Cow’s Corona Corner – A Place for Alcoholics to Isolate Together
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hey Walk, it sounds pretty gruesome still, but at least now your mom can eventually experience comfort, serenity, and family again before she passes.
I have atually been in a bad place with seizure symptoms lately and having to take my fooking meds which make me irritable, depressed, dystopic and filled with rage and hatred. Just what you want when you are stuck with yourself all day.
I saw my brother and his spousal equivalent last week when I went to pick up the groceries they had gotten for me. We had promised not to talk about Coronavirus, but then realized there was nothing else to talk about. It's the only topic in the world.
Trying to talk with them made me realize how much of our everyday conversations consist of just recounting what we have been doing as well as our commentary on what other friends/family are doing. Since no one is really doing much of anything, there was little to say. I came away from it feeling bored and boring.
I got invited to my first Zoom "happy hour". (Ugh! DREAD!!!) I guess I will attend. I'm sure I will be the life of the party. (see above
)
I have atually been in a bad place with seizure symptoms lately and having to take my fooking meds which make me irritable, depressed, dystopic and filled with rage and hatred. Just what you want when you are stuck with yourself all day.
I saw my brother and his spousal equivalent last week when I went to pick up the groceries they had gotten for me. We had promised not to talk about Coronavirus, but then realized there was nothing else to talk about. It's the only topic in the world.
Trying to talk with them made me realize how much of our everyday conversations consist of just recounting what we have been doing as well as our commentary on what other friends/family are doing. Since no one is really doing much of anything, there was little to say. I came away from it feeling bored and boring.
I got invited to my first Zoom "happy hour". (Ugh! DREAD!!!) I guess I will attend. I'm sure I will be the life of the party. (see above
) Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I wouldn't go unless it's an N/A happy hour, Cow. Seriously.
Eldest has been to some of those and come away really distressed (and I think triggered) by watching so many people drinking alone and realizing/not realizing the gravity of that behavior.
They're playing with fire but they don't know it. How could they if they haven't been where we've been? You know it. Don't risk getting your hooves burned.
Eldest has been to some of those and come away really distressed (and I think triggered) by watching so many people drinking alone and realizing/not realizing the gravity of that behavior.
They're playing with fire but they don't know it. How could they if they haven't been where we've been? You know it. Don't risk getting your hooves burned.
Pastafarian
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by Cow 
Hey Walk, it sounds pretty gruesome still, but at least now your mom can eventually experience comfort, serenity, and family again before she passes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Re: Cow’s Corona Corner – A Place for Alcoholics to Isolate Together
Hey all,
Just wanted to check in and see how everyone is in the pasture in doing in these "Corona times" as my youngest calls them.
The family and I are still well and isolating together without too much tension.
Eldest (26) is at her house that she shares with roommates about an hour away and they seem to be coping.
Youngest (15) is still switching weeks with her father which is a little worrying as her step-sisters also switch the same weeks and their father and stepmother have more exposure through their work, but such is life.
My partner and I have established a pattern and places where we do our stuff, which is working fine. Luckily we have space which is a real blessing. We get on each others nerves from time to time, but who doesnt.
I am working full time plus remotely, 6 hours of zoom a day, etc etc. But I feel lucky to have the contact and structure, not to mention the income.
So all and all not too bad. I started one of my only threads ever about what this Rodeo feels like to me so I wont repeat that here. But it can be tough even sober. Cannot imagine to be doing this drinking.
Although I still do fantasize sometimes for about a minute about a nice drink in the evenings, but we all know that is a full on crock. A drink aint ever going to happen to this farm animal.
Still not sure my start date but it has to be five years or so by now. Not perfect, but not too bad. All the better for "knowing" all you fine animals.
And need2know, so sorry about your mom. This thing is the real deal -- we should all take it very seriously. Not to be a scare mongerer, but there is a genetic component they do not understand so it really is a crap shoot how our bodies will deal with it.
Stay safe and stay sane.
XX
Just wanted to check in and see how everyone is in the pasture in doing in these "Corona times" as my youngest calls them.
The family and I are still well and isolating together without too much tension.
Eldest (26) is at her house that she shares with roommates about an hour away and they seem to be coping.
Youngest (15) is still switching weeks with her father which is a little worrying as her step-sisters also switch the same weeks and their father and stepmother have more exposure through their work, but such is life.
