O Well?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Well if you can barely type don’t push it. How about you write three things you plan for tomorrow? They don’t have to be big.
1. Buy two picture frames for these sketches I bought off the street in Barcelona THREE YEAR AGO. 🥴
2. Get to the bottom of where my missing amazon package is.
3. Dress so I feel snazzy for work tomorrow. :-)
1. Buy two picture frames for these sketches I bought off the street in Barcelona THREE YEAR AGO. 🥴
2. Get to the bottom of where my missing amazon package is.
3. Dress so I feel snazzy for work tomorrow. :-)
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I don't know what happened.
It's not even important what happened.
I drank.
A lot.
And I can (did) bawl over that for days.
But the truth is I drank.
A lot.
So what, right?
STOP it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw
It's not even important what happened.
I drank.
A lot.
And I can (did) bawl over that for days.
But the truth is I drank.
A lot.
So what, right?
STOP it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Like I said a few days back, you don't have to talk about anything here,Ob.
I do think the more you do talk about how you were feeling, what happened to tip you over the edge and why you to chose to drink again, the more we can help - but we can help even if you don't want to revisit the last bender.
D.
I do think the more you do talk about how you were feeling, what happened to tip you over the edge and why you to chose to drink again, the more we can help - but we can help even if you don't want to revisit the last bender.
D.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Obladi 
I don't know what happened.
It's not even important what happened.
I drank.
A lot.
And I can (did) bawl over that for days.
But the truth is I drank.
A lot.
So what, right?
STOP it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw
It's not even important what happened.
I drank.
A lot.
And I can (did) bawl over that for days.
But the truth is I drank.
A lot.
So what, right?
STOP it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw
Whatever emotionally or situationally happened with you might happen again...or worse. So you can’t let this drinking be about what is ever going on with you. It is about one thing - addiction. Lots of people have bad stuff happen emotionally or situationally and they don’t drink a lot. Only us addicts do.
None of us, I don’t think, are trained therapists, even though I might feel like one since I spent so much time in therapy.
But what we ALL know is that drinking makes it a hell of a lot worse and is never the answer.Let time pass. Let yourself heal. Don’t overthink. Just don’t drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
O,
So glad you are back and back at it. And we definitely have your back.
And coffee with SH and Tats and Hawk - I am totally in! Shh... in case Cow is about, you know how she gets with the java.
O, seriously, what can we do to help you make this a permanent choice. You clearly hate drinking, love being sober, so there is that. But as SH said, you need to find a way to say no way until you develop new habits and you heal. For me, that was all about me being stubborn -- I said no, so its no, and then time passed and it became automatic. What is it for you?
You clearly can do it, and love it, but what could help when the monsters call.
XX
So glad you are back and back at it. And we definitely have your back.
And coffee with SH and Tats and Hawk - I am totally in! Shh... in case Cow is about, you know how she gets with the java.
O, seriously, what can we do to help you make this a permanent choice. You clearly hate drinking, love being sober, so there is that. But as SH said, you need to find a way to say no way until you develop new habits and you heal. For me, that was all about me being stubborn -- I said no, so its no, and then time passed and it became automatic. What is it for you?
You clearly can do it, and love it, but what could help when the monsters call.
XX
Life Goes On
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by fini
i don’t know how to help, O.
i figure if you knew how to just not drink, if you could just not, then you wouldn’t.
but i am here.
decaff for me.
i figure if you knew how to just not drink, if you could just not, then you wouldn’t.
but i am here.
decaff for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
In my years of drinking, there were things I drank over. Like, if you asked me why I was an alcoholic, I could tell you every reason why I drank.
I was abused. Physically and mentally. I was burdened with secrets no kid should have to carry. I watched friends and loved ones die in front of me. In short...I just saw way to much s#it when I was a kid and it traumatized me.
I was subject to daily violence. I was almost completely alone and that was too much for me.
Eventually, I had a wife and family but I never healed.
By my end, I was forced to look all of this in the eye and either live or die. Everything else in between was too much. You said it...exhausting. I was tired of this fight. I was tired because I was never gonna win. All I could do was numb.
