ScaredOfJack

Hello all. I have to admit I spent a week just reading thru all the posts here before I signed up. I am a 34 yo female...I started my drinking later than most, at 30. I drink at home, nowhere else. I work at a bar/restaurant, but other than that I've never stepped foot into a bar. With that said my DOC is Jack Daniels, and I can go thru a fifth in less than 24 hrs....I don't like beer or wine, ect. I have had one hospital detox, spent 4 days in there.....worse experience of my life....the withdrawals were horrid. Needless to say, it didn't stop me. Alcohol slowly crept back into my life..it stalked me. I haven't been back to the point where I was..but I'm getting there. I took a week break, and after the withdrawals wore off, I felt great....swore I'm done with drinking. But than, after getting off work last night, the AV kicked in...."you've done great! You can get a bottle and you'll be fine." Well, I'm sure you all know the rest. I drank 1/2 of it, woke up feeling like crap, thinking "why!?" I know I hate the feeling, and am now starting to hate the feeling of being drunk....so I'm done. Here's to day one.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR ScaredOfJack. I think most of us have had multiple attempts at quitting before we finally decided that we were done for good...and it's not uncommon at all for the drinking thoughts to creep back in. You'll find a wealth of support and understanding here, hope you can stick around and join us. Have you considered or tried any formal recovery methods/plans before?

14Sierra

I'm 33 and had been drinking since my 20's, have been sober for 75 days now. I have those days too, when things are good and you feel like drinking after everything is done for that day. What helps me is to think about how good I felt all day and think that if I drink tonight, I will only feel good until I go to sleep, then the next day will be horrible and hung over.

So for me, it's like would I rather have the whole day feeling normal or hung over. I actually had to ween myself off gradually because I was so scared of the withdrawals . Do you have any hobbies or other things you enjoy doing that could occupy that time that you would be drinking?

JackDsMissus

Ahh Jack was my tipple too (hence the name), welcome - maybe you want to join the January class. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html We are all going through the same things and encourage each other to keep going. I like to call us the Sober Squad

Hevyn

Welcome to a great place for encouragement, ScaredOfJack. We're so glad to have you with us.

At 34 I refused to acknowledge what drinking was doing to my life. As a result, I kept going & ended up drinking every day later in life. So much needless damage & destruction. This doesn't have to happen to you - thankfully you see the truth about your addiction. Congrats on your Day 1 - you can do this.

gaffo

Good luck, ScaredofJack. You've made a good choice!

ScaredOfJack

I haven't been to AA or anything of the likes, although strongly considering it. It's funny, my dad was an alcoholic and I swore I'd never drink because of the memories I had from my childhood of his drinking. I remember when him and my mom split, and her threatening to go after full custody because of his drinking. I remember going to AA meetings with him on my weekend visits (oddly enough, these are some of my fondest memories.....it was special, just me and Dad) I never acquired a taste for alcohol growing up, never liked it. I guess it all started when I made the decision to quit smoking weed....weird, trade one addiction for another. And now I wish I never quit....because I now have this addiction thats much more harmful than the other. I tried to smoke since I quit here and there, but it doesn't have the same affect. I get super paranoid and uneasy. So, I've learned I just have to accept I'm an addict. Through and through. I'm not only genetically inclined, but also environmentally, mentally, ect. as well. Its anything...from drugs and alcohol....to internet and video games....even cross word puzzles/word searches (I can spend hours doing these) Hell, even cleaning.....and work....everything in my life...I'm all in......really in...or all out....

MariahGayle

So glad you are here & posting AOJ. You've made a great decision & know you will find much support & encouragement here!

jdvert

SOJ good luck on your New Journey. Jack (used) to be one of my best weekend friends but now its my friend Agua. Anyway as you know it takes time to break a habit a habit that you think makes you feel good but it doesn't.

For me the drinking is not the problem. The problem is me trying to drown out who I have become and the anxiety of the future.
Instead of changing myself the head on way for the better I self destruct to the bottle. I am 10 days no alcohol and damn its hard.

Have faith and trust you will break free.

waynetheking

Welcome to SR SOJ. I'm wayne.
I hope you find what you're looking for here. We have all been there. Trying to quit multiple times. It's not easy. It sounds like you hit bottom. Now the reality of staying busy and taking the necessary steps to remain sober are here for you. Take action. Massive amounts of action is needed. Joining us here is a great start. Keep reading and posting. We're here for ya.

fini

welcome to you, SOJ.
as you so well describe, the problem isn't the substance itself so much as your relationship with it and others...

way to go n day one, and stick around.

Dee74

Welcome ScaredOfJack

D

Done4today

Welcome SoJ, you've come to a great spot to figure out your solution. A wealth of knowledge of many different sobriety programs in these chat rooms. Glad you are here and keep coming back!!

Treerat66

Hi SoJ, welcome to SR.

ScaredOfJack

Thank you all for your kind replies. I'm disappointed to say that I drank the other 1/2 of the bottle last night...but I'm so ready to be done. I hate the foggy headed feeling, the dizziness, the not knowing what happened when I was blacked out.....I hate how it destroyed my childhood, and now my adulthood..I hate it...I'm done.
One of my biggest memories I have from my childhood is my dad (he's been solber for 30 yrs, God bless him) hanging me out a 2 story window after a night of drinking....I was terrified....I have always hated heights....dad went to AA, got his stuff together...he's a wonderful man, I want to be just like him

AlaskaGirl

Good for you for coming back today! You said you have an all or nothing personality, why not throw it all into sobriety? I tried and failed many times, it wasn't until I made the decision that I would never drink again that the anxiety of my addiction began to lift. I'm only 19 days in, but I feel really good.

One thing that helped me tremendously was reading the thread "Excerpts from Under The Influence" It helped me understand why my willpower wasn't enough to control my addiction. Once I took a drink if there was more available I was going to drink it. At one point I was drinking almost a fifth of vodka a night. Here is a link: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you are so young, you've got this!

waynetheking

So if ready to be done, be done with it. Embrace sobriety. You're life depends on it.

Done4today

Don't beat yourself up over drinking again. Keep coming back and sobriety is possible. Get some numbers of sober people and use them. Just don't stop trying it will catch on when it is in the plan.

August252015

Welcome.

I'm an "all in" person too- and once I decided sobriety was the deal, I've been a billion percent in. It's so worth it. That mentality can help us, if we decide to set it in the right - for us, sober- direction.

Hope to see you around.

FBL

Welcome to SR. If you truly want to get and stay sober, you'll find plenty of support here. The bottom line is that you've got to want to be sober more than you want to drink.