I tried to "cut back" for many years and those efforts all ended in dreadful binge drunks, which ultimately ceased having any time in between bouts.
I had to get very, very drunk every day.
After too many years of that, I finally asked for help (at a treatment center) and haven't had a drink since.
I suggest that you accept that your kind of drinking demands complete abstinence.
It would make your life a lot easier if you do.
Glad you're here, and i appreciate your sharing with us.