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New -day 3- advice would be great

Old 01-08-2018, 10:00 AM
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New -day 3- advice would be great

Some of these stories are very inspiring. So Iíve been drinking everyday for about 10 years the longest time Iíve had off is 10 days and that was due to antibiotics and I would smoke weed as a semi-substitute.

Iím not trying to give up entirely at the moment because being honest with myself, I know thatís unrealistic, for now I just want to cut down. So, Iíve said to myself I will have a couple of drinks next Saturday (not get totally wasted). Iíve been sober for three days, this is day four (on two of those days, I smoked a little weed but really not a lot).

Iíve been feeling so strong and fantastic but now - Iíve hit a wall. And Iím just crying for no reason. What do I do!? Is it better to drink today then stop again? Like take it three days at a time to begin with? Or just ride it out? One minute I am fine, next, I feel rage or upset or deflated. Itís such a rollercoaster, Iím not sure what to do. I have so much I want to achieve and I feel like alcohol is just a BOULDER -in the way. I want to reach a point where I can enjoy a drink socially maybe twice a month but not drink at home for no reason but routine. Advice would be so appreciated x
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Old 01-08-2018, 10:07 AM
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Welcome to SR Samartist and congrats on 3 days sober. It's common for you to feel not so good during withdrawals, especially if you've been a daily drinker for that long. Your body and mind need time to heal - and while it's the last thing an addict wants to hear, it's going to take time.

Regarding your plan to "just cut down" - i don't think you are really being honest with yourself if you think that will work now, do you? Most of us had that dream - to somehow be able to control or moderate our drinking, but in the vast majority of cases it's simply not possible. Once you cross that line into uncontrolled drinking ( addiction ) you can never go back.
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Old 01-08-2018, 11:29 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Welcome to SR Samartist and congrats on 3 days sober. It's common for you to feel not so good during withdrawals, especially if you've been a daily drinker for that long. Your body and mind need time to heal - and while it's the last thing an addict wants to hear, it's going to take time.

Regarding your plan to "just cut down" - i don't think you are really being honest with yourself if you think that will work now, do you? Most of us had that dream - to somehow be able to control or moderate our drinking, but in the vast majority of cases it's simply not possible. Once you cross that line into uncontrolled drinking ( addiction ) you can never go back.

ďYour body and mind need time to heal - and while it's the last thing an addict wants to hear, it's going to take timeď I totally agree, thanks so much. You are right- Iím just having to take each day as it comes. Thank you for taking the time to reply Scott
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Old 01-08-2018, 11:58 AM
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Hey Sam. I was doing the same thing. I quit drinking for 3 months. Got over all the anxiety and was doing ok. I then thought I'll just drink on Saturday. Then it became Saturday and socially. Then it slowly worked itself back up to everyday. I would love to drink casually but I can't. I'm back on day 15 and feeling a lot better and this time I think it has really sunk in that I'm not going to be able to drink again. I miss it but I really love waking up clear headed. I wish you all the best!
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Old 01-08-2018, 12:44 PM
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Hey Samartist , I agree with Scott only because i've tested it myself for years. I would tell myself that I could control it and learn to drink in moderation or drinking only on Sundays. But by the time I figured out that was just not possible I had lost close friends , most people in my family don't talk to me and I've ruined every relationship I've ever been in. Withdraw and depression are very difficult to deal with , i'm sober 4 days now and i'm right there with you on that but it does get better. It all comes down to when you really want to stop , you will always have us here to back you up anytime!
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Old 01-08-2018, 01:25 PM
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Samartist,
Welcome to the board! I’ve been here since summer and have read the answers to most questions as they are repeated on a regular basis. Let me help you with yours: Moderation doesn’t work, because alcoholism is a progressive disease. If moderation did indeed work, SR wouldn’t exist, you’d hear only crickets.
Many don’t believe this when they first join this board (myself included) and it takes a while for this uncomforatble truth to sink in. Try to learn as much as you can from all the posts here on SR so you can quickly get up to speed on the devious nature of this affliction. There’s always somebody here for support to help you in your journey- again welcome and all the best!
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Old 01-08-2018, 03:05 PM
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Hi Samartist - welcome

I think everyone starts by wanting to just cut down and just stop...

the problem for me was I lose all control when I drink - regardless of my good intent, I would get smashed.

And it was not the last drink that did me in but the first - I can trace the madness back to that.

Some people should not drink alcohol and I am one of those people.

Funny thing is/was it was easier for me to quit entirely than to tie mtself in knots trying to keep my drinking 'normal'

Don't worry about never being able to quit before. Me too - but I quit for good in 2007.

