ColoradoRocky

I'm not a believer, but I say the Lord's Prayer at meetings because I honor and respect other people's traditions.

Obladi

My point exactly. I respect each person's chosen spiritual path, including non- Christian. I don't want to debate about it right now because my focus belongs elsewhere, but it is worrisome to me to proclaim at the beginning of the meeting that we don't ascribe to any sect, then to say a Christian prayer at the end.

Not my circus right now, I'm just working on my own self; I can save the world from itself a bit later.

Obladi

I woke up on the couch at 3am and saw a text from middlest that simply said, "What number do I call?' Man! I didn't text her about taking the antabuse! I hadn't taken my meds due to falling asleep on the couch, so I went up and recorded myself taking the medication. Took at least 0.5 hour to figure out how to send the thing to her. And! I realized I forgot to take my medication Friday night. Ugh. She knows or should know that I've got enough in my system that I'd be violently ill if I were to drink, but she's across the entire continent and had nothing to go on but my silence the last two days. ***long sigh***

Eldest called to "confess" yesterday that she'd gone out and had three drinks. She said there was nothing in the house, she had no intention of drinking more, and it was stupid. She wasn't feeling "right" and said she wasn't worthy of being taken out tonight, so she canceled our plans. I said, "Well you'd better get your schlitz together because you don't want to mess up school and waste all of that money." Strongly encouraged her to call her friend who has a lot of sober time, to eat, to buy her books, and to get to bed because she has an all-day CPR class tomorrow.

I'm gratefully just barely starting my 21st day sober. Not too thrilled about spending the entire afternoon and night on the couch, but if memory serves, this sloth will pass. Anyhow, I had no notion that I would drink and I didn't. I went to therapy and a meeting, so met all of my obligations. I'm going to say forcefully to myself, "that's good enough for now. '

entropy1964

O congrats on 21 days. That is awesome!

You and middlest should use Snapchat. Super easy to video and send, chat, talk etc. I only use it with my daughter but it is kinda fun.

A little extra antabuse reinforcement: Not only can you get really sick on it but drinking while on it can cause extraordinary liver damage. They tend not to mention that one. I'm sure your drs made certain your liver was in decent shape.

I hope all goes well with Eldest. She's brave to acknowledge her problem so young...she has a tremendous opportunity really. But I know its hard to see it that way.

My daughter is loving 'things' at school so far. I mean, thrilled really. We had a bit of a rough start on Thursday. Because she made a U turn from Cal Poly and decided to stay local fairly last minute she has been grappling with regret (feeling like she 'settled'). She had this all day orientation for the Honors college on Thursday that was more like summer camp and she was NOT happy. I get this call around noon, and she is literally running away from the lunch they were having in the park. 300 freshman, and my daughter is charging to escape. I of course was pissed. But there was a really funny aspect to it to. She gets home, vents about how she wasn't expecting this, it was derailing her 'plan' and that is was ********. I asked what it would look like if she went back. Well, anyway, she did. Then 2 hours of her trying to locate her group and sneak back in when they were changing activities. All's well that ends well. But this orientation actually 'counted' toward this stupid honors class they have to take. I called the college and said, uh how much of this 'extra' crap is there? And I'm hoping this was it. Really its a great opportunity and gives her more focus from professors and the people that run the Uni. It will be good for her resume when she transfers. Anyway, I hope she digs in and just accepts the rules and lives by them. She's not good at that. Uh oh.

She has that fighting personality. I hope she learns that often the path of least resistance is the right one. She makes her life so much harder than it needs to be. That whole drama on Thursday did not need to happen. I do think, I hope, she is learning. Haha. Apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Obladi

Thanks, Flips!

Middlest and I have been known to use Facetime, so I will suggest that to her whenever she decides to speak with me. I'm feeling a bit edgy as she asked again for the number, which I provided (two of them) and when I called immediately after, she didn't answer. But looking back at the timeline, it took me 30 minutes to respond to her, so she may well be sleeping. Either way, I know it's natural for her to easily become suspicious - who wouldn't with my history? And I know my own truth. Don't get me wrong about being edgy; I'm not in a tailspin at all, just kicking myself for doing anything to threaten what little trust she has in me.

Yep, my liver levels were elevated when they checked them (and Everything Else) in detox. My sister the NP was not overly concerned when I read her the numbers. The PA is also aware of my levels and plans to test me again sometime within the next week or so just to be sure they don't increase any more.

