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For those tortured by PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and who fear they might go mad Part 3



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For those tortured by PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and who fear they might go mad Part 3

Old 05-14-2021, 01:20 PM
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For those tortured by PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and who fear they might go mad Part 3

Continued from
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7636155 (For those tortured by PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms) and who fear they might go mad Part 2)
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Old 05-14-2021, 02:19 PM
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Old 05-15-2021, 01:47 AM
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Welcome back everyone!

How's everyone holding up this weekend?

I've had a pretty rough day yesterday, but the reason was my complete lack of stability under stress (I found this to be my biggest PAWS symptom over the past months) and I had a few phone interviews to do so basically panic attacks, panic attacks everywhere.

Today is saturday and so it is much better since I'm not really stressing out over anything
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Old 05-15-2021, 02:51 AM
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Also, folks, for those of you going through a really bad time, this video has kept me somewhat sane during detox:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUVjY3CVf_g&t=1s
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Old 05-15-2021, 05:01 AM
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Howdy folks! Well that was a quick part 2
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Old 05-15-2021, 05:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Graceful123 View Post
Welcome back everyone!

How's everyone holding up this weekend?

I've had a pretty rough day yesterday, but the reason was my complete lack of stability under stress (I found this to be my biggest PAWS symptom over the past months) and I had a few phone interviews to do so basically panic attacks, panic attacks everywhere.

Today is saturday and so it is much better since I'm not really stressing out over anything
I think sensitivity to stress is the centre piece of PAWS. Anything that stimulates the brain into action (I.e. release of our dear friend glutamate). Then it is once again foot on the accelerator with no brake pedal. It will get better. It was my biggest symptom for well over a year. Now I don’t get so worked up. I find if I get angry though or frustrated I have electricity buzzing through my head.
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Old 05-15-2021, 07:51 AM
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Welcome to part 3 everybody.

I'm doing alright this morning. I've said in past posts that for one reason or another early mornings were always the toughest part to get through. But recently (and knock on wood) they've been better, I don't seem so jittery or foggy in the mornings as I once was.
And also I feel like I can finally get back to doing some work in the gym. In all modesty I'm a fairly strong guy and I love lifting weights. But after I quit drinking I slowly lost my ability to do much of anything in the gym and after month 6 when PAWS really started kicking my ass I pretty much retreated completely from the gym. I would try and string together a few workouts here and there but after one particular session I had a MASSIVE panic attack and threw in the towel from there.
But after yesterday when my folks had some new gravel put down and they needed my help to shovel and spread some where the dump truck couldn't get to I came down and did it. And while it was harder to do then it should of been I actually felt pretty good 20mins later and felt like the old me after a good workout.
Reading through pasts posts in here I know better to say "I'm back!" and resume where I left off at because PAWS can strike at any moment but I feel optimistic at least that I'm on the right path and one day I will be back and hopefully better than I ever was.

So with that said keep soldiering on everybody!
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Old 05-15-2021, 12:01 PM
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Saturday afternoon…sunny…75 degrees F…Sitting on the back patio chillin….Watching the baseball game and cooking on the grill…Dozing off a bit here n there, but not because I’m taking down a 12-pack….But because I’m finally resting naturally…peacefully….and I can get up and go for a drive at any moment without worrying about a DUI 🤣🤣🤣…

Oh, but what a trigger this is…Yes, Id like a drink or many…but I can proudly abstain while motivated by the memory of those horrible withdrawals! 🙁 Hang in there everyone and stay sober!
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Old 05-15-2021, 02:17 PM
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Graceful - yes the low low tolerance for stress is a huge trigger. Ant's explanation that it sends more glutamate into your brain is great and makes sense. I get this when I am out in public - my brain is stimulated into more action and I start getting more and more on edge the longer I'm out. It's getting better, but that's been the hardest struggle with my PAWS is that anxiety being away from the house. Last night and today I felt myself pass another milestone - like one less brick was taken off my chest ... or one less log on satan's torturous anxiety fire. Every six to eight weeks or so the volume clicks down a little and my baseline anxiety goes down. I still ramp back up and have bad days, but after a few bad days I go back to the new baseline -- which is getting closer and closer to normal, thank the gods above. We've all talked about this a few times, but these new baselines always seem to come right after a string of very bad days - and for me most often the last bad day is crushing depression. Then the next day boom, something good has changed.
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Old 05-16-2021, 05:15 AM
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Hey Graceful,

Everyday is a better day. Getting better inch by inch or thats what it feels like. It takes time. In month 19 and everyday seems to get better and I guess we learn to cope with our symptoms at least the ones that continue to linger and not give up. Stress is definitely a big one. It sure puts the mind and body in a downward spiral. The mornings seem the worst and its seems hard to get started on some days, but we can't tap out and need to keep pushing along. Hope you all have a great day. Keep up the good work peeps.