I just went further than I ever had before in finding support and making changes.
If I can do it I reckon you can too

D
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Old 01-08-2018, 07:30 PM
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Ah, moderation. The great fantasy of all alcoholics until we hit bottom, look back on a long string of failed moderation attempts, and finally quit drinking.
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Old 01-08-2018, 07:51 PM
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Hi Sam,

Personally, I could never cut back (I have not read other responses---I bet others have said that as well). That's why I am an alcoholic--I cannot control how much I drink. Two becomes three becomes "I'm looking to get trashed." Moderation just does not work.

The only way to remove that boulder is to not put alcohol in your mouth. I wish I had a magic bullet, or something profound to tell you, but I don't.

I just joined up this past weekend. The folks here are wonderful for support and ideas, so please lean on us. You've got a nice streak going. Please keep it up.
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Old 01-09-2018, 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Samartist View Post
Some of these stories are very inspiring. So Iíve been drinking everyday for about 10 years the longest time Iíve had off is 10 days and that was due to antibiotics and I would smoke weed as a semi-substitute.

Iím not trying to give up entirely at the moment because being honest with myself, I know thatís unrealistic, for now I just want to cut down. So, Iíve said to myself I will have a couple of drinks next Saturday (not get totally wasted). Iíve been sober for three days, this is day four (on two of those days, I smoked a little weed but really not a lot).

Iíve been feeling so strong and fantastic but now - Iíve hit a wall. And Iím just crying for no reason. What do I do!? Is it better to drink today then stop again? Like take it three days at a time to begin with? Or just ride it out? One minute I am fine, next, I feel rage or upset or deflated. Itís such a rollercoaster, Iím not sure what to do. I have so much I want to achieve and I feel like alcohol is just a BOULDER -in the way. I want to reach a point where I can enjoy a drink socially maybe twice a month but not drink at home for no reason but routine. Advice would be so appreciated x
From my personal experience this will not work. I tried and tried and tried to moderate my drinking. It never worked.

Since being sober for quite a while I've done a lot of reflection on those days and I realized it wasn't that I couldn't drink moderately, it was I didn't want to. No alcoholic does.

Sure I could drink moderately for days, even weeks, but I always wanted more. I would go as far as timing my drinks. I could have one beer every 1hr 15 minutes. Sick thinking right? I had so little control over how much I drank that I had to literally time how much I drank.
That was moderating to me. In the end, it didn't work, and if you are an alcoholic like me, it won't work for you.

I wish you the best!
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Old 01-09-2018, 12:00 PM
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I tried to "cut back" for many years and those efforts all ended in dreadful binge drunks, which ultimately ceased having any time in between bouts.

I had to get very, very drunk every day.

After too many years of that, I finally asked for help (at a treatment center) and haven't had a drink since.

I suggest that you accept that your kind of drinking demands complete abstinence.

It would make your life a lot easier if you do.

Glad you're here, and i appreciate your sharing with us.
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Old 01-09-2018, 01:00 PM
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Someone said it before, and I wish I remembered the wording. It was something to the effect that Miss Moderation is a beatch and that he was sick of trying to deal her, so he quit all together,
I’m there now, and I often think of that when I think I can go back to dealing with that beatch.—Miss Moderation.
Simply not drinking is so much easier! Who needs her!
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Old 01-09-2018, 04:04 PM
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Welcome- glad you are here. You will have to go through this process and make decisions for yourself about whether you have to completely quit like the majority of us - I echo what Dee said, exactly.

Best to you.
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Old 01-09-2018, 06:48 PM
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Thanks guys!

Iím so grateful and quite taken a back br everybodies kind words and support!
It does make it easier knowing weíre not alone.

Thanks for taking the time to reply guys.

Day 4 was horrific. Erratic mood swings, tears galore, couldnít even tell you why because I donít know.. random cold chills, didnít want to eat a thing

But today was better, quite a bad headache but overall mindset is back to positive and optimistic
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Old 01-10-2018, 07:42 AM
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I'm on Day 10 here (started Jan 1) and can relate to you with the moodiness. I wasn’t even sure what was causing the moods (work, sleep, ect) but now I think it’s related to the not drinking. I wasn’t a daily drinker but every 3rd day or so, I would drink to relieve bottled up stress and feel good, and it even seemed to have a therapeutic effect for couple days after. Now my body/mind aren't getting that periodic complete relaxation and distraction from work/family, so I’ve been using exercise which is helping.
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Old 01-18-2018, 06:10 AM
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From Dee, "Some people should not drink alcohol and I am one of those people."

