Aaron237

I have successfully detoxed off of alcohol and benzodiazepines. However, I most certainly was using these substances to escape from reality. Upon becoming sober I now need to deal with reality, and perhaps I now realize why so many addicts relapse, as one becomes acutely aware of how much damage addiction has done to his/her life.

I'm 27, single, 50-100 lbs overweight, and live with my parents. I had a normal BMI prior to my alcohol abuse. I see a psychiatrist every two weeks, and I'm currently on an SSRI for depression / anxiety. What hurts the most is I've alienated so many people due to my drinking that I have no friends really. Many of them are off married/engaged with careers and families, etc.

I perseverate on the latter thoughts, whether they be true or not, all day long. In the past I would go to the liquor store or pop a xanax, but this is not an option anymore: it can't be. AA helps a lot, and I'm grateful for its existence. However, I've found that I still have a lot of free time, which leads to continued ruminations and depressive thoughts.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation subsequent to getting off of alcohol?

sixtyfour

Yes, I'm 27 too, overweight and have gained more since quitting. I also suffer with depression and anxiety, I have no friends and left a good career a few years ago. BUT we are both in an infinitely better position than we were when using. I have 7 months sober now and while I still struggle with insomnia I am so much happier. I no longer have that desperate desire to drink. Please know there is always hope and things will get better as long as you stay sober! You have already helped yourself and improved your situation by simply becoming sober.

Take care of yourself and love yourself! :-)

zjw

yeah it passes in time. I found as long as i kept myself busy with whatever stupid hobby i could conjur up it would help keep my mind from taking me on a detour lol. REmember the thoughts are just thoughts. you dont have to cahse after them. I' ve read we can think of them as like clouds going buy in the sky. dont need to latch on just watch them come and go no big deal. WIth practice you can get to a point where your mind isnt pulling you around by the nose taking you for little trips where your off thinking of this and thinking of that instead of just enjoying this present moment.

Each time your mind is off thinking about some what if situation or past situation its like your reliving it or living something that has not even happened yet instead of enjoying whats going on right now in this moment.

The upside is your 27 and getting this all squared away. I know some at 40 who are still like high school maturity and all they do is drink and smoke dope like a couple kids with no jobs or something. there life is just one party to the next while the rest of the world passes them by.

One activty that might help is some form of excercise it helps with anxiety and depression wuld help keep you busy and help you loose the weight. so its a lot of benefits from just doing something simple like going for a walk if your anxious and need some time to clear your mind and enjoy the outside et.c..

I know i did a ton of walking about 6 months into sobriety it was very theraputic and i lost a lot of weight as well.

Mountainmanbob

Hi Aaron,
It's great that you are going to AA. Given a little sober time in the rooms of AA most all do find some good close friends. Takes time brother. On lonely Friday nights in the old days I started going to a singles church group. Not sure regarding your thoughts on this? But, an excellent place to meet nice (mostly) sober people.
Good luck to you,
M-Bob

Mountainmanbob

Local community centers offer many fun classes.
Takes up some idle time and intermingling with people -- is good for us.
MB

Hevyn

Hi Aaron - it's great to meet you.

I'm old enough to be your mother - but I had the same feelings when I got sober. I'd been drinking for decades & everything seemed so strange without my 'buffer'. Facing reality is essential, as you already realize - and I'm so glad you're doing it at a young age. I agree that it gets better the longer you're sober. We've beaten ourselves up rather badly - we need time to heal. You'll get there.

bemyself

Me too, Hevyn (on the age thing)

Welcome, Aaron. You'll find heaps of like-minded souls here, we all get what it feels like for you currently. Individually, we / you / I have to just take each action, each small step through every day. zjw's ideas are very similar to what I have to do to cope with those tormenting thoughts.

Ultimately, for a while, it's good to simply be able to remind oneself when going to bed at the end of the day: 'hey, I'm sober!' Some days that's the best I can come up with, but guess what? It changes! It isn't always like this, believe us.

Mountainmanbob

Carried me through many a day.
MB

Gottalife

I guess we all have to one degree or another. I was out of a job when I sobered up at 22. As you say, an AA meeting could take care of 1 or two hours each day, but that left 22 hours, quite a lot of which I was alone.

I found that the steps have taken care of the other 22 hours as far as drinking goes, by connecting me with a power greater than myself which provides a 24/7 defence against the fatal first drink. And they seem to have elad me into all kinds of interesting things in my life.

The meetings helped a lot at the start, though life was pretty topsy turvy, but the steps set me in a completely new direction where I rejoined the human race, and really feel a part of AA too.

Tc4ever

If your able to try volunteering. What really helped me a lot was getting out of my comfort zone. I've done a lot of things that I wouldn't, have done before.
Take care and you will win....
Tc

mac6367

I was having some trouble with that tonight, actually. Today is my day 7, and it's my first day completely off work. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I took a long bath and then came on here. I spent hours reading and just wrote an excessively long post. It's not the perfect solution, but it kept me from drinking.