Vinny
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Old 05-17-2021, 09:52 AM
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Hi Everyone. Today is my 5 months sober date. I wish I was more excited about it. I long for the day I can lend support as someone who has gotten through PAWS. But I feel I need support now more than ever. Though some things have improved I am still suffering from balance/rocking/dizziness, anhedonia, short term memory lapses, feeling that there is something else wrong with my health(MS) in spite of what the doctors have said, health anxiety, depression. Also numbness, tingling and electricity feeling in my arms, shoulders, legs and feet(has anyone else had this???!). I have had a few good days or sometimes just hours but most of my remaining symptoms are ever-present.

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Old 05-17-2021, 10:45 AM
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@CBS62

Hey there,

It sounds right on the money as to where I was in month 5. Thinking to yourself "wtfrick? It's month 5, why am I still feeling like crap?". Truth is for the first 6 months it was SO tough for me. I had complete confusion, dizziness, walking on the street things felt like they were spinning in place, kinda like swimming under rough waters. Short term memory was a complete disaster. I'd walk into a room not knowing what I was doing there (and not in the normal "what did I come here for?") Like I straight up didn't know where I was, when or why.

Whenever I was falling asleep, I would get VERY dizzy and uncomfortable, whenever I'd wake up, I'd be spinning in place, I had to jump out of bed and stand still for a good 20 seconds before the room stopped spinning and I would know where I am. I would get panic attacks about everything from clouds to colours of cars.

I can tell you EVERYTHING has gotten 10-fold better.
The anxiety was KILLER. Same thing about the health anxiety. You try to keep your mind off of it, but you cannot. Everything you've mentioned was the case.

Do not worry, it does get better! I know how much it hurts now but you have to press on. You do not have a choice at this point. If you drink now, you will have to re-do this at twice the intensity next time, or... well you know.

Please believe me that I know the torture and I know that it does get better!
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Old 05-17-2021, 12:46 PM
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Thanks Graceful. I appreciate your input. And your reassuring words. Did you have the numbness and tingling in your limbs with the sort of buzzing electric feeling?
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Old 05-17-2021, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by CBS62 View Post
Hi Everyone. Today is my 5 months sober date. I wish I was more excited about it. I long for the day I can lend support as someone who has gotten through PAWS. But I feel I need support now more than ever. Though some things have improved I am still suffering from balance/rocking/dizziness, anhedonia, short term memory lapses, feeling that there is something else wrong with my health(MS) in spite of what the doctors have said, health anxiety, depression. Also numbness, tingling and electricity feeling in my arms, shoulders, legs and feet(has anyone else had this???!). I have had a few good days or sometimes just hours but most of my remaining symptoms are ever-present.
Congrats on the 5 months keep hanging in there.

You sound a lot like how I was on months 6-9. It felt like I was getting worse instead of better and I just knew there had to be something really wrong with me which of course made my anxiety feel even worse. By month 9 the only time I felt even semi alright was laying down in bed. Anytime I had to get up and start moving around I felt like a dizzy and rocking sensation coming over me. Going for drives sent my nerves into overdrive. I could barely walk for 5mins before I felt like I had to sit down for a while. And this was all back in Jan-Feb so practically everyday is dark and overcast which made me feel even worse and in some sort of private hell and yet I had to put on my "everything is fine" face for all around me.
I remember thinking that if I was gonna die then just hurry up and get it the f*** over with!
But then the odd day where I felt more normal would pop up and it was like a small candle in the dark for me and when they happened I made sure to cherish them because I never knew how long it would last. Kind of like a prisoner being stuck in isolation for months on end and finally being able to see the sun again!

So yeah I would say what you're experiencing is normal and I really hope this is the worse of it you're experiencing right now and you have some more smoother sailing hereafter. For me after my initial 2 weeks I just felt foggy and tired most of the time and then I had a pink cloud moment for about a month and a half where I felt like everything was normal and feeling good about life again. And then reality came crashing down hard and I was sure that I was either becoming seriously ill with something or I was on the brink of going completely insane!