This brought to mind something my mother told me 45 years ago. I was attending grad school and following the last class, everyone decided to go to a bar to celebrate. I didn't know my way around town, so followed someone. Well, I had LOTS to drink and when it was time to go home, I got in my car ready to drive the 30 miles home. I was lucky I didn't get in an accident, but did have to flag down a passing car to tell me which way to go. I was living with my parents at the time, so when I got home, my mother told me , "Some people shouldn't drink alcohol and it looks like you're one of them." I should have listened to her.

I had forgotten about that until Dee's post.
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Old 01-19-2018, 09:01 AM
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After I began drinking like an alcoholic I tried over and over to moderate. At first it lasted, for short periods of time. Then came the time I crossed that line to where anytime I put alcohol in my body I would not stop until I drank way more than I'd intend to, often blackout & pass out.

Once I crossed that line I could never go back to controlled drinking. Every alcoholic wishes he/she could, but we can't.

Something I hear in AA a lot -
If I try to control my drinking, I don't enjoy it.
If I choose to enjoy my drinking, I can't control it.
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Old 01-20-2018, 12:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Samartist View Post
Some of these stories are very inspiring. So Iíve been drinking everyday for about 10 years the longest time Iíve had off is 10 days and that was due to antibiotics and I would smoke weed as a semi-substitute.

Iím not trying to give up entirely at the moment because being honest with myself, I know thatís unrealistic, for now I just want to cut down. So, Iíve said to myself I will have a couple of drinks next Saturday (not get totally wasted). Iíve been sober for three days, this is day four (on two of those days, I smoked a little weed but really not a lot).

Iíve been feeling so strong and fantastic but now - Iíve hit a wall. And Iím just crying for no reason. What do I do!? Is it better to drink today then stop again? Like take it three days at a time to begin with? Or just ride it out? One minute I am fine, next, I feel rage or upset or deflated. Itís such a rollercoaster, Iím not sure what to do. I have so much I want to achieve and I feel like alcohol is just a BOULDER -in the way. I want to reach a point where I can enjoy a drink socially maybe twice a month but not drink at home for no reason but routine. Advice would be so appreciated x
Hey samartist

Cutting down is a good plan but an even better one is stopping completely. I didn't drink everyday but I drank every weekend all weekend and I can tell you even drinking a few days a week can be just as damaging, I used weed as a substitute through the week to hold of my binges as last year my drinking was out of control and I was drinking mid week too, but it meant when the days I was aloud to drink came in, I was more greedy and would drink as much as I can in as short a time as I can and make myself so unwell that I would have to miss work. Im learning that the WHEN WHERE HOW I drank doesn't matter, once I start I will not stop until my body is done.

Giving up is emotional and a roller-coaster and you may have hard days but you will also have AMAZING days and they make it all worth it. Move the boulder and acheive your goals.
Post here alot this page is wonderful and so much support it's been a game changer for me.
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Old 01-20-2018, 01:14 AM
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I'm going out tonight for dinner with some co-workers. As a group they will drink a couple of bottles of wine and go home. Which is the way I find most people drink. I've never seen them drink too much at a social function or come to work hungover.

Like it or not people like me just can't have a few. Not sure why that is. Maybe genetics. But if I were to have a few drinks at dinner I would be off to a bar later on. I just can't enjoy three or even four glasses of wine. It was never enough.

Like I suggested it might be related to genetics but once I start drinking I start pushing the envelop. I can never be sure how ****** up I am going to get.

So... what I have learned over the years (I'm 60) is that life can be complicated.

And for me to navigate through the ups/downs it is best that I don't drink or get stoned.
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Old 01-20-2018, 01:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Ken33xx View Post
I'm going out tonight for dinner with some co-workers. As a group they will drink a couple of bottles of wine and go home. Which is the way I find most people drink. I've never seen them drink too much at a social function or come to work hungover.

Like it or not people like me just can't have a few. Not sure why that is. Maybe genetics. But if I were to have a few drinks at dinner I would be off to a bar later on. I just can't enjoy three or even four glasses of wine. It was never enough.

Like I suggested it might be related to genetics but once I start drinking I start pushing the envelop. I can never be sure how ****** up I am going to get.

So... what I have learned over the years (I'm 60) is that life can be complicated.

And for me to navigate through the ups/downs it is best that I don't drink or get stoned.
I have been so shocked watching people drink now that I'm sober. In my drunk mind I think everyone I was with was in the same condition as me, but watching now I am amazed that people actually sip drinks and only have a few and can go home (what the f?!?!) here was me hoping they wouldn't remember!
I think genetics is a huge thing 3 of my grandparents passed away from alcoholism related illness. And both parents drink regularly too. One in prison for a lengthy time from drug/alcohol induced crime. I don't want my life to turn out like this hence why I'm taking action now and doing the best I can.
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