Obladi

I am, however, consuming Cadbury chocolate eggs (the ones with the candy coating) at an alarming rate...

theVman31

Well it is nearly easter.
Just getting a head start.
However, Cadbury chocolate egg is a bit vague, are they creme eggs, caramel creme eggs or mini eggs ?
Although they probably all got roughly a zillion calories.

Good luck with Work !!!

SnazzyDresser

I'm American, I like the Reese's peanut butter eggs. Also the old school pure chocolate bunny rabbits. Man, if those had been dark chocolate...

I bet the work will be good for you, Obladi. That and staying sober.

Stayingsassy

Cadbury mini eggs are BOMB.

To clarify, I make oatmeal (just oatmeal, no flour) cookies with a cup of peanut butter, then add plain m&m’s. Incredible. Yesterday, this was my diet: 7 of those cookies, 1/2 a fried egg sandwich and a red bell pepper.

I mean I was proud of the pepper, it has vitamin C in it.

Obladi

The mini eggs are so portable; the candy shell eliminates muss. Peanut butter eggs contain too much peanut butter for my liking, but those cookies might do if they included nuts and chocolate chips instead of m&ms Go figure me and my odd preferences.

My all time favorite Easter Candy is the Lindt bunny - milk chocolate. Not sure why, but the bunny shape makes it extra delicious.

Hawkeye13

Maybe because the Lindt bunny is an animal anthromorphism of the essence of chocolate.

Kind of like the host for sugarholics

Obladi

I worked today. I'm happy to say it was rather anticlimactic. Did the touch-base thing with my manager at 9am and it seems that we're going back to business as usual as far as my position is concerned. No direct words were spoken in either direction, but as there was no intimation that we'd need to discuss my position, I'm assuming (90%) that all is well. I don't know what to say about that aside from thanking the universe for being kind to me.

I've been thinking again about whether I should be looking for a new sponsor. I'm really grateful to my current sponsor for bringing me along as far as I am, but our relationship is challenging on both ends. And (speaking of resentments) I "accidentally" found out that she was celebrating her soberversary the other day. One of the guys sent me a link to the meeting when he noticed halfway through that I wasn't there. That strikes me as a little odd. I mean, I know it's not all about me ever, but that she wouldn't invite me to her 20 year celebration just seems funny. Especially she had emailed me (we never email unless it's about business) to check in the day before and when I think back to when she forgot to tell me the details of a holiday party in December. Did she really forget? I'm actually not feeling resentful at all, but all of this does seem to be adding up to perhaps moving along. In a good way for all concerned, hopefully.

Alright, I'm gonna go read up on the 4th step as this is the month of April and so that's what we focus on in at least some of the meetings. Someone said yesterday morning, "Expectations are resentments in the future," and that really struck me as something that could use my focus. That, and apparently the word "demand" appears something like 17 times in regard to resentments, so there's that. Not saying I'm demanding or anything. Ha.

I don't think the third paragraph is related to the second, but I guess that's possible. For sure, though, I'm not trying to run away from anything - I just want to move forward productively. Soberly.

Dropsie

"Expectations are resentments in the future," is so true and I never thought of it that way. A mental health professional once told me that we should all go to AA whether we drink or not, its like free group counseling.

So glad to hear that the work thing went fine, but I do worry that at some point you will run out of lives there, but then I remind myself that there is no need to worry as sista is done with this noise.

XX

Obladi

I think the thing is that I'm perhaps more likely to simply run out of life that contains any sort of meaning, and that has become more important to me than this job.

Your worry is well-founded in the past. The good thing is that all I can count on (to the extent I can count on anything) is now. Now I am a non-drinker. As long as it's always now, I don't drink.

Obladi

Step 4 study revealed this little gem that I had to puzzle out: "The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us." -Alcoholics Anonymous p 66

Research with Merriam Webster reveals the meaning of these words at the time they were written:
Grouch - fit of bad temper
Brainstorm - a violent transient fit of insanity

Yeah, so I've had those. Particularly when a situation seems to be completely ludicrous. So many examples of "not suffering fools wisely" spring to mind without effort that it's clear this is one of my glaring defects.

hmmmm

entropy1964

Hi O

If you aren't keen with your sponsor I'd recommend getting a new one prior to the fourth step. Or do that step with your counselor? That's just from personal experience, for what its worth. Trauma is a tough one for many people if they haven't been there themselves.

Did anyone else experience extreme disappointment when their chocolate Easter bunny ended up hollow?

Easter ended for me at 7. My brothers and parents came up with a super funny joke. Show Flipsie the huge raw turkey in the fridge and tell her they shot the Easter bunny and we were eating it for dinner? Oh my GOSH, so funny. NOT. No wonder I laugh at the wrong times.

fini

good for you for researching those words in that context, O. had never occurred to me, and so i assumed that brainstorm was meant the same way we use it now. wow!
Flipsie, oh, that is so bloody cruel. my dad did similar at times, solely to hit my sensitivities in various ways.

