SnazzyDresser

Any mention of coffee makes me perk up my ears! Love the black bean, yes I do.

Plenny

Ooof earmuffs, Cow! this can be triggering talk I'm afraid. Coffee is a powerful substance, very very powerful for some, some are overcome by it.

I have been dangerously romancing my addictions over the past couple of days. The restraint I'm using has caused some tantrums and some mania. I hope I can even out soon

Dropsie

Cow no go there with the java. No no no. I hear my dear Amyin my ears. No more coffee talk .. Lets talk about trust instead, for me I had to do the thing and trust it could not get any worse. And no matter cause decision taken. Xxx

soberista

I cant say I identify with this Eckhart Tolle. I have read his books etc so find understanding in a great deal of what he writes about however this hollow feeling I am trying to describe is not of the mind, not of thought (hence possibly why I cant put it into words). I tried to put my finger on it yesterday, meditate on it, I just ended up crying and still at a loss as to explain where it comes from. And by the time I had got my meditation at its door....it was gone. The only way I can put it into words is as though there is this sudden overwhelming feeling of emptiness that washes over me. And in a way its not a bad or negative feeling...its just a void for a moment and then life kicks back in a again. I shall raise it to consciousness today and whilst painting watch wait and see.

FBL

No coffee for me. Tried it once when I was about 17, spit it out and never tried it again. Too bad I didn't do the same thing with the beer when I was 14.

Obladi

I trust you are all doing well today!

Arrived at my friends' place Friday evening and they've had me on the move ever since. These are good people. I love them and am so comforted in their presence, not least which because they just fold me right into their life, like I belong there. Spent yesterday hauling various junk and treasures out of one of their parent's workshops. I'm sore. And happy to be sober.

I trust I will be able to really get and keep this sobriety thing one day.

Cow, do say so if people should ixnay on the coffeeskay.

soberista

This is good Obladi! Keep moving junk and boxes. Ita good for the soul.

entropy1964

I'm sorry if my waxing about coffee is triggering. Yikes! Not my intent. No more coffee talk

Dropsie

great to hear my dear O.

Plenny

I visited my boyfriend recently while he was in the middle of a depression resulting in a bender. He was on the end of it but kept describing how empty he felt. He seemed very scared. I understand totally and woke up full of the hollow thing yesterday morning. I think it's back in its cave for now...

fini

after years of wrestling with void, hollow, empty and how drinking might/ might not have related to attempts to fill it i have come to agree with Simone Weil:

" The danger is not that the soul should doubt whether there is any bread, but that, by a lie, it should persuade itself that it is not hungry.”

soberista

Need to think about that for a while!!

Dropsie

Love that Soberista.

Cow

I not was gonna say anything, cuz not want anybody to feel bad, so please not feel bad, but since we being real and raw, I gonna ask for what I need, okay?

Coffee 100% of time lead to drinking for me. It also cause me to has mania and feck with my life and sanity in many other way. I total love Love LOVE coffee as much as lot of you do. And I total addict to it. I suffer untenable zombie Borg depressions without it. It harder for me to give up than booze, and I still not even sure I can do it.

Having take on work make me especially susceptible right now. In fact, I has been hiding out from this very thread cuz it not feel safe to me! So, may I ask, can you support a hapless cow by no rhapsodizing quixotic about this devil brew until I more sure of self? I truly appreciate it.


In other news, last night I finish Part 2 of documentary "The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling." Hilarious and heart-breaking, as he spend entire life in search to fill his void. And he work extremely hard at it. Total committment. Just as he starting to trust life, he die. And I thought, well, maybe once you find you self, the journey is over really. Maybe it the finding that is the thing. Maybe that void is engine that keep you moving and questioning and seeking. If all was found and voids were full, then maybe would be nothing to compell you life. Just some thoughts. Anyways, was very thought-provoking documentary and plus also tons of great comedy throughout, especial at his funeral. I give it two hooves up. ~This has been Moovies With Moo

Obladi

This thought that maybe it's the searching that gives meaning aligns nicely with the sentiment that the point is to acknowledge we are hungry. After eating half an order of fries and half of a double bacon cheeseburger I'm sure not physically hungry. But spiritually? Yes.