My partner and I have established a pattern and places where we do our stuff, which is working fine. Luckily we have space which is a real blessing. We get on each others nerves from time to time, but who doesnt.
I am working full time plus remotely, 6 hours of zoom a day, etc etc. But I feel lucky to have the contact and structure, not to mention the income.
So all and all not too bad. I started one of my only threads ever about what this Rodeo feels like to me so I wont repeat that here. But it can be tough even sober. Cannot imagine to be doing this drinking.
Although I still do fantasize sometimes for about a minute about a nice drink in the evenings, but we all know that is a full on crock. A drink aint ever going to happen to this farm animal.
Still not sure my start date but it has to be five years or so by now. Not perfect, but not too bad. All the better for "knowing" all you fine animals.
And need2know, so sorry about your mom. This thing is the real deal -- we should all take it very seriously. Not to be a scare mongerer, but there is a genetic component they do not understand so it really is a crap shoot how our bodies will deal with it.
Stay safe and stay sane.
XX
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Re: Cow’s Corona Corner – A Place for Alcoholics to Isolate Together
I still can't stay for ongoing conversations but just wanted to report after a month of this quarantine I've finally started doing yoga again. Not sure why I was so resistant to it, maybe because I thought it might not "work" if I'm alone and that would ruin it forever. But it still works! I've been doing Pilates which leaves me physically worn out but with more mental energy than I wanted to create. Yoga is about releasing energy and unwinding, yet you can make the basic poses as physically challenging or easy as you'd like. Both forms of exercise have their function but they're definitely not the same.
So it's a relief since everything about this quarantine has reminded me of early sobriety.. the helplessness, the feeling trapped, the huge empty and directionless void in front of me, staring me down. I relied heavily on this forum during those times but eventually got to a point where I posted here because I wanted to, not because I had to. It was starting to feel like I "had to" again and that's what I need(ed) a break from.
I've also finally decided I'm driving to Vegas soon to stay at a friend's place. My encroaching depression calls to me though, asking me to stay and sink further down. Telling me I'm not strong enough. Drinking is and has been off the table but I know being at that level of "dry" isn't much better. But there has to be a light at the end of this and that's what I'm trying to focus on.
So it's a relief since everything about this quarantine has reminded me of early sobriety.. the helplessness, the feeling trapped, the huge empty and directionless void in front of me, staring me down. I relied heavily on this forum during those times but eventually got to a point where I posted here because I wanted to, not because I had to. It was starting to feel like I "had to" again and that's what I need(ed) a break from.
I've also finally decided I'm driving to Vegas soon to stay at a friend's place. My encroaching depression calls to me though, asking me to stay and sink further down. Telling me I'm not strong enough. Drinking is and has been off the table but I know being at that level of "dry" isn't much better. But there has to be a light at the end of this and that's what I'm trying to focus on.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Re: Cow’s Corona Corner – A Place for Alcoholics to Isolate Together
Take care of yourself Cos, there is always a light on here for you. 
Well I did the Zoom happy hour. ...It was HIDEOUS!! Not because everyone was drinking --that has never bothered me-- I just found it utterly cacophonous. People speaking over each other and the videos of people flashing in and out. Within two minutes I was like, how do I get the fook out of here!
I barely spoke, because there were a couple people dominating and not observing basic conversational courtesies. I am not shy, but I am not conversationally aggressive. If others are talking, I will listen, and speak at the appropriate pause or lull. If someone wants the floor, I am not going to fight them to get a word in. It did not feel like connecting to me, and I ended up feeling stressed and alienated from it.
I am going to give it one more try with a different group of friends who are less racous this week. But if I feel the same, then (like smart phones) it's just not for me.
PS. this site has gone haywire and will not let me have my purple prose.
Well I did the Zoom happy hour. ...It was HIDEOUS!! Not because everyone was drinking --that has never bothered me-- I just found it utterly cacophonous. People speaking over each other and the videos of people flashing in and out. Within two minutes I was like, how do I get the fook out of here!
I barely spoke, because there were a couple people dominating and not observing basic conversational courtesies. I am not shy, but I am not conversationally aggressive. If others are talking, I will listen, and speak at the appropriate pause or lull. If someone wants the floor, I am not going to fight them to get a word in. It did not feel like connecting to me, and I ended up feeling stressed and alienated from it.
I am going to give it one more try with a different group of friends who are less racous this week. But if I feel the same, then (like smart phones) it's just not for me.
