O Well?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I don't know for sure, but I am fairly certain there are a fair number of members here that have experienced shame. I can say without a doubt, that I have. If someone tries to shame me for talking about my shame, I don't place much weight or value on their opinion and they should be ashamed because they lack the ability to empathize.
I remember vividly when I was doing some in depth self-reflection and inventorying on my past behaviors that I had a lot of shame over, my friend that was listening to me and saw the difficulty I was having in disclosing and talking about it said to "Nez, if there is a name for what you did, then you are not the first to do it; and if you think you are above mistakes, then your humility is way out of whack., which should cause you shame."
I remember vividly when I was doing some in depth self-reflection and inventorying on my past behaviors that I had a lot of shame over, my friend that was listening to me and saw the difficulty I was having in disclosing and talking about it said to "Nez, if there is a name for what you did, then you are not the first to do it; and if you think you are above mistakes, then your humility is way out of whack., which should cause you shame."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I mean, you didn’t run naked through the streets, or send seductive texts to coworkers, or such. Right ? You drank. You’re an intermittently sober person who has a drinking pattern with a long frequency. This is what it is.
Shame doesn’t help, and really I don’t see a need for it.
Just keep trying. That’s all anyone can do in this life.
Hope work is ok.
Shame doesn’t help, and really I don’t see a need for it.
Just keep trying. That’s all anyone can do in this life.
Hope work is ok.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I wouldn't think anyone here would disagree with that statement.
I think me talking about my own shame after drinking is a different thing to others shaming me for my drinking, or for the consequences of that drinking.
Ones looking to heal and the others looking to destroy.
People might tell you you shouldn't feel ashamed, they may give you advice about how not to feel that way again, but I doubt anyone in this thread sets out to shame you.
You may feel shamed by the discussion - thats part of the box and dice called alcoholism but thats why we'll tell you tell it's better to use your energy on today and focusing forward not back.
if the discussion is the only bridge across the swamp, you have to choose: bridge or swamp.
I'd choose bridge.
D
I think me talking about my own shame after drinking is a different thing to others shaming me for my drinking, or for the consequences of that drinking.
Ones looking to heal and the others looking to destroy.
Shame is something you can't talk about. Because people shame you for it.
You may feel shamed by the discussion - thats part of the box and dice called alcoholism but thats why we'll tell you tell it's better to use your energy on today and focusing forward not back.
if the discussion is the only bridge across the swamp, you have to choose: bridge or swamp.
I'd choose bridge.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Ok. I still think my point stands -whether it be shame through drinking, shame through consequences of drinking or shame from something else entirely I doubt you'd get anything but support and understanding here, and no judgement.
But...I did assume this was drink related, yes.
I apologise completely if my attempts to get you to open up were not appropriate.
get over it was not the take away I wanted to leave, so apologies if it came over like that, yikes....
I just want to see you leave the damn drink behind - that's the sum total of my message really..
The bottom line is Ob - if its something you really don't want to talk about - you don't have to
Maybe you can jump across the swamp on a vine Tarzan style and bypass the swamp that away
always wishing you the best - I'll catch up again a little later on
D
But...I did assume this was drink related, yes.
I apologise completely if my attempts to get you to open up were not appropriate.
get over it was not the take away I wanted to leave, so apologies if it came over like that, yikes....
I just want to see you leave the damn drink behind - that's the sum total of my message really..
The bottom line is Ob - if its something you really don't want to talk about - you don't have to
Maybe you can jump across the swamp on a vine Tarzan style and bypass the swamp that away
always wishing you the best - I'll catch up again a little later on
D
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
I posted this a few days ago:
"For me it's about becoming still or tranquil.
It's not indifference.
Kindness, caring is key.
When starting to relax one becomes aware of uncomfortable things one usually denies the existence of.
To accept and let go of those things means developing a caring stillness in relation to good and bad things.
That tranquil kindness is the equanimity."
Emphasis on caring about all things that arises within the mind - body phenomenon conventionally thought of as self.
A necessary thing is becoming aware of that which arises.
This is mindfulness.
The practice of mindfulness reveals layer after layer.
Being mindful. Being kind. Accepting. Relaxing. Letting go. Peace.
Be gentle. There is no need to force this natural process.
"For me it's about becoming still or tranquil.
It's not indifference.
Kindness, caring is key.
When starting to relax one becomes aware of uncomfortable things one usually denies the existence of.
To accept and let go of those things means developing a caring stillness in relation to good and bad things.
That tranquil kindness is the equanimity."
Emphasis on caring about all things that arises within the mind - body phenomenon conventionally thought of as self.
A necessary thing is becoming aware of that which arises.
This is mindfulness.
The practice of mindfulness reveals layer after layer.
Being mindful. Being kind. Accepting. Relaxing. Letting go. Peace.
Be gentle. There is no need to force this natural process.
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