Why I'm thankful for this thread and the information you easily find on PAWS. If I was going through this and it was the 80's90's or hell even the early 2000's I'm sure I would of freaked out by now and started self medicating myself!
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Old 05-17-2021, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Graceful123 View Post
@CBS62

Hey there,

It sounds right on the money as to where I was in month 5. Thinking to yourself "wtfrick? It's month 5, why am I still feeling like crap?". Truth is for the first 6 months it was SO tough for me. I had complete confusion, dizziness, walking on the street things felt like they were spinning in place, kinda like swimming under rough waters. Short term memory was a complete disaster. I'd walk into a room not knowing what I was doing there (and not in the normal "what did I come here for?") Like I straight up didn't know where I was, when or why.

Whenever I was falling asleep, I would get VERY dizzy and uncomfortable, whenever I'd wake up, I'd be spinning in place, I had to jump out of bed and stand still for a good 20 seconds before the room stopped spinning and I would know where I am. I would get panic attacks about everything from clouds to colours of cars.

I can tell you EVERYTHING has gotten 10-fold better.
The anxiety was KILLER. Same thing about the health anxiety. You try to keep your mind off of it, but you cannot. Everything you've mentioned was the case.

Do not worry, it does get better! I know how much it hurts now but you have to press on. You do not have a choice at this point. If you drink now, you will have to re-do this at twice the intensity next time, or... well you know.

Please believe me that I know the torture and I know that it does get better!
Graceful…That made so much sense and was very encouraging at this point…137 days in and even though things are getting better…It’s slooooowly getting better…I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It won’t be the end of the journey but it’ll be a brighter one.
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Old 05-17-2021, 02:12 PM
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Originally Posted by CBS62 View Post
Thanks Graceful. I appreciate your input. And your reassuring words. Did you have the numbness and tingling in your limbs with the sort of buzzing electric feeling?
no, that is the one thing that you have that I did not. However I did have brain zaps (one that I remember very well).

keep in mind one thing though. One of the reasons PAWS is not in medical books is because the symptomatology is different for everyone and it’s impossible to diagnose because it shows differently for everyone. I think paws has a way of hurting you where you’re the most vulnerable. So perhaps these electricity feelings are just something in your mind that is vulnerable to PAWS for you but not for me.

when it comes to health anxiety think about it this way. Did you have any symptoms before or during your drinking? Did they show up just as you quit ? What are the chances it’s some bad disease that you got right after you detoxed? Chances are it’s PAWS
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Old 05-17-2021, 05:24 PM
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CB - I had numbness and tingling in my arms and legs. I still get tingling in my left leg and foot and it's almost kind of reassuring at this point when I'm having an anxious day when my foot starts to tingle that I'm like "ok we're still here, it's still PAWS." I also would get waves of what felt like electricity running up and down my arms, and my left eye twitched for about three months straight which was soooo so annoying.
I keep track of my worst days and my best days, and I looked back to the week of my five months just for reference as to how I was feeling, and I had written down that I was still very much struggling with lots of anxiety all day and night, having very vivid dreams - most of them involving drinking, and a day of crushing depression. Five months was tough tough tough - you're doing SO great, though. This is an absolute act of courage and strength. It's the better part of the year of your life that is a huge hurdle so that you can eventually be free -- free from having to drink. Stick with us. It was right around six months that I started to have those light in the darkness days like TheSoberNerd described above. I'm just in between 10 and 11 months and the last couple of days I have felt 90% straight up normal. I know it's not going to last, but it's the best I've felt since getting sober, and the waves are trending towards normal and I know I'm healing and now convinced I'm healing. I promise you this torture will end, just stay the course.
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Old 05-18-2021, 01:59 AM
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CB

It gets better. Everything your experiencig I was as well. It gets better day by day. The rocking/dizziness sensation and the electrical sensation I too had. It's so much better that it was. It slowly dissipates and you will just notice how these symptoms decrease and you just won't notice them anymore. You're doing great 👍🏼

Vinny
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Old 05-18-2021, 07:22 AM
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Vinny, Graceful, SoberNord, BettyP I can't tell you how much it means to me that you all took the time to respond to my post. I am feeling more hopeful today in part because of your kindness. I don't know how I would be coping without this thread and your support!
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Old 05-18-2021, 07:37 AM
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Stop it you! I can only take so much kindness at a time 💖
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