PS. this site has gone haywire and will not let me have my purple prose.
Re: Cow’s Corona Corner – A Place for Alcoholics to Isolate Together Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
^^I feel like I've done that a time or two in your threads and O's (sorry you both happen to be very socially charming and welcoming, I get too comfortable lol). It's funny cause IRL I'm the opposite, extremely quiet and keep things surface level until I know someone really well. Probably something to explore there but maybe another day.
Zoom sounds interesting. Can't say I'm bothered by people drinking either, I've worked in a bar for the entirety of my sobriety. In some twisted way I think it helped me dismantle all my delusions about how drinking relates to socializing and my "social identity". But at this point it's just getting ridiculous. What point am I trying to prove exactly? That I'm a sober alcoholic still chained to the bottle in a different way is hardly an accomplishment. Although the connections I've made are genuine and took a long time to build so now it's even harder to get out until things start materializing.
Anyway, I could be totally wrong but I get the impression drinking may not be your primary addiction Cow? It's easy to slip through the cracks here if we're not talking directly about alcohol.. I enjoy your threads but your AV seems to be more of a chameleon (mine can be too), so maybe you can clue us in on how we can help you address its evasiveness?
It's doable regardless of what form it takes.. I remember in one of your previous threads we were all talking about what sober joy there was to be found (don't remember specifics just the topic). Not sure how or when exactly I became the overly obnoxious fitness person, excited for early morning workouts but it happened. And I can honestly say the natural buzz I'd been getting from that is just as good if not better than any typical high I'd get from coke, adderall, or going out to "trendy" nightclubs to party even back in the "good days".
I wouldn't have believed it either, I didn't believe it.. But as someone who hadn't stepped foot in a gym in probably close to a decade, if I can do it anyone can. Definitely not saying exercise is the solution or reward, but the joy I get from it is a result of all the pain staking misery I committed to working through no matter what. Only problem is it can be taken away again in crisis and that apparently still sends me into angry child mode. But my progress isn't lost, just on a pause.
And apparently when I try not to post at all the posts I do make are exceptionally long lol
Zoom sounds interesting. Can't say I'm bothered by people drinking either, I've worked in a bar for the entirety of my sobriety. In some twisted way I think it helped me dismantle all my delusions about how drinking relates to socializing and my "social identity". But at this point it's just getting ridiculous. What point am I trying to prove exactly? That I'm a sober alcoholic still chained to the bottle in a different way is hardly an accomplishment. Although the connections I've made are genuine and took a long time to build so now it's even harder to get out until things start materializing.
Anyway, I could be totally wrong but I get the impression drinking may not be your primary addiction Cow? It's easy to slip through the cracks here if we're not talking directly about alcohol.. I enjoy your threads but your AV seems to be more of a chameleon (mine can be too), so maybe you can clue us in on how we can help you address its evasiveness?
It's doable regardless of what form it takes.. I remember in one of your previous threads we were all talking about what sober joy there was to be found (don't remember specifics just the topic). Not sure how or when exactly I became the overly obnoxious fitness person, excited for early morning workouts but it happened. And I can honestly say the natural buzz I'd been getting from that is just as good if not better than any typical high I'd get from coke, adderall, or going out to "trendy" nightclubs to party even back in the "good days".
I wouldn't have believed it either, I didn't believe it.. But as someone who hadn't stepped foot in a gym in probably close to a decade, if I can do it anyone can. Definitely not saying exercise is the solution or reward, but the joy I get from it is a result of all the pain staking misery I committed to working through no matter what. Only problem is it can be taken away again in crisis and that apparently still sends me into angry child mode. But my progress isn't lost, just on a pause.
And apparently when I try not to post at all the posts I do make are exceptionally long lol
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,436
Hello Purplrks
Hello all
Just sitting in my office on my deserted hallway and deserted campus getting ready for a remote zoom meeting and feeling like the last person on earth.
Funny that
While I'm waiting been trying to knock out the last two sets of ********** slides for the term, but man, is it and uphill climb. Just can't concentrate on brain things, but I'm working like a field hand on the farm with joy and effortlessness.
I actually took a push mower out into the horse pasture yesterday to mow down some milkweed and other junk my mare hates. I unearthed a copperhead a couple of days ago working in a long-neglected part of my giant compound--they are actually not aggressive but will freeze.
I didn't have the heart to kill him--I like snakes and feel they are so maligned where I live--so wished him peace and backed off.