Hawkeye13

Hi All

Busy but maintaining pretty well and keeping social distance going.

How is everybody getting on?

O are you getting back into the swing of things at work?
How’s the sober living arrangement working for you?

Orange sunset over the lake tonight. Puppy on lap and no new emails.
Peace. . .

Obladi

It's always exhausting going back to work after a hiatus of any length. All things considered, things are going quite well here.

At the moment, that's enough for me.

I'm thinking of maybe staying here at the sober living place until July. That would give me six months of sobriety. So much could happen along the way that I'm not sure I could or should commit, but the beauty of the thing is that I don't have to!

Hawkeye13

That kind of structure could really help cement the patterns of recovery you are building.

I spent more time on the farm after final quit because I could have a dry environment away from drinking spouse. My sobriety became more solid as a result.

Eldest staying in your house?

courage2

Here I am looking for an ironic smiley....

Obladi

Ah Courage, you're looking for the old O. This one is reformed or doing her best to do so.

I think maybe I remarked on the lack of resentment because that's a unique experience for me. While I was never one to look for a reason to take offense in every situation, I certainly have been one to feel hurt (looks like resentful and I guess it is) when someone seems to disapprove of me or my actions. In this case, I've been able to employ some of that "it's not about me" perspective. I mean, yeah, it is about me if my sponsor doesn't seem to think I'm awesome and doing the best I can, but that's not really about me. I know I'm a pretty fine example of a human being and that I really am doing the best I can. Room for improvement? Without a doubt.

So that's a lot more of a response than your sideways comment warranted.

Hawk, I agree that staying here could facilitate a really solid foundation. Not so much because of the place itself as because of how I feel within and about the space. Every moment of every day, I'm cognizant in one way or another that the sole reason I'm here is to live sober. I think maybe that's what you meant about the structure? Anyhow, that's how I see it this very early morning. One of my first thoughts when I woke up was along those lines. I'm at a loss to put it into words because it would take too many to express the very simple thought/feeling that life for me is "right."

Yep, eldest fled to my house about a week ago claiming anxiety about being cooped up with her roommates. I think what she didn't tell me was that she'd started drinking again and that her beast needed some privacy. Actually, I "knew" (in the ways one simply knows) that she was drinking, but I don't think that she knew what her beast was up to. Her attribution of anxiety and the virus and her life being put on hold was what I heard at the time and I supported her in her move, not even thinking about how her drinking in my home might impact me. The thought didn't even occur to me, which is weird but not, right? Like... I didn't think about whether she was or wasn't going to be drinking, I was just glad she had a place to go. I think this is what is called co-dependency.

I was home for a bit yesterday to pick up some things and... ack. Messy, cat box smell, bleck. Asked her casually when she'd be going home and she said "soon," which is good - that probably means within a couple of days. If she's not out of there by Friday I'll need to actually tell her directly to leave. She stopped drinking Monday, so I didn't feel inclined to push too hard right at the moment. There's nothing like taking a really hard first step then getting slapped in the face by a message of rejection. (Not that this is how I would mean it, but it is likely how she would have taken it.)

Ok, gotta jet to my early morning meeting.
Zoom is awesome!

Stayingsassy

My 21 year old (middle girl) left her apartment about a week ago to come home also. Normally she talks about how much she likes living there, likes her part time jobs, etc.

But with the virus hitting, her graduation was cancelled, her jobs working with the public felt unsafe, she’s not all that close to her roommates and she said to me “I hate this apartment, I really want to go home, I’m scared I will infect you, but I want to go home.”

I think the world turning upside down is scaring all of us. Your eldest grapples with the beast but there very well could have been some anxiety there, too.

Hawkeye13

After this, none of us can ever go home again really, at least in the sense of Thomas Wolfe. . .

That is a bittersweet feeling. Impermanence can be reliably counted upon, just not usually this much all at once.

O, that is exactly what I meant about structure. Sometimes an external "frame" can be just what is needed as we rebuild.

Obladi

For sure, she suffers from sometimes crippling anxiety. I've no doubt her anxiety was and is real. But holing up alone in my house is a lousy solution for that and I told her as much today. Not to be mean, but it's the same thing she'd tell me and she acknowledged that.

I think, no I know my job here is:
1. Protect and promote my non-drinker status no matter what. And while it would seem rationally that her presence in my home while I'm not there should have no impact on me, the fact is that it does.
2. Acknowledge that she has real issues, support her in addressing those, but most particularly love her unconditionally.

I told her today she needs someone to kick her in the rear end, but that person probably should not be me. We're too close in more ways than one for that to work out well for either of us.

I did make a call to solicit advice on sober living places for her, though. I hope to hear back by tomorrow so that I can present her with some options - either rehab or a halfway house.

Send good mojo her way, friends.