Originally Posted by
Aaron237 
Another hurdle I'm going to have to overcome is mending, or at least attempting to mend, relationships that I destroyed as an active alcoholic. I said horrible things to the people who loved me most when I was drinking. I know most friends/family will not immediately forgive me, and it will be a slow process.
I know staying sober is a must, and it feels so good not to have my head clouded by alcohol or benzos. How have some of you made amends with loved ones / good friends after becoming sober? Were you able to rekindle your pre-alcohol relationship?
Yes and no. It was necessary for me to make amends wherever possible without injuring others. This meant trying to repair the damage I caused, which could be anything from financial, property damage, violent behaviour, dishonesty, right through to emotional damage.
Amends is about restorative justice. I approached each amends as the offender, admitted my wrongs, showed contrition and compunction, that is, explained that I understood I was wrong, undertook never to behave that way again, explained what I was doing about that (living the AA program), humbly asked their forgiveness, and asked what else I could do to make things right.
There was no ulterior motive,nothing in it for me except the knowledge that I had done all I could to rectify my mistakes.
The result was often surprising. Many times there was a kind of reconciliation, or a restoration of a relationship, but not always on the same terms as before. Getting the girl back is not appropriate BTW. But there was a lot of healing for the other party too.
One ex was so relieved. She had thought that everything was her fault and there was something wrong with her. She was able to resume a normal life after that amends.
Making amends is about the other party. If it is done with the wrong motives it has a nasty habit of blowing up in one's face. I have seen that many times.