I don't think taking it day by day will work for me in the long term, but until I find a good solution, that's what I'm doing. Just trying to keep myself occupied and reminding myself why I'm doing it.

zjw

as they say idle hands are the devils playground. I felt like i was going out of my mind. I'd find anything initially I started polishing things and then taking apart intricate things and cleaningt hem and put them together again then doing that over and over again to be sure i got every last detail cleaned and polished. It just passed the time.

Eventually i moved on to doing that and added in walking everytime i'd get antsy out the door i went for another walk. neighbors prolly thought i was nuts lol nope just an alcoholic nothing to see here lol.

I also read a lot of books and drank a lot of herbal tea.

I paced. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists a lot too lol.

But the more the time passed the better it got. Just getting through 1 day at a time is the best way eventually it gets easier tho.

Centered3

Just not drinking and not having a recovery program made things worse for me.

My experience was that when I worked the steps out of the big book of alcoholics anonymous, I learned exactly what to do when those negative ruminating thoughts came up.

CBT can help with that, too.

Arbor

There's lots of life after alcohol, Aaron. LOTS. That's the best part.

You didn't mention whether or not you have a job? That pretty much fills most of my free time.

I'm glad your into AA. You'll find lots of great support there and most likely will meet some close friends too.

I also like the folks who said they just went to bed early. Good sleep can do wonders. Take advantage of that now.

Forward12

I also feel the same. When drinking it gives you a temporary escape from reality, and over time once you sober up, it can be really overwhelming having to come back to earth and face reality which is difficult.

Aaron237

Another hurdle I'm going to have to overcome is mending, or at least attempting to mend, relationships that I destroyed as an active alcoholic. I said horrible things to the people who loved me most when I was drinking. I know most friends/family will not immediately forgive me, and it will be a slow process.

I know staying sober is a must, and it feels so good not to have my head clouded by alcohol or benzos. How have some of you made amends with loved ones / good friends after becoming sober? Were you able to rekindle your pre-alcohol relationship?

zjw

took me I think it was 3 years to finally apologize to my wife for my behaivior. I just couldnt get the words out sooner is all it worked out just fine no biggie but we also did not have severe issues from my alcohol abuse anyhow.

I fortunatly didnt trash any other relationships tho in my case thankfully.

Gottalife

Yes and no. It was necessary for me to make amends wherever possible without injuring others. This meant trying to repair the damage I caused, which could be anything from financial, property damage, violent behaviour, dishonesty, right through to emotional damage.

Amends is about restorative justice. I approached each amends as the offender, admitted my wrongs, showed contrition and compunction, that is, explained that I understood I was wrong, undertook never to behave that way again, explained what I was doing about that (living the AA program), humbly asked their forgiveness, and asked what else I could do to make things right.

There was no ulterior motive,nothing in it for me except the knowledge that I had done all I could to rectify my mistakes.

The result was often surprising. Many times there was a kind of reconciliation, or a restoration of a relationship, but not always on the same terms as before. Getting the girl back is not appropriate BTW. But there was a lot of healing for the other party too.

One ex was so relieved. She had thought that everything was her fault and there was something wrong with her. She was able to resume a normal life after that amends.

Making amends is about the other party. If it is done with the wrong motives it has a nasty habit of blowing up in one's face. I have seen that many times.

August252015

Aaron- glad you're here!

Two different thoughts - I echo the job idea. Do you need or have to work (I know you said living with parents, so not sure your financial sitch overall)? I spent the first 5 wks of my sobriety (2/22 til 4/6) just getting physically better, because I was so, so sick. Then I got a job at Chick Fil A (a Southern fast food mega business) and it is a sober, safe place to be with a LOT of positive people. It is simple, and as a God-focused business based on a heart of service, it helps keep my focus outward for my 9 hr shifts, and I think helps my overall mindset a lot (it really echoes my AA work). Anything like that, or even just a simple job that you can feel good about doing (without any of the other stuff)? So different than my past corporate star life, but it is where I need to be now.

Also- amends. For me, my parents are priority number one and that is a very big deal - and not a one-time-I'm-so-sorry kind of conversation. It is daily, and in many ways; re the comment about amends being about the recipient, not you, one thing I am trying to consciously do is think of them first before I say, do, or [insert here] anything. After that, it is a case by case basis; one simple (easy) type is to get in touch with people I "lost" - a few at a time- and try to start a conversation, get together, FB msg, whatever, and proceed from there.

Good luck to you.

Aaron237

Thanks everyone so much. I am actually a student but took time off to get my life in order. I am due to return at the end of June. I'm so lucky I found this website; everyone's advice and wisdom has been amazing.