Eldest called to say she'd made it to class, only 5 minutes late! I'm very pleased and excited for her. She sounded terrific.

Flips, your story of your daughter's orientation reminds me of middlest. She's fiercely independent, but used to run to me for help anytime things weren't going her way. Ran away from high school more than once, then called me to come rescue her. She's gotten over that since moving to Cali - I think at that point, she realized she'd made her own bed so she was going to need to change the sheets on her own if that's what she wanted.

You know I say this with affection, Flips: Don't call the school on your daughter's behalf. She's "grown" now. (Not really, but you know what I mean. And as always, no skin off my nose if you do differently. As I frequently tell Tats, you gottta do you.)

entropy1964

Hey O

Yeah the snapchat app is great...much easier than face time. I'd be surprised if she doesn't already use it.

You are right about calling the school. I had to talk to them about a dorm charge that needed to be credited....so I just threw in the question about the extracurriculars because I had no idea there would be any. This was daughters last choice school so we didn't know squat about it. The honors college is like a private inside a large public. We both should have been more prepared. She knows that we don't get emails etc about what's going on so from now on, she's in, she's decided to go there, so she accepts the requirements. I think she's there.

But yeah she's on her own. However, I'm paying for it. Because we applied so late we missed the deadline for scholarships so only about 1/2 is paid for. Don't get me wrong its 1/3 the cost of Calpoly so I'm thrilled. But its still my moolah. If she doesn't take this seriously, I'm not flipping the bill. But I also told her, next time ya blow stuff off, don't try to pull me in to cosign your BS. Cause that 's what she does.

Stay tuned. I'm sure the next 6 months are going to be bumpy.

Dropsie

O,

That all sounds good with the girls and I fall asleep on the couch regularly (with a BF upstairs) -- also feel a bit guilty when I do, but what the hey if that is the worst thing I do today... I really get very good vibes from you sista.

Flips,

My nephew is in the same position; took a free ride at FSU honors college, which was not even really on his list, but making the best of it. My sister (his mom) is a high school teacher and is really tuned in and was really surprised how good the program was. He also will transfer or needs to go to a good grad school, so grade pressure in on from Day 1, but I am not sure that is bad. I tease him because I also went there (no honors college) and have done fine academically, went to the best law school in the country, and have done fine in my career. They will both be fine!

XX

Hawkeye13

Was middlest OK O?

Obladi

No word from middlest, Hawk. I texted her that I'd sent a video, I apologized for literally being thoughtless and forgetting my meds Friday night, and vowed I haven't had a drop since 8/5. Also said, "I understand you have no basis to trust me right now, and I totally get that." That's all I can do. Perhaps she will call one of the numbers I gave her tomorrow and get some form of satisfactory reassurance. I've let it go. I know where I stand. On my own two sober feet, doing the things that need to be done.

Met the AA woman who invited me to coffee this evening. She literally said, "I've been chasing you down since last Sunday, but you kept disappearing before I could get to you." She offered to help me any way she can and to start of as my temporary sponsor to see how it goes. She was totally cool with doing things by the book, no embellishments and no worksheets. And she was actually shocked that anyone would have directed me to do exactly as they said. She's cute - said, ok let's drive over to the meeting now and we'll walk in together. I feel like I should post a Facebook status, "In a sponsorship with M."

So maybe I haven't totally let go of the middlest thing. I've felt nauseous since taking my meds in the wee hours. Not the best idea for me to take a multivitamin on an empty stomach, but you'd think that upset would've passed by now? Maybe it's Sunday Stress. I don't know - I'm just going to take myself off to bed and hope it passes overnight. - After I take my meds sans multivitamin!

fini

yeah, i’ve tried multivitamins on empty stomach...no go. even with some crackers and cheese...bah, nauseating.

this sounds very promising, this woman as temporary sponsor. i might worry a smidgen about the “chasing you down”, but maybe she is from the meeting where you announced you were looking for someone to guide you “by the book” and heard you?
have you read the pamphlet on sponsorship?
i’ll dig it up....https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

Hawkeye13

Sleep well. You’re doing good.