That sucked.
Laying on that hospital table, I was forced to confront one certain truth, because I did have a wife and kid now. This was no longer about me. I guess I got lucky that way. Was I going to make my wife lose her husband? My daughter lose her father? My father and mother bury a child? Was this what I was going to give to someone else? Death meant giving that pain to everyone who ever loved me. Living meant being sober and that was terrifying.
This was where one day at a time came into play. For many months, it was done by minutes and seconds...but I still hung in there. I'm not strong because I didn't relapse, I was lucky I just had the tools to keep myself from doing it. That and a new healthy respect for being that close to death and perhaps a God with some mercy.
There were many days I can honestly say to you that I don't know how I got through the day. I had some "conditions" on my sobriety...like if "X" happened, all bets were off.
Well, the first X came the second week I was out of the hospital. I almost went out and drank. For whatever reason, I hung in there and kept persisting. I went through soooo much anger, fear, anxiety, shame and hate...I didn't sleep for days at a time. I still go through periods of it. I'm in the middle of one now.
I got some outside help...I put more tools in my box. I had to figure out a way through this. I persisted. Sooner or later, The demons that took my heart and stole part of my soul were going to get weaker and weaker, the longer I stayed sober. Eventually, there would be a day where I'd feel some sense of ...well.....peace.
Nobody gets "struck" drunk. It's a premeditated decision and that's why we feel shame about it. Or not.
I don't want you in any way, to think I'm trying to minimize your pain or shame. What we have to address isn't just how profound it is to you, but how you can get the help you need to save your life. I needed A LOT of help. Maybe a step in the right direction would be to seek some professional help?
You've been around about as long as I have. I wanna see you succeed in every facet of your life . God knows, you deserve some peace.
I was abused. Physically and mentally. I was burdened with secrets no kid should have to carry. I watched friends and loved ones die in front of me. In short...I just saw way to much s#it when I was a kid and it traumatized me.
I was subject to daily violence. I was almost completely alone and that was too much for me.
Eventually, I had a wife and family but I never healed.
By my end, I was forced to look all of this in the eye and either live or die. Everything else in between was too much. You said it...exhausting. I was tired of this fight. I was tired because I was never gonna win. All I could do was numb.
That sucked.
Laying on that hospital table, I was forced to confront one certain truth, because I did have a wife and kid now. This was no longer about me. I guess I got lucky that way. Was I going to make my wife lose her husband? My daughter lose her father? My father and mother bury a child? Was this what I was going to give to someone else? Death meant giving that pain to everyone who ever loved me. Living meant being sober and that was terrifying.
This was where one day at a time came into play. For many months, it was done by minutes and seconds...but I still hung in there. I'm not strong because I didn't relapse, I was lucky I just had the tools to keep myself from doing it. That and a new healthy respect for being that close to death and perhaps a God with some mercy.
There were many days I can honestly say to you that I don't know how I got through the day. I had some "conditions" on my sobriety...like if "X" happened, all bets were off.
Well, the first X came the second week I was out of the hospital. I almost went out and drank. For whatever reason, I hung in there and kept persisting. I went through soooo much anger, fear, anxiety, shame and hate...I didn't sleep for days at a time. I still go through periods of it. I'm in the middle of one now.
I got some outside help...I put more tools in my box. I had to figure out a way through this. I persisted. Sooner or later, The demons that took my heart and stole part of my soul were going to get weaker and weaker, the longer I stayed sober. Eventually, there would be a day where I'd feel some sense of ...well.....peace.
Nobody gets "struck" drunk. It's a premeditated decision and that's why we feel shame about it. Or not.
I don't want you in any way, to think I'm trying to minimize your pain or shame. What we have to address isn't just how profound it is to you, but how you can get the help you need to save your life. I needed A LOT of help. Maybe a step in the right direction would be to seek some professional help?
You've been around about as long as I have. I wanna see you succeed in every facet of your life . God knows, you deserve some peace.
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