Introvrtd1

I seem to be between pawsy days once again thank goodness…I’ll take as many good days as I can get…Just hope this time the good stretch lasts a bit longer and the bad is a lot shorter…

goatus45

Hi alphaomega- I also have massive driving anxiety. I’m at 18 months now and I wrote about the driving anxiety and panic attack a couple of pages back. You’re not alone- just know that. I have been in a very very tough wave of PAWS for 3 weeks. Just wanted to offer you some support and understanding. 🙂

LoveDD

Betty I’m not sure where you are in your recovery but I’ve felt like that for MONTHS and am just finally feeling well rested with a normal night sleep. I think my body was exhausted from constantly passing out instead of getting a good nights sleep and then waking up in the middle of the night with massive anxiety! I say if you can sleep for 12 hours and you need it do it! I do shift work and have two young kids so wasn’t an option for me but if I could i definitely would have slept that long

Graceful123

We really are two peas in a pod. I, too, have noticed a massive decrease in anxiety (actually it's now dialed to zero if there are no stressors around me, however I still waaay overreact to even the tiniest stressors). I am also experiencing the constant sleepiness. I think (I hope) it's to do with our GABA and our sedating neurotransmitters finally doing their thing. It makes sense since we started with massive insomnia and I didn't even sleep for the first 4 days of withdrawals. I think this constant sleepiness is actually a good thing and we're into the final (although a LONG one no doubt) stage of recovery. I am expecting at least another 6 months (possibly 12) after we hit the 1 year mark of recovery until we feel our old, pre-drinking self (look at that, we're confirming that 2 year theory ourselves)

alphaomega

Last Friday (day 16) I could not manage to even think about going into the office. I worked from the couch, closing my eyes periodically to try to abate some of the extreme exhaustion. Finally at 4:40 pm I went up to take a "nap". I woke up at 5:30 am the next morning.

I recall other times getting sober, some days I would sleep 17 hours straight. I have always loved to sleep (escape), but when we are going through the kind of deep trauma healing we face in sobriety, it's not even an option to push ourselves beyond our capabilities.

I also finished Holly Wittakers "Quit like a woman". I was a giant eye opener for me in that, women had been indoctrinated by society to drink to "keep up with the men folk". i thought how interesting that was. I used to drink gin martinis to show off my masculine prowess to the boys. Oooof....

One of her other sticking points that grinds my gears when I think about it, is how the alcohol industry has made us think that in order to have any sort of a good time, ANYWHERE, we have to consume rocket fuel !!! Ethanol. We drink poison because we have been made to believe that is the only way to REALLY have ANY fun...ugh.

Me, being ever the rebel lol, now am using that concept to "stick it to the powers that be". Granted, I fell hook. line and sinker for the marketing. But no more

alphaomega

Ohh I also wanted to mention some of my most recent symptoms...
No appetite - zero - and when I try to eat, Im full and pushing it away after a few bites. Which s fine because, ahem, The Covid *19*, but so odd for me to actually be able to listen to my body when it says ENOUGH.
Dizziness and disorientation seem to hit at the most random times. I have always struggled with balance issues (been binging since I was 5 years old and born to an alcoholic mother).
Realized that because I drank literally my whole life, and would often go to primary school "hungover" my poor battered brain would have easily been determined "learning disabled" in this day and age. 45 years ago, I was just the weird kid, who just "couldnt get math". It would frustrate my father to no end when he would try to help me with my math homework. Calling it a "mental block".

To this day, math scares me. I simply can not wrap my head around certain things.

I look forward to reading every ones stories of their climbs out of hell. And I am grateful to be able to traverse these crazy symptoms with you all.

XO AO

TheSoberNord

Never fear @alphaomega my Dad was no stranger to putting a good buzz on but my Mom was as straight as an arrow and in her school years was an overachieving bookworm who aced every class she ever took but those genes skipped over me. Math was my absolute worst subject and today at 41 I still have to count on my fingers and without my phone having a built in calculator I would be a lost cause figuring out any math problems. I just learned to live with it, not like I was ever going to work for NASA anyway.

So for today I woke up in a bit of a funk. From the second I opened my eyes my first thought was "man, I feel odd" and 3hrs later I'm still feeling the same way. Not anxious, not fatigued, not sick, just "odd"
Nothing new in the adventures in PAWS of course. I figure a few months ago I used to wake up every morning like this and it was usually accompanied by high anxiety, horrible brain fog and brain farts. I called it my morning jitter session which would last till lunch time if I was lucky or go on for the entire day which was always fun of course.
Wish my stupid brain would hurry up and just heal already! I got a life I want to go live out there!

Cabernetgoaway

Just checking in at day 87 and wondering if anyone got into their 3rd month and got super exhausted again? The fatigue came back and It's a hassle to try to exercise at all although I'm at least using my elliptical. I go to bed (early) tired and wake up tired. The plus side is I feel a bit more mentally clear.

BettyP

Cabernet - three months for me was like the apex of my symptoms. I was actually just thinking about this today - that months two through six were the most brutal for me. So if your symptoms come back it’s totally normal — I mean it’s absolutely discouraging and no fun, but PAWS is not necessarily linear in your healing and you will go though waves and cycles of symptoms. You’re doing really well at a super tough thing, though - give yourself all the credit because you’re climbing a mountain - you can do this.

Graceful - I wish we were in the same city so we could celebrate one year together when we get there haha. We do have so many similarities - I’m so happy for having you along for this ride, as miserable of an experience as it has been for us. I still have anxiety when I’m in situations where I have to be “on” and I am still anxious when I am any sort of long distance away from home. It comes in rapid cycle waves so it’s like my brain is just working working working - trying to come up with a reason to feel anxious, ya know? Exhausting. But when I’m home or in pretty familiar settings where I know I can leave at any time, I feel pretty normal and my thoughts are pretty normal. This has been getting slowly better over time like everything else. I completely agree that it’s going to be a year and a half or so until we’re are feeling like our pre-paws selves. But I’m grateful to have put the worst months behind me. I’m slowly crawling back to normalcy. I am so humbled by the things I can’t manage during this period of my life - cannot wait to have it all totally in the rear view.