I'm fretting as I have been since Friday over seeing my boss tomorrow and whether she might have words for me. No, I wasn't drinking at work, but still have some reason to fear there may be some "action" on her part. As Dorothy says in Return to Oz, I try to console myself that "There's nothing to be done for it now. " Anxiety is a bear.

Anyhow, I'm sober now hanging out at mom's place. It's ok. I mean... She has moved out of my childhood home but somehow being in Her home can still be a stressor. Hard to explain.

Stayingsassy

I am having a mini SR tantrum about not being able to talk about coffee in this thread. I am self centered and an addict. I want to talk about coffee because this is an alcohol quitting forum and not a coffee quitting forum. But this is not my thread.

I recognize the same irritation in others when I talk about how dangerous sugar is for me. It inflames my body and causes pains that make it difficult to walk and it also generates depression for me. When I talked about it early on how I deeply needed to quit sugar as well as alcohol people shushed me and told me to just quit drinking and keep eating all the garbage I want, then I lost fitness and health and vitality by plunging into sugar to cope with my alcohol sobriety.

So I apologize and I am still weirdly irritated like a toddler might be but coffee sounds like it is your sugar and if it does what sugar does to me in terms of level of damage, then I concede my tantrum and bow out of caffeine worship in the cow and obladi thread.

Cow

...I ask, Sass, not demand. Thread belong to all of us. Free speech. I can stay away should I feel in jeopary. But thank you for you sacrifice and you honesty. Hopeful, in good time, I not need special cowcoon of safety to maintain sobrieties.

Can we support you to overcome sugar? It very harmful to body and known to cause inflammations and irritations, both physical and mental. I face same situation as you describe. No one (professional and social) ever take my coffee/caffeine addiction serious. Is always laser focus on alcohol, no matter how much I explain that they intertwine and feed each other. I get very psss off from that. Caffeine and sugar is poisons too, just less immediate. And plus also, most "normal" people is addicted to them, so nobody want any stigma on that.

Hi O, does you wish to talk about you relapse or what trigger you relapse and how we maybe can unravel those "tipping point" thoughts for next time? Nice to have you back, partner.

Plenny, why you romancing you addictions? Remeber, you break up with them for very good reason, yes?

Plenny

Haha I did break up with them for good reasons. Well, on the subject of the hollowness, I have had some very triggering things happening with my family issues lately, it can sometimes be like getting ripped up by a wave at the beach, and plowed right down into the sand (happened to me in real life once). Suddenly I'm thinking totally differently about my old buddy drinking and I can catch myself unawares. Then I have tricked myself. My family makes me feel the regrets and the emptiness. I am hoping to address the danger I might be in right now and hopefully push through it sober.

Sass, this forum is for all addictions, and it seems like the overwhelming majority are addicted primarily to alcohol. There are many threads dedicated to specific addictions though, specific drugs, other substances, but SR on the whole is meant to be for all addicts. Also, I talk a lot about food as a part of my recovery, but I know it is very tough stuff for some people and sometimes their addictions are transferring to food so I try not to dangle it in front of others and wax poetic about it. Especially since I do have a healthy attitude about my body and eating in general. I do miss writing about it, but like you said about likening your sugar issues to Cow's caffeine issues, I have stopped because I feel it may make others uncomfortable and we gotta keep it a safe space. Even safe from my pork chops and chocolate cake.

fini

yeah...and it is out of context
she was the first person i read when i started looking in more depth at this hollow, and what it might mean, if anything, that i experienced it, and what this hunger might be for and what might satisfy it, so to speak.
and while reading her, i realized how ravenous i was.

Cosima11

Since we're talking about cross addictions.. I think I'm actually addicted to a person. I can't even call it a relationship because it's not (although it is very sexual). But since I quit smoking I think I started unintentionally being more clingy which has essentially pushed him away, and now there's a lot of distance but not enough to cut the chord entirely. I think the only thing to do at this point is to stop initiating contact (ever) and let the chips fall where they may. This should be easy and simple and common sense, but for me it's just not right now.

I've dabbled with occasional sugar binges but smoking and this d@mn guy have been the hardest ones to beat for me since I quit drinking. So I totally understand it doesn't matter how trivial or illogical it might seem to someone who doesn't share that particular inclination.