Anyhow, it seems that physical exercise, as mentioned above, is the thing that is most helpful in connecting me to myself and the planet at the moment. Concentration is crap, however.
Anyone else having that issue?
Hello all
Just sitting in my office on my deserted hallway and deserted campus getting ready for a remote zoom meeting and feeling like the last person on earth.
Funny that
While I'm waiting been trying to knock out the last two sets of ********** slides for the term, but man, is it and uphill climb. Just can't concentrate on brain things, but I'm working like a field hand on the farm with joy and effortlessness.
I actually took a push mower out into the horse pasture yesterday to mow down some milkweed and other junk my mare hates. I unearthed a copperhead a couple of days ago working in a long-neglected part of my giant compound--they are actually not aggressive but will freeze.
I didn't have the heart to kill him--I like snakes and feel they are so maligned where I live--so wished him peace and backed off.
Anyhow, it seems that physical exercise, as mentioned above, is the thing that is most helpful in connecting me to myself and the planet at the moment. Concentration is crap, however.
Anyone else having that issue?
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
So glad you spared the snake, Hawk! I think maybe you are just feeling the rightness of being an animal. Animals work (finding food and building shelter), eat, play, shht and sleep. It doesn't suprise me that the physical work grounds you.
Cos, feel free to blather, rant, and contemplate here. I welcome it. That is what it's for! Keep your exercise going, are you finding ways inside the house?
To answer your question, food is my primary addiction, plus my drugs: booze, coffee, and chocolate. They are all an intertwined whack-a-mole daisy chain of addiction. It has always been about management of depression, mania and other mood dysphorias. Then throw on top of it my various seizure meds. Ugh.
My goal is to chuck the whole lot of it, and I do believe the seizure diet I am undertaking will get me there. I just have to let go of a couple more things and stay the course. I have had lots of good days on it. But then something goes awry and I try to "fix" it instead of staying the course. But I am getting there. I want to go hard core carnivore in May and see what that nets me.
I am going to make a break for the cabin next week. It will so nice to be able to walk outside again.
Cos, feel free to blather, rant, and contemplate here. I welcome it. That is what it's for! Keep your exercise going, are you finding ways inside the house?
To answer your question, food is my primary addiction, plus my drugs: booze, coffee, and chocolate. They are all an intertwined whack-a-mole daisy chain of addiction. It has always been about management of depression, mania and other mood dysphorias. Then throw on top of it my various seizure meds. Ugh.
My goal is to chuck the whole lot of it, and I do believe the seizure diet I am undertaking will get me there. I just have to let go of a couple more things and stay the course. I have had lots of good days on it. But then something goes awry and I try to "fix" it instead of staying the course. But I am getting there. I want to go hard core carnivore in May and see what that nets me.
I am going to make a break for the cabin next week. It will so nice to be able to walk outside again.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Some of the instructors from my yoga studio have been streaming classes online from their homes, so I’ve been doing that.. Yoga is still good but the more challenging classes are not the same. I find while being in a room filled with 70-80 people (of both sexes) all synchronized together... there’s magic in the air. Not sure what the natural social equivalent would be.. Preparing for war? Some sort of weird pre-mating ritual? Who knows but I was growing fond of it.
I'm driving to Vegas tomorrow though so not sure what'll become of my routines. It's surreal. When I moved to this state over 3 years ago I was basically running away from the craziness of the lifestyle, looking to find refuge with this guy I always talk about.. Now after much mayhem, things are finally going well here.. But I'm running away back to Vegas so my mental health doesn't start declining to the point it would damage the relationship again. Never in a million years could I have thought up this scenario.
A weird "coincidence" or synchronicity from the universe, is just after I was talking about the connections I've made from my job, one of the regulars (who I'd never really had in depth conversations with) messaged me a video about missing traveling. I said that's funny I'm actually going to Vegas soon, he said he might be going there too in a couple weeks.
Anyway, back on topic I understand what you mean about the addictions being intertwined. I sort of had to deal with one thing at a time but of course it’s ideal to do everything at once. What kinds of things do you feel the need to "fix" that set you off course from your diet? And how strict do you need to be with it to keep from needing to take the meds?
I'm driving to Vegas tomorrow though so not sure what'll become of my routines. It's surreal. When I moved to this state over 3 years ago I was basically running away from the craziness of the lifestyle, looking to find refuge with this guy I always talk about.. Now after much mayhem, things are finally going well here.. But I'm running away back to Vegas so my mental health doesn't start declining to the point it would damage the relationship again. Never in a million years could I have thought up this scenario.