BettyP

SoberNerd - re your comments about math, do a quick search for info about “dyscalculia” — one of the hallmarks of this is counting on your fingers as an adult. I didn’t know this was a thing until like a year or two ago, and it explained a lot about my experiences with math growing up and in college. I wish I would have known about this during those years.

TheSoberNord

@Cabernetgoaway My first 3 months was non stop fatigue. And when I had a good day I would try to push myself like normal in the gym just to feel even worse the next day or two afterwards. It's gotten better now I'm back in the gym after taking a few months completely off but I'm working at a much more lighter pace and gradually building myself back up. And I still get hit with low energy fatigue days especially after doing any heavy yard work. I always try to plan it so the next day i can have a lazy rest day because like clockwork I'll be completely whooped and spend it couch surfing if I can. Just remember to be good to your self like if you're feeling worn out then cut your self some slack and take it easy especially during the vital early days of sobriety

Cabernetgoaway

Thank you @TheSoberNord ! That's exactly what I've been doing ( pushing myself like normal after a good day). I'm having a hard time because I like how I feel mentally after working out and to be sweating for a purpose as opposed to the sweating I did in my heavy drinking. I need to stop being so stubborn even though I'm motivated to lose weight. I'm taking a lazy day today and will cut myself some slack.

dustyfox

I am now over a month coming up to 5 weeks and share the fatigue symptom so many have described - but just to confuse me, I can a times feel full of energy, mind buzzing with ideas, plans, thoughts, body feeling like I could run a marathon ( I doubt I could!) and then later crash into dizzy fog like exhaustion. I still haven't had a really good nights sleep since I quit which is depressing, restless legs, head aches all persist but I am now taking B12 and magnesium and have massively cut back on caffeine - I hope it will help. I do feel disappointed I have not felt better BUT I have to consider that mostly since the age of 14 or so I have drunk alcohol, heavily, with barely any breaks, and for at least 25 years smoked, sprinkle it with a few years of mild drug use and I suppose it's no wonder I am not yet feeling 'normal' - So at 54 years old I am looking back on many years of excess and wondering how long will it take my body to recover - I guess 4 weeks is nothing - I need to be looking down the line before feeling belter than this.

alphaomega

I'm drowning today. Last few days were pretty ok -good, but today I can hardly manage to not snap all over everyone. I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. Sounds (chewing/sneezing/talking) are driving me loco, and every time someone comes at me to answer another question, I"m about to explode.

Good news is 3 weeks sober from alcohol, pot and cigarettes. Last xanax was 4 days ago.

Ooof.

TheSoberNord

It was the same here. I would feel so tired all the time but then I would have those moments where I felt full of energy and life and then crash hard the following days afterwards.
We got a similar background it seems. I was 12 the first time I got drunk and shortly after I smoked pot for the first time. And by the time I was 14 I was doing one or the other on a pretty regular basis. I messed around here and there with other harder stuff but nothing real serious and after a bad trip one night I could hardly seem to smoke pot the same and eventually gave that up all together and drinking became main thing from then on. So I'm 41 now with 14 months under my belt and I drank for 28 years. I had a few spells here and there where I quit for a while with my previously longest record being 4 months binged one night and got sober for another 4 months after and that was back in 2009.
I figure I've done some damage that's gonna take awhile to repair and made my peace that I'm gonna be a long hauler with PAWS. My symptoms have gotten better especially compared to a few months ago but I still get a lot of bouts of being anxious or just odd feeling. Sleep kind of comes and goes still, energy levels are better but I can still pretty easily overdue it and I'm still not the biggest fan when it comes to driving by myself. But of everything I've read and heard from people after enough time this will pass and the brain can repair it self and life can go on normally. But sometimes it just doesn't seem like it it can get here quick enough!

TheSoberNord

That's a tall order but hang in there. Congrats on the 3 weeks sober, it's a bumpy ride but it will get better.

Graceful123

The fact that you haven’t taken a Xanax in the last 4 days may very well be the reason why you’re feeling this way today. The last of it has now left your bloodstream and you’re on your own to deal with all the raw stuff going on inside of you

dustyfox

Yes - Starting young causes so many problems, emotional and psychological - lots of stuff to process I think - well done on 14 months - that is a great achievement - you're wise to have accepted PAWS may be a long haul - I feel I may have to accept that too - I don't know about you but the anxiety is almost like a rush of edgy panic about nothing - or nothing I can think of -anyway mostly life is ok and I am just grateful I stopped when I did - It is of great comfort to hear of others recovering even it is slowly!

alphaomega

Gosh I guess I never really even thought that that could have been the cause. You guys are spot on. I came home from a nerve frazzling day yesterday, and got the extra added benefit of learning about what "benzo belly" means.

So grateful for all the experience in this thread. Lifechanging for me to learn all of this. Thanks guys.

Graceful123

I hear day 5 after you stop taking Benzos is the worst (obv depending on how much you took before). Benzo belly seems quite similar to the stomach issues after alcohol abuse, I'm still having GI issues almost a year after quitting drinking. My girlfriend still wakes me up to inform me of my "behind singing songs of love" to her as she so eloquently puts it .

I don't find the physical symptoms too bad. The mental stuff I always found 100 times worse. I would trade PAWS anxiety for heartburn ten times out of ten.

But it will all subside alphaomega. Just take time to yourself and stay focused!