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Old 07-13-2019, 06:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
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2 1/2 months


Hello all,

tomorrow will mark 2 1/2 months. Iím very excited about it. And Iím not hanging on day by day at all the way I was in the beginning. Life has begun to get a bit easier. Easier than before I stopped drinking, and easier than immediately after I stopped drinking. Itís a bit like a weight has been lifted off my chest. That said, I miss it. I do! I donít miss all the hell that went with it, but I miss drinking wine. I miss drinking wine alone. I miss drinking wine with others. I do. I hope that goes away. I honestly donít see how it can. I canít pretend I didnít enjoy it when I did. Of course there were awful things surrounding it, but I also enjoyed it. Thatís just a fact.
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Old 07-13-2019, 06:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Congrats on 2.5 months. That is great.

Well addiction is powerful. So powerful that I was able to over look things that a non addict would think were awful. Or minimize them. That enabled me to go back to drinking over and over, thinking 'this time' it won't be 'that' bad. Maybe it will 'work'.

That lack of acceptance kept booze on the table as an option. So I drank off and on, a year sober, 2 years sober, 6 months, a year again, etc etc until the drinking was so awful that not even I could rationalize using it again. And, my consequences aren't the normal ones (loss of jobs, family, home, money, legal ) but I was literally losing my mind. And my soul.

So I had to accept that I was completely bs-ing myself. For a helluva long time. And even still, my addiction likes to mess with me. So, I have to recognize its games for what they are. Ploys to get me to drink. That is all.

Lies.
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Old 07-13-2019, 07:17 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Congrats on 2.5 months Sohard! AndI would agree that it's normal to have thoughts like that, but it's important that you realize that your addiction has selective memory. You might "miss" some of the fond memories you had associated with your old life, but you also don't have to deal with any of the pain, embarrassment and other consequences of your drinking. Because the bad comes along with the good, no exceptions.

The good news is that you will find other ways to enjoy your life and have fun without alcohol...it just takes time. 2.5 months is a great accomplishment but its still very, very early in the process of healing.
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Old 07-13-2019, 07:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Congrats on sober time. I'm at 70 days myself now. But for me I have no desire to indulge. Period. Booze whooped my butt for far to long. Had to tap out feel me. I aint missing sh#%.
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Old 07-13-2019, 11:28 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
...I miss drinking wine. I miss drinking wine alone. I miss drinking wine with others. I do. I hope that goes away. I honestly donít see how it can. I canít pretend I didnít enjoy it when I did. Of course there were awful things surrounding it, but I also enjoyed it. Thatís just a fact.
It's good that you recognize that you are in a precarious position with your thoughts. But you are standing on one of the rungs on the relapse ladder. Familiar with that? Read about it here:


Are you climbing the relapse ladder?

Relapse is at the top of a nine step ladder of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The lowest rung is called happy memories. "Happy memories" means that you are thinking about the good times you had while you were using.

The next rung up is called "I wasn't that bad." This occurs when you tell yourself you weren't really that bad, that your addiction was someone else's fault, that your problem was caused by anything except your disease.

The next rung higher is stopping treatment. This means that you cease going to meetings, you stop practicing the steps, you don't have time to see your therapist, you stop talking to your sponsor, you don't do your daily meditation. When you stop treatment, you pretend that you can stay sober by doing nothing.

The fourth rung is called high risk situations. Examples are you return to the bar that you used to frequent, you begin hanging out with your old using friends, you spend long periods of time isolating in the basement where you used to drink vodka. You put yourself in these situations not thinking that you will use there, but just to experience the feeling of being there again.

The fifth rung is called, emotional imbalance. During emotional imbalance, something causes you to get really angry, irritated or otherwise emotional and you remember how your drug, drink or behavior took away the pain of the emotion. You may even get really happy and you remember how you always drank to celebrate. Now you are really getting higher on the ladder, and like any ladder, the higher you go, the more dangerous the climb. Also, the higher you go, the more committed you are to reaching the top.

The sixth rung is fantasizing. Now, you are spending increasing periods of your day thinking about using for no apparent reason.

Fantasizing leads to the seventh rung, getting ready to use. This means you intend to use and you plan how you are going to relapse. You tell yourself that tonight when my husband is asleep, I am going to sneak out to the Bar. You make arrangements to buy drugs. You return to the internet porn site. You get dressed to go to the casino. You think through the exact steps of where you are going to go to get your drugs, drink, or act out.