Obladi

She is, indeed from that meeting where I asked for a sponsor. I did read the pamphlet, but I read it again since you sent it - thank you. I have a feeling this is going to work out. I always had the impression that M was kind of ditzy, but we never spoke anything of substance to each other one on one. One of the things I told her last night is that the thing I'm currently focusing on is honesty/integrity. She said that she has always had problems with honesty because she doesn't want to offend other people with her true thoughts, so maybe we could work on that together? Dig it.

Thanks, Hawk. I think this week will be better. Arranged my schedule so that it's more compact and I don't have to deal with any car purchasing! Nausea is gone, woke with a pretty significant headache, but it's starting to dull now.

21 days, 2 hours.

I'm gonna be The One.

Dropsie

Yes you are!

We all are, becaues we are mighty.

entropy1964

Hey O

I didn't voice this at the time, but maybe middlest isn't the right person to be your accountability partner? I mean, what's right? You did what you had to do and maybe its no big deal at all.

Maybe your new sponsor would take this over? Or I could be totally off base and middlest actually wants to do it. I just know my daughter wouldn't want that so I'm probably just projecting.

Its was just a thought. Congrats on 21 days!

Obladi

I did ask her before I signed her up, but when she speaks with me, I'll offer her the suggestion that I can instead text my newfound sponsor. The only danger with that is that I've lied to sponsors in the past. I know that's no predictor of future behavior, just something to consider.

Drops, my grade school sports teams were named the Mighty Mites.
We are, we are, we are the Mighty Mites!

Dropsie

Its the universe.

We mighty mites!

Hawkeye13

Mighty Flighty here

Obladi

Group today was Stupid. We discussed ATS skills, lesson 6 (!). Why should you ask your counselor about something unfair you heard about while you were outside smoking with other patients? How does listening to rumors impede your recovery? Why should we follow rules we find unreasonable such as not eating or drinking anything (aside from nurse-dispensed water) in group? Because we have to learn to have the discipline to avoid our substances. Every organization is a system - name some systems you operate in.

Also, this session started at 4pm. If you are late more than 5 minutes, you will be marked down as "late." The first time you arrive during the week, you are supposed to pay your weekly copay before going to group. You also may need to leave a urine sample before going to group. If your problem is alcohol, you definitely need to get a breathalyzer before group. Which is all fine, whatever, but the door to the clinic is locked until 4pm!

I will hereby avoid all educational groups and instead sign up for the group therapy thing. At least that first one I attended was entertaining.

The meeting topic this evening was avoiding emotional entanglements in early sobriety. I said, I've no issue with avoiding entanglements, period. But I am working on disentangling from the kids. All good here, no cautionary statements needed.

It wasn't a horrible day, but I woke up with a pretty bad headache for which I took ibuprofen, then developed another headache after the first several hours at work which continued to worsen and finally took more ibuprofen at 3pm. I'm sure those aches contributed to my overall mood. I guess it didn't show - one of my coworkers remarked on how mellow I am since coming back from leave.

Daniel Tiger and I did forms for partial leave today. I got approval now for all days save one for FMLA and Daniel was going to take care of adjusting the form for that one. Looks like I can eke out enough paid time off to get through at least another two weeks after this one, so depending on how things go and whether disability actually pays anything, I may request an increase to 32-40 hours/week three weeks from now.

Oh and, I got a letter today saying my credit application to purchase eldest's car was rejected - by two banks. I didn't authorize the guy to submit those applications; I just inquired about the interest rates. So I went to look at Experian and my credit is considered "very good" at 670. Which is a bit low for me, but 5 credit reports have been requested for me over the past two years (two of them the car place) and my credit card debt is considered high in proportion to the limits on those cards. Oh and I don't have enough collateral to secure the loan, which is ridiculous. Whatever. I think actually credit was "denied" because I never actually requested it but the sales guy submitted just enough information to be able to tell me what my interest rate would be.

I heated up two ribs this evening and the bandit cat made a good play for them, but I snatched them right back. He's so baaaad. (He's actually eldest's cat, but has been living with me for a year now and will live with me for at least another year since she's not moving and cats aren't allowed there.)

Obladi

Whoops I did it again! Gotta leave by... now!

No headache this morning.
No therapy, individual or group, today.
No beast activity whatsoever.
Hardly any meetings on the books.

It's going to be a fine day.

Obladi

Ha!
Joke is on me - I have another hour before I need to leave for work.
Ahhhhhh