n humid out yesterday 🥵 Maybe that was it I’m not sure, but in spite of all the walking I do everyday, I figure I may have overdid it. Maybe getting used to bumping up the exercise a couple notches and the hot day may have added to the stress a bit.

Hydration, rest, and slowly working my way towards more strenuous exercise is a cautious way to go 🙁

BettyP

CB and Introvrtd - While I think there are elements to waves coming at milestones (CB approaching 6 months) or overdoing it with exercise (Introvrtd), overall I think about something Graceful said a while back in the thread about PAWS anxiety - that it happens for just no reason. Like I know exactly how you're feeling wanting to pinpoint a reason so that you can either prevent a bad day from happening next time, or brace yourself for the next wave. But as I'm getting on.a year sober it seems to me like PAWS just does what it wants until it is done with you. You do need to get lots of rest and stay hydrated, eat well, get exercise (but not too much exercise) and so on -- all the healthy living tips. But also, don't wrack your brain trying to find a reason why it's happening -- it's just happening because your brain is going through a wave of healing. Like when you cut yourself badly and the wound throbs sometimes. I would do this a lot (and still do) -- think about what I did wrong to trigger an episode, and after a while I've realized that I can be doing everything absolutely right and it still happens -- but then remind myself that the longer I stay sober, the closer I am to being done. And that people have done everything "wrong" in early recovery (Eating tons of sugar, drinking tons of caffeine) and they still got through their first year or years -- this is temporary. We are all going to make it :-)

Graceful123

Folks, today is a weird day... Today is the opposite of the usual. I'm used to getting bouts of anxiety and depression, derealization, etc. etc. during my recovery, but today is... euphoric.

As if I'm high but I haven't taken anything... It's strange because I feel really good for no reason (I did exercise in the morning and keep very well hydrated) and I'm not sure whether to chalk it up to me recovering my neurotransmitters or whether it's a new symptom of PAWS or whether it's a different issue altogether... Hopefully nothing bad comes out of it, I'm not sure I can handle a mental disorder on top of PAWS

Dee74

I had days like that with a kind of a giddy even reckless euphoria - I think it was PAWs becuase it happened a few times and then never again.

D

Graceful123

never mind, came crashing down and almost had a panic attack, now I’m back to the normal PAWS races. Feels good to be back... not really lol

CBS62

Hi Graceful. Sorry you came crashing down. That rollercoaster image is so appropriate! Hope you feel better soon!

Introvrtd1

BettyP…You always make so much sense…Thank you for the response. I always feel better after reading your posts of encouragement.

Thanks for being a blessing. 😇

drycucumber77

This is exactly right. It happens for no reason and is not predictable at all. At times if I exercise, the PAWS symptoms will come on really strong after like WTH - I tell my self that is just the brain healing whether that is true or not I am not sure. Other times I'll struggle to sleep and feel consistently crappy all day without it really changing which is actually more manageable than being okay one minute and not okay the next minute. I notice that in general the PAWS symptoms come on as soon as I have had a healthy breakfast. I'll also have nothing to be depressed about but be depressed sometimes with scary intrusive thoughts which have absolutely no meaning but scare the royal hell out of me. Then you've got the strange and weird palpitations that come and go...and the electrical feelings throughout the body still going on. All part of the healing process I'm told....heck it probably took less time to build the eiffel tower than put my body back together! I met an old friend the other day who is pushing 40...he suffers from pancreatitis from 25 years of alcoholism, diabetes and marijuana addiction...he sadly got told he had to stop drinking and smoking completely...he did so immediately and was prescribed amitriptyline....a month after stopping he says he feels really good! I just looked at him with my 18 month badge stunned and my brain started to sizzle!!

BettyP

It's so annoying, Dry, but some people DO feel super great after they get sober - hats off to them. I'm really jealous as well. A friend of my best friend got sober right around the same time as me and i always ask about how she's doing and it's always "oh she's doing so great she says she feels amazing." Greaaat haha. I mean I really am happy to hear that, but it feels super unfair for it to not be the same for me. I think we've all mentioned at some point in this thread, though, that the silver lining to PAWS is that there's no going back out - once through this wringer is enough. For sure if I didn't go through this when I stopped I would have been drinking again. The healthy fear of PAWS is going to keep me sober for life.

TheSoberNord

Hey Dry, pretty much agree with what Betty is saying here. Some people seem to be luckier than others. There's guys out there who had more time under their belt and used more more than I did but after a month or two of getting sober they're well on their way to their new life in sobriety while guys like us we have months of sobriety and sometimes it still feels like we're still stuck in the initial detox stages. I don't know why it is and it sure as hell doesn't seem fair but that's just the hand we're dealt. But also remember this just because someone says they're feeling fine or great they may only be saying that. How many times has anyone who's reading this been in the midst of a PAWS episode and feeling like **** but we always say we're fine when someone asks how it's going. The one positive I can take away from this is one day down the road when this is all over and starts to become a distant memory if the temptation to have a drink comes up I'll recall these days and say hell no to taking that drink!