On the next rung, you actually get the drugs or order the drink. You acquire the tools of relapse. On this rung, you may feel a terrible panic, and unless you reach out to someone (which is now incredibly difficult to do because you are so committed to reaching the top), you step up to the final and ninth rung which is Relapse.
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Old 07-13-2019, 12:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
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What specifically do you miss? You said that you don't miss the hell that went with drinking but you miss drinking wine. Is it the taste? The social aspect?

The reason I ask is because in my previous failed attempts at sobriety I would have said the same thing. What that meant for myself is "I want to continue getting absolutely plastered 24/7 but magically I want zero repercussions as a result of getting plastered 24/7".
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Old 07-13-2019, 12:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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What specifically do you miss? You said that you don't miss the hell that went with drinking but you miss drinking wine. Is it the taste? The social aspect?

The reason I ask is because in my previous failed attempts at sobriety I would have said the same thing. What that meant for myself is "I want to continue getting absolutely plastered 24/7 but magically I want zero repercussions as a result of getting plastered 24/7".
Interesting question. Iím really thinking about it. I miss the excitement of knowing - in one hour relaxation (drinking) begins. Itís almost like I could start breathing then. Itís strange to have to almost live in a place of Zen and not instead work up to that feeling of relief at drinking time. When youíre sort of living in a place of peace, i appreciate that peace less, because I donít have a direct reminder of the discomfort. Does that make sense?? Also, I miss the silly laughing that comes along with drinking wine. The celebratory, carefree feeling that is just different when you are sober. So, any advice?? Really.
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Old 07-13-2019, 12:40 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I can relate to that.

The silliness and carefree buzz that you speak of was eons ago for me. In the final days of my drinking I had three settings: feeling deathly ill with unbearably shaky hands, feeling and looking normal while doing my 24/7 drinking, or completely passed out. I've trained my rational brain to realize that it is impossible to ever again achieve that pleasant buzz that normies can attain. So when the AV starts whispering sweet nothings in my ear I shut it down on the spot.

In recovery I don't think I've ever heard anybody share the perspective of working to a state of Zen and not living in a state of peace. That is interesting to me. All I can say is that my soul is content these days and I absolutely would not want it any other way. I don't think waking up feeling refreshed with a clear head will ever get old to me even if I achieve fifty years of sobriety. I don't miss broken relationships with loved ones nor do I miss feeling empty on the inside. It's a clichť for a reason: in the end I was just so damn sick and tired of being so damn sick and tired all the damn time.

2 1/2 months is still early, I believe if you keep working your program you will miss wine less and less as the days go by.
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Old 07-13-2019, 12:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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No advice. We would all like the fun times back. But sadly like the posters above pointed out, it just does not work that way. I try to look at it phylisophically.
I had the good times and the laughs with loads of booze. Iíve had the wild parties and crazy experiences. Then the bad just started outweighing the good by so much. I am done with that now. New and different experiences await and I am looking forward to it.
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Old 07-13-2019, 01:46 PM   #10 (permalink)
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You seem to be doing really well Sohard. I donít often comment but have enjoyed reading about your journey in other threads. Itís true what you say, sobriety is learning how to live in a baseline state of peace and Zen rather than intermittently working up to it for a fleeting few hours until oblivion sets in. Which is sort of like bashing your head into a wall repeatedly just so you can appreciate how good it feels to stop.

It took a long while for my brainís ďreward centerĒ to fully re-wire itself. But I do get those feelings of excitement and exhilaration now about other things like traveling, achieving life goals, even looking forward to social interactions. Laughter comes easily and fully without any fear of embarrassment or the plethora of other negative social consequences that were a part of the deal with drinking.

Reminiscing about the ďgood timesĒ is extremely rare these days, as I know thereís nothing I could do or feel drunk that I canít do and enjoy even more in sobriety. For me there was no magic formula that got me here, itís just been an organic process of healing and slowly but surely changing my habits and lifestyle. But most importantly itís taken time. If things are already easier at 2 and a half months, imagine what they can be like at 2 years. Just keep going.
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Old 07-13-2019, 02:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You seem to be doing really well Sohard. I donít often comment but have enjoyed reading about your journey in other threads. Itís true what you say, sobriety is learning how to live in a baseline state of peace and Zen rather than intermittently working up to it for a fleeting few hours until oblivion sets in. Which is sort of like bashing your head into a wall repeatedly just so you can appreciate how good it feels to stop.