A weird "coincidence" or synchronicity from the universe, is just after I was talking about the connections I've made from my job, one of the regulars (who I'd never really had in depth conversations with) messaged me a video about missing traveling. I said that's funny I'm actually going to Vegas soon, he said he might be going there too in a couple weeks.
Anyway, back on topic I understand what you mean about the addictions being intertwined. I sort of had to deal with one thing at a time but of course it’s ideal to do everything at once. What kinds of things do you feel the need to "fix" that set you off course from your diet? And how strict do you need to be with it to keep from needing to take the meds?
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Originally Posted by fini
ha, Hawk, you mowed down milkweed and i just planted some
You all are the best!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Well I made it to Vegas and definitely glad I decided to go. As much as I needed to leave to get sober, the reality is I still feel happier and more confident in Vegas, largely due to the network of support and friends I have (who might have their own issues but seem to be growing up too). Not to mention the financial opportunities. Even if there's no concrete plan it's just being in a mindset of abundance which I know could translate into physical reality in any number of ways. And I know how it all might sound but I’m not talking about anything too scandalous in terms of “making connections” with people. Maybe there's been some relatively harmless flirting which I don’t initiate but have learned the limits of what I can handle as I'm being straight forward with my intentions yet not bruising anyone’s ego.
Anyway I can’t explain the internal battle I used to have between staying where I was living vs moving back to Vegas. Of course initially Vegas represented drinking and staying where I was represented sobriety.. But now that that’s no longer the case (I might still have moments of nostalgia but drinking isn't a desire or consideration), I've been thinking why does it have to be one or the other? Maybe I can find a way to blend the two worlds.
In fact I'm realizing it's not really a maybe.. there's no question my quality of life could be improved here.
I've always known that and at times my pride kept me from asking for help or advice irl, but if nothing else this quarantine has shown me it's stupid to not use all the resources I have. It's not that I dislike or can't handle the quarantine lifestyle, it's just that I'm not to the point in life where I can rest comfortably yet.
And as for the relationship.. it's against the odds to make it work if I'm going back and forth all the time. But it's always been against the odds, there have been millions of reasons it could and maybe should've ended and yet here we still are. Not sure how to direct this all back to sobriety but just figured I've already done too much rambling so why stop now lol
Anyway I can’t explain the internal battle I used to have between staying where I was living vs moving back to Vegas. Of course initially Vegas represented drinking and staying where I was represented sobriety.. But now that that’s no longer the case (I might still have moments of nostalgia but drinking isn't a desire or consideration), I've been thinking why does it have to be one or the other? Maybe I can find a way to blend the two worlds.
In fact I'm realizing it's not really a maybe.. there's no question my quality of life could be improved here.
I've always known that and at times my pride kept me from asking for help or advice irl, but if nothing else this quarantine has shown me it's stupid to not use all the resources I have. It's not that I dislike or can't handle the quarantine lifestyle, it's just that I'm not to the point in life where I can rest comfortably yet.
And as for the relationship.. it's against the odds to make it work if I'm going back and forth all the time. But it's always been against the odds, there have been millions of reasons it could and maybe should've ended and yet here we still are. Not sure how to direct this all back to sobriety but just figured I've already done too much rambling so why stop now lol
Pastafarian
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
Originally Posted by Cosima11
I can honestly say the natural buzz I'd been getting from that is just as good if not better than any typical high I'd get from coke, adderall, or going out to "trendy" nightclubs to party even back in the "good days".
Originally Posted by Dropsie
And need2know, so sorry about your mom. This thing is the real deal -- we should all take it very seriously. Not to be a scare mongerer, but there is a genetic component they do not understand so it really is a crap shoot how our bodies will deal with it.
Stay safe and stay sane.
XX
Stay safe and stay sane.
XX
Originally Posted by fini
ha, Hawk, you mowed down milkweed and i just planted some
I plant it too! I go around in the fall and collect the seed pods from road side plants. Then I break the pods open all over my 18 acres. I have had very limited success with this method. Any advice?
Hawk - great thing saving that snake. I do the same for things people hate, like bats, spiders, etc. People at my office often buzz me, "Come get this bat." For some reason we get at least two or three bats a year in the old house that is our office.
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