It took a long while for my brainís ďreward centerĒ to fully re-wire itself. But I do get those feelings of excitement and exhilaration now about other things like traveling, achieving life goals, even looking forward to social interactions. Laughter comes easily and fully without any fear of embarrassment or the plethora of other negative social consequences that were a part of the deal with drinking.

Reminiscing about the ďgood timesĒ is extremely rare these days, as I know thereís nothing I could do or feel drunk that I canít do and enjoy even more in sobriety. For me there was no magic formula that got me here, itís just been an organic process of healing and slowly but surely changing my habits and lifestyle. But most importantly itís taken time. If things are already easier at 2 and a half months, imagine what they can be like at 2 years. Just keep going.
thank you so much for this. It really helps.
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Old 07-13-2019, 02:02 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I can relate to that.

The silliness and carefree buzz that you speak of was eons ago for me. In the final days of my drinking I had three settings: feeling deathly ill with unbearably shaky hands, feeling and looking normal while doing my 24/7 drinking, or completely passed out. I've trained my rational brain to realize that it is impossible to ever again achieve that pleasant buzz that normies can attain. So when the AV starts whispering sweet nothings in my ear I shut it down on the spot.

In recovery I don't think I've ever heard anybody share the perspective of working to a state of Zen and not living in a state of peace. That is interesting to me. All I can say is that my soul is content these days and I absolutely would not want it any other way. I don't think waking up feeling refreshed with a clear head will ever get old to me even if I achieve fifty years of sobriety. I don't miss broken relationships with loved ones nor do I miss feeling empty on the inside. It's a clichť for a reason: in the end I was just so damn sick and tired of being so damn sick and tired all the damn time.

2 1/2 months is still early, I believe if you keep working your program you will miss wine less and less as the days go by.
Thank you!!
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Old 07-13-2019, 02:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Interesting question. Iím really thinking about it. I miss the excitement of knowing - in one hour relaxation (drinking) begins. Itís almost like I could start breathing then. Itís strange to have to almost live in a place of Zen and not instead work up to that feeling of relief at drinking time. When youíre sort of living in a place of peace, i appreciate that peace less, because I donít have a direct reminder of the discomfort. Does that make sense?? Also, I miss the silly laughing that comes along with drinking wine. The celebratory, carefree feeling that is just different when you are sober. So, any advice?? Really.
Iíll correct this for you: ďthe celebratory carefree feeling that is just different when you are NEWLY sober.Ē

Thatís all.
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Old 07-13-2019, 02:35 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Iíll correct this for you: ďthe celebratory carefree feeling that is just different when you are NEWLY sober.Ē

Thatís all.
🙏 thanks!
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Old 07-18-2019, 01:21 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Hello all,

tomorrow will mark 2 1/2 months. Iím very excited about it. And Iím not hanging on day by day at all the way I was in the beginning. Life has begun to get a bit easier. Easier than before I stopped drinking, and easier than immediately after I stopped drinking. Itís a bit like a weight has been lifted off my chest. That said, I miss it. I do! I donít miss all the hell that went with it, but I miss drinking wine. I miss drinking wine alone. I miss drinking wine with others. I do. I hope that goes away. I honestly donít see how it can. I canít pretend I didnít enjoy it when I did. Of course there were awful things surrounding it, but I also enjoyed it. Thatís just a fact.
Hey sohard

Congrats on 2 and half months your doing so well. Some good posts here on advice and yes I think it's completely normal to have those thoughts especially in the first months. Jeez I even had that 'I miss it' thought just last week at 20 months since my last drink.

I actually wrote down what I was feeling about nostalgia being a dirty liar, which was helpful. It all started with looking for a photo of me and my close friend together as I was doing a goodbye message for her as she is moving away. I realised all the good photos I had was of us on night out 'having fun' then I got pangs of missing my old life.... Then I thought harder about that night and the way it ended. With me disappearing for hours on end running through some woods in the middle of the night not knowing where I was and my partner frantically searching for me. I think I passed out next to a river followed with more drama I'll not bore you with. Anyway moral is there was nothing to miss, and writing it down helped me move past those feelings and is good to look back on next time my brain goes back there.

Stick with it those feelings will pass. Your doing great and life will get